Hunting Sammy and Dee
by SelenParker601
Summary: First upload! Selen is just a plan old hunter except for the fact she has werewolf powers. She doesn't shift but after a hunting accident that killed her father she was left branded and alone. Her eyes tell the story of her loss, but when she gets a call to kill a man who is said to carry demon blood will she kill him and his brother or join their group? Its very long but worth it!


I hope everyone likes this! Its my first upload!

"Go for the heart Selen!" I was trying to aim my shotgun at the werewolf in front of me. I was shaking too hard. My father was trying to hold it off while I got the silver shot ready. I swallowed hard and took aim. There was a wet tearing noise and the beast straightened. "Daddy!" I screamed. My father was laying on the floor his rib cage cracked open his organs naked to the air. He was trying to fill his shredded lungs with oxygen. I fired at the beast over him and it's torso exploded raining down hot blood and flesh over me. I was blinded by hot, red blood and I screamed as it burned like acid in my eyes. I fell to my knees and clawed at my eyes futilely. I crawled sobbing dryly to where my father lay his dark hair thick with the monster's blood. "I'm sorry daddy. I'm so sorry." I choked pulling his upper body into my lap. I blinked back the blood as I watched the light fade from his deep brown eyes. I let out a guttural howl of pain. My father, my teacher and mentor was gone, and I was the only one to blame. I felt my chest ache as I passed out from the pain in my eyes, refusing to cry, just as he always taught me. My last thought was if I would turn at the full moon.

Six Years Later.

Hunting was the only thing I had ever known. I loved it more than anything and it had become a way of life to me rather than a job. The feeling you get when you exercise a demon or kill a ghost is unlike anything in this world. My father had raised me into the life and now that he was dead I had even more reason to keep hunting. I had taken over his calls and the most recent was new even for me. There was talk of a kid I had met over ten years ago having demon blood in his system. He was said to be destined to begin the apocalypse. The bounty could put me through college three times over. I was finishing up a job a few hours away and getting ready to take on this one. I had killed a couple of vampires terrorizing a small town. Vampires were easy just a little dead man's blood and decapitation. I was ready for this next job which promised to be a challenge. Sam Winchester was in way too deep if someone had called me in. I knew he still traveled with Dean, his brother, in their father's old Impala but the picture of the two of them barely looked like the boys I had met as a child. I was packing my cloths back into my duffle bag when my cell rang.

"Parker." I slung the bag over my shoulder and started to the door of the motel room.

"Selen, I have an update for you. They are hiding out at Bobby Singer's place." It was that voice again, the one that never gave me a name just information and money when I did my job.

"I'll head that way then." The phone went dead in my hand.

I tossed my bag into the back seat of my dark blue 1968 Dodge Charger and slid into the driver's seat. I turned the key and closed my eyes as she roared to life. I loved old muscle cars and mine was by far the best I had ever had the pleasure of owning. I had restored the car from an immobile pile of scraps at the tender age of 15 and we had been inseparable ever since. I was on my way to the very place I had gotten most of my parts: Bobby Singer's yard. My Browning Hi Power was in its shoulder holster complete with silver ammo and my sawed off was on the passenger's seat next to me. I never had another person in the car with me since dad was gone. I shook the thought away. Human contact is a good way to get into trouble and quick. I cranked up the radio to Metallica's "Enter Sandman" to keep my mind busy. It worked and soon I was singing along at the top of my lungs. I let out a wolfish snarl as I so often did when I got over excited. I listened to Metallica until I was nearly there and turned on Muse to calm down and focus. It only took a good hour to get to the head of Bobby's driveway. I debated on just pulling in and ended up parked in the trees near the road. I got out and made sure my Damascus silver buck knife was still tucked in my boot. That was the best gift my father had ever given me and one of the first. It was just like Damascus steel but they had done the process with silver and quenched it in holy water to make it able to kill demons and other nasties. I had gotten it on my seventh Christmas, it never left my sight. I looked up the driveway and sighed. I was not going to enjoy this. I didn't like the idea of killing fellow hunters, even if they were infected with demon blood. I also knew if I killed Sam I would have to kill Dean too. I steeled myself and began weaving my way silently though the junk yard.

I was slightly surprised that Bobby had never gotten a guard dog; after all they could tell you if a monster or even just a person was sneaking up on you. I was crouching behind a bush a few yards off looking into the windows. I could see Bobby and a younger man with short dark hair talking over a couple glasses of what I could only assume to be alcoholic beverages. I stretched up a little higher to see into the kitchen. There was a man with brown hair just past his ears looking in a cabinet. I knew that was Sam more from his expression then the picture in my inside jacket pocket. He held this anger and sadness around him in his aura. He had grown up rather well. His broad shoulders and sculpted chest showed through his shirt and his jaw line was rather kissable. _Whoa there kid, don't get attached to the mark._ Could I really kill him though? I had known him and he wasn't so different from me. I wasn't paying close enough attention and he looked towards the window. I hit the dirt but I knew he had seen me. A muffled shout went up and I started running back towards my car. A shot exploded and hit the tree next to my head. I slid to a stop.

"Turn around and put your hands on your head!" Though he was older now I knew the voice belonged to Dean.

I raised my hands and turned towards him plastering a smile on my face. "Bobby is this how your guests treat old friends? I must have forgotten I had to wave a white flag just to come talk to you." Bobby was eyeing me with contempt.

"Selen you ain't been out here since your daddy died. What the hell do you want? Skulking around here like some sort of assassin." He cursed.

I was grinning like an idiot to escape suspicion but it didn't seem to be working. Dean had a shotgun trained on my head as Sam jogged out to them. He squinted at me for a moment. I could tell he couldn't quite remember me.

"You know her Bobby?" Dean growled.

"Yeah she's a hunter, thought she was dead by now. I can't believe she is still kicking. She could be trusted, if she is here on a job though, I wouldn't risk it." I let the smile slip, the jig was up.

"Thanks Bobby that means a lot to me." I snapped. Bobby tossed Sam a length of rope.

"Tie her up Sammy. Better safe than sorry." Dean ordered.

Sam came towards me slowly and I kept my hands up. He was holding his hands out towards me. I felt my rage bubble up at being treated like a little girl.

"Don't treat me like a wounded animal Sammy. I may bite in spite of it." I snarled at him.

He came forwards and jerked my hands down. "Don't call me Sammy." He growled. I looked up at him and his face softened. I was nearly a foot shorter than him and I knew my petite figure didn't help me look menacing. "Dean she's just a kid. Is this really necessary?" He asked tying my hands behind my back despite his words. Dean didn't look too happy at the question.

"Just get her in the house. Take her weapons." He took his gun off me as Sam finished the knots behind my back. He patted me down finding the Browning easily but missing my knife carefully hidden inside my calf length boots.

"Aren't you going to buy me a drink first baby?" I asked as he reached into my black leather jacket to take the gun. He looked into my eyes for a moment his hand on the butt of the gun.

"Woof woof." I whispered as his gaze registered the gold flakes in my green irises. He jerked back like I had burned him the gun in his hand. Dean cocked the shotgun.

"What is it Sam?" He barked. Sam was looking at my eyes with disgust, the softness in his eyes for my size gone.

"I think she's a werewolf." He said standing back.

"No, well I mean not a real werewolf, I don't turn at the full moon. Werewolf blood to the eyes will fuck you up a bit though." I said looking down. I set my jaw at the memory of being blinded by red then the burning. I felt sure I was going to turn the first full moon. The beast had killed my father and had come close to killing me. All hunters had their scars but some were a little rarer than others. Flecks of gold had decorated my green irises since that day. Sam didn't look too sure as he jerked me forward. Dean and Bobby walked behind as Sam led me inside and sat me in a chair.

"You going to dump holy water on me now? Cut me with some silver? I'm just as human as you are Sam." I said looking at him pointedly. He clenched his jaw.

"What's the matter Sam you don't recognize a fellow hunter? Dean baby sat us years ago." I said looking between them. It seemed like a life time ago when my father had dropped me off in the care of John Winchester.

/I was stuck in this hotel room until John got back from a hunt. Dean was saddled with me and Sam who was only a year older than me. Dean was watching TV and Sam was pretending to read. I was sitting in the middle of the floor sharpening my knife. I was nine years old and my dad still didn't think I was old enough to hunt yet. I was tired of being left behind and the small pool of rage that I would carry with me the rest of my life was just starting to grow.

"Why do you hunt?" Sam asked suddenly. He didn't look up from his book.

"What do you mean?" I asked looking over the blade in my hand one more time before sheathing it.

"Well dad makes us hunt because our mom was killed by a demon when I was a baby. Why does your dad make you hunt?" I looked up at him still confused.

"Dad has always hunted. My mom didn't want me so I get to hunt too. Dad thought having a son around would be great so when he found out mom was pregnant he begged her to keep me. The doctors said I was a boy up until the day I was born. Mom took off as soon as she got the chance." I felt the first hot angry tear fall down my face. Sam was watching me carefully.

"Shut the hell up Parker." Dean snapped. I turned on him.

"Don't tell me what to do Dean!" I shouted.

"Shut your stupid ginger face no one cares about your dead-beat mom!" Sam had gotten off the bed.

"Dean, leave her alone that's not fair." Sam said. I was standing with my knife naked in my hand.

"You take that back!" I screamed. Dean just looked at me. I leapt for him but Sam was faster. We fell to the ground and my knife went flying under the bed Dean was sitting on. He stood over Sam and me struggling on the floor.

"This is why girls shouldn't hunt. Your emotions will get you killed one day." Dean just stood over me as Sam held me down and I screamed.

"You stupid Winchesters are all the same! You only hunt for revenge! You don't care about anyone but yourselves!" Deans disapproving green eyes looked so like my mother's as he stared down at me./

Sam was staring at me hard as we both remembered. "I had to keep you from hurting Dean." He said. I just looked up at him. Dean was looking at Sam with anger.

"You believe her?" He asked. Sam looked at him.

"You don't remember her? You were pissed dad wouldn't let you go on that trip. You complained for an hour about having to be saddled with two kids. She came at you with a knife for calling her mom a dead-beat." Dean glared at me for a moment and I saw it click behind his eyes.

"Well you haven't gotten yourself killed yet huh you little ginger?" He asked and walked to the fridge. I glared at him. Sam started untying me. I rubbed my wrists as Dean handed him a beer. Bobby had wondered off to let them handle me.

"So now you are buddy-buddy with the wolf girl Sam?" Dean asked watching me with contempt.

"Come on Dean she isn't dangerous." Sam said sitting down next to me. I turned to him.

"Not at the moment." I said reaching into my jacket pocket. Dean jerked me out of the chair by the front of my jacket. He put his face to mine.

"One false move you little wolf-bitch and I swear I will gank you before you know what ripped your heart out." He spat. I looked into his eyes chose my words carefully.

"Put me down or I might take this job." I said holding out the photo of the two. He let go of me and snatched the picture.

"Someone is paying you to kill us?" He asked slamming the photo down on the table. I shook my head.

"Just Sam, according to my source he has demon blood. I don't know how much merit that has but someone will take the bounty if it isn't me. I could buy half the state with that money." I said staying standing. Dean glared at me.

"What made you change your mind?" Sam asked looking at the table like it wasn't there. I thought about it for a moment.

"Sorry Sam you are just too damn gorgeous to kill." I said jokingly. Dean started forwards again and I glared at him letting the gold in my eyes expand with anger.

"Don't you think if I wanted him dead I would have shot him from the window?" I snarled at him. Dean grabbed me by my shoulder length red hair hard and I don't think he expected the kind of noise that I gave him. He let me go like I had burned him. My eyes turned gold with a flare of heat. I recovered as Sam stood.

"Dean she is right." He said. His cheeks were a little flushed and he was trying to look at his brother and not me. Dean was just staring at me.

"You probably shouldn't grab my hair." I said trying to quiet my body. I was celibate but sometimes things like that happened. Dean looked smug for a moment.

"Good to know I can make any woman make that sort of noise for me." He said. Sam looked like he was about to either puke or pop a boner.

"Dean, don't bate her." He said his voice lower than before. I looked over at him for a moment.

"It's getting late maybe I should go." I said. Sam grabbed my arm. I turned to him.

"Wait." He said. "Maybe you should tell us more about this hit on me. The caller may hurt you because you refused the job." He was grasping to give a good reason for me to stay. I felt my heart tug for a moment. I wanted to stay with him. Was it because he was like me and had something in him that he couldn't fix? I looked down.

"Fine but can we at least get my car off the side of the road?" I said as Sam let go of my arm. He nodded almost to himself. Dean and Sam followed me out to where my car was parked. I think Dean knew something was up with Sam because he kept his gun out.

I touched the hood of my car when we got to her and couldn't help but smile. Dean gave a low whistle. I looked up at him.

"Damn that's pretty." He remarked looking at the car. I opened the driver side door.

"Thanks I restored her when I was 15. She is my pride and joy." I said reaching down to pop my seat forward.

"Hop in and I'll drive us back." I said. Dean got in without protest. Apparently cars were the way to his heart. Sam slid into the passenger's seat. I slid in and cranked her up. I saw Dean's head fall back as the engine purred. Sam was smiling softly. I stroked the steering wheel lovingly.

"She has a way about her." I said putting her in gear. Dean gave a throaty chuckle as I cruised up the driveway.

"What about your Impala?" I asked parking next to it. Dean was smiling and looking at the all leather interior.

"She is a beauty too." He said leaning between the seats to look at the radio. He turned the volume up and Muse came on. Sam looked rather pleased. Dean looked slightly disappointed.

"My AC/DC and Metallica album collections are in the glove box." I said embarrassed. "You should really only listen to the classics in a car like this but Muse is my guilty pleasure." I admitted. Dean looked like he was in love as he reached over Sam to pop open the glove box.

"You have all of them?" He asked. I nodded and cut the engine as Bobby came outside. Sam got out and let his seat forward to let Dean out. I got out slowly and faced Bobby. He was looking over the car.

"I see you won their trust." He said. "How is she running?" He gestured to the charger.

"Like a just got her off the lot." I said patting the hood. He nodded. Dean came to the front of the car.  
"May I?" He asked touching the hood latch. I nodded and he popped the hood. He let out a groan as he looked over the engine.

"You keep her in good shape." He said leaning down to take a closer look. Sam looked rather amused.

"You going to check her oil Dean?" He asked. Dean just looked at him. I smiled and stood next to him my arms folded.

"Would you rather check my oil?" I asked bumping him with my shoulder. Dean actually laughed. Sam blanched and looked down at me. I grinned up at him. He sputtered for a moment.

"I just meant the car!" He said finally. I laughed. For a moment I felt normal and actually a little happy for once. And I wasn't even killing something! Dean clapped me on the shoulder.

"Alright you are fine by me Parker." He said closing the hood. Sam looked a little indignant.

"Come on Sam, I didn't mean it." He just stared at me almost curious. We headed back into the house.

It was starting to get late and the pizza Bobby had ordered had been devoured and a few beers had gone around. I had brought in a bag of my cloths and my browning was back in its shoulder holster. We were laughing and swapping old war stories when I yanked out my bottle of Crown Royal.

"She _is_ packing!" Bobby said grabbing four glasses. I grinned and poured for everyone. Sam sipped his glass quietly.

"So how did you escape turning into a werewolf?" He asked. The whole room went quiet.

"Sam." Dean warned him. I held up my hand.

"No it's a good question." I said clearing my throat. "I really don't know. It didn't bite me but I got the blood in my eyes when I blew a hole through its chest. My eyes burned and I went blind for an hour. When I could see I had gold in my eyes. When I get angry or intent on something they turn fully gold like a wolf. I still have some green left when I'm calm but otherwise you can tell something is different." I looked at him and sipped my Crown slowly. He looked at his feet then back up at Dean.

"You can't tell I have demon blood." He said bitterly. I could taste the anger in his words. I put a hand on his and he looked up at me surprised.

"Sam you can't help the past. You don't smell different if that makes you feel any better. I can smell a demon a mile away, the blood gave me a few abilities. I can smell demons and I can see just about anything clear as day in a pitch black room. You smell just as human as your brother does." I wasn't lying his scent was clean with a hint of musk and wood smoke. Demons smelled like sulfur and burning rubber. Dean was watching me closely.

"What does he smell like then?" He asked. I leaned closer to Sam more for show, I could smell him fine from where I was. I took a soft whiff and shut my eyes.

"Wood smoke and sunshine, there is a little bit of musk that is distinctly male. He smells like home." I jerked back when I realized what I had said. Dean was watching me with a strange look. Sam was staring at me like I had just said the sky was purple. Bobby was impassive and sipping his glass of Crown. I looked up at Sam and then stood. I downed the last of my glass and put it on a table. "Well I'm going to turn in." I said grabbing my duffle bag and heading for the stairs.

"Third door on the left." Bobby called after me. I took the stairs two steps at a time.

I was standing by the bed in my black underwear and bra set when the door opened. I grabbed my Browning and spun towards the door hitting my knee to make myself a smaller target. It was Sam. He had a hand on the door knob and his eyes were wide. I pointed the gun to the ceiling.

"Sorry." He said standing there dumbfounded. I blinked at him. Dean walked by the door and stopped looking in.

"Nice." He said looking me over. I frowned.

"Can I help you two or are you just doing this for your own amusement?" I asked tossing the gun on the bed and grabbing a long red plaid button down I liked to sleep in. It fell to my knees and covered everything. I pulled on a pair of biker shorts under it. Dean held his hands up and walked away but Sam came in and shut the door.

"I just wanted to talk to you." He said sitting on the foot of the bed. I zipped up my duffel bag and tossed it to the floor. Sam sighed frustrated as I sat down next to him. He was thinking hard about what to say. I folded my legs underneath me and watched him. His smell was thick in the air and I wanted to wrap myself in the warmth of it when he finally spoke.

"I feel like you are the closest thing to what I am that I have ever found without them trying to kill me. I feel like you might understand how this feels." He looked up at me pleadingly. I knew what he wanted to hear.

"I hate that I am like this Sam. I don't like the fact that other hunters look at me like I am some kind of monster. I hate that I can't ever have a normal life even if I wanted it. I tried after my dad died. I enrolled in college and tried to find someone." I set my jaw. "Any guy who looked at me got scared the second they saw my eyes. My teachers liked my work and dedication and I was close to a degree in Cryptozoology when things got out of hand." I touched the faded scar on my left forearm. "I scared some stupid werewolf fanatic. He realized that the gold was the symptom of the blood that I had absorbed. He came after me with a silver knife. He cut me almost to the bone before someone grabbed him." I could almost feel the knife sinking into my arm all over again as the crazy guy knocked me to the floor. He was aiming for my heart but I had managed to get my arm up. "It took three professors to hold him off me long enough for me to get out into the hall. Sixteen stiches later and I called it quits." I said. Sam took my hand softly and touched the scar gingerly. I felt goose bumps rise on my arms. I looked up and met his hazel eyes. I felt my eyes start to bleed to gold and closed them turning away. He took my face in his hands.

"Don't hide, let me see." He turned my face back towards him and I opened my eyes. I could feel the light heat that meant my irises were totally gold. I felt a tear well up as he looked at me with a tender understanding in his eyes.

"What's causing it?" He asked looking into my eyes deeply. I felt them start to go back to green. His eyebrows creased and he moved closer. I felt the heat flair up not just in my eyes but my body as well. He looked curious.

"They do that when certain feelings occur." I said vaguely. I was trying to concentrate to no avail. He brushed a finger over my cheek and the heat in my eyes got worse. I bit my lip and he took his hands away from my face.

"I'm sorry." He said looking down. "I get curious about something and I poke at it until it makes people uncomfortable." He said. He tensed as if to stand and I grabbed his hand.

"Wait." I said. He looked in my eyes again. "It isn't making me uncomfortable. I just… I don't get a lot of human contact." I said looking down. Sam touched my face again. I looked up as my eyes flared gold again. He placed a hand against my neck.

"Your pulse is fast." He said his voice a little husky. I could feel my heart hammering in response to him. I smelled something different and I felt my eyes go fully gold. The smell was all male and I felt my body respond to it. He leaned towards me and I let my eyes fall shut. He kissed me. It was soft at first but as I let my hands find his chest he deepened the kiss. His fingers wove into my hair and I came up to my knees a small sound at the back of my throat. He pulled me into his lap without breaking the kiss and I felt his jeans against my bare legs. He broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against mine taking a deep breath.

"I won't do this unless you want me to." He whispered. I was straddling him and I could feel his body straining against mine. I kissed him softly.

"Sam." I whispered. I felt him jerk against me. I kept my eyes close and let my fingers play with the ends of his soft brown hair. He was trying to control himself I could feel it in the set of his body. I swallowed and looked at his face. His eyebrows were knitted together in concentration and his lips were set in a hard line he kept his eyes close and his nostrils were flared. I felt such a deep connection with him. Was it the fact we were both half monster, or that he was the first person not to run as soon as my eyes acted up? "Don't let me tell you no when you feel like this." I said touching the creases between his eyebrows. He pulled me into another kiss and I felt that control he had fought for snap. His hands drifted down my body and he picked me up and stood in one fluid motion. He was on top of me on the bed before I knew what was happening. He looked down at me for a moment then took off his shirt. I let my eyes drift down the hard planes of his chest to his sculpted abdomen. I could see the muscles in his arms working as he tossed the shirt aside carelessly. I blushed as he lifted the end of my shirt and moved to allow him to slide it over my head. "Do you always wear lace?" He breathed. I nodded. "It's comfortable." I said. He smiled and traced a hand over the strap of my black bra. I smiled up at him as he traced down my flat stomach. He leaned down and kissed up my shoulder and neck. I let a sigh escape my lips as he nipped my collar bone softly. I let my hands run up his muscled arms to his shoulders then down his back. He let a breath out by my ear and I shivered. He leaned up and looked into my eyes. "Are you sure you want me to do this?" He asked again. My hands went to his belt and I jerked it open and pulled it off him slowly. "Don't make me ask, Sam." I said pulling the button undone on his jeans. His eyes darkened and he slid his pants lower on his hips. I watched him as a heat began to build low in my body. He slid off the bed and took his jeans and underwear off completely. I let my eyes drift lower and I felt doubt for the first time. I had never actually done this before but I wasn't entirely sure this would work, not only was he nearly a foot taller than me but he was also much larger then I had expected. He came towards me again and crawled over me like a well-muscled predator. He kissed me roughly and I gave a small sound. His hands were at my waist and he slid my shorts and panties down slowly. I felt my body respond to him as his large hands came back to grip my hips. He kissed me harder and I pressed my body against his. He gave a sound low in his throat and I laced my fingers through his hair. He pressed a finger to my opening and I cried out. He covered my mouth with a hand and he pressed our bodies together holding himself up with his elbows. He looked panicked for a moment. "We have to be quiet. I don't know how Dean will react to this." He whispered. I nodded and he took his hand away. He looked at me for a moment then he pulled his body down the bed until his face was between my legs. I blushed deeply and I saw him smile. He held my legs apart and he leaned close. I could feel his breath hot on my sex. My heart was hammering in my chest like it would break my ribs. He drew his tongue up my slit slowly. I bit back a moan and let my head fall back. He worked me with his tongue softly at first but then became more persistent as I writhed against him. "Sam please!" I whispered. I felt like I was going to die if this heat built up any more inside me. He drew back and looked at me. I bit my lip at the darkness in his expression. He drew himself up and I saw his throbbing erection again. He was over me again and my face was only to his chest. He kissed my hair and I felt him press his head to my opening. I gasped as he pressed himself inside me. He swore as he pressed deeper and I clung to him. He reached the end of me with an inch or two still outside of my body. He was panting and I looked up at his face. His expression was strained and he was watching me closely. "Don't stop." I begged. His eyes rolled back and I felt him twitch inside of me. He slid himself almost fully out of me and forced himself back in. He grunted and started a slow rhythm. I buried my face in his chest and fought to stay quiet. My body was on fire and I wanted to surrender to the feel of him inside me. He held me close and I kissed his chest. He jerked and slammed into me. I let out a soft sound and his head went back. He started going faster and deeper and I was letting out soft moans with each thrust. He drew back above me and looked down. His eyes were dark with lust and I let out a sound for him. He grabbed my hips and began pounding into me. I was close and I knew he wasn't far behind. "Sam." I whimpered. He slammed into me harder and I felt myself topple over that precarious edge. I cried out and came around him. He gave a strangled cry and slammed into me as hard as he could. I felt him let go as he came. He lay on top of me for a moment both of us trying to catch our breath. When he rolled off of me I lay there next to him for a long time. I felt his head move and he stiffened. "Did I hurt you?" He asked suddenly. I looked over at him. He was looking down at himself. He had a little blood on him and it took me a moment to realize it was mine. "No." I said looking back at his face. I could see his mind working for a second then his eyes widened. "You were a virgin." He said. His expression was stunned and he let his head fall back. He was looking at the ceiling with a strange look. "What?" I asked finally. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked rubbing his face with both hands. "I didn't think about it Sam, I'm sorry." He let out an exasperated sigh. "I've never taken someone's virginity before." He said his eyebrows creasing again. I lay on his chest. "It doesn't matter." I said quietly. "I'm defiantly not going to kill you and eventually you and Dean are doing to get a job or I will have to leave for a job." I felt bitter for a moment. I knew my eyes were back to green and tiny bits of gold and I stared at the far wall. Sam put an arm around me. "Why can't we hunt together?" He asked. "Dean seems to like you well enough and I.." He cut off. I looked down and sighed. "Sam don't do this to yourself. You took my virginity this isn't a big deal, this happened every day to someone." His eyes snapped shut. "Not to me." He said quietly. I closed my eyes and felt that crushing sadness overtake me. I hadn't felt like this since I woke up in a room with a dead werewolf and my father's body. "Just sleep Sam, we can talk about this in the morning." I felt him sigh again and he started petting my hair. "I can't just pretend this didn't happen Selen. I feel something for you, something I haven't felt in a long time." I closed my eyes for a moment. "I know what you mean. Sam you are just as dark as I am and I think that we could help each other get over this pain we both feel. I don't know why you have such a heavy burden of guilt but it's just about as bad as mine. I feel like I let my father die and was punished by being cursed with these eyes and powers." I sighed. He kissed my forehead softly. "You aren't being punished. You can't help you couldn't save him, and maybe you can help people with your powers." He sounded like he was speaking from experience. "I wouldn't mind staying." I said softly. He looked down at me and smiled. "I think I would like that." He said. He leaned his face into my hair and sighed. "I know we haven't known each other long Selen but I think I might…" I rolled my eyes up to look at his face. "I think I might too." I said. His expression softened. "Get some rest." He said finally. I closed my eyes and let myself smile. Maybe it was the afterglow but I didn't want this to end. Maybe I could be happy with Sam. I fell asleep against him.

"Sam! Breakfast!" Dean yelled. I heard him coming down the hallway. Sam jerked in his sleep. "Sam your brother is calling you." I whispered. He snapped awake and nearly flew out of the bed. "Shit!" He said with feeling and yanked his pants on. He sprinted to the door and slammed it behind him. I stared at the door for a moment. Then got up and pulled on my jeans. I tossed a shirt on and padded down stairs. Sam was sitting at the kitchen table talking to Dean when I rounded the corner. Dean stopped talking midsentence and was staring at me. Sam paled. I was tucking my hair behind my ear when Bobby turned around from the bag of hash browns he was frying. He just looked at me then they both rounded on Sam. "What the hell?" Dean yelled. Sam looked at him then at me his mouth working but nothing was coming out. Dean stood so fast his chair toppled over. He stormed over to me and backed me into a wall. "You slept with Sam?!" He screamed into my face. "Dean!" Sam shouted finally. I looked down at myself and realized I had on his shirt from the night before. Sam didn't have on a shirt and Dean was wearing a wife beater and jeans. Bobby was fully dressed. "We were just talking and…" I made a waffling motion with my hand. "Did you seduce him? Did it make you feel better to be with someone who you think has the same sick twisted disease as you?!" He was screaming at me. I felt my rage start to bubble up to the surface at his words. "Is that what you call it?" I yelled. He stopped and looked like he just realized what he said. "You think Sam has a disease? He can't help what happened to him any more then you can help what your father made you into!" I yelled. I surged forward and he backed up. When his back hit the wall he looked startled. His mouth opened. "You don't deserve a brother like Sam!" I raged. I felt my eyes burn to gold. "All he ever does is save people! You don't give two shits how many innocents you have to mow down to get a job done! You leave Sam behind to pick up the pieces and bodies!" I stuck my finger in his face. "You just want to kill shit to make it feel like you aren't drowning in guilt!" Dean just stared at me. "That's right Dean Sweetie I know about dear old dad! I know all about how he sold his soul so you could live! How guilty you feel about it." Sam stood up his hands balled into fists. "Stop!" He barked. We both looked at him. "Dean you were wrong to get mad at Selen because she slept with me. Hell she took my mind off my own problems for long enough I was actually happy for the first time in a long time! I can't help myself if I think maybe she knows how I feel!" Dean looked down for a moment then at me. Sam turned to me. "And you, don't you ever speak to my brother like that. My father did what he did to save Dean and if he feels guilt about it that is his business. You don't get to bring up shit like that no matter how upset he makes you. Dean is the only family I have left and no one is going to treat him like this." I set my jaw and felt my eyes starting to cool back to green again. I felt my heart snap and I sank into that cold anger deep inside that never truly went away. I had gotten close and now he was pushing me away. I couldn't let myself fall in any deeper. "Maybe I should go." I said softly stepping away from Dean. They all watched me silently. I took off Sam's shirt and handed it to him. "Selen." He said my name softly. I held up a hand. "Don't Sam." I said and turned. I walked back upstairs to get dressed and pack my things.

Dean watched me as I came down the stairs with my duffle bag over my shoulder. "Sam told me what happened and I'm sorry. Don't leave just because of me. Sam cares about you, I can tell, don't make me the reason he lost that." I looked at him silently. He looked genuinely sorry. "I won't be the reason he loses his brother." I said and walked past him out the door. Sam was leaning against the hood of my charger. "So you stand up for me against my brother then take off." He said. I felt my eyes burning from tears. I set my jaw and willed myself to be mad. Anger was something I could make since of, anger was how I sealed myself against pain. I opened the door and threw my duffel bag into the back seat. "I won't do this to myself Sam. I got too close to you and now I have to leave before I lose you." I was glaring at the top of my car rather than at him. "You think because you got close to me you are going to lose me?" He asked coming towards me. I pulled desperately on that rage inside of me. "I won't lose someone else!" I screamed spinning to look at him. His hazel eyes looked so hurt. I felt my rage burning out. "Don't make me do this Sam." I begged tears welling in my eyes again. I took a few short ragged breaths. "Don't make me hurt you." I whispered again. Sam looked down at me angrily. He grabbed my shoulders and shoved me roughly against the car. "I'm not making you do anything!" He snarled. I was stunned for a moment and I looked up at him. He let go of me so suddenly I crumpled to the ground. I stared up at him and let the tears fall down my face silently. He covered his face with his hands. He turned away and punched a junked car so hard he left a dent in it. His shoulders sagged and he didn't turn. "Sam." I said through the tears. He walked away. "Sam!" I screamed out after him. I curled my knees to my chest covered my face and sobbed. There it was that brokenness I thought I had finally buried. I had gotten too close to the fire and now I was burned again.

Dean knelt down next to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Selen?" I didn't move. "Come on Parker say something." He said. I reached out and clung to his jacket like a child. That horrible emptiness in my chest was like a sucking wound. I didn't want to die alone. I didn't want to have to leave something behind again. He put an arm around me and I fell into his chest wracked with fresh sobs. He patted my back as I clung to him. "I can't do this! What has he done to me?! This pain Dean, I haven't felt anything like it before. Why, Why is he doing this? He gets me so close then shoves me away?" I screamed into Dean's chest. He just held me for a long time until I screamed myself horse and I couldn't cry anymore. I noticed he was humming. I listened for a little while and realized it was Metallica, "Fade to Black." I stayed leaned into his chest listening to the melody. It fit this moment so perfectly as if he knew just what I was feeling. I felt that numbness creeping over me that I had felt after I had resigned to killing myself if I turned furry at the full moon. I was sitting between Dean's legs on the ground his arms around me when I felt him look up. I was staring into space drowning in that empty feeling. "Bring her inside Dean. She doesn't look too good." I knew it was Bobby's voice. "Where's Sam?" He asked. I buried my face in Dean's chest. "I think he is out in the yard somewhere. I'm not sure exactly. He just needs to cool off." Bobby answered. Dean slid his feet back under himself and picked me up. I didn't care that I usually threw a fit if anyone carried me, I was too empty. "She's not good at all. Last time she let someone pick her up like that she had crawled out of a nest of ghouls with enough blood loss to kill a regular person." I heard Bobby open the door. Dean carried me in and put me on a cot. I held his sleeve when he put me down. He sat down in a chair next to me. "I don't know what happened exactly but he slammed her against her car and she just didn't get back up. I heard her scream his name and he just left her there." Dean said. "I've never seen him like that." I was staring off again. I could hear what was happening but I couldn't make myself care. Bobby stood over me. "Damn it girl say something." He said to me. I looked up at him for a moment. I wouldn't let go of Dean's sleeve. "She's checked out Bobby." Dean said. I looked back down.

Eventually Dean pried my hand off his sleeve to go find Sam. "I'll bring you a drink later." He promised. He walked out the door and I stared at the empty chair blankly. A little while later I heard shouting. Sam and Dean were yelling at each other about something. Bobby joined in a few moments later. "She's broke Sam! She won't look at anyone, she clung to Dean like a child for an hour!" He shouted. "Then maybe Dean should stay with her! She doesn't want me guys! She was ready to run out without saying good bye! She doesn't care that she is the first woman I have slept with since Jess died! I thought I could love her but she is too far gone! She's a hunter and she has nothing left to give." Sam was screaming about me. I felt a tear fall but I didn't move. "Sam if she didn't love you then why is she catatonic at the thought of losing you?!" Dean shouted. "You take care of her then if it bothers you so damn much!" I heard a thud then silence. "Damn it Sammy." Dean took a deep breath. "You better make a decision quick about this. She isn't showing any signs she even feels anything! I don't know if this could kill her but she will never really recover from this. You don't understand what you have done. You showed her love for the first time since she lost her family then you basically told her to shove it because she lost her temper at me. She doesn't understand why you did that and she took it as rejection. She wanted to get away before she got hurt anymore and you stopped her then you got pissed and tossed her around. Sam she cared about you and you just threw her heart back at her when she offered it." I felt the tears falling faster now. "She was leaving me." Sam said his voice strained with anger. "Forget it Sam." The door opened and slammed. Dean dropped back into the chair in front of me his knuckles were red and swollen on one hand. "He doesn't get it." He said looking down at me. "He gave you something you hadn't had in years then ripped it away when you got a good grip on it." He shook his head. "I'm sorry Selen he just has so much rage. He thought you were leaving him for good. You would have come back." He said looking down at me. He whipped my tears away with his thumb. "If you're doing this you would have come back in a few days." I heard the door open and close. Dean took my hand and Sam came around the corner. I hid my face in Dean's sleeve. I heard Sam scoff. "She won't even look at me." He said to Dean. He stormed up the stairs and slammed a door. Bobby came over and dropped my duffel bag next to the cot. "Try and get her to eat something." He said and walked off. Dean sighed. "You hungry?" He asked. I didn't feel anything, let alone hungry. "Didn't think so." He muttered.

I wasn't sure how long I had laid there but it was dark outside for a second time. Dean had gone upstairs a long time ago. I was tired and I wanted someone to be near me. I looked up to the head of the stairs. Sam was looking down at me. He was just wearing boxer shorts and his tattoo was dark against his skin. He was watching me with a stern expression. I felt my heart tug. We watched each other for a while. I felt something besides emptiness for the first time in almost two days now. The need to be near him wasn't any less painful. I reached out my hand to him. His face softened. "What do you want?" He asked with a strange mix of anger and sorrow in his voice. I just lay there with my hand held out to him. He came down the stairs slowly. I watched him and when he finally stood over me I felt tears fall down my face again. "Stop it." He whispered. I let my hand drop and just looked up at him. He swallowed and put a hand on my head. I reached up and touched his hand. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "You can't just walk out on someone when they get upset." He said. I watched him. "I don't know what to do Selen." He whispered. He was fighting tears. "I don't want you to leave." He said finally. I squeeze his hand. He looked down at me. "Selen?" He knelt down to look in my eyes. "Don't leave." He said. His hand drifted down and touched my face. I kept my hand on his. He smiled sadly. He took his hand away and I whimpered. He stood and put his hands under me. I put my arms around his neck and he lifted me into his strong arms. He was warm though my cloths and I realize that I had been cold. He took me upstairs and into his room. He tucked us both under the sheets and held me close to his chest. "Don't leave." He repeated. "Ok." I whispered my voice horse. He kissed my forehead and we drifted off to sleep together.

I felt Sam jerk in his sleep and he was muttering. I sat up and looked at his sleeping form. He was sweating and his hair was stuck to his face. I touched his face. "No." He whispered. His voice was heartbreaking. I kissed his face and whispered in his ear. "Sam its ok I'm here." He was tossing again. I shook him and he gasped and came awake. He was panting and had sat bolt upright. I touched his shoulder and his head snapped to look at me. He grabbed me in his arms and looked me over touching my face over and over. "Sam it's me I'm here." I touched his hands. He hugged me to his chest. He was still breathing fast. "What happened?" I asked. He just shook his head and held me. Eventually his breathing evened out and I felt him relax a little in his sleep. I drifted off again.

I woke to the sound of the door being slammed into the wall. I sat up with Sam going for my knife and finding it missing. "Sam she's gone!" Dean stopped at looked at me for a second. "Oh. Never mind." Sam rubbed his eyes and looked at Dean. "I don't know how you keep waking up before me but this is getting ridiculous." He said. "Where is my knife?" I asked panic stricken. Dean blinked at me for a moment. "Downstairs with you bag." He said. "You're talking again." He sounded slightly stunned. Sam flopped back on the bed. "I think I fixed it." Sam said closing his eyes. I looked to the window. It was still dark. "What time is it?" I asked yawning. "I think it's around three." Dean said. I stared at him. "And you were checking on me at three?" I asked tucking my hair behind my ear. "You've been catatonic for two days." He said. "I'm fine now. You can sleep soundly." I yawned. Sam grabbed me and pulled me back under the sheets. "Good night Dean." Sam said slightly annoyed. Dean closed the door softly. Sam kissed my cheek. "I'm glad you came around." He said. I looked into his eyes. "I'm scared." I admitted. "You won't lose me." He vowed. I touched his face. "I'm terrified I'm going to wake up in some hotel room alone again." I said tracing his cheekbone with my thumb. He looked sad for a moment. "I know what you mean." He said.

I woke up first that morning and rolled over to look at Sam. He was sleeping soundly. I slid out of bed careful not to wake him and slipped out of the room. I needed a shower and now seemed like a good time. I padded down stairs silently and grabbed my duffle bag of cloths. I made sure my shower kit was inside and headed back up to the shower. I was under the stream of hot water when I heard the door open. I froze for a moment unsure of what to do. I heard the person lift the lid on the toilet. "Morning Sam." Dean said. I blinked and poked my head out of the shower as he finished taking a piss. "Knocking is a wonderful thing." I said. He jumped and spun around stuffing himself back into his pants. "Shit!" I couldn't help but smile at his embarrassment. The door opened again and we both looked up. Sam stood in the doorway slightly stunned. "Dean what the hell?!" Dean floundered for a moment. "He thought you were the one in the shower." I said dipping back behind the curtain to rinse the last of the soap off of my body. I turned the water off and opened the curtain. I'm not shy about being naked in front of people, when you have your cloths shredded as often as I do its just normal for people to see you uncovered. Dean looked up and away and Sam looked at me stunned. "Dean, can I have that towel please?" I said reaching my hand out. Part of me was enjoying the face he was making. He didn't seem to know what to do about this. He looked at me then quickly away. Sam reached over and handed me the towel. I wrapped the towel around me. "Ok big guy you can save the nose bleed for later." I said stepping out of the tub. Dean looked at me like he was trying to be mad but failing. "I'll keep in mind your other weakness is suddenly naked women. You would think with all the porn magazines in your room you would be used to it." Sam busted out laughing and quickly coughed to cover it. Dean grabbed my towel and jerked me to him. "Don't think just because you are a woman you can get away with teasing me." He looked like he was trying to look tough more than he was mad. I couldn't pass this up. I leaned in close and looked up in his eyes. I was close enough to kiss him. "Does the other brother want a turn with the puppy?" I breathed. He looked unsure for a moment and backed up. I grinned and pranced over to Sam. "I think your brother is lonely." I said pressing myself against his chest. One arm went around me automatically. Sam was looking at Dean with an odd expression, something akin to jealousy. I reached up and touched Sam's face holding the towel around me tightly. He looked down at me and a heat burned in his eyes. Dean cleared his throat and shoved his hands into his pockets. We both glanced at him. He was standing funny. I bit my lip and looked up at Sam trying not to giggle. "Dean!" Sam sounded both surprised and furious all at the same time. "She teased me!" He yelped. "Boys let's not fight." I said patting Sam's chest. He was still delectably shirtless. They were both looking at me Dean was glaring, Sam was just confused. "Yes I teased him and I am naked so it's only natural. I know you're sporting one too Sam." I grabbed his crotch and he looked like his eyes were going to cross if he didn't focus. He was firm against my hand even through his pants. "I'm out!" Dean slipped past us into the hall. He closed the door behind him. "You shouldn't do that to Dean, he is a bit of a letch." I smiled and leaned up on my toes. He bent down and kissed me softly. "I'm a giant tease Sammy and you should know that now." I said with a smile. He smiled softly. "Two can play that game." He said and spun me around slamming me into the door. He kissed me roughly before I could say a word. He pressed me into the door with his body. He kissed down my neck and bit my collarbone hard. I gasped and my fingers found his hair. The door opened and we fell into the hall way. Sam landed on top me and I grunted.

Dean was standing over us with a strange man. "Sam we have a job stop paying grab ass with the dog." The other man looked up at Dean then back down at me. The towel had come loose and I was trapped under Sam. He stood and reached a hand down to me. I gripped the towel around myself feeling modest for the first time in a very long time, this man affected me differently than most people and he smelled funny. Sam helped me up and I stood there staring at the stranger. "Cas what's the matter?" The man looked away from me and to Sam. "Who is the girl?" He asked. I rolled my eyes. "Selen Parker." I held out my hand. He looked at my hand then back up at me. "She's a fellow hunter. She warned us that someone was after Sam, in a big way." Dean said as I let my hand drop. "This is Castiel he is an angel." I blinked at Sam then looked back at the stranger. "Very funny." I said and turned on my heel. "I'm going to put some cloths on, you two let me know if you need any help. Oh and Dean I'm only half dog. I'm all bitch." I turned back. Sam snorted and Dean shook his head. "Can we get back to the matter at hand please?" Castiel asked as I walked into the room Sam and I shared at the moment. I closed the door and leaned against it. There was no way that was an angel. How much trouble were these two in? I threw on a pair of black jeans and a red tank top. I fastened my shoulder holster in place and slid on my black combat boots. It sounds cheesy as hell but they hold up against everything. My buck knife went into my boot and I stepped into the hallway brushing my hair. They were all standing around waiting for me. "So what's going on Angel boy?" I asked tossing my brush back into the room. "Selen be nice." Sam said. I pulled my hair up in a ponytail. "Ok, fine." I bowed my head. "Oh holy being, give unto me your heavenly orders." Dean snorted and Sam looked annoyed. "She is taking this in stride." Castiel said. "The boys and I were just leaving, we have important things to attend to." Sam looked away and Dean sobered. "So you are going to leave me here?" Castiel nodded. "Fat chance." I said walking over to Sam. "Do not make this difficult." He said. I leaned into Sam's side and he wrapped an arm around me. "She might be helpful Cas." Sam pleaded. Castiel looked unconvinced. "If you are worried about her then you can't do your job." I glared at him. "I'm just as good of a hunter as they are." I snapped. He stepped forward to grab me and I spun out of his way and behind his back. He swung an arm around and I ducked grabbing his wrist and using his own momentum to turn him into the wall. He slammed into the wall and I was on him, my gun to his head. "Damn." Dean breathed. "Don't doubt me, just because I'm a woman that only means I have to be twice as good as the men to be accepted." I whispered in his ear. He disappeared and was behind me. I rolled to the side and kicked out at his knee. He hit the floor with one leg down and his head snapped up to look at me. "You insolence will only get you killed." He said. He stood and I stayed crouched. "You two decide if you want her along." He said turning away. "Cas she didn't mean it, you upset her." I turned to Sam my jaw set. "I'm not a child Sam, he didn't upset me." I put my gun up and straightened. "She has too much rage against herself and it will only be her downfall." Castiel said looking at me. I let my eyes turn the slightest bit gold for him. "I'm stronger then you think." I growled. "I have no doubt of your fighting skills Selen, but your soul is sick from all that anger at your mother." I felt that darkness creep over me, that coldness you feel when you know everything that goes bump in the night is real and you are one of them. My eyes were fully gold as I looked upon this man. Sam felt the change in me because he came forward and put his hand on my shoulder. "She has more animal in her then she realizes Sam, don't let her fool you." A snarl tore from my lips. Sam jerked back to look at me. "If you are wondering this is similar to what would happen if you were closer to the blood Azasel forced upon you as a baby. She lets her wolf rule her anger, unchecked she may end up just as dangerous as a real werewolf." I glared at him my teeth bared my body locked with rage. "Castiel maybe you should stop." Dean said sounding almost worried. "We need to leave soon." He said turning away and heading for the stairs. "Pack your things." He called over his shoulder. I watched him walk away.

Sam stepped in front of me and bent down to look into my eyes. "Selen?" I looked at him. "Come on we have to get going." I just stared at him. He sighed and looked at Dean. "Move." He said taking Sam's place. "Parker, snap out of it." He barked at me. I felt my jaw tighten. He looked angrily down at me. He drew back as if to leave then punched me square in the jaw. My head rocked back and I stared at him stunned my anger drained away my eyes returning to normal. I touched my lip and my fingers came away bloody. I looked up at him. Sam was standing there with his mouth hanging open. "Pack your shit and lets go." Dean ordered. He walked off and Sam stared after him. I turned on my heel and walked into the room throwing what little was out of it back in my duffle bag. Sam came in and watched me. I slung the bag over my shoulder and turned. He looked down at my lip. I could feel were my tooth had cut it. The blood would stop in a few moments but I knew it was leaking onto my chin. Sam whipped it away with a thumb then looked at the crimson on his hand. His face changed and his hands started to shake. He closed his eyes and took a ragged breath. The smell of demon spiked in the room. I planted my feet and looked around. "Sam there is something here." I said pulling my knife with practiced ease. He has raised my blood to his nose. His tongue flicked out and tasted it. I watched him stunned. "Sam?" His eyes flew open and he looked at me then down at his hand. Pain filled his expression and I came forward. "Sam?" His hands balled into fists at his sides. The smell vanished, it had been him. I put my knife back in its sheath and touched his hands. "You've been drinking blood?" I said looking up at him. His jaw was locked. "Please don't tell Dean." He begged tears in his eyes as he looked down at me. "Sam that isn't even my first concern." I said aghast. "Get your asses in gear!" Dean barked from the hall. Sam flinched. "We are coming!" I snapped. Dean stomped back down the stairs. "Do I taste like a monster?" I asked softly. His eyes closed and his face looked pained again. He leaned his head against mine. "Better." He whispered. He kissed me tentatively. Demon scent filled the air and he locked his hands to my shoulders. He kissed me roughly and the blood flowed from my lip again. I moaned into his mouth as his tongue grazed the cut. He broke away and let me go abruptly. I steadied myself and watched him. The back of his hand was to his mouth and he looked pained. The demon scent was fading but I could still smell his arousal. I straightened and adjusted my bag. "Let's go you can ride with me." I said walking past him and heading for the stairs. I would pretend I didn't know what this meant for him. He followed me out to the cars.

Dean was leaning on the Impala with his arms folded. "I forgot how long it took for women to pack." He said jokingly. I cast him a look that could curdle milk. He raised his eyebrows. "Why the hell did you hit her?" Sam fumed suddenly. Dean turned to look at him. "You have to discipline your pets Sammy, or did you forget that?" He asked angrily. I tossed my duffel bag into the back of the Charger and rounded on him. "I'm no one's pet." I growled. He gave a coy smile. "Didn't mean to make you mean little puppy." He said. I could tell the dog jokes were going to only get worse. "I heard you like a sawed off for hunting demons that's a little bigger than what I would pick, compensating for something?" I asked leaning in close my hands on either side of his hips. "Wouldn't you like to know?" He said leaning towards me. I didn't back up. His eyes darkened. "Dean." Sam said softly. We turned to look at him. I pushed off of the Impala and opened the door to the Charger. "Don't look at me like I kicked you puppy Sammy." He said standing. "You punched her." I said. I probably shouldn't egg him on but I couldn't help myself. Sam turned away and opened the passenger's side door of the Charger. "Cas can ride with you." Sam said sliding in. Dean looked at me. "Where are we headed?" I asked. He jerked the driver's side door to the Impala open. "North Carolina." He said getting in and slamming the door shut.

Sam was quiet for a long time as we drove. I turned up the radio and let The Clash blare through the speakers. "You want to listen to something else?" I asked finally. Sam looked up from glaring at the road. "What?" I turned the radio down. "I said do you want to listen to something else?" He was staring at me uncomprehendingly. "You would let me pick the music?" He asked. I glanced at him. "Yeah, it's unfair to you to make you listen to music you don't like. Pick something out of the little black case." I said reaching over him to open the glove box. He picked up the old CD case slowly. "Dean never lets me pick the music." He said softly. "Sam just pick something." I said trying not to make a big deal out of it. He read over each CD before picking Muse. I smiled as his voice poured from the speakers. "Your guilty pleasure right?" He said. I blushed. "Some of it." I said. He looked at me as I stopped behind Dean at a stoplight. "What is your guilty pleasure then?" He asked. I looked down then back up as Dean took off for the green light. I set off after him. The next song came on and I took a deep breath. _Undisclosed Desires_ was my favorite on this album and I said as much. Sam watched me carefully. I sang along softly. When to chorus came up Sam realized why I loved it so much. "I want to reconcile the violence in your heart. I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask, I want to exercise the demons from your past, I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart." Dean pulled off the road into a diner and I nearly missed it. My tires squealed as I turned in sharply. Sam held on and I cruised into a parking spot. "Sorry about that." I said cutting the engine. Dean was looking smugly at me from the door. I opened the door and got out. "Are you always this sudden when you get hungry?" I asked. "Yeah." Sam said taking my hand. Dean and Castiel walked into the diner and Sam held my hand as we followed.

We sat at a booth by the window and I looked around. "I don't really do diners very often." I said. Dean looked at me like I had a second head. "What?" I asked him as the waitress came over. "Can I get you all something to drink?" She asked politely. "I'm ordering for you." Dean said pointing at me. I blinked at him. The waitress just smiled. "She will have a burger with everything and a coke." Dean said pointedly. I folded my arms and leaned against Sam. "I'll have a house salad and water." Sam said. Castiel didn't order anything and Dean got a burger as well with extra pickles. She scuttled off to fill our orders. "What is your major malfunction Winchester?" I asked Dean. He glared at me. "You don't do diners?!" He said angrily. I looked at Sam. "Is he serious?" I asked. He shrugged. "He is pretty serious about his food." He answered. "If you are going to be on this hunting team we are going to have to set a few ground rules. Number one, we _always_ eat at diners if we can help it." He said. I sighed. "I am so going to have to add an extra set of crunches to my routine if you are set on that." I said. Sam laughed. "That's why I get the least greasy thing here." He said. Dean glared at him. "You shouldn't eat that crap Sam." Dean said. Castiel was just watching us. "What about you angel boy?" I asked. He looked at me. "What is this job?" I asked. He sat up a little straighter. "I don't know if you will be able to do much for us." He said. I rolled my eyes. "Yeah let's just ignore the face I dodged all your attacks back at Bobby's place." I said. "The fact that you are a woman is irrelevant here. We have to exterminate a pack of werewolves." I frowned. "They don't usually run in a pack, that's an old wives tale." I said. Dean and Sam were listening intently. "The ones in North Carolina are." He said. The food got to our table. The waitress sat down a burger and fries in front of me. I looked it over and then I looked up at Dean. Sam was putting dressing on his salad. "Eat." Dean ordered. Sam rolled his eyes and took a bite of salad. I eyed Dean and picked up the burger. He was glaring at me. I took a bite. I closed my eyes and an involuntary sound escaped my throat. I chewed slowly and savored this concoction of flavors. Dean was smiling smugly. "Why didn't anyone tell me about this before?" I whimpered. Sam looked slightly sick. "Why did you have to do that Dean?" He asked watching me as I took a bigger bite. "I can't help if I know how a hunter should live." He said taking a bite of his own burger.

I finished my burger surprisingly fast and started on my fries. They were almost better than the burger. I dipped one in ketchup and chewed carefully. The cut on my lip was burning from the salt but it tasted so good I didn't care. "You got a little something." Dean said and leaned across the table. He whipped ketchup off my cheek with his thumb. I paused and stared at him. Sam watched him with an odd look in his eyes. He looked like he was surprised himself. He went back to his food. "What is making them run in packs?" I asked Castiel changing the subject back to work. "They seem to be trying to take down big game, mainly large groups of hikers. Most of them are very young and may be under the illusion that running in packs is normal" He said. I nodded and finished off my last French fry. Sam looked down at my plate. "How did you eat all of that?" He asked suddenly. Dean laughed. "Damn Sammy even she eats more than you do and she is half your size." He said. Castiel looked annoyed for a moment. "So we are killing werewolves why are you worried I wouldn't be much-" I stopped as the realization hit me. "You think I would side with them?" I asked angrily. Sam looked from me to Cas. When he didn't deny it they both looked furious. "You two are too smitten to know how much of a burden she is." Castiel looked at me steadily. "Don't you think I would have noticed?" Dean asked angrily. Castiel looked at him. "Don't try to pretend you don't want to lay with her." He said his voice angry. Dean jerked back like he had burned him. "So now I'm Mary fucking Madelyn because I'm a red head?!" I barked. Sam was staring at Dean. "You want to sleep with her?" He asked. I looked around. There were a few people looking at us. "Can we take this discussion outside before it gets any louder?" I whispered angrily. Castiel stood and walked outside. Dean slammed a few bills down on the table and stormed after him. Sam stood slowly and I slid out of the booth behind him. He swept out after Dean with a weird look on his face somewhere between anger and wonder. "Thank you." I said as the waitress stared after the men. Castiel was standing next to the Impala and Dean was screaming at him. Sam was just watching Dean. I got between Dean and Cas and put a hand flat to Dean's chest. "Dean calm down, you are causing a scene." I said my voice calm. "Why are you so mad Dean? Unless it is true?" I looked at Sam. "Not helping." I said pleading. Dean rounded on Sam. "You think I want to sleep with your girlfriend?" He asked angrily. They got into each other's face. "What the hell did you do that for Castiel?" I fumed. He was glaring at me. "You are distracting them, they will be too mad at each other to focus on the task at hand. We have to keep Lilith from breaking the seals." He growled. "I'm just about tired of this shit." I said storming towards the boys. I grabbed Dean's collar and jerked him around to face me. I slammed my lips against his. He pulled back. "Get it out of your system." I yelled at him. Sam was staring at us a hurt look on his face. Dean was just staring at me. I shook him. "You really want to do something well here is your chance!" I screamed at him. I shoved him back when he didn't respond. He stumbled back a few steps. I walked over to Sam. "You and your brother need to figure this out." I said and walked past him to my car. I opened the door got in and slammed it.

I sat there and felt the first hint of tears behind my eyes. I set my jaw and tried to fight it as the first tear slid down my face. I didn't want to cry here, I didn't want my heart to feel this for both of them. Sam was so much like me and we shared that darkness that threatened to swallow us whole. Dean was a tortured soul as well and I could see all that guilt in his green eyes. He had taken care of me when Sam left me shattered. I couldn't forget the kindness he had shown me, the genuine care. I whipped my face and sniffed angrily leaning my head back. Someone knocked on the window. I looked up. Dean was looking into the window. I rolled it down. "We are going to stop for the night, it's getting dark and we are hours away. There is a little motel up the road here we will get a room." I nodded. "Sam wants to ride with you, I told him to ask first." I looked down. "Dean I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kissed you like that. Sam can ride with me and if he doesn't want me to stay with you guys tonight I'll understand." Dean sighed. "I shouldn't want you like this. Sam loves you and I respect that but…" He shook his head and looked into my eyes. I could see the war behind his eyes. He was desperate not to hurt Sam but he also saw something in me. I wasn't sure what it was exactly but whatever it was he wanted it. "I'll see you at the motel." I said. He gave a sad smile and patted the top of the car. He straightened and walked away. Sam was standing a little ways off with his arms folded. Dean motioned to me and he walked towards me. He slid into the passenger's seat and I started the car. We drove in silence for a while. "Do you feel that way about Dean?" He asked flatly. I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment. "You two can't just leave this alone can you?" I asked. Sam was looking at me angrily. "Fine." I growled. "I like Dean, he is a good man he is also your brother. You two are similar but vastly different. What you do not understand is you both see something of yourselves in me. Dean sees his love of cars and classic rock and you see that darkness you are trying so desperately to hide in yourself. You see me and say look at her she has some sort of monster in her too and she is handling it. Dean looks at me and sees the guilt I carry about my own father. If I had been a boy he might still be alive because I would have been faster or maybe he would have loved me more. You two are not seeing me you are seeing pieces of yourselves and how well I carry myself on the outside. Sam I can't handle my rage most days and people get hurt because of it. I can't tell you how many innocent lives I could have saved if I had just kept my temper in check, but you don't see that you see a half monster that is living like a normal hunter." I pulled into the motel and parked. He was looking down. I sighed and looked at him. "Do I need to get my own room tonight?" I asked. He thought about it for a moment. "If you have to think about it the answer is yes." I said opening my door. I heard him sigh. Dean was watching me from the office. I came in and walked up to the counter. "I need a room for the night." I said pulling out my wallet. Dean looked at me then out the window. Sam was still sitting in my car his head bowed. "We only have one left and it is adjoining to his." The owner said sticking a thumb out at Dean. "That's fine we are traveling together." I said slapping a fifty down on the table. He handed me a room key.

I was brushing my hair when someone knocked on the door connecting the rooms. "Come in." I said tossing my gun onto the bed. I was in my pajamas and Dean gave an annoyed sigh when he saw me. I had on shorts that were almost completely covered by the oversize Ramones shirt I was wearing. He closed the door behind him. "Sam isn't talking and he is drinking, he never does that." He said. I just looked at him. "He is upset that his brother wants to have sex with the first girl he has let himself care about since that chick died in his bedroom." I said. Sam had told me about Jess after some prompting on my part. Dean sat down on my bed. "Selen I don't know what to do about this." He said. I sat down behind him. The door opened again and Sam stood in the doorway. "I do." He said. He had a dark expression as he looked at us. "Do what she said before Dean, get it out of your system." We were both just staring at him. "What?" Dean said blankly. "If you want her so bad have her." I gaped at him. "Sam I don't think this is going to fix anything." I said standing and coming towards him. He grabbed me by the hair and turned me towards Dean. I cried out. He shoved me into Dean's lap forcing me to straddle him and didn't let go of my hair. "Both of you get it out of your systems." He snarled. Dean had his arms around me protectively. "Sammy you are hurting her." I had tears in my eyes. Sam forced my face closer to his. I whimpered. "Sam." I choked out. I clutched at his hand fisted in my hair. I heard a hammer cock back. My eyes widened. Dean was glaring at Sam. "Do it." He threatened. Dean looked back at me and I saw the apology reflected there. He kissed me gently. Sam's hand loosened in my hair. "That's better." He said. I could smell alcohol on him. "Drunk." I whispered against Dean's lips. Sam's grip tightened in my hair again. Dean kissed me again and his hands slid up my back. Sam let go of me. "Go on Dean, I know how you are about women. She has amazing tits." I choked back a sob. "I'm sorry." Dean whispered his hands sliding under my shirt. He undid my bra and slid both off me. I glanced back at Sam. His eyes were dark and he had my own gun pointed at me. I felt tears falling hot down my face and I turned back to Dean. He was looking down at me despite himself. "I told you." Sam said. I closed my eyes. "Just give him what he wants Dean." I whispered. I took his hands and put them against my breasts. His eyes darkened and I felt him respond against my body. "There you go, she is a horny little thing. She gave me her virginity you know." Sam sneered from behind me. Fresh tears spilled out of my eyes. Dean looked at my face with a gentle sadness in his eyes. "I'll try not to make this any more painful." He said softly. I nodded and sniffled. He slid his shirt off over his head and tossed it to the floor. He hooked his thumbs in my shorts and pulled them off my hips. I moved to allow him to remove his own pants. I was looking at Dean's face and I didn't notice Sam coming up behind me. I was positioned just above Dean's member and he hesitated. Sam put a hand on my shoulder and forced me down on him. I cried out as Dean pierced me with his body with no preparation. He grunted and his hands went to my hips. Sam was standing over us. Dean was glaring up at him as I hid my face in his shoulder. "Tight little bitch isn't she?" He asked. I sobbed. Sam backhanded me with the pistol. "Get moving." He ordered. "Please." I whispered. He hit me again. Dean was glaring at him over me. I whimpered and started moving my hips slowly. Dean's breath came out in a hiss. "Come on Selen you can do better than that. You want to please him don't you?" I just nodded to placate him. "Then give him what he wants!" He shoved me forward. "Sam!" Dean shouted. He turned his head to glare at his brother. "What about you Dean? You wanted her so damn bad why don't you do some work?" Sam growled. Dean leaned close to my ear. "You want this to end quickly?" He whispered. I nodded. "Don't fight me." He said. In one smooth motion he stood and turned around. He laid me back on the bed and positioned himself above me. He looked down at me and his face hardened. I shut my eyes and gripped the bed. He slammed into me hard. I cried out. "She likes it rough." Sam said. Dean lay on top of me and picked up a fast and rough rhythm. I cried out when he bottomed out inside me. He was just a big as his brother and it was starting to become painful. I clung to him and cried. "Come inside her." Sam ordered when Dean's rhythm faltered. He looked down at me his eyes pleading. I nodded. He slammed into me once, twice, three times more and let out a strangled cry. The heat of him sent me over the edge and I cried out and spasmed around him guilt rushed over me. He groaned and bucked into me again. "I'm so sorry." Dean whispered in my ear.

He pulled out and I felt sore between my legs. Sam stood over us. I saw his hand draw back. "No!" I screamed out but he was too fast. He knocked Dean out with one blow. He rolled Dean off of me and I realized he was naked. This nightmare wasn't over yet. He had discarded the gun and he grabbed my wrists. "Sam, please!" I screamed. He pinned my hands above my head with one of his. He used his knees to force my legs apart. His face was grim as he positioned himself at my opening. I shook my head tears leaking from my eyes. He forced himself into me. I whimpered as he slid inside me. "You love me don't you?" He whispered in my ear. I sobbed. "You won't leave me?" I smelled blood on his breath. He had been drinking demon blood. He wasn't himself. "Oh, Sam," I whispered. "What have you done to yourself?" He slammed into me roughly. I closed my eyes. "Someone help." I prayed. "Castiel help me!" I sobbed. "If you are an angel you can't let this happen!" Sam let go of my hands and backhanded me. "No you want an angel dick?" He screamed. I sobbed. "Please help me." I whimpered. A white light flashed and Sam fell over unconscious. Castiel stood over me his face disgusted. I sat up and looked at the two men on the bed out cold. I sobbed and covered my mouth. Castiel draped a blanket around me. "Mixing blood and alcohol is dangerous." He said. "You know." I said. He just nodded.

I curled my knees against my chest. I didn't want to be here. I tried to stand and fell to the floor. Castiel gazed at me with pity. I slid into a corner and curled up. "I can erase your memory of this event." He said kneeling before me. I just stared at Sam. "Did he do it because of the blood?" I asked. Castiel cast a look back at the bed. "He was not himself, but his emotions were the same. He was angry with you and Dean and he wanted to make you suffer. The blood clouded his mind and the alcohol gave him the courage, as you humans call it." I tucked my knees up to my chest. He reached his hand towards me. "I can take the memory away but it will still have happened." I licked my lips and realized I had a fresh cut on my bottom lip. "Will Sam remember?" I asked. Castiel looked at him again. "I doubt it." He said. Dean groaned. Castiel stood and walked over to him. He placed his hand on the back of his head and a white light glowed. The room smelled like a fresh brook and a spring breeze. Dean opened his eyes and looked around. "Selen?" He sat up and looked down at me. I bit back a sob. "So just me and Dean will remember this?" I asked. Castiel nodded. "I can erase your memory but only if you want me to." I looked at Dean. "Don't let her remember this Cas, if she doesn't have to this shouldn't weigh on her mind." The angel looked at me. I shook my head. "I have to remember this." I said. Dean looked at me then pleadingly at Castiel. "Thank you for coming to save me. I know you didn't have to, but thank you." I said. He let out an angry sigh. "I can't ignore an innocent's prayers, especially when they are being raped." I swallowed. "Cas, don't leave her like this." Dean begged tears in his eyes. Castiel put his hand on the top of my head and I felt the damage to my anatomy heal over. He vanished. Dean snatched up his boxers and slid them on. "He just healed you and left." He said angrily. "Dean." I said softly. "You shouldn't have to live with this, Sam was drunk. I've never seen him like this." He ranted. "Dean." I said a little more insistent. He looked down at me. "You shouldn't have to either. Sam won't remember this in the morning. We won't talk about it." I said standing. He just stared at me. "You're just going to let this go? Pretend my brother didn't hold a gun to our heads and force me to rape you?" He shook his head. I came to him and we stood over Sam's naked form. "You can forgive him for this?" Dean asked. "forgive me?" I tucked the blanket around myself. "I'm not going to be jaded and say he didn't mean it. He was drunk and he was angry at us. He thought we wanted to sleep with each other and he thought this would fix it. He kept saying to get it out of our systems." Dean just stared at me unbelieving. I reached down and pulled the messy sheets over Sam's sleeping form. Dean looked down at his brother a near disgusted look on his face. "I need a drink." He muttered and gathered up his cloths. He left the room and closed the door behind him.

I slid my pajamas back on and sat at the head of the bed by Sam. I sat there staring at the wall for a long time. He sighed in his sleep and rolled over putting his head in my lap. I looked down at him. His hair was a mess and he looked so peaceful sleeping. I let my fingers play through his thick hair. His hands wound around my waist. I knew I should leave after what he had done and Dean wouldn't blame me a bit about it but I couldn't bring myself to leave. Sam had been angry and power drunk on demon blood. Where the hell was he getting it in the first place? Sam didn't seem like the type of person who would just taste blood on a whim. Someone was feeding it to him, but who? I sat there thinking about it the entire night. When dawn broke over the horizon I felt Sam stir in his sleep. I looked down at him. He opened his eyes with a deep breath. "What the hell happened last night, Ruby?" He asked. I stiffened. "Who the hell is Ruby?" I asked. He sat up quickly and looked at me. "Selen!" He sputtered and I raised my eyebrows. "Ruby is a friend. She has been teaching me how to use my powers." He said. "Powers?" I said angrily. "Is she the one feeding you demon blood?" I asked angrily. He sighed and rubbed his face. "It helps me control my powers." He said. I sighed. "It's dangerous stuff Sam." I said. "We should wake up Dean." He said standing. He then realized he was nude. He looked at me then down at himself. "You were drunk as hell last night." I said forcing a smile. "Did we?" I nodded. "Don't mix blood and booze anymore. You fell asleep right in the middle of it." I said. He looked embarrassed as he slipped on his pants. "Really?" I nodded and stood stretching. He ran a hand through his hair. "Can we not mention that to Dean? I will never live that down." I turned away and opened the door between the rooms. "Sure thing." I said.

Dean was passed out on one of the beds an empty bottle still clutched in his hand. "I'll get him up you go shower." I said. Sam grunted and walked into the bathroom. I waited until I heard the water running and I sat on the bed by Dean's feet. I looked down and then crawled up and lay next to him. I looked at his sleeping face and reached out to touch his face. When I traced his cheek he took a deep breath and opened his eyes. "He is in the shower." I said softly. He just lay there looking at me such guilt in his eyes. "Dean, don't feel guilty, please." I begged fighting tears. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest. He buried his face in my hair and held me. "I should have just let him shoot me." He whispered. I clung to him. "Dean don't say that! I wouldn't be able to live with myself if he killed you." He held me tighter and I fought to keep a sob from escaping. "The angels wouldn't let me die." He said bitterly. I looked up at him. "Why not?" I asked. His eyes were downcast. "I could stop this whole apocalyptic seal thing if I would say yes to Michael." My face must have reflected the confusion I felt because he explained. "The arch angel Michael, I'm his vessel. The problem is that if we can't stop the final seals from breaking Lucifer would be released and they would have to duke it out. The big problem is that would fry half the planet." I thought about it. "So you guys are trying to find a way around it?" He nodded. "Sam is friends with a demon." I said hoping he could do something. "Yeah Ruby, you heard about her?" I sighed. "Yeah I think she was here last night before…" I looked down. Dean put a hand under my chin. I looked up at him. "It shouldn't have happened like that." He said. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. "I wanted to show you tenderness if we did anything. What happened last night was not how I would have wanted it." I looked in his deep green eyes. He felt love for me, I could see it reflected there in the depths of his eyes. He kissed me softly. I pressed my body against his softly. His lips were soft against mine, a tenderness Sam had never shown me. I could taste the alcohol from the night before on his tongue. I heard the water stop and he drew back. "You should go shower too." He said touching my face softly. I got up slowly and cast him one last glance before I opened the door to the bathroom and stepped into the steam.

Sam was toweling his hair dry when I walked in and closed the door behind me. He smiled at me. "Dean up and running?" He asked. I nodded. He frowned. "You seem upset about something. Did I do something last night?" I looked away. "No Sam everything is fine." I said turning the water back on. He didn't look convinced. "Did we fight about Dean?" He asked. I looked up at him. "What do you mean?" I asked my face blank. "I mean about the whole he wants to sleep with you thing." I tested the water with my fingers. "You could say that." I said softly. If he figured it out on his own I wouldn't stop him. "Maybe we should talk about it." He said. I took off my shirt and turned my back to him. "What happened to your neck?!" He gasped. I touched the back of my neck. He had backhanded me pretty damn hard and it had drawn blood, the back of my neck was a mass of knotted hair and dried blood. "You got rough with me." I said taking off my shorts. I stepped into the shower. Castiel had only healed the damage to certain areas but everything else would have to heal on its own. "Jesus, why didn't you stop me?" He asked watching me through the shower curtain. "You are kind of a big guy Sam." I snapped trying to keep from crying again. He didn't know he had done that to me and Dean I couldn't blame him if he didn't know. "Why didn't you yell for Dean?" He asked trying to rationalize it. I set my jaw. "He was knocked out." I said gingerly working the knots out of my cut. "Selen, can we talk about this? I feel like you are avoiding my questions." I sighed and started washing out the blood in my hair. Shampoo burned like hell on a fresh wound but it kept it clean. I let out a hiss of pain. "What do you want to talk about Sam?" I barked. I was hurting both physically and mentally and his questions were not helping. "What is going on between you and Dean?" He asked. I sighed and rinsed out my hair. "Sam we have feelings for each other and your actions last night didn't help at all." I said trying to be calm. "When I was drunk?" He asked. I grunted and started washing my body. "What happened?" He asked. "You held a gun to Dean's head and made him rape your girlfriend." It was a woman's voice.

I froze as the smell of demon permeated the room. "Ruby." Sam said softly. "I did what?" I rinsed the soap off my body and turned the water off. "So you are the bitch getting him power drunk then?" I asked reaching for a towel. She watched me with contempt. "So you are the little half wolf bitch Marcus called to kill Sam." She said as I wrapped the towel around myself. "You know who called the hit?" I asked wringing my hair out. She nodded. "He is dead though so you won't get your money." I set my jaw and felt my eyes heat to gold. "I don't want to kill Sam." I said angrily. "Temper, temper." She chastised me. "Ruby, why didn't you tell me that the blood could do that if I drank too much?" Sam asked. His expression was anguished. "I didn't know you were mad enough to do that." She said looking at him. "You have to stay focused or we won't be able to beat Lilith." I watched her closely. "Get out." I said quietly. She looked at me. "Excuse me? Look wolf-bitch you don't order me around." She said coming towards me. "Get your demon ass out of here before I slam a silver dagger so far up your ass you will wish you never crawled out of the pit." I snarled at her. She flashed black eyes at me. I let mine leak over to gold. "I can do it too." I sneered. "Sam, put your dog in her place." Ruby snapped at him. "Maybe you should leave." Sam said staring off at the wall. "Fine." She growled. She glared at him then back at me and vanished. He sat down on the lid of the toilet. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked his voice broken. "I knew you wouldn't remember, I thought it was for the best." He turned his hazel eyes to me. He looked shattered. "Sam." I came forward but he stood up. "You lied to me." He whispered. "Sam I knew you wouldn't forgive yourself. Please try to understand we were trying to protect you." He brushed past me and slammed the door open. "I take it the shower is open." Dean said from across the room. Sam glared at him. "You let me do that to her?" He sounded like he was about to explode. Dean looked at me. "Ruby." I said her name like a curse. His face became a mask of rage. "Selen you need to go back into your room and get dressed." Dean said his voice shaking with anger. "You don't tell her what to do!" Sam yelled. "Hey!" I screamed they both looked at me. My outburst seemed to have taken the tiniest bit of wind out of their sails. "You two are not doing this." I barked. "You are brothers by god and you need to start acting like it! I am not going to sit here and let too much whiskey get in the way of our job. Now pack up your shit and we are going to go take care of these werewolves." They were staring at me their mouths slightly open. I growled and surged forward. I stepped to Sam and smacked him. "You need to get your shit together right now! This whole angst ridden half demon shit is getting old real fast. Get dressed and pack your bag." He blinked down at me then closed his mouth. "Yes ma'am." He said and walked over to his bag. Dean gave a chuckle. I rounded on him and smacked my hand across his face. He held his cheek and gaped at me. "You need to get over yourself too Dean Winchester! Your brother is traveling a dangerous road and you have let him wonder off. I have had it up to here with both of you! Yes what happened last night can't go away but damn it I am trying to move past it! Now go get a shower and pack your shit!" Dean blinked. "Yes ma'am." He said dejectedly and headed for the bathroom. I spun around and headed for my room and bag.

I was dressed an armed and I felt a lot better than I had. Dean was zipping up his bag and Sam was coming back in from putting his in the Charger. I slung my bag over my shoulder and stepped into their room. "Ready to go?" I asked. Dean looked from me to Sam for a moment. "Sammy you drive the Impala, I want to talk to Selen for a little while." He said. He tossed Sam the keys and he caught them. Sam looked down at me. "It's fine." I said. He leaned down and kissed me. I kissed him back and I felt his teeth graze my lip. One of the cuts opened. Sam sighed and drew back. I felt my heart sink at the look in his eyes. He liked the taste of my blood and he was hooked. I gave him a sad smile. He headed out the door. Dean looked at me. "What was that?" He asked. "Nothing." I said. If Sam wanted to tell him that was fine but I was not going to rat him out. I headed out the door with Dean on my heels.

We were leading the drive since Dean knew where we were going. "So you wanted to talk." I said going around a curve twenty miles faster than the posted speed. Dean cleared his throat. "I wanted to talk about what happened." He said slowly. I felt my shoulders tighten. "What about it?" I asked checking my speed. I let my foot off the gas a little, I was going eighty in a forty five. "Would you have…" He paused. I glanced at him. "Would you have slept with me if Sam hadn't forced us?" I nearly side swiped a truck driving next to us. Horns blared and I floored it. Dean barely reacted. "What?!" I asked when I had recovered myself. "You clearly heard me." He said. I took a deep breath. "Dean," I began, he looked like he didn't want to hear this. "You have to understand, I don't have very much experience in this department. You and Sam are the first men I have been around for more than twenty four hours that hasn't tried to kill me because I'm part werewolf. You two have shown me a kindness I never thought was possible in our line of work. You have also shown me how dark the world has become. What happened last night was scary but doesn't even my top ten worst experiences of my life. The only reason it falls short of the list is because you and Sam showed remorse for your actions. I know how much guilt you feel over this, over the fact you didn't make more of an effort to fight back or the very fact that Sam even thought this would make things better. I don't know what to do about anything that's happened. I also know I have never been closer to another human being as I am with you and Sam." I paused and glanced at him. He was staring straight ahead his face somewhere between anger and sadness. "Turn left at the next light." He said. I sighed. "Yes Dean." I said angrily. "I wanted to sleep with you ok?" I growled tears burning in my eyes. I glanced in the rearview mirror. I saw Sam looking at me in the mirror. My eyes had bled to gold. I put my eyes back on the road. I took the turn a little faster then I should have. Dean's head smacked the window. He cursed. I slowed down. "Sorry." I said. He looked at me and rubbed his head. "I want to love both of you but I don't think either of you will allow that." I said. The road was lined with trees. Dean was watching me carefully. "You want us to share you?" He asked. "I don't see any other way of this working. You say no and I will help you with this job and you won't hear from me again. I'll ask Sam too, either one of you isn't comfortable with it and you won't be bothered by me again." I set my jaw and didn't look at him. Boys Like Girls was whispering though the speaker. I had left the radio turned to whatever Sam had left it on. Love Drunk was playing. I sighed. "They day we met was like a hit and run and I still taste it on my tongue…" I let the song play. Dean was thinking hard. He clicked the station over. Train this time, I touched his hand. "Drops of Jupiter is my favorite." I said. He glanced at me and took his hand away. I sang along softly as we drove through the trees. He laid his head back. "Your best friend always sticking up for you, even though I know your wrong…" I sang the whole song and he just listened. The song ended as we stopped for a red light. "The best we can do is try." He said finally. I looked at him long enough that Sam honked when the light had been green for a while. I jumped and hit the gas too hard. We lurched forward. "I am not letting you drive the Impala." Dean said gripping the door. "You two make me a bad driver!" I said.

I heard Dean's stomach growl. "Oh my god we haven't eaten today!" I said suddenly. I looked at him. "Why didn't you say you were hungry? I don't eat a lot, but you and Sam need food more than I do!" Dean shrugged. "I'll find a diner." I said looking around. He gave a soft smile. "Shut it angel boy." I growled. He just looked at me. "You liked the burger." I sighed. "Yes Dean I liked the burger. It was like sex on a bun, I am sorry I ever doubted you." He grinned. "Now if we can just get Sam to eat like a normal human being." He said. I grinned and glanced in the rearview at him. He looked up then down and his phone went to his ear. My cell rang. I answered. "What is with that look?" He asked his voice light. "Oh you know just talking about your eating habits." I watched his eyes widen. "You and your weird love of salad of course." I said. He relaxed. "Dean got hungry I see." He said. I laughed. "He did but he didn't say anything surprisingly. There's a diner up here let's get something to eat." I said putting on my blinker. Sam clicked his phone shut. I dropped mine back in my lap. Dean reached over and picked it up, brushing my leg. I blushed and pulled into the parking lot. "What is this thing?" He asked flicking the keyboard open. "It's designed for texting and calling." I said unbuckling my seat belt. He handed it back to me and we got out. Sam was leaning on the Impala with his arms crossed. "So what was so important that Dean let me drive?" I leaned next to him. "We were talking about the future of this relationship." I said. Dean leaned on the other side of Sam. He looked down at me. "And what exactly did you decide?" He asked his voice strained. "That is up to you." Dean said. Sam looked at him. "She said if you say no then she will finish this job and leave us alone. I agreed to give it a shot." Sam turned back to me. "What?" His hands were gripping the car tightly. "I feel close to both of you and I care for both of you. I don't want to have to put a strain on your relationship. Dean is willing to try to kind of…" I paused and looked down. Now that I was telling him this I felt stupid. "To kind of what?" Sam asked his eyes intent on me. "To share her." Dean said. Sam scoffed and looked from me to him. "So what Dean gets you every other night?" He asked stepping away from the car and turning to us. "You say the word Sam." I said stealing myself away for the answer. "If you don't want to then I'll finish this job and leave, it will be like I've never been here." I said looking into his eyes. His jaw tightened. "Think about it hard Sam, you can always change your mind." I said. He looked down. "This is ridiculous." He said angrily. I stepped away from the car and walked past him towards the diner. "Decide what you want Sam I'll be inside."

I had gotten a booth and ordered burgers for me and Dean and a salad for Sam. I heard the bell tinkle as someone opened it. I didn't look up. I tried not to hope it was Sam or Dean and just stared into my cup of coffee. Fade to Black came on the diner's speakers. I sighed and sipped my coffee. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. I felt the booth move and opened my eyes. Dean put his arm around me and Sam sat across from us. Dean leaned to my ear. "Things aren't what they used to be. Missing one inside of me Deathly lost, this can't be real Cannot stand this hell I feel Emptiness is filing me To the point of agony Growing darkness taking dawn I was me, but now He's gone." He leaned away as the band played a rift. I looked at Sam. "I can try." He said looking at me steadily. I felt tears of relief fall. Dean rubbed my shoulder. "Cheer up puppy." He said with a smile. "I ordered you a salad." I said to Sam. Dean rolled his eyes. Sam smiled softly. "Ranch dressing right?" I asked. His smile widened. "You remembered the dressing I used?" He asked. I nodded. "I also remembered the extra pickles on your burger Dean." I said. His head leaned back. "A woman after my own heart." He said. The waitress sat our food down. "Can I get you anything else?" She asked eyeing Sam hungrily. I felt an uncharacteristic flood of jealousy. I leaned over the table and took Sam's hands. "No I think we are ok." I said giving Sam my eyes. The blond woman floundered for a moment and looked at Sam then Dean then back to me. Dean put his hand in my lap. She just walked away. We all burst out laughing at the expression on her face. "Little bit of a cock block aren't you puppy?" I realized he had given me a pet name. "Still making dog jokes." I said rolling my eyes. I let go of Sam's hand so he could eat. "You can't blame me." Dean said taking a bite of his burger. I smiled. "No I guess I am just a walking hybrid joke." I looked over at Sam. He hesitated with a bite of salad half way to his mouth. "Oh don't even get him started." Sam begged. I grinned. "We could make jokes about you too Dean." I said biting into a fry suggestively. "What's that supposed to mean?" He taunted. I lifted my eyebrow. "Just keep in mind I like my swords long and thick." I said rubbing my hand against his inner thigh and squeezing. Sam looked like he was going to burst out laughing. Dean looked down at his plate. I leaned close to his ear. "Got you babe." I whispered. I took a bite of my burger smugly. "Give him a few minutes, he is thinking of a good one." Sam said. I sipped my coffee. "Sure." I said teasing them. "What do you say we make this little wolf howl for us Sammy?" I nearly choked on a fry. Sam grinned like he had been expecting that. "Good one." I said clearing my throat.

"Glad to see you can have so much fun when you are supposed to be on a job." I jumped as Castiel appeared next to Sam. "We gotta eat Cas." Dean said. "So do werewolves." He said. I rolled my eyes. "We have what, three days to the full moon? We just got into the state." I said taking the last bite of my burger. Sam looked slightly uncomfortable. "As soon as we are done eating we will find the den." I said offering him a fry. He refused. "Fine but make it fast." He was gone. Sam sighed and finished off his salad. I dug in my pocket and put the money for the food on the table. "Who is riding shot gun this time?" I asked. Dean held out his hand and Sam gave him back his keys. "Separation anxiety?" I asked with a grin. We walked outside and I walked over to the Impala. I slid a hand over her hood and smile. "Sorry you have to share your boys." I murmured. Sam was walking over to the Charger. Dean was starting to get into the Impala and I caught his arm. He looked at me and I kissed him. I felt him smile into the kiss. I drew back. "Until tonight my angel." I whispered. He glowered at me. I laughed and pranced off to my car. Sam was watching me with amusement. "What did you say to him?" He asked as I got in. "Called him my angel." I said and started the car. Sam grinned and looked over at Dean. He peeled out of the parking lot. "Oh he is pissed, you wait." Sam said as I turned out after him. "I'll get it when we stop again." I said turning on the radio. I smiled as an old song came on. Amazing by Janelle came crooning through the speakers. I sang along with her and Sam smiled at me.

Dean pulled into an old country store when we reached Brunswick County. "We must be here." Sam said as I pulled in next to the Impala. Dean got out and looked around. "Small town." He remarked. Sam grabbed a newspaper. "Looks like it's getting bad." He said holding up the front page. There was a picture of a red wolf with the headline Deadly Attacks Plague the South! I shook my head. "First we visit the coroner's office. I'll be able to tell how many of them there were." I said heading for the doors of the store. Dean and Sam looked at each other then followed. I reached into my inner jacket pocket and pulled out my trusty FBI badge. I went up to the counter and flashed an embarrassed smile to the cashier. He looked me up and down before stopping in my face. "Hey sweet pea, it's been a while since I've been in the area." I flashed my badge and put on the down home accent hard. I leaned on the counter and let my back drop to show off my natural curves. "Agent Sawyer is what they call me now a days. Could you tell me where the medical examiner's office is?" The kid let his eyes drift over my cleavage. "Sure." He breathed. I felt a hand wide around my arm. "Sawyer, that isn't necessary." Dean growled. He pulled me up straight. I pouted at him and folded my arms under my breasts. "You never let me have any fun." I was faking it hard but this was the part of the job I took a privet joy in. I loved acting and as a hunter I got to do it all the time. "The medical examiner is over off Howe Street. He's set up in Dosher." The kid said looking at Dean nervously. "Thanks." Dean said and haled me out the door. I giggled as Sam eyed us confused. "She laid on the womanly wiles pretty thick." Dean said letting me go. "What's the matter Dean can't handle a Wiley Coyote." I couldn't help but laugh. Dean cracked a smile. "She looked like she was about to start fanning herself and taking off her clothes to get information." Sam shook his head. "Have you seen yourself around women?" Sam asked. Dean looked indignant for a moment. I kissed his cheek. "Let's go see a man about some bodies." I said. I walked past Sam and grabbed his ass on the way by. He jerked. Dean watched me and shook his head. "She sure does love her job." He said. Sam turned to me. I crooked my finger at him. He turned back to Dean and he gave him a look. He turned on his heel and followed me to my car.

We peeled out of the parking lot and I cranked the radio. "You seem excited." Sam yelled over the music. I turned it down and smiled. "This is the best part Sam. We get to pretend to be FBI so I can sniff out there werewolves and then we get to save some people." I said. "How do you want to celebrate?" He asked his hand sliding up my inner thigh. I grinned. "There is an idea." I said. Sam smiled darkly. I let my hand drift down to his lap. He watched me silently. I slid my hand up his thigh and cupped him. His head fell back. I rubbed him through his pants and felt him harden under my hand. I looked up and saw Dean do a double take in the rearview mirror. I bit my lip and he nearly ran off the road. I smiled and glanced at Sam. He was gripping the seat hard. "We may have to make a pit stop before we see the coroner." I whispered. Sam opened his eyes long enough to give me a dark look before his eyes rolled back. My cell rang and I answered it. "Parker." I said my voice still a little dark. "Are you trying to kill me?" It was Dean. I smiled. "I was just about to call you." I said leaning forward a little. "You want to put off the coroner for an hour or two?" I asked. He looked at me in his rearview and his eyes rolled up for a second. "If you keep this up we may have to." He said. Sam was attempting to catch his breath. "What's the matter? Wishing you had let Sam drive after all?" I asked. "We need to get a room." Dean growled. He snapped his phone shut. I grinned and put my phone in the cup holder. Sam looked at me his eyes half lidded. "We are stopping." I said with a smirk. Sam clenched his jaw. "God damn." He breathed. "Just a little." I said and followed Dean as he pulled into a motel.

I had to get the room since I was the only one who could walk straight. I opened the office door and flashed a smile to the manager. "Hey there do you have a room with a king sized bed?" I asked leaning on the counter. The older gentleman looked at me suspiciously. "I have a bad back and I have to lay funny to keep from waking up in pain in the morning." I lied smoothly. He turned away and pulled a key off the rack behind him. "It's fifty a night." He said his voice gruff. I handed him two hundred. "We may be here a full week but we aren't sure just yet." I said. The man took the money and handed me the little key. "Thanks." I said casting him a smile and walking outside. Sam was leaning heavily against the Impala next to Dean. "Got us a nice big bed." I said and lead them to the room. When I opened the door the first thing you saw was the bed. It was king sized with blue sheets and sailboat pillows. The walls were decorated with boats and different shore birds. Sam closed the door behind us and wrapped his arms around me. I smiled. "So how do you want to work this?" I asked as Dean pressed himself against my front. Sam kissed up my neck and I felt my knees go weak. Dean's eyes were dark with lust as he looked down at me. I felt Sam hard at my back. Dean looked over at him for a moment. Sam locked an arm around my shoulders. Dean knelt down and started taking my pants off. Sam kept me locked in place as he forced my legs apart and yanked my pants and underwear around my ankles. Sam bit my ear and I gasped. Dean drew his tongue up me softly. My head clouded and I leaned my head back against Sam. Dean let his breath out in a sigh against my hip. "Dean." I whimpered his name as he slid a finger inside me slowly. Sam smiled into my hair and slid his hand under my shirt to cup my breast. I let out a soft moan as he flicked my nipple with rough fingers. Dean curled his finger inside me and I bucked against his hand. "Get on with it Dean." Sam growled squeezing my breast roughly. I cried out. Dean's eye closed and he drew his finger out of me. Sam pushed me towards the bed and took my shirt off roughly. Dean drew his shirt over his head slowly and I watched the muscles in his arms work as he tossed it on a chair in the corner. Sam tossed me onto the bed and took off his own shirt in one swift motion. The brothers approached me together. "Age before beauty." Dean growled and unbuckled his belt. My eyes drifted down his body and I watched as he let his pants and boxers fall to the floor. Dean climbed on top of me his eyes drinking in my body. I felt the bed move and glanced up to see Sam climbing up at the head of the bed, his pants had vanished as well. Dean kissed up my chest and drew my attention back to him. I felt him press his head against me gently. I gasped as he slid inside of me slowly. "Fuck." Dean breathed and gripped my hips tightly. "Cas must have healed you too well." Dean said looking between us. I followed his gaze and saw a small amount of blood on his shaft. I let my head fall back. "Well then." I said softly. Dean drew out almost fully and then pushed back inside me slowly. I let out a soft moan. Dean started a slow rhythm and kissed me gently. Sam shifted on the bed and I looked over at him. He was hard and ready. Dean nipped my neck and increased his speed when I cried out for him. Sam put himself next to me and turned my face towards his shaft softly. I licked him from base to tip and he threw his head back. I took the head of him into my mouth gently. He let out a breath sharply. His hand fisted in my hair and he bucked against me. Dean groaned and picked up a faster pace and thrust into me deeply. I moaned around Sam and he thrust into my throat. I had never felt anything like this before. Sam forced my head farther down on himself. Dean started faltering in his rhythm, I was close and I felt myself gripping his body as he drew himself out of me and thrust back in. Sam groaned and nearly choked me in his eagerness. I whimpered around Sam's shaft as Dean hit a spot deep inside me that made my vision white around the edges. He focused on that spot and I shut my eyes as my climax hit me like a sledge hammer. I sucked on Sam hard and he came with a strangled cry. Dean thrust into me twice more and he came with a shout. I swallowed and gasped as Sam let me back off of him. Sam lay back against the pillows and Dean rolled to my other side. We lay there trying to calm our breathing. I closed my eyes and let out a breath laugh. "We have to get to the coroner before dark." Dean said siting up slowly. "Right, Castiel is already not terribly fond of me." I said patting Sam's leg. "He doesn't like many people." Sam said sitting up. I rolled over to look at Dean. He looked down at me with a smile playing at the side of his mouth. "You always focus so much on the woman's end of love making?" I asked. "Wanted to make up for the first time." He said going to get his shirt. Sam went still beside me. I rolled over and laid my head on his stomach. "Sam don't go all guilty on me now." I warned tracing his hip bone with my fingers. He stroked my hair softly. "I'm sorry." He said softly. I crawled up to meet his eyes. "Sam, don't do this to me." I begged. His hazel eyes held sorrow and guilt. I forced my lips against his and he gripped me tight. I drew back and searched his face. "Come on Sam we have to hunt down some werewolves." I said pulling on his hand. We all got dressed and headed over to the hospital were the coroner had set up shop.

I rode in the back of the Impala on the way over. It seemed silly to take two cares a few miles up the road. We went to the basement and found a portly old man doing paperwork. "Agents Sawyer, Henson and Lemont." I introduced us flashing my badge. The man was all too pleased to show us the bodies. I leaned towards the claw marks on the first corpse. "How long since these were cleaned?" I asked trying to be inconspicuous. "Oh we did that two days ago, the family is waiting to get the body to the funeral home." I took a deep breath and looked up at Dean. Sam was looking over the other two bodies and writing in a little notebook. "Two." I said and walked to the other bodies. I smelled them without being obvious. There had been at least four werewolves that had come in contact with these bodies. We thanked the doctor for his time and headed back to the motel.

Dean fell backwards on the bed and Sam sat down in the blue armchair by the door. I sat down at the foot of the bed and lay across Dean's legs. "Well now we know how big the pack is." Sam said running a hand through his hair. "It's getting late." I said looking at the darkened window. Sam stood and came over to flop on the bed next to me. I sat up and crawled up so I was between them. I kicked off my shoes and yawned. "Driving can take a lot out of you." I said closing my eyes. Dean grunted and rolled onto his side pulling me to his chest. Sam rolled over and put his nose close to mine. I smiled as we looked into each other's eyes. Dean fell asleep first and Sam and I followed quickly.

I felt hands digging into my waist and my eyes flew open. Dean was breathing fast in his sleep. I rolled away from Sam and sat up carefully. Dean clung to me like I was the only solid thing in the world. "No." He whispered. I laid my hand against his short hair. "Dean, baby, wake up." I whispered petting his hair. His eyes flew opened and he gasped. He looked up and me and I touched his face. He looked terrified. "I'm here." I whispered. He clung to me and his breathing slowed. "What were you dreaming about?" I asked laying back down beside him. Sam hadn't budged. "Hell." He admitted. I cradled his head against my chest and pet his hair. "You are safe here." I said softly. He held me tightly. "I can't go back to the pit." He whispered. I felt my heart acing for him. "You won't." I said kissing the top of his head. He clung to me. I started singing softly to him. "Hold it together birds of a feather nothing but lies and crooked wings, I have the answer spreading the cancer, you are the faith inside me, no don't leave me to die here help survive here alone don't remember. Put me to sleep evil angel. Open your wings evil angel. I'm a believer nothing could be worse nothing could be worse hiding betrayal hoping to find a savior no don't leave me to die here help me survive her alone don't surrender. Put me to sleep evil angel open your wings evil angel fly over me evil angel why can't I breathe evil angel?" He was sleeping peacefully by the time I sang the whole song. I listened to them breathing and closed my eyes. I fell back to sleep slowly.

/Was I dreaming? I wasn't sure. Sam was standing over Dean on the ground. He was in all white. "Sam?" I asked. He raised a foot and placed it on Dean's neck. "Sam!" I raced forward and halted when I heard Dean's neck snap. I felt tears fall down my face as I fell to my knees. I looked up as Sam towards me. "You're his pet werewolf then?" He asked. "Sam what did you do?!" I sobbed. He knelt before me. "Sam isn't in right now. Lucifer is the name." I saw the difference in his eyes. "No." I whispered. The dream froze and a strange man stepped around Dean's body. He was a balding man in a suit. "Remember this moment." He said gesturing around himself. I crawled past Sam to Dean and pulled him into my lap. I rocked him as I was racked with sobs. "This is what will happen if Dean doesn't say yes to Michael." The man continued. I gazed up at him with tears pouring down my face. "Who are you?" I asked. He smiled down at me. "My name is Zachariah." He said his hands together. Dean's head rolled on his neck at an odd angle. "You're an angel aren't you?" I accused laying Dean on the ground carefully and standing. "Yes I am actually. I was hoping since you have gotten so… Close with the Winchester brothers you may be able to help us. You see Dean is rather stubborn and if he doesn't allow Michael to use his body then the world is going to end." I glared at him my eyes burning golden. "If he does then half the world is going to fry." I said my hands balling into fists. "They still have the chance to stop Lilith from breaking all the seals." I said. The dream changed and we were standing in a white room. I was wearing a long white gown. "She is almost to the last few seals you insolent girl. They will fail and Lucifer will be set free. Sam is his true vessel. You have to convince Dean to let the angels handle this before it is too late." I let a growl rip from my chest. "Don't fight with angels Selen." He flicked his hand at me and I felt like my body was going to split apart. We were standing in a field the full moon rose above us. I felt my bones cracking. I crumpled to the ground in agony. "I can make you a full werewolf if you don't cooperate." He said I gasped for air as my ribs cracked and reformed. I felt my teeth lengthen and sharpen. "No!" I screamed. He flicked his hand again and my body went back to normal. I gasped and lay there on the ground. "I can't make you help me." Zachariah said walking around me. "Then let me go." I said glaring at him. He just smiled down at me. "Fine, but remember how this ends for them Selen. If you could make Dean see reason then maybe he could be saved." I watched him carefully. "And Sam?" I asked. He frowned. "Unfortunate casualty of course. " He said. "I won't lose either one of them. I'll remember this and just get in the way." I said standing. He shrugged. "Suit yourself." He snapped his fingers and my eyes flew open. Dean and Sam were standing over me both looking very concerned. "She's awake." Dean barked. Castiel stepped into my field of vision. "Good." He pressed a hand to my chest and I gasped. My ribs were on fire. I screamed and Sam covered my mouth hurriedly. I struggled against them. Castiel was going to turn me into a werewolf! My mind was screaming for me to get away. The burn faded to a dull throb. "Selen stop fighting us!" Dean ordered. I stilled with tears in my eyes. "Zachariah can't find you now." Cas whispered. Sam took his hand away from my mouth. "He carved runes into your ribs so angels can't find you anymore. When you didn't wake up for either of us we got worried." I looked at Castiel. "Why are you protecting me?" I asked sitting up. "Dean is attached to you." He said simply. "So what the angels think I'm his little pet?" I asked. He looked at Dean then back at me. "Most of them think Sam likes you because you could have to potential to be a new breed of hellhound. They think you are Dean and Sam's concubine." We all just stared at him. "Fan-fucking-tastic." I said angrily. "Hellhound?" Sam spouted. I rolled my eyes. "Oh yes lets dive straight into the how I can be useful to hell shall we?" I growled and stood. "She could be crossbred with a demon and produce demonic werewolves." Castiel said as I fumed. "Wonderful." I barked and threw my hand up. "First I'm threatened by an angel then you tell me I could be used like a demonic puppy mill bitch." I snarled. Sam and Dean were watching me carefully as if I might explode. Castiel looked impassive. "Do you have any information on the pack here?" I asked trying to center myself. "They seem to be posing as college students." Cas said looking glad at the change of subject. "So we have to infiltrate a college?" Dean asked sounding unhappy at the idea. Sam's face lit up. "It's called Cape Fear." Cas said pulling out a slip of paper and handing it to Dean. "That's a community college." I huffed and looked at the paper over Dean's arm. "Far from Stanford." I said distastefully. Sam seemed happy at the idea of anything related to books. "Get in there, find the werewolves and get rid of them. We can't afford for these things to start running in packs." Cas looked at us each in turn. I nodded. "Can do." I said rolling my neck. "You may want to think about an anti-possession amulet." Cas muttered and was gone.

Both boys rounded on me suddenly their eyes wide. "What?" I asked confused. "You don't have one already?" Dean asked almost angry. "I didn't think demons could possess half werewolves!" I said walking over to my bag. Sam rubbed his face. "You don't have protection against possession?" Sam asked his voice flat. "Why is that important?!" I asked quickly getting annoyed. They pulled their shirt collars down simultaneously to show the tattoos I knew were there. "Anti-possession is the most important and basic rule of being a hunter." Dean said letting his shirt snap back into place. "So what now you want me to get a tattoo?" I snapped walking over to my bag to grab some fresh cloths. "Oh don't worry we will get you nice and tipsy before you get it." Dean said grabbing my arm. Sam took my other one his expression just as devious as his brother's. "I am not getting a tattoo!" I cried as they picked me up. "Don't be such a wimp." Dean said as they carried me towards the door. "I haven't even gotten dressed!" I hollered bracing my feet on the doorway. "You look fine, the tank top will give them access." Sam said grabbing my leg. Dean grabbed my shoes without putting me down and they carried me straight out to the Impala. I held onto the top of the car for dear life. "You can't make me do this!" I cried. "It's just a tattoo!" Dean said prying my fingers off the door. "I hate needles!" I yelled as Sam shoved me into the back seat. "It's for your own good!" He said as they both got in. I sulked in the back seat. "Fine but I want it on my stomach so I don't have to worry about it showing if I wear low cut shirts." I pouted. Dean glanced at Sam for a moment as he started the car. Sam smirked. "What?" I asked. Something had been agreed upon and I was not included. "Nothing." Sam lied as we pulled out onto the highway. I was trapped and I knew I wouldn't be able to get out of this.

Dean stopped and bought a bottle of whiskey before he parked in front of a tattoo parlor. "Drink this." He ordered getting out of the car and handing me three airplane bottles. I frowned. Sam looked back at me. "Either this or you feel everything." He said darkly. I drank the liquor down quickly. I winced as my head spun for a moment. "Now that's a good girl." Dean patted my head. I growled at him. "Come on." Sam said pulling me out of the car.

The guy who greeted us had more holes in his face then a ghoul had teeth. "Shes getting a tattoo like this one." Dean said pulling his shirt aside. The guy looked it over for a moment and nodded. Sam drew it out on a piece of paper so he could stencil it on my back. Sam glanced at me for a moment before handing the slip of paper to the guy without letting me see it. "You agreed to this before right?" The guy asked looking at me. "Yes." I said grudgingly. I blinked hard as the whisky started to go to my head. "Where you want this?" He asked as I hopped up on the table. "Just above my hip." I said lifting my shirt out of the way. I pointed to the spot I wanted it and laid my head back trying not to think about it too hard. Dean and Sam came to stand by my head. I felt the guy clean the area and lay the stencil on my skin transferring the ink. I flinched as the tattoo gun came humming to life. "I really hate you guys right now." I said my voice shaking. They looked at each other than each took one of my hands. I felt the guy, who had introduced himself as Jack, lay his hand on my hip. I set my jaw and my eyes snapped shut. "This won't hurt as bad as the shading." He said pressing the gun to my skin. I gasped and let out a hiss squeezing their hands as the needles bit into my flesh. "Oh come on Selen I didn't even whine this much when I had to get Sam to cut a bullet out of my shoulder blade." Dean said. I glared at him. "She's never had ink before?" Jack asked. The tattoo felt like it was bigger than I had originally thought. "She's new to the family." Dean said. I looked up at him for a moment. Sam was staring at him. "Nice is she your girl?" He asked his hand steadily inking the outline. "Yeah." They both said. He paused and looked up at them. "So you're like what a Ménage à trois?" He asked his French better than I had expected from his gruff voice. "Yes." I barked as the throbbing pain broke through the whiskey. He nodded and continued. "Nice man, I knew there were a few chicks into that sort of thing but you are the first I've seen that's so open about it." He said. He clicked the gun off and looked over his work. "Now we have to shade it in." He said whipping it. Sam was smiling down at my hips. "Sam I am up here." I said. Dean barked a laugh. "He's looking at the ink puppy." He said. I was glaring at him when Jack started shading. "FUCK!" I yelped. Dean looked down at me. "That your nick name?" Jack asked. "What?" I asked taking a deep breath. The whiskey was taking off the edge but only just. "Puppy." He said. I looked up at Dean and sighed. "Yeah." I said as he whipped away some excess ink. "Just about done." He said touching the gun into some red ink. I looked up at Sam. "Yours is all black." I said as he added the color. Sam grinned. "We made a few adjustments." He said looking down. I risked a glance down at my stomach. Just below the pentacle star surrounded by rays of sun there was writing which Jack was now shading with red. In what looked like flaming cursive "The Winchester Hound" was spelled out in permanent ink. "You bastards." I growled. Jack glanced up at me. "I take it this wasn't part of the deal?" He asked finishing off the red and adding blue to the tips of the letters. "It's fine." I said glaring at Dean who looked like he was about to burst out laughing. "You two are going to get it." I said as Jack finished off the shading. "Ok you are all set." He said. Dean let go of my hand and put his hand over it. He muttered in Latin and I felt the pentacle tingle with energy. I let out a sigh as I felt it trace up my body like a warm wind. Jack nodded and put some gauze over it. "Keep it dry and don't pick at the scab." He said handing me a box of sterile pads. I stood and Dean shelled out the cash for the writing. "I can't believe you let him do that to me." I said leaning on Sam. He looked down at me and then at Dean. "Sam is the one that drew out the letters!" Dean said angrily. "I know but you're the one that keeps calling me puppy." I said pretending to pout at him. "And that little class act is exactly why its puppy and not my little hellhound." He said taking my chin in between his fingers. I smiled and he kissed me. I bit his lower lip softly but firmly. He drew back his eyes half lidded. "Don't forget Dean, I still might bite." His smile was dark. Sam nipped my ear and wrapped his hands around my waist avoiding the tattoo. "We like it that way." Sam whispered in my ear. Jack was watching us out of the corner of his eye. "We have to go sign up for classes." I said putting my hands over Sam's. Dean looked slightly disappointed. "It will only take an hour." I said taking his hand and pulling them with me towards the door. Sam followed happily.

We had only been down the street from the school so we walked. Dean was grumbling about teachers and papers. "Cheer up Dean, after all I might have to tutor you." I said stepping in front of him and drawing a hand down his chest. He smiled a little. I walked backwards a few more steps then took my place between them again. Sam was nearly giddy. "What's got you so excited?" I asked glancing at a shop window. "I can't believe I'm going to go back to college, even if it's just temporary." He said as we crossed the street. "Yeah." I said looking down. He looked over at me. "Bad experience?" Dean asked. I fingered the scar on my left arm. "You could say that." I said looking up at the building before us. Most of the wall was windows. Signs advertised for spring semester registration were posted on all of the doors. "Well I guess we should go register." I said opening the door. Dean and Sam followed as I headed to the registration office.

The man in charge was very helpful and made the process of signing up for classes really easy. I made sure to sign up for the same Biology class as Sam and Dean got stuck with psychology so I joined him. "Sam you might like Anthropology." I said checking the times for it. He glanced at my computer screen. "Sounds fun, I was trying for a major in Law at Stanford." He said. I smiled up at him. "I was six credits from a degree in Cryptozoology at the state college in New Mexico." I said. Dean was grumbling at his computer. "Selen take English with me." He growled. I leaned over and checked the time slot he had selected and registered for it. "I take it you aren't a fan?" I asked sending my final schedule. "I didn't go to college like you two." He said clicking submit a little too hard. Sam leaned back and folded his hands behind his head. "I think we are done." He said. I stood and stretched. "Well come on then let's go back to the motel. It's going to be dark in an hour and I'm starting to hurt." Dean stood and grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair he had been sitting in. "Let's blow this place." He said. I smiled and patted his shoulder. "Don't worry Dean we won't stay too long." I said as we walked out together. "I saw a little diner on our way over you want to stop there?" I asked. Sam made a face. "Or I could cook." I said. Dean glanced at me. "You cook?" He asked. I rolled my eyes. "Yes." I said. He smiled. "Well aren't you a well-trained pup." He said. "Watch it vessel boy." I growled. Sam chuckled. "You two are great." He said as we reached the car. I frowned. "Let's just get some groceries." I said climbing in the back. Dean started her up and we headed for the nearest grocery store. I reached between the seats and started flipping radio stations. Dean and Sam both looked down at my hand. Dean grabbed my wrist. "What do you think you are doing?" He asked angrily. "She didn't know Dean." Sam said slightly nervous. "I'm guessing you aren't as complacent as I am about the radio." I said drawing my hand back. He let me go and looked at me in the rearview. "Driver picks the music." He growled. I smirked and reached back through the seats. "I'm sorry Dean I thought you liked it when I played with your tuner." I said sliding my hand into the top of his jeans. His breath caught and he groaned as I wrapped my hand around his hardening shaft. His jaw tightened and he stared at the road. I leaned around the seat and licked the shell of his ear gently. "God." He breathed and slammed the breaks screeching into a super market parking lot. I was thrown back against the back seat. "That is why I wear a seatbelt in this car." Sam said one hand on the roof of the car the other braced on the dash. Dean put the car in park and turned to me. "Do not do that when I am driving." He said grabbing me and pulling me forward. He kissed me heatedly and I felt my body clench tight. I whimpered into his mouth as he slid his tongue against mine. He drew back and let me go. I gripped the seat tightly. "Yes sir." I whispered. Dean's eyes closed for a moment. "Christ, you two go get the food." He said his knuckles white as he gripped the wheel. Sam opened the door and let me out. "Back in a few." I said taking Sam's hand. We walked into the store and I tried to calm my racing heart.

Sam was very quiet as I started putting ingredients for chicken casserole into the cart. I bumped his leg with my hip. "What's the matter?" I asked. He looked at the shelf we were stopped at. "You seem to be paying a lot of attention to Dean." He said his face hard. I grabbed a can of peas and dropped it in the cart. "I guess I'm just a little worried you will change your mind." I said looking down. Sam looked at me. "You're afraid I'm going to leave?" He asked. I swallowed. "I'm afraid to get too close to you Sam. I want to but after last time…" My heart clenched at the memory. He took my face in my hands and kissed me. "I can't say I'm used to the idea of sharing you with Dean but I am trying because I love you." My chest felt tight. "I love you too." I whispered. Sam looked the happiest I had seen him in days. "I think I have everything I need here." I said looking into the cart. "What are you making exactly?" Sam asked picking up the can of cream of mushroom soup. "Casserole." I said heading for the checkout counter. Sam followed curiously. "How long does that take?" He asked. I grinned. "Why are you starving?" I asked nodding to the clerk. I started putting everything by the register. "No I wanted to know how much effort I am making you go through because I don't want to eat at a diner." He said matter of fact. "Sam dear it is no effort at all. This only takes an hour." I handed the clerk cash and Sam started picking up bags. I grabbed the last two and we headed for the door. Dean had calmed himself down when we got back and I was still grinning when we pulled into the motel.

The oven was bigger than I expected and I had plenty of room when I slid the pan of layered chicken rice and mushrooms in to cook. "I won't start on the peas until the casserole is almost ready." I said setting the timer. Sam wrapped his arms around me from behind. Dean had gotten in the shower when I started cooking. "So how will we spend this hour waiting for our food?" Sam asked. I smiled and turned in his arms to kiss him. "I'm sure you can come up with something." I said as he backed me into the counter. He kissed me roughly and I smiled as he ran his hands down my sides and gripped my hips. I slid my hands under his shirt and ran my nails down his back. He threw his head back. I smiled darkly up at him and my eyes heated to gold at his reaction. He gazed down at me and pressed me into the counter with his body. He was straining against his jeans and he felt hard against my front. "Surrender has never tastes so sweet." I said and let my fingers dip into the top of his pants. I pulled his shirt up and he ducked to allow me to pull it over his head. He pulled mine off and tossed it to the floor. He unbuttoned my pants roughly and yanked them down. I stepped out of them and he kissed me again his tongue slipping between my lips. I ran my tongue over his and he sighed into my mouth. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He carried me to the bed and sat me down. He unbuckled his belt and pulled his pants and boxers off in one swift motion. He climbed on top of me and kissed my neck. I let out a moan as his teeth grazed my flesh. I felt him lick up my jugular slowly and shivered. He was gasping against my neck and I felt him press against me through my panties. He swallowed. "I want to taste you." He whispered his eyes closed. I let my hands drift over his shoulders. "Then do it." I whispered. He reached over to the side table and grabbed his pocket knife. He flicked it open and gazed down at me. I met his eyes as he took my hand in his. I would give him anything, my life if he wanted it, a little blood was no big loss. He pressed the knife against my forearm just above my scar. I let out a hiss as he drew the blade down quickly. I watched as my blood welled out of the cut. He pressed his mouth over it and I felt his tongue catch the blood. My body tightened and I moaned for him. He pressed against me firmly. I whimpered and arched against him. He drew his mouth away and his lips were coated in my blood. He sat up and grabbed my panties roughly pulling them down my legs quickly. He dropped back over me and drove himself inside my body roughly. I cried out and fisted my hands in his hair. He groaned and kissed me. I could taste my blood on his lips and it added to the over load of scents in the air. He slammed into me roughly and I clung to him. He rolled us suddenly so I was on top. My red hair fell around us in a curtain. Sam gripped my hips sharply and started moving me against him. I cried out as he ground himself against me. His eyes rolled back as I moved up and down on his shaft. I kissed him and he moaned as I nibbled down his jawline. I felt the bed move and ignored it focusing on the feeling of Sam's thrusts. I felt something press gently against my back and looked back. Dean was kneeling on the bed behind me a bottle of lubricant in his hand. Sam looked around my hair at him. "I need you to relax." Dean said touching my ass with one hand. Sam looked up at me. "Do you want to try this?" He asked. I bit my lip as I felt heat creeping up my face. "I'll try anything once." I said nervously. Sam slid me all the way down on himself and placed his hands on my back. "Tell me to stop if it hurts." Dean said his voice low. He pressed a finger to my tight pucker. I bit my lip as he slid his finger in slowly. Sam fought not to move as I tensed above him. Dean started working me open with his fingers slowly. He worked up from one finger to two then three. When I was relaxed enough he removed his fingers and put a generous amount of lubricant on himself. I hissed as he pressed himself into me. Sam gripped my hips tightly and I felt him throb inside me. "Fuck Dean I think she likes it." Sam groaned. When Dean was fully seated in my ass he let out a breath. He pulled out slowly and I moaned despite myself. Sam bucked against me. Dean groaned and pushed back in a little faster. "Does it hurt?" He asked his voice strained. I shook my head. Sam kissed me roughly. Dean started out slowly and Sam matched his pace. I writhed between them as they stuffed me full. Sam started going faster and Dean grunted trying to hold back. "Faster." I begged. They both sped up. Dean hands gripped my hips just this side of bruising me. Sam's fingers locked into my hair and I gasped. He pulled my head to the side and bit me hard on the shoulder. I screamed and he slammed into me. Dean's rhythm faltered and I felt myself getting close. Sam bit into my shoulder harder. "I'm coming!" I cried out. Sam and Dean slammed into me together and I came digging my nails into Sam's shoulders. He moaned and I felt him cum inside me. Dean pulled out and I felt his cum hot on my back and ass. I collapsed on top of Sam and lay there panting. Dean let himself flop down next to us. Sam ran a hand through my hair and held me against his chest. "I think we will all need a shower before dinner." He said. I turned my head to look at the kitchen timer. We had twenty minutes still. "You guys go ahead." Dean said closing his eyes. "I can't move just yet." He admitted. "I am going to be so sore if I move." I said. Sam gave a breathy laugh. "You need the shower more than I do." Sam said kissing my cheek. "I'm quite aware of that." I said.

I shifted and felt Dean's cum drip down my side. Sam jerked and pushed me off him. "Fuck Dean you got it everywhere!" He yelled looking down at the small amount that had dripped onto his stomach. I laughed and sat up slowly. "Don't be such a baby Sam I'm just about covered in it." I said sliding towards the edge of the bed. I stood up carefully. I was a little sore but it wasn't as bad as I had feared. I padded towards the bathroom. "Who wants to save water with me?" I asked hesitating at the door. Sam rolled off the bed and followed. "You two have fun I'm going to stay here." Dean said his eyes closed. I smiled and walked over to the tub starting the water. Sam stood just behind me. "How hot do you want it?" I asked running my hand under the water. He reached around me and ran his hand under the spray. "That feels good." He said his face next to mine. I leaned my head against his and closed my eyes. "Let's get cleaned up so I can finish cooking and we can sleep." He stepped into the shower and I followed. We took turns washing each other. I put my hands against his chest and kissed him. He kissed me softly and for once it didn't get rough. I smiled and let the water run down our bodies. "I love you." Sam whispered leaning his forehead against the top of my head. "I love you too." I said softly. I felt a warmth all the way down to my toes. Sam reached around and turned the water off. We got out and dried off quickly. I heard the oven timer beep and hurried to get on my pajama shorts and a shirt. Dean turned the oven off and I used a dish towel to pull the casserole out. Sam put his hands on my shoulders and took a deep breath. "That smells wonderful." He said kissing my cheek. I smiled and heated up the can of peas while it cooled. "Ok guys make some plates." I said unwrapping the paper plates I had gotten with the food. Dean scooped out a large helping of rice and a chicken breast. He put a small amount of peas on his plate and sat down at the little table. Sam fixed a plate with a lot of both casserole and peas and I fixed a plate for myself. They both loved the casserole and we didn't even have leftovers. By the time we crawled into bed we were full and tired. We fell asleep rather quickly and I didn't have nightmares for the first time that I could remember.

I was the first one up in the morning and I crawled out from between the boys as carefully as I could. When I came back from the bathroom I had to fight not to laugh out loud. They were holding each other and still dead asleep. I couldn't resist and I managed to snap a few pictures with my phone before Sam woke up and shot out of the bed like he had a fire under his ass. Dean woke up and yelled. I was positively shaking with mirth. "You should see your faces!" I managed between spurts of giggles. They were looking at each other across the bed. Both of them were just in boxers. I had on Dean's shirt and my underwear. Sam ran a hand through his hair and Dean shook his head. I tried to stop laughing and sighed. "Good Morning." I said finally calm. Dean glared at me for a moment. "Don't worry I have no doubts about your masculinity." I said coming over and kissing him. His arms wrapped around me. "That I'm not worried about." He said kissing me with a little more heat this time. I felt the gold in my iris expands. Dean glanced away from my eyes. I felt a stab of sadness and they cooled back to green. I turned away and picked up my bag. "We start classes tomorrow." I said pushing down that awful feeling I get when people look at me like a monster. Dean was watching me silently. Sam stretched and sighed. "Did we all sign up for P.E. together?" Sam asked snatching up his crumpled schedule. I glanced over at mine. "Two o'clock with Coach Spencer?" I asked. Sam nodded and yawned. Dean tried to smooth his out and looked over it. "Same here." He said tossing it back into his bag. I rolled my eyes. "Great now I have to try and compete with other hunters _and_ werewolves." I said clipping my bra into place. "Why compete you can't beat us." Dean said pulling a shirt on. I smiled and clipped my shoulder holster over the black shirt I was wearing. "Trust me Dean you don't want to bet against me." I said. Sam watched me dress buckling his belt into place. Dean turned away and started digging in his bag. "Watch it!" Sam shouted. I caught the knife Dean had thrown at me by the blade between my fingers. I tossed it to Sam by the handle. He caught it and they were both staring at me. "You weren't even looking at him." Sam said with disbelief. "I didn't have to, the way he was holding his shoulders I knew he had a knife in his right hand, having just insulted him I knew he would throw it at me but not to kill or even wound." Their mouths were hanging open. "Body language boys." I chided shrugging on my jacket.

"It's cheating if you use werewolf wiles to dodge attacks." Dean said snatching his knife back from Sam. "I could do that long before I went wolfie." I said angrily. Dean didn't answer. "What's the matter Dean do the monsters always lie?" I snarled jerking on my boots. He looked at me angrily. Sam stepped between us. "Selen you aren't a monster." He said attempting to defuse the situation. "I can't help what he thinks about my problem!" I said using air quotes around 'problem'. Dean glared at me. "You're the one admitting your part monster!" He growled. Sam looked at him then at me. "Don't do this." He said coming towards me. I spun on my heel and stormed out the door. Sam followed me as I unlocked the Charger and got in slamming the door. "What the hell was that about?" He asked getting in. "I don't need this right now Sam." I growled. "What is going on between you and Dean?" He asked. "He only sees the real me when he wants sex." I said feeling my eyes glow gold. I shut them tight. "Otherwise he just sees the wolf." I would not cry. I would not give in to that weakness that made me want to quit hunting. "He can't accept himself being a vessel, how is he supposed to accept the fact I'm a monster?" I screamed my voice breaking. Sam pulled me into a hug. "You're not a monster Selen." He said. I pulled away. "You said it yourself I taste like one, it's in my blood. You have demon blood that's different, you won't turn into some sort of blood thirsty monster." I set my jaw. "Get out Sam." I said firmly. He just stared at me for a moment. "I'm going to go cool off and I don't want you with me." I said staring straight ahead. He sighed and got out. "I'll see you later?" He asked leaning over to look at me. I nodded and started the car. He closed the door and I tore out of the parking lot.

I drove around a little town for an hour or two before I pulled into a bar. Most women my size don't frequent dive bars, considering I'm only five eight and weigh in at a whopping one forty, but I knew I could take care of myself. Maybe I could make some quick cash hustling a game of pool. I walked inside the poorly lit bar my shoulders slightly curved. I ordered a Jack on the rocks and went to watch a couple of big bikers play pool. The biggest one looked up when I grabbed a pool stick. I looked at it like I had no clue what it was. "We only play for cash sweet cheeks, I don't want to take money from a pretty girl." I smiled and sipped my drink. "I'll give it a shot." I said as he racked up. He only bet twenty and I handed a bill to the other man. I leaned over the table and stuck my tongue out the side of my mouth. I broke it badly on purpose. I frowned as the big man stepped up. "Watch me baby." He said hitting the Q-ball like a pro and sinking two solids. "Now you have to get the stripped ones in the pockets." I nodded like an obedient student. I threw the game and he stuffed my money in his pockets. "Let me try again." I pouted. "Fifty this time." I said holding out a bill. The big guy grinned. He was not quite as tall as Sam but he looked like he worked out for show rather than strength. "Alright baby." He said and his buddy racked up. I downed the last of my Jack and licked my lips. This time I really played. Both guys were standing there open mouthed. They handed me the cash and I smiled tucking my hair behind my ear. "I guess you're just a good teacher." I said innocently. I tucked the money into my bra. I ordered another Jack played a few more games before sitting at the bar. I had made well over two hundred bucks and I was feeling much better. "You must be new around here." The bartender said whipping off the bar. "Yeah I just got into town the other day. I'm here for a job." I said sipping my drink. "All by yourself?" He asked with a smile. I grinned. "I can take care of myself." I answered downing the last of my glass. He filled it again. "You're the first woman I've met around here who likes it straight." He said putting the bottle back. Someone waved to him and he walked away. A dark haired man sat down next to me. He was tan and had well-muscled arms, his hair was cropped short and his leather jacket smelled new. "Can I buy you a drink?" He asked. I smiled at him. "I'll never pass up a free drink." I said looking at his face. He was a little too clean cut for my tastes and his eyes were a deep shade of blue. "You new in town?" He asked. I nodded. The bartender came back over. "What can I get you?" He asked. "I'll have what she's having." He said looking at me. He poured him a glass. He took a gulp and winced. I grinned. "I don't pussy foot around." I said as he recovered himself. He smiled embarrassed. "I wasn't expecting something that strong." He lied. He smelled young. "How long you lived here?" I asked. He shrugged. "My whole life." He said as I watched him over my glass. "Your what twenty three?" I asked. He looked up at me. "How did you know that?" He asked. I shrugged. "It's a gift." I said. He smiled. "What are you doing in town?" He asked. I smiled and leaned close to him. "I'm here on business." I said. He looked down at me his eyes getting a little heat to them. Like he stood a chance. "What sort of business?" He asked as I leaned back and finished off my drink. He filled me up. I was nice and warm now my anger at Dean had evaporated around the second drink. He was just worried I would go dark side on him. Who could blame him? "I'm a musician." I lied smoothly. "I'm traveling with my band." I said smiling at the thought of Sam on drums and Dean on bass. "What's the name?" He asked. "The Winchesters and the Hell Hound." I said my smile widening. "Sounds intense." Now I knew he was young. "Yeah we mostly do covers." I said taking another draft on my Jack. "You have a specific preference?" He asked. I shrugged. "I know every AC/DC song by heart and quite a few more." I said. He feigned interest. "Sounds cool, where you playing?" He asked. I paused. "We haven't got a gig just yet." I said finishing my drink. "They do mechanical work on the side." I said putting my glass down. The bartender gestured to my glass. I shook my head. "What do you do for money?" He asked touching my hand. I smiled softly. "A little of this a little of that." I said waving my hand. "What do you do?" I asked. He shrugged. "I'm a student right now, working part time at a law office." I nodded. "I was thinking about starting some classes over at the community college." I said. He perked up. "That's where I'm going." He said. "You notice anything weird lately?" I asked as he struggled to finish the drink he had ordered. "You mean besides the gang of kids who wear the weird contacts and growl at people?" I looked up at him. "They what?" I asked pretending to be surprised. "Yeah they call themselves werewolves, I thought people stopped doing that after like middle school. Any way they are just a bunch of dicks. They act like they rule the school." He rolled his eyes. "They were trying to recruit a bunch of people saying that they needed to add more to their numbers or they won't be able to help with the apocalypse. Stupid huh?" He said. My mind was working a million miles an hour. "Crazy." I said. He nodded. "So you want to get out of here?" He asked. I smiled. "I'll have to say no, I came here to cool off after I got in a bit of fight with my band." I said. He grabbed my arm and I stood. "Come on, I can show you a better time." I looked at his hand. "I wouldn't do that." I said my voice cold. He tried to pull me forward. I planted my feet and moved my left arm flashing my gun. "Let me go kid." I said. He looked at it and smiled. "Everyone is packing something these days I doubt its loaded." He said his grip on my arm tightening. I smiled coldly. "I'm going to enjoy this." I said. He looked confused for a moment. I jerked my arm out of his grip and punched him once in the face and felt a satisfying crunch as his nose broke. I stepped back as he took a blind swing at me. I punched him in the gut and he doubled over. I swept his feet out from under him and looked down at him. "I warned you." I said paying for my drinks and starting for the door.

I knew he followed me to the parking lot and I wasn't surprised when he grabbed my shoulder roughly. I grabbed his wrist rolling to my knees and forcing him over my back and onto the ground. "How many times do I have to put you down before you take a hint?" I asked as he struggled to his feet. "You will come with me, I will have you!" I rolled my eyes. "Look kid-" I smelled werewolf. I had missed it over the smells of the bar but he was one of them. "I know you are one of us, join our pack we can rid the earth of these disgusting mortals together." He said come towards me. "I think I'm good." I said pulling my knife. The sky was getting darker. We circled each other a few times. "Then I'll kill you." He said leaping forwards. I dodged him and thrust my knife up into his chest. His momentum sliced open his stomach and hot blood rained down on me. He landed on his back holding his guts in with his hands. He was snarling like a wolf. I stood over him and plunged my buck knife into his heart. He twitched and stopped moving. No one had bothered coming out of the bar. I drug him into the ally. "Fucking kids." I said pulling out my flask of light fluid and dousing him. He burned easily and I heaped some trash on him and left him there. I couldn't believe I had spent half the day hustling pool. I climbed into the Charger and started back to the motel. I'd apologize to Dean about flipping out, after all I was more of a monster then any werewolf ever could be. Now that I had knocked off one of the wolves from the pack we had a smaller problem. Dean would be glad we could leave sooner. I pulled in as the moon was rising over the horizon. Two more days until it was full, we had to handle this quickly before anyone else got killed.

I walked into the room and dropped my keys on the table by the door. "Where the hell have you been?" Dean shouted. I looked up. "Drinking." I said. Sam came over to me and started looking me over. "Why are you covered in blood?" He asked touching my shoulders and feeling down my back. "I'm fine, I ran into one of the werewolves at the bar I went to. He wasn't the leader but they are trying to recruit people." I said trying to brush Sam off. He was still trying to see if I had been hurt at all. "Sam I swear it didn't even give me a scratch." I said finally grabbing his wrists as he stared to press on my ribs. "Don't wonder off like that." Dean snapped. I sighed. "Dean I'm sorry I got mad earlier. I didn't mean to make you worry about me." I was trying hard not to get mad about him thinking I couldn't take care of myself. He was clenching and unclenching his jaw. Sam gave up trying to check me for injuries and I walked towards him. "I'm sorry." I said looking in his eyes. He let out an angry sigh and closed his eyes turning his head. "Just don't wonder off like that again." He said. I leaned up and kissed his jaw. "I'll make sure I give you my leash next time." I said. He cracked a smile. "I am going to shower off this blood." I said taking off my holster and peeling off my shirt. "I think my tattoo is done healing." I added pulling the gauze down a little. It was still a tiny bit shiny but I was a fast healer. "Let's see." Sam said. I pulled the pad off completely and twisted my hips looking at it from different angles. "The black lace makes it worth the extra sixty bucks." Dean said looking down my body. I smiled. "By the way I said we were a band." I said taking my belt off. "What kind of band?" Sam asked with a grin. "Well I actually got a little chat out of the werewolf before he tried to kill me. I told him we played covers." I said grabbing my shower kit from my bag. "What name did you use?" Dean asked picking up my Browning from the chair I had left it in. "The Winchesters and the Hell Hound." I said with a grin. Sam shook his head with a smile. I went to get a shower as Dean laughed.

The water felt good on my tense muscles and I sighed. I dipped my head under the spray to rinse the blood out of my hair. There was more of it then I had expected. I usually didn't get so much gore on me but I had eviscerated the bastard. I felt a draft and opened one eye to see Dean stepping into the shower. I smiled. "Thought you might like someone to help get those hard to reach places." He said running his hands down my arms. "Defiantly." I said putting my hands on his waist. He hardened at my touch. "Did you miss me that much?" I asked pressing my wet body against him. He closed his eyes and his hands ran down my back. "I was worried you might not come back." He said looking down at me. I smiled up at him. "I couldn't leave you two if I tried." I said my fingertips drifting down his lower back. He gave a grunt as an answer and kissed me softly. "You don't have to be gentle with me." I whispered. "I won't break." I promised. He gazed down at me and his hands gripped my hips a little tighter. "I like making you cum first." He said pinning me to the wall of the shower. The water pelted his back and ran down his skin. I bit my lip at the sight. "I want to see your eyes roll up when I hit that spot inside you." I blushed as my body tightened at his words. He licked the water off my neck and I shivered. "I want to hear you cry my name as I take you." I gripped his shoulders as he bit my ear. "God, Dean I want you." I gasped. My body was on fire for him. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He kissed me roughly then looked into my eyes. I looked down as he positioned himself against me. I knew my eyes were totally gold by now but he jerked my face back to his. "Look at me." He growled. I looked into his eyes. He pushed into me slowly. I gasped as his eyes took on that darkness only he gets. His jaw tightened as he hit the end of me. I leaned my head against the wall and gripped his arms. He pulled out slowly then slammed back inside me. I moaned. His head bowed and he held me tight. He was rough with me this time and I loved it. I adored that tender part of Dean but I knew there was more to him. This darkness he held inside of him, that part of him that knew he wanted to almost hurt me with his love making. I dug my nails into his back as he slammed into me over and over. The tiles bit into my back and he jerked my head back by my hair. I cried out for him as he bit into my neck. "God, you're close I can feel it." Dean whispered. I felt myself tighten around him and he groaned softly. "Cum with me Dean." I begged. "I want to feel you go inside me." His eyes closed and he slammed into me harder. I gasped. He threw his head back as I cried out his name and came around him. He gave a strangled cry and I felt his hot cum fill me. I moaned and he leaned his forehead against mine. We were both panting as he pulled out of me and set me shakily to my feet. He kissed me and I laid my head against his chest. "You aren't a monster Selen." He whispered. I looked up at him. His eyes were soft as he gazed at me and I saw love reflected there. "I love you." I said softly. His face changed and he looked away. I felt a small pain in my heart. He wasn't going to say it but he felt it and that's what mattered. "I know." He said softly. We washed up and I wrapped a towel around my hair to dry it.

Sam was lying in the bed on his laptop when we came out of the bathroom. I climbed into the bed naked and cuddled into his side. Dean slid on a pair of boxers and flopped down next to me. "What you up to, Sammy?" I asked. His eyebrows creased and he looked down at me. "Don't call me Sammy." He said. I frowned. "Dean calls you Sammy." I said. "Yeah and I hate it." He said shutting his laptop and getting off the bed. I tried not to feel hurt. "He's in a mood puppy." Dean said wrapping his arms around me. I ran my fingers over his forearm watching Sam. Dean kissed my neck softly. "Come to bed Sam." I said as he pulled his shirt over his head. He sat down on the floor and started doing sit ups. "He isn't going to stop until he is exhausted." Dean said laying back. I lay on my side and watched Sam. He looked angry as he worked. "Did I do something wrong?" I asked. "He just does that once a week or so. You should have seen him before he was tall and scrawny." Sam glared up at Dean but didn't stop. "I can't say I blame him, I mean when I work out it's a little scary, I can lift over half my body weight." Dean rolled over and put his arm around me. "You don't look like it." He said running his hand down my stomach. I smiled ruefully. "If I did it would be kind of gross. It creeps a lot of guys out when chicks have abs." I said. Sam flipped over and started doing pushups. I watched his shoulders work as he went up and down. "I think it's hot you can take care of yourself." Dean said. He ran his hand over my upper arm and I tensed the muscle letting it rise up a little. "Damn." He said feeling it. "I can bench a hundred." I said with a grin. "Now I can't wait to see you in gym." He said. I sat up and unwrapped the towel in my hair letting it fall around my shoulders. I tossed it into the bathroom. "You may be able to lift more than me but I'm smaller and faster. Most people don't realize how lethal I am until it's too late." I said. Sam stood and started doing lunges. "Sam come on we have class at eight." I said sliding off the bed. I took his arm and he looked down at me. "Sam." I said looking into his eyes. He let out a sigh and his head fell forward. "I'm sorry I'm just a little worked up. I thought for sure you were hurt when you didn't come back after the first hour. Dean told me to just stay here and wait. I've been worried all day." He looked back up his eyes hurt. "Oh, Sam." I felt my heart ache at the thought I had scared him so badly. I kissed him softly and held onto him. "I won't leave you." I promised looking into his eyes. His shoulders relaxed a little. "Come to bed, we have a big day tomorrow." I said. He smiled. "We should get our textbooks after class." He said as I pulled him to the bed. I squealed and giggled as he grabbed me and rolled us onto the bed. He kissed my neck and gave a playful growl. I giggled as he laughed into my hair. "Alright you two I thought it was time for bed." Dean had rolled over to look at us. We both smiled at him. "We are just excited." I said. Dean grunted and rolled over. "I'm going to sleep." He said un-amused. "Night." Sam said and kissed me. I smiled and nuzzled him. "Set an alarm." I said as he rolled off me. He reached over a flicked on the alarm clock. I cuddled into Deans back and he gave a contented sigh. Sam rolled over and wrapped his arm around me. I draped an arm across Dean and closed my eyes. I felt warm and safe between them. I fell asleep to the sound of Sam's breath in my ear.

The alarm blared loudly and Dean and I groaned simultaneously. I rolled over and felt around bumping into Sam. I growled and crawled over him to hit the alarm clock. I lay there across him and blinked at the window. Sam sat up slowly. "God is it time to get up already?" He asked. Dean growled and yanked the blanket over his head. "You guys go I'll stay here and make sure they don't try to get into our room." I grinned and sat up. Dean held the blanket tighter as I moved. I looked at Sam with an evil look. "If he kills you for your methods of waking him up I'm not going to save you." He said and got out of the bed. I grinned and burrowed under the sheets. "Dean." I said in a sing song voice. He groaned. I wrapped my arms around him and put my mouth next to his ear. "Get up Dean." I said. He curled up tighter. "I will be forced to use my womanly powers to get you out of bed." I warned. He didn't move. I sighed and ran a hand down his stomach. He gave an irritated growl. I rolled over him and crawled lower. He looked down at me with one eye. "Last chance." I said. He closed his eye and didn't budge. I leaned down pulling his boxers down and drew my tongue up his balls slowly. He let out a soft sound and hardened. "Get up." I said. He shook his head and rolled onto his back. I smiled, he wanted me to suck him off and I had a feeling he wouldn't budge until I did. "What the hell are you doing to him?" Sam asked as I licked up Dean's shaft and he gripped the sheets. "I'm getting him off. I mean up." I said teasingly. I heard Sam huff a sigh. "I'll be in the shower." He said and I heard the door click shut. I wrapped my hand around his base and took him into my mouth. His head fell back and he let out a hiss. I worked him over slowly at first then got more insistent. I let my teeth graze him gently. "Fuck!" He cried out and fisted his hand in my hair. I moaned around him. He bucked into my mouth. I squeezed him harder and he let out a gasp and came into my mouth. I swallowed it down and licked his head one last time. He groaned and finally sat up. I popped my head out of the sheets and smiled up at him. "I think I like your wakeup call better than Sam's." He said running a hand over his short hair. I grinned and got up. "Get dressed it's time for school." I said digging in my bag for a nice shirt. Dean groaned and stood up. "I fucking hate school." He grumbled. Sam came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. He was using my hairbrush to brush his hair. "Hey!" I said indignantly. He raised his eyebrows. "Just because I left it in the bathroom does not mean you can use it!" Sam looked at the brush and then smiled. "Then take it back." He said holding it out. "Sam we are going to be late!" I whined. He dangled it over his head. I growled and started forward. He held the brush over my head. Dean was watching us from the other side of the room. "Be careful Sammy she has teeth." He teased. I crouched and leapt up in the air grabbing his arm and planting my bare feet on his chest and holding on. He was staring up at me surprised as I plucked the brush out of his hand and jumped down landing lightly on the balls of my feet. Dean was laughing at his expression. I smiled up at him and started brushing out my hair. "That, I could also do before the werewolf blood." I said turning away. Dean was still chuckling as I pulled a black V-neck T-shirt on and pulled on a pair of faded jeans. Sam shrugged into a white button up shirt and left it open while he dug through his bag for a clean pair of boxers. I couldn't help thinking how delectable he looked like that as he slid on a pair of red boxers. "I am going to have to beat girls off of you with a stick." I said running a hand over his chest. He smiled down at me. "I think they will stand down when they see you jump in gym class." He said leaning down to kiss me. I rose up on my tip toes then he paused just before his lips met mine. "Could you brush your teeth first?" He asked his eyebrows drawing together. I burst out laughing. "You two share DNA and patch up each other's wounds but as soon as something other than blood gets involved you both flinch." I patted his chest and walked to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and came back out and leaned up to kiss him. He leaned down with a smile. "Thank you." He said as he started buttoning his shirt. I grinned. "Can we trust you to behave yourself in the classes you don't share with either of us?" Dean asked. "Don't worry about me, worry about the other boys in class." I said taking out the only makeup I wore, a stick of black eyeliner. It set off the green in my eyes wonderfully if applied correctly. I leaned over the table by the door and applied a little to my waterline. I blinked a few times and checked that I got it where I wanted it. Dean walked by and smacked my ass. I shot up and looked at him. "Wow." He said looking at my face. "You did that with just eyeliner?" He asked coming closer. I smiled and started putting up my hair. "I only do it when I need to look good." I said pulling my ponytail to tighten it. Sam came around the front of me and looked at me carefully. "It almost plays up the fact your eyes are brighter than other girls." He said tucking in his shirt. I made a face. "What?" I came forward and jerked his shirt out of his pants. "Don't tuck, you will look like a country club prick." I said straightening his collar. He raised his eyebrows. "It's the shirt and hair." I said turning to Dean. He was wearing a black shirt and an open button down over it. "Dean we can't match our first day!" I cried holding up my own over shirt. He just stared at me. "I can dress myself!" He said irritated. I rolled my eyes and dug in my bag before giving up and sighing. "Never mind all my other good cloths are either in shreds or dirty." I said shrugging on my over shirt. Sam looked between us and grinned. "You share taste in music cars and cloths." He said plucking at the shoulder of Dean's shirt. Dean brushed him off and grabbed his keys. "Do we take separate cars?" He asked. I shrugged. "If we can all meet up if there is an emergency I don't see the point." I said. "Let's take my car." I said snatching up my keys. Dean's face said there was going to be an argument. I held up my hand. "Do you really want to park the Impala in a parking deck?" I said firmly. He slipped his keys in his pocket with a grumble. Sam was trying not to laugh. We piled into the Charger and set off for our first day of college.

I had first period Anthropology with Sam and I couldn't wait. I tugged his hand as the elevator stopped on our floor. I kissed Dean hurriedly. "See you in English!" I said grinning as I yanked Sam down the hallway. Dean looked slightly pissed off as the elevator doors slid shut. Sam was grinning almost as widely as I was as we took our seats. We managed to find two chairs next to each other. As the other students filed in I sniffed the air. No werewolves yet. Sam leaned over. "Anything?" I shook my head. A pretty girl sat down on the other side of him. She had long dark hair and dark muddy brown eyes. "You must be new." She crooned looking at Sam like she wanted to do very dirty things to him. I glowered. He smiled at her. I fought not to growl at her. "I just started here." He said writing his name date and subject of the class at the top of his opened notebook. "Sam Winchester." She read aloud. I leaned around his shoulder and smiled at her. "I'm Selen." I said. She smiled at me. It was just as bright and empty as a light bulb. "Are you his sister?" She asked and I heard that 'I am so much better then you' hint in her tone. "Oh no Sam and I live together." I said smiling and patting his arm. "Like roommates." She said trying again. I clenched my jaw and forced the smile to stay in place. "She's my girlfriend." Sam explained finally pitching in. The girl looked slightly crestfallen. "It's pretty serious." I said gazing up at him trying to put that 'I would follow you into anything' look on my face I've seen some girls get. "How cute." She said. I smelled the light anger rolling off her. The teacher came striding in with a big smile. "Hello everyone! Welcome to General Anthropology!" She said Anthropology with a British accent. I smiled my heart lighter. I liked this already. We jumped right into the lecture and the girl who sat next to Sam didn't even bother taking notes. The teacher was very enthusiastic about her class and promised to bring in sculls for us to look at later in the week. Sam seemed very calm and studious as we took notes. "Can anyone tell me the name given to the best Australopithecus Apheresis skeleton?" She asked. My hand shot up. "Lucy." I said. Sam looked at me and smiled. "Very good extra Rachel points for you!" She said. "I give Rachel points, they don't give you anything but I like to do it anyway." A small ripple of laughter went through the class. When we were dismissed the girl followed Sam and I outside. "So where are you staying?" She asked. I was starting to get annoyed. "We aren't staying too long, we are in town on business." I said taking Sam's hand. I jammed the elevator button harder then I probably should have. "Aw that's too bad! Wilmington is such a lovely place to live!" She said pouting out her lip at Sam. He just smiled. The elevator opened and Dean was standing there. "Oh thank god." He growled and yanked me into the elevator. Sam followed and so did the girl. I sighed and shot her an angry look. She ignored me and looked over at Dean. "Who is this Sam?" She asked. I ground my teeth. "Dean Winchester." Dean said quickly and rounded on me. "Why didn't you tell me Chemistry is math?" He asked angrily. "Dude, I thought you knew!" I said holding my hands up. "You live with Selen and Sam?" The girl asked. He turned to her then glanced at me and Sam. "Yeah." He said his voice still a little annoyed. "Wow so your Sam's brother! Does it get weird living with your brother and his girlfriend?" She asked. "Well actually…"He gave her that 'what should I call you' face. "Tiffany." She chirped. I rolled my eyes. "Well you see Tiffany Selen here is the center of our relationship." Dean said putting his arm around me. She looked at me then at both of them. She looked slightly disgusted. "You see Tiffany," I said stepping forward. "Dean and Sam here are mine and while they can share me with each other, I'm a little more selfish." She looked at me her nose wrinkled. The doors to the elevator opened on our floor. Dean and Sam stepped out and I followed. "Whore." She snapped. "Sticks and stones, my dear." I said as the elevator slid closed. I turned back to the brothers. Sam had his eyebrows raised and Dean just looked slightly smug. "What can I say, I have a way with women." I said shrugging. Dean chuckled. Sam shook his head and sighed. "I'll see you in Biology." He said leaning down and kissing me. I smiled up at him. "Have fun in Trig." I said as Dean slung an arm around my shoulders. He grinned and walked off down the hall. Dean and I headed to English together.

Our English teacher was a younger man with a very dry voice and glasses. Dean sat in the back immediately. I plunked down next to him and tossed down my notebook and pen. I was making a list of textbooks on the first page. "Tell me aren't staying long enough to need those." Dean said looking down at my notebook ruefully. I shrugged. "Depends on if we can find these kids, so far I've got nothing." I said as a blond kid with spiked hair walked in. He took a deep breath as if smelling the air then looked straight at me. The smell of wolf hit me like a hot wind. I set my jaw as my eyes heated to gold. "Looks like you're in luck." I said looking at the kid. Dean followed my gaze. "Looks like a class A dick." He muttered as the kid started towards us. He adjusted his leather vest and flopped down in the chair next to me. "Hey there wolfie." He said his voice light. I glanced at Dean and he shrugged. "Hey yourself." I said leaning my head on my hand. He smiled. "How many moons have you sang?" He asked. Werewolf slang, no one remembered much after they transformed so they tracked their progress by how many moons they had survived. Singing was slang for howling which none really did very much. "Thirteen." I lied smiling smugly. He put his hand on my leg and leaned forward. Dean stood up. "Hey buddy that's my puppy." He growled. The guy just looked up at him. His eyes went gold and he glared at Dean. "That won't scare him." I said touching his hand. "It's fine Dean he is only saying hello." I said still looking at the kid. "Name's Spike." He said drawing his hand down my knee. Dean snorted and sat back down. Spike shot him a look. "Selen." I said drawing circles on the back of his hand. I knew Dean was getting more pissed off by the second. "What's with the mortal?" He asked. "I like to keep a pet with me." I said with a smile. Spike laughed and I felt Dean tense. "You looking for a pack?" He asked glancing at my lips. "I heard about a pretty tough one in town." I said thinking back to the werewolf in the bar. "We are looking for new members." He said his eyes darkening with desire as I drew my tongue across my lip. "How many are there?" I asked leaning forward forcing excitement into my voice. "Three of us now, someone caught our beta male. We found him in an alley behind some dive bar." He said looking down at my cleavage as I leaned closer. "Sounds dangerous." I purred. Dean grabbed my shoulder and forced me back against my chair. Spike glared at him. "He's pretty possessive for a chew toy." Spike growled. "I just got him." I said putting my hand in Dean's lap. He jerked forward as I squeezed him. "I'm still breaking him in." I growled licking up the side of his neck. Dean took a sharp breath through his nose. I knew I was asking a lot for him to be submissive but he had to if he wanted to get this job over quickly. I turned back to Spike and gave a smile that was more a bearing of teeth. He gave one of his own. "Let's get started." The teacher said suddenly. We all looked up at him. He looked down into his book and started role. Spike sat back and folded his arms. "We meet up at twelve at the bar down the street. Bring your pet." He said shooting Dean a smug look. "I'll see you there." I purred. I was glad we had scheduled lunch for noon; I was going to need Sam and Dean's help.

As soon as class was dismissed Dean shot up and grabbed my hand. I smiled to Spike as he glanced at Dean. "Time for a little training." I said clicking my teeth. He smiled darkly and I walked out with Dean. As soon as the elevator doors closed he rounded on me. "What the hell was that?" He snarled. I let my shoulders sag. "I'm sorry but if I get them to think I'm one of them we can get this done quickly." I whispered hurriedly. There were a few people in the elevator with us. All human and a couple of them were chain smokers. "Don't pull that shit again." He growled dragging me out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened. I checked my phone for the time. "I need you to act a little submissive for me when we meet them at that bar." He glared down at me. "Please Dean, I swear I will make it up to you." I pleaded. He set his jaw and sighed angrily. "Just for a little while until we can make sure they are the only ones." I said leaning against his chest. He glared at me. "You owe me puppy." He growled. I smiled and kissed him roughly. "I knew you wouldn't let me down." I said nipping his lip lightly. He gripped my shoulders tightly. "How are we going to explain Sam?" He asked as I started down the hall again. "I'll look pretty bad ass if I bring two big pets with me to meet them." I said looking at the numbers on the doors. "What's your next class?" I asked as I calculated the biology room to be the last one on this hall. "Some sort of computer thing." He said looking at his crumpled schedule. "Ok meet me and Sam by the corner after you get out." I said kissing him softly. I looked into his eyes. "If we pull this off we can leave in less than two days." I said. He sighed, I had him there. He turned and walked back towards the elevators. I hurried to biology.

Sam was sitting smack in the middle of the classroom. I plopped down next to him. "We have a pack meeting at noon." I whispered in his ear. A girl with short dark hair walked in and the room filled with wolf scent. She sniffed the air daintily and looked at me. She smiled darkly and came to sit next to us. "You must be Selen." She said looking me over. "Word travels fast." I said sinking back into the job. "I'm Luna." She said offering her hand palm up. I leaned in and sniffed her wrist then offered my own. She did the same. These guys were deep into the internet lore. That ritual was never used for real werewolves. "Who's this one?" She asked looking at Sam. He was watching us carefully. "My other pet." I said pressing myself back against him. He wrapped his arms around me and sat his chin on top of my head. "Spike said you smelled tough." She complemented looking at Sam hungrily. "Sam here is much better trained then his brother." I said with a smile. Luna nodded in approval. "Well you've met Spike and me so now you have to meet our Alfa." She said. I felt Sam's arms tighten a little against me. "Who is that?" I asked with a growl. "Me." I looked up at the guy who had spoken. If anyone told him werewolves were not emo it didn't show. He was dressed in all black and had his fingernails painted the same color. His eyes were the lightest blue I had ever seen and his face was almost as angular as Sam's. He was only maybe a few inches taller than me. I offered my wrist and he took it sniffing deeply. "It's an honor." I purred. "Call me Petronius." He said. The werewolf analogies were getting old. I know my name is the name for the moon goddess but Petronius? "Spike invited me to the bar later." I said with a dark smile. He sat down on the other side of Luna. "Will your pets be attending?" He asked eyeing Sam. "I don't like to go anywhere without my boys." I said running a hand through Sam's hair. He rubbed his cheek against mine. I smiled and rewarded him with a very intimate kiss. Luna licked her lips and Petronius watched me with approval in his eyes. "I think you will make a very good replacement beta." He said. I gave a smile as the teacher began class. This was going much smoother than I expected.

I was walking with Luna and Petronius with Sam following behind like a good little pet when I spotted Dean. He was leaning against a short brick wall waiting for me. I glanced at Petronius and crooked my finger at Dean. He pushed off the wall and walked over. "Luna, Petronius, this is Dean." I said looking up at him. He kept his face blank as Luna walked around him looking him over. "Very nice." She purred checking out his ass. "Paws off." I growled asserting dominance by stepping in front of her to block her view of Dean. Most people expected werewolves to act like actual wolves, so I was playing it up sue me. Petronius eyed me with approval. Luna trotted back over to her Alfa bumping her nose against his chin. He put a hand on her shoulder. "Shall we get a drink?" He asked gesturing to the bar a few yards away. "Sounds lovely." I said taking Dean's hand. Sam walked on my other side as we headed for the bar. Spike was already sitting at a booth when we came in. Sam slid in first and I ended up in the middle of the brothers. A waiter came over and looked at Petronius like he wanted to throw him out. "Can I get you anything?" He asked looking at me. "I'll have a rum and coke and these two will have whiskey." I said. I saw Dean's jaw clench. I needed to cool it or he was going to try and kill these three right here. "I'll have a bloody Mary." Luna crooned. Spike and Petronius got the same. Great we were hunting wussy werewolves. Dean's mouth twitched as the others sipped their drinks. He downed his whiskey in one gulp and put the glass down with a thud. I glanced at him then at Petronius. "Seems like your pet could learn some manors." He growled. "Seems like you could grow a pair." Dean snarled. He was going to blow this. Sam looked at me slightly nervous. "Dean, don't make her mad she will punish us again." Sam said leaning towards his brother. I glared at Dean. "You don't want me to tie you down again do you?" I threatened. Dean glared at me and sat back slowly. Sam leaned down and bumped my chin with his nose. Damn he caught on fast. I kissed his cheek softly. "It's alright Sam I won't punish you for your brothers disrespect." I spat looking back at Dean darkly. Luna looked like she was enjoying the show. Spike was looking at Dean with distaste and Petronius was watching me carefully. "You have that one well trained." He said looking at Sam. "The other one you may have to work on a little harder." He said. I patted Dean's arm. "It won't take me long to break him in." I said looking at Dean with dark eyes. He stared straight ahead his jaw taunt. I was going to seriously owe him if this kept up. "Yes." I was about fed up with Petronius's high and mighty routine. "The full moon is tomorrow night and we all know what that means." He said. Luna nodded eagerly and Spike smiled. "We have to pick our next victim." He continued. Dean snorted. They glared at him. "Selen control your pet." Petronius barked. I looked at Dean. He looked down at me a dare in his eyes. "Dean please!" Sam begged. He was such a good actor I almost believe I would punish him later. I pulled him down to my face and let my eyes turn gold. "You will pay dearly for your insolence." I snarled. I jerked his shirt aside and locked my teeth onto his shoulder. He shouted and pounded a fist on the table. I only bit him hard enough to draw a little blood. I held on as he shook with rage. I let a wolf growl bubble up my throat as I felt some small part of my mind snap into place. I felt him go still and I swear I could feel his sudden fear. I let him go with the sharp taste of his blood in my mouth. He touched his shoulder and flinched. Sam had his hands clenched in his lap. He was fighting to keep his face blank. I was going to pay for this later. "Maybe I should take them outside, they seem to be getting a little disobedient." I said. "It's almost time to get back to class." Luna added looking at her tiny black studded watch. This group was every cliché rolled into one. "Fine we will pick our prey tonight." Petronius said standing. "We will meet back here when night falls." He said. "Why don't we meet up at my place?" I asked innocently. "What did you have in mind?" Petronius asked. "There is a lot out by seventeen that is perfect for a night out." I said. Dean was listening closely. "Sounds very earthy." Spike said with approval. "I like it." Luna said. Petronius nodded. "We will meet you there at nine." He said and they swept out the door. As soon as they were gone I turned to Dean. "Oh god I am so sorry." I said pulling his shirt down to look at my tooth marks. I had only put two little holes in his skin but he was bruised badly. "You better not have given it to him." Sam growled from behind me. "You can't get it unless the person that bites you is transformed and I can't." I said dabbing at the bite with a napkin. Dean was pissed. "I didn't know what else to do." I said feeling terrible. "If you ever do that again…" Dean's voice was shaking with rage. I flinched and my shoulders hunched. "We have until two to get some food." Sam said still angry. "Let's go." Dean growled standing and heading for the door. I followed my head down. Sam kept a close eye on me the whole time.

We ended up getting food from the cafeteria on campus. I didn't eat anything, I wasn't hungry and I didn't want an excuse to stay any longer then we had to. When it was almost time for class Sam led us to the gym. The coach was a portly balding man who really liked blowing his whistle. We had brought cloths to change into as per instructions on the schedule. We changed in the locker rooms and I tried to lay low as we ran laps around the gym. I kept getting distracted by Sam who was wearing basketball shorts and a grey t-shirt that clung to him tight enough you could see all the muscles in his chest. Dean was wearing an almost identical outfit and I had the same problem. The whistle blared. "I'll go easy on you today, just play some basketball." The coach shouted. Dean looked rather happy about the decision and he jogged over to grab a ball. When he and another kid started picking teams he smiled at me. "I'll take Selen and Sam on my team." He said. The kid looked at me with disapproval. "Suit yourself I doubt your brother will make up for her." He said picking two other kids twice my size. I smiled despite myself. When we started playing I could tell immediately the kid was regretting letting Dean have me and Sam on his team. Sam was tall enough he blocked ever shot and I could get by people with no problem. It was nearly the end of class and we were a point from winning. Sam was being guarded by everyone and Dean wasn't open. Sam feigned to Dean and threw me the ball. "Selen hairbrush!" Dean shouted. I knew what he meant. I dribbled towards Sam and leapt for him. He braced and I put my foot on his shoulder and he pushed me off. I dunked the ball and hung from the basket. Everyone was staring at me. Dean let out a whoop. I dropped down and Sam jogged over. "That was awesome." He said clapping me on the shoulder. Dean was gloating to the other kids. "That's my girl!" He said walking over and slinging an arm around me. I smiled. I was back in his good graces. The coach came over to me. "Parker!" He barked. I looked up at him. He was about my height so I didn't have to look very far. "Where did you learn to jump like that?" He asked gruffly. I smiled and shrugged. "My line of work its kill or be killed." I said. "What the hell do you do?" He asked. "I'm a courier." I lied smoothly. He nodded. "We could use someone like you on the team." He said. "Oh, no I can't stay in town for very long. I move around for my job too much." I said. He nodded clearly disappointed and dismissed the class. Sam and Dean headed off to the locker room to shower off and I went to get changed.

We were headed back to the motel to get geared up for tonight when Dean turned the radio down. "We need to be careful tonight." He said pulling into the parking lot. "Dean they are idiot teenagers who think that being a werewolf is like how it is on TV they don't remember transforming so they assume they look like actual wolves. I mean they used a greeting from some book that was actually about vampires and they nuzzle their Alfa under the chin like wolf pups." Sam was making me wonder how much research he had been doing in between classes. "We have another day before the full moon, they aren't very good at using their powers yet I can smell it. We can beat them easily." I said as Dean let me out of the back seat. "I still want to be safe." He said. I shrugged. "We kill them and move on." I said walking into the motel room. We cleaned and loaded our weapons and made sure we had plenty of silver to spare before we went out to meet them. "I feel kind of bad almost. I mean they are just stupid kids." I said as we drove to the little field I had mentioned. They were waiting for us around a small fire when we pulled up. "Glad you could find it!" I said walking towards Petronius. He was looking at me grimly. "We have to pick a victim before tomorrow." He said as I approached. "Well you see there is a little problem with that." Dean said. They looked at him. "By the way you should probably stop getting your information on werewolves from Google." Sam said. They looked at me. "Tell your pets to hold their tongues Selen." Petronius growled. I pretended to think about it for a moment. "How about you hold yours." I said and shot him through the chest. Luna screamed and Spike dove to the ground. "This isn't even hunting." Sam complained as I took aim at Luna. "Why?!" She screamed holding Petronius's head in her lap. I had got him right through the heart with silver ammo, he wasn't coming back. "I'm really sorry Luna but you can't just go around killing people and eating their hearts for fun." I heard a shot and my side burned. I looked down stunned. Spike was holding a gun in his shaking hands. My vision started to darken around the edges. "Shit." I whispered. Sam cried out my name as I hit my knees. Dean stabbed him in the heart and Sam ran towards me. Luna was screaming incoherently as I fell back in the grass. I felt cold. Sam dropped to his knees next to me as I heard a shot and Luna's screaming cut off. Dean stood over me as Sam pulled my shirt up. "I can't tell if the bullet hit anything vital." He said and I cried out as he touched it. I blinked and it took a lot of effort to open my eyes again. "Say with us puppy." Dean said patting my cheek. "It's cold Dean." I whispered looking up at the stars. It was a really pretty night. Sam touched the wound again and I screamed. "We have to get her to a hospital Dean, I think something ruptured." Dean looked at him and nodded. "I told you to be careful." He said angrily down at me. My eyes started to drift shut. "Selen stay awake." Sam said picking me up. I tried to focus. I was hurt badly and I needed to stay awake, but I was so tired and cold. I just wanted to sleep for a little while. "Selen!" Sam shouted. I opened my eyes. We were in the back seat of the Impala. "Just stay awake we are getting you help." I started to drift again. I felt like I was floating, rocking like when my dad took me out fishing when I was little. "Don't make me touch the worms daddy." I said aloud. "Dean go faster." Sam said sounding worried. Why was Sam fishing with me and daddy? "I'm going as fast as I can the hospital is just up ahead." I drew my eyebrows together. There was something I was supposed to remember. "Selen come on stay awake we are almost there." Sam said. I looked up at him and smiled. "Do you like grouper too Sam? Daddy likes grouper I prefer mullet." He had tears in his eyes. I frowned. "You don't have to eat it if you don't want to." I said confused. Why was Sam sad? I blinked and Sam was carrying me. Dean was shouting about someone being shot. "You have to be quiet or you might scare the fish." I said getting worried, we had to catch something for dinner. Daddy wanted fried grouper. "Daddy isn't going to take you fishing anymore if you don't be quiet." Sam was running beside me and I was on something soft. "Keep her talking." A strange voice said as we stopped in a room full of green and bright lights. "Tell me about daddy Selen." Sam said his voice was husky like he was crying. "He said we have to catch fish for dinner. He is going to make me touch the worms. I don't want to kill them Sam, they will drown." I felt sad and tears fell from the corners of my eyes. "Don't make me hurt the little worms they can't help fish like to eat them." Sam petted my hair. "We won't hurt the worms Selen, we can use a plastic lure." He promised. "Damn it fix her!" I heard Dean yelling. "Dean's gonna scare the fish away and we won't get to eat fish for dinner." I said still crying. Sam was holding my hand and petting my hair over and over. I heard strangers shouting. I felt cold again. "How come it's so cold Sam? It's never cold at the lake." He was crying again. "It's ok Selen me and Dean will warm you up." He said his voice breaking. "Don't cry Sam." I said. Something hurt on the inside of my stomach and I screamed. "The bullet grazed her intestine. Get those two out!" Someone shouted. Someone in a mask grabbed Sam. "I can't leave her!" He screamed. "I promised I wouldn't leave her!" He was clinging to my hand. Dean grabbed his shoulder as I watched. "No." He kept repeating over and over. "I won't leave her alone!" I felt something thick in my arm. "Sam?" His hand was slipping out of mine. "Sam? Dean?" I felt heavy. I heard Sam scream my name again and then darkness.

I was sitting in the little John boat my father kept with a fishing pole. I smiled and felt the sunshine warming my face. "You gave those two quite a scare." I turned. Castiel was sitting next to me. "Am I dreaming?" He nodded his hands folded in his lap. "Sam was beside himself. He kept wanting me to heal you right there in the operating room. I tried to tell him you would live but he just kept screaming." I looked down at the water. "I was shot." I said remembering. He grunted a yes. "What about Dean is he mad at me still?" I asked reeling in my line slowly to attract a fish the way dad taught me. "He is worried about you too but he isn't showing it like Sam." I cast my line back out and watched the water ripple. "Will I be ok?" I asked afraid of the answer. "You will heal." Cas said standing. "Are you going to wake me up now?" I asked as he reached towards me. "They are waiting for you." He said. He touched my forehead and I blinked. It was very bright and I squinted at the light. I hurt all over. I groaned. "Selen?" I turned my head. Sam was holding my hand his eyes red around the edges. His face broke into a radiant smile. "You're awake." He said relieved. I squeezed his hand. "They said you were touch and go for a while there. The bullet hit your small intestine. They said they had to patch it." I blinked a few more times. "Water?" I croaked. He grabbed a cup and filled it with water from a pitcher. He held the bendy straw for me as I sipped it. I let my head fall back to the pillow. "We need to get her out of here Sam, she is healing too fast and the doctors are asking questions." Dean came in and shut the door. "She woke up." Sam said. Dean turned around and I smiled up at him. His shoulders sagged. "Thank god." He breathed closing his eyes. "Castiel said I would be ok." I said. They both looked at me. "He talked to you?" Dean asked. I nodded. "I saw him in a dream. He said Sam tried to get him to heal me. I don't think he would do that if he could help it." I said running my thumb over Sam's knuckles. "Did he also tell you that you died on the table twice?" Dean growled. I blinked up at him. "They kept having to give you more and more blood and shocking your heart." Sam said leaning his head against my shoulder. "How long have I been out?" I asked trying to sit up. I cried out and Dean rushed over and Sam put a hand on my shoulder. "Three days. Don't try and get up your stiches haven't healed yet." Dean said. Sam pulled the blankets I was wrapped in down and uncovered a large gauze pad over one side of my stomach. "They managed not to get your tattoo." Sam said pulling the gauze back carefully. I had a large angry line of stitches across my side. The whole wound was about four inches long. I felt sick. "They said you wouldn't wake up for a while. According to their experience you should be healed in a month but since you started healing at a different rate they are predicting two weeks." Dean said sitting down at the foot of the bed. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. "I remember you crying Sam." I said looking at him as he put the gauze back into place. He looked up at me. "You didn't want to leave me." I said. He kissed me softly. "I didn't want to lose you." He said. I held my other arm out and slid over a little. He climbed up and held me carefully. "I'm so sorry." I said as he put his chin on the top of my head. "I thought this would be so easy. Just go in find the werewolves kill them and get out, but I had to get myself shot." Dean got up and sat down by my side. "You couldn't have known that kid would be packing." He said touching my face. I felt a tear slide down my cheek and he brushed it away. "Hey now come on puppy, don't go soft on me." He said his eyes starting to shine with tears. I sniffled and laughed. "I died twice and you're telling me not to go soft?" I scoffed. "I figured if I got yanked out of hell some angel would look at you and not let you suffer. You're too pretty for the pit." Dean took my hand in his. I saw a flash of guilt in his eyes before he buried it again. The door opened and Sam got off the bed. "Mrs. Winchester your awake." He sounded surprised. Why did he call me Mrs. Winchester? I looked over at Sam and he glanced at Dean's hand. He had on his usual silver band but as I looked down I realized I had an identical one on my left ring finger. I blinked. "Yeah I'm awake, thought I think I missed a lot in the last three days." The doctor just nodded and started flipping through my chart. "You shouldn't eat anything for a week or so and we would like to keep you here for observation over the next two weeks." I flashed him a smile. "I don't think I can stay that long, I need to be getting back with my husband." I said looking at Dean and squeezing his hand. He kissed my cheek. "I'm sure Sam and I can make it while you are here, honey." He said. I giggled and winced because it tugged at my stitches. "I couldn't leave you boys alone who will cook for you?" Sam touched his forehead to my hand. "We just want you to get better." Sam said softly. "We would really prefer to keep you here to make sure your patch and stitches hold up." The doctor said. "Look doc I can't stay here any longer. No offence but I hate hospitals and I would really like to go home." He looked down at me with distain. "Mrs. Winchester I can't advise that. You need to be on a liquid diet for at least another two days, and there is the question about your healing patters." He was looking at my chart again. "Is there a problem?" I asked starting to get annoyed. I could feel the IV in my arm starting to itch. "Well you have been constantly rejecting the IV needles and you don't seem to be suffering any ill effects of the gunshot wound. You should still have powder burns on your back but they healed in the first hour you were here. At the rate you are healing I would say you could be up and running in a day or two but I can't advise it. Your stitches are remarkably clean and despite us losing you for a few moments in the OR your brain function is back to normal patterns. I must ask, do you always heal like this?" He was watching me carefully.

"I must have an angel looking out for me." I said looking out of the window. The angel in question breezed into the room luckily using the door this time. "We have a problem." He said looking at me. "Could you excuse us doctor our cousin is very upset about this whole situation." Dean said standing. "Of course." He stepped out and closed the door. I slid myself into a sitting position and hissed as the sutures pulled at my skin. "We need to get her out of here. The doctors are attempting to check her blood for pathogens. If she shows anything abnormal they may keep her here indefinitely. We cannot let that happen. The angels have been talking about exterminating her if they think she is more trouble than she is worth." He walked towards me quickly. "Cas I don't know if that's a good idea she is still pretty hurt." Sam was leaning over me protectively. "We don't have time to be careful with her." He snapped and started pulling the wires off me. A monitor started screaming. Nurses started rushing in. "Sir you shouldn't be moving her!" One yelled. The doctor rushed in. "You can't leave yet, you aren't even close to done healing and we are still doing blood work. If she becomes septic she will die!" He started yelling at Castiel. He picked me up and glared at him. "We have more important matters to attend to." He said. Sam and Dean were standing trying to hold off the nurses. "I can't advise her leaving!" The doctor shouted over the noise. "I'm refusing medical advice!" I shouted over him. Everyone looked at me and someone turned off the monitor that had gone off. "If your patch ruptures you will leak toxic fluids into your abdomen and die." He said firmly. I glared at him. "Cas put me down." I growled. He let me stand but held my shoulders. I was a little unsteady and it hurt like hell but I was upright. "I am walking out of here weather you like it or not." I said my voice much stronger then I felt. The doctor was glaring at us. "Give me the forms and I am leaving." I said firmly. He bowed his head, once I refused medical advice he couldn't keep me here. He walked out to get the forms and the nurses left. I sagged against the angel. "Oww." I groaned. Sam and Dean guided me back to the bed. Castiel held his hand over my stomach for a moment and closed his eyes in concentration. "She is almost completely healed. The stitches are still holding her skin closed but her internal organs are fine." He said taking his hand away. The doctor came back and handed me a clip board. I read the forms carefully and signed everything but the waver to continue processing any blood work. Dean reminded me to sign my "new" last name. I handed it back. He looked over it and I saw him frown when he saw I signed against blood work continuation. "I'll have a nurse send a wheelchair." He said and left. I set my jaw and touched my stitches gingerly. "This really sucks." I said as they throbbed in pain. Sam helped me into the wheelchair when it got there. The nurse remarked on how young Dean was to be a widower. I glared at her. "I'm just fine thanks." I growled. They loaded me into the Impala and Castiel slid in next to me. "If your stitches pop or you feel any burning in your gut you need to get to a hospital." The nurse said looking at me. "I'm fine." I said as Sam slid the seat back and got in. Dean drove off quickly.

Sam's hand was shaking and I watched him carefully. He smelled sick "Six days?" I asked softly. "You were unconscious for six days and seven nights." Castiel said. "Did you guys have fun?" I asked leaning back and closing my eyes. "We killed some ghouls and met our now dead half-brother, Castiel jumped out of his body and all sorts of fun like that." I glared at Castiel. "You are just letting them run into trouble?" I asked. Castiel sighed. "Dean took the job. The boys have been running nonstop since you were hurt." He said quietly. I looked out the window for a while. "You thought I would die." I whispered. "You died twice!" Dean yelled. I blinked back tears. Sam turned in his seat. "We didn't give up on you. Dean and I just needed to blow off some steam and keep a few seals from breaking." Sam explained. I looked up. "So now we are getting closer and closer to the apocalypse?" I asked. Sam looked down. "Besides I've lived through worse than this." I said my voice shaking. "Yeah, Bobby told us all about you going into a nest full of ghouls halfcocked and barely being able to crawl out." Dean scoffed. I felt that endless rage in my heart start to bubble to the surface. "Did he tell you I killed thirty of them before they even managed to get a hold of me?" I growled. Sam just looked depressed and turned away while Dean glared at me in the rearview mirror. "I crawled out when the last few fell asleep." I said trying to fight the rage that threatened to boil over. "I can take care of myself." I saw Dean's jaw flex. "We have another job and we are heading to Bobby's." I glared at him. "So now you are going to leave me with a babysitter?" I snarled. Sam sighed. "Bobby said this thing was powerful. He has it trapped for now but we need to get there soon." His voice was careful. I glared at him. "You can help by healing." He said turning away. I stayed quiet. "I have to go." Castiel vanished with the sound of great wing beats. My stitches were starting to hurt but I stayed quiet. I wouldn't seem any weaker in front of them. Sam started fidgeting. "Why were you babbling on about fishing?" He asked suddenly. "Some of my best memories with my dad were on that boat." I said shifting to a more comfortable position, lying down seemed to help. "You kept begging me not to make you kill the worms." I looked up. "I was bleeding out and intestinal fluid was leaking into my abdomen and you are asking me why I was talking about killing worms?" I asked. My stitches pulled but I ignored them. "You were talking about grouper." Sam continued. I scowled. "Dad liked grouper." I said. "You prefer mullet." I sighed. "Sam I don't want to talk about dad ok?!" I snapped. I was really starting to hurt and Sam dredging up old memories didn't help. "I just want to know more about you Selen. You just breeze into our lives and you know all about our dad and we know next to nothing about you." I was grinding my teeth not just from the physical pain. "Fine." I growled.

"I was born to a hunter who wanted a son and a woman who didn't want any kids. He raised me as a hunter because my mother ran off as soon as she could get out of the hospital. He treated me like a boy my whole life. I wasn't allowed to cry or show pain and I certainly wasn't allowed to be around boys. We fished for food at a lake in Kansas every summer, the only happy time I had, and that's how I met you two. Dad had a hunt that he didn't think I could handle, so he calls up his old buddy John Winchester. It was the first time I had ever met kids even close to my age, dad home schooled me. You two cured my curiosity of boys really quick. I found my first love at 15, cars. I spotted the charger at a yard sale. They guy wasn't selling it because it didn't run but he buckled for three hundred. Dad told me if I had wanted the damn thing so bad I could fix it myself. I stayed at Bobby's place for two solid months working on it. I cooked and cleaned for him as payment for the parts. I've been all alone since dad died when I was 19. After he died I didn't want anything to do with hunting. I got my GED and enrolled in college. I was six credits away from a bachelor's degree in Cryptozoology when I figured out how different the human world was. One kid in my class figured out my eyes were from a werewolf. He thought I was a full werewolf and attacked me. I left and started hunting again. Other hunters weren't too pleased about me being half monster either. I worked alone for years. I have killed more demons then I care to count and I've had my guts nearly torn out by just about every creature I have come in contact with. So I think I know what I am doing here." I said laying my head back and closing my eyes. "How did he die?" Dean asked. I kept my eyes shut and let the memory play like a movie behind my eyelids. "We got a call about a werewolf running around in a small town. We only found it the day of the full moon. He wolfed out and tore my father's chest cavity open. I shot the thing with a shot gun at point blank and the damn thing basically exploded. The blood splashed down in my eyes and burned like acid. I crawled over to die with my father and he just laid there trying to breath with no lungs until he died. I didn't cry. I just laid there until I passed out from the pain. When I woke up I cremated him and got ready to kill myself. I wanted to be sure I was really going to wolf out since it only bled on me. After I didn't turn I didn't know what to do with myself. I've been solitary ever since." They were silent for a long time. "Then I got the call to hunt down some half breed like myself." I felt my chest ache like I always did when I talked about my father. "If you are such a damn good hunter how come you let Sam spot you?" Dean asked. I opened my eyes and looked up at the roof of the car. "I got distracted." I muttered. Dean snorted. "What the hell distracted you a squirrel puppy?" I set my jaw. "No." I growled. "What distracted you?" Sam asked. I sighed and didn't answer. Dean glanced at me in the rearview mirror. "Why the hell are you blushing?" I sat up and winced when my stitches pulled. "I am not." I snapped my face burning. "You were distracted by me weren't you?" Sam asked turning to look at me. "No!" I said a little too quickly. "You were!" He said laughing. I felt my face burn brighter. "I was not!" I snapped. Dean was laughing. "Shut up!" I said laying back. "No wonder you gave it up so fast for him." Dean laughed. I felt that burning rage again. "At least I knew him for more than an hour." I snapped. Sam laughed and Dean glared at me. "That's right Dean Winchester I know your reputation with women." I was being bitter but god damn it he had no right. "You guys are pretty damn easy to dig up dirt on." I added as he fumed. I started to feel a little bad about snapping at him. "If it makes you feel any better Dean you are much better than they said you were. I guess they were just bitter at being left in the morning." I said. He managed to crack a smile. "This is the longest I have ever stuck with a girl." He said looking at me in the rearview mirror again. I felt a small tug in my chest. "That's just because I followed you." I said quietly. He glanced back at me then at Sam. "Keep telling yourself that." He muttered. I leaned back and closed my eyes. I felt that hollow feeling I got when I thought too much about dad. I fell asleep to the sounds of the road.

When we pulled into Bobby's driveway Sam hopped out. Dean helped me out of the car carefully as he headed for the door. I was happy to see that they had brought my charger here. Dean looked down at me and our eyes met as he held my shoulders steady. "Don't fight me on this." He said softly. I felt a pang of fear as I thought back to the night Sam had held a gun to his head. He had said the same thing. "What wrong?" I asked. He shook his head and hugged me kissing my forehead. "Dean?" He let me go and just took my hand taking a deep breath as we walked to the door. "Wait here." He ordered and sat me on the couch. Bobby and Dean led Sam down to the cellar. I leaned my head back and sighed. It seemed like such a long time since I had been thrust into a relationship with these two. I was almost happy for the first time in my life. I heard Sam yell and my adrenalin spiked. I leapt off the couch and ran down the stair to the cellar ignoring the odd tugging sensation in my gut. Dean and Bobby were walking away from the panic room and I could hear Sam pounding on the door. Dean grabbed my shoulders and held me back. "Leave him!" He barked. "Dean what the hell, let him out of there!" I shouted as he started to push me back towards the stairs slowly. "He has been drinking demon blood, we are drying him out." I could hear Sam's pleading cries from behind the door. "This is your solution?" I asked my heart breaking at the sound of his panic. "We can talk upstairs." Dean said. I cringed as I suddenly realized what that tugging feeling was. I had ripped out some of the stitches. I looked down. Blood was soaking through my shirt slowly in a long oval across my stomach. Dean looked like he was going to be sick. "I pulled a stich." I said as he tried to look anywhere but the stain on my stomach. "I'll be ok." I said touching his face. Sam looked at me through the little window and started screaming and pounding on the door. "We killed that bastard how is he doing this?!" Sam screamed. I looked at him confused. Dean scooped me up and started carrying me up the stairs. "What the hell is happening?!" Sam yelled. "Selen popped a stitch she is fine." Bobby said coming up after us. "Put me down!" I yelled. I hated being carried. Dean didn't stop. "Damn it Dean I am not a child!" I said angrily. I wriggled and my breath caught as I felt another stitch pop. Dean laid me on the couch and Bobby got a suture kit and a few towels. Dean swallowed and pulled my shirt up. "Good job genius you popped three of them!" He snapped. "Well you locked Sam in the panic room and I kind of freaked out." I snapped and sucked in a breath as he touched my stomach. Bobby held out a bottle of whiskey and I took it taking a deep draught and gasping. "Can't we just leave them out?" I asked my voice high as Dean picked up a needle. His face looked grim. "You want me to do it?" Bobby asked. "No." Dean said firmly. "What was Sam yelling about?" I asked trying to prolong this. "The blood on your shirt looked like the stain on our mom and Jessica when Yellow Eyes killed them. You see a circular stain on their shirt they slid up the wall and burst into flame." He started cleaning off the blood and I hissed as he poured the whiskey on it. "But you killed it?" I asked. He nodded. He held the edges of the wound together and I looked away. He pushed the needle into my flesh. I gasped and clutched at the couch. He pulled the thread through and I took another big gulp of the whiskey. "Did your dad teach you to hold your liquor like that?" He asked changing the subject. I smiled a little. "You don't remember do you?" I asked as he tied the stitch off. "Remember what?" He pushed the needle through again and I set my jaw. "You got into the minibar when you were watching me and Sam. You gave me a taste for Jack Daniels." I said through my teeth. He tied off the stitch and smiled. "Oh yeah." He said whipping off some blood that was leaking out. He did the final stitch and I let my head fall back as he tied it off. He held out his hand and I gave him the bottle. He took a swig then dumped some on the wound. I let out a scream, I hadn't expected that. He smothered it with a kiss. I lay there gasping. "You suck you know that?" I said closing my eyes. "I thought you liked to do that to me." He said jokingly. I glared at him. "You picked the way you woke me up, you could have just as easily smacked me puppy." He said holding his hands up. I snatched the whiskey back and took a gulp. He smiled down at me. "I'm glad I could add a little color to your life." He said gesturing to the bottle. I smiled. "Dad was pissed when he found out. I won quite a few drinking contests thanks to you." I said closing my eyes. I heard him chuckle. "You know Sam is going to get really bad." I whispered. Dean sighed. "This is the only way I can see to fix this." He said softly. "I know." I said reaching down and taking his hand.

I had been sleeping on the couch when I heard Sam let out a scream. I pulled myself up and walked down to the cellar as quickly as I could without pulling my stitches. I jerked the little metal plate on the door back. Sam was laying there begging to someone named Alistair. "Sam?" I asked. He let out another scream and gasped cringing. I knew he was hallucinating I couldn't smell anything but him and a sickness. I turned away and sank to the floor slowly. I just sat there and listened to his screams. I didn't cry I just felt so cold inside. I must have sat there for hours before Dean came looking for me. "Selen?" I just looked up at him. His eyes softened when he saw the look on my face. He knelt down to me. "You don't have to sit here." He said. I shook my head. "I promised I wouldn't leave him." I said biting back tears. I would not cry. "Selen I don't think this is what he had in mind when he asked you that." He said sitting down in front of me. "It doesn't matter. He is suffering and I should…" I closed my eyes and bowed my head. "Why do you look like you feel guilty?" Dean asked. I took a deep breath. "Because I am." I looked back up. "I knew. I knew before you did and he begged me not to tell you. Hell I may have encouraged it!" I said throwing my hands up. Dean just stared at me. "I let him drink from me." I said softly. Dean's face contorted with rage. "You what?!" I flinched. "I let him drink my blood. He said I tasted like a monster too." I was fighting tooth and nail not to cry. He grabbed my shoulders. "You knew and you let him drink from you and then you lied to me?!" He yelled. I took a deep breath. "Yes." I said looking in his eyes. He backhanded me. I turned back to him slowly. Sam stopped screaming. I could hear him breathing heavily behind the door. "Do it again Dean." I whispered. "I deserve it. I let him get this way. I knew Ruby was feeding it to him and I couldn't stop him." Dean was just staring at me his fingers digging into my shoulders. "Hit me again!" I screamed at him. He bowed his head. I felt a hot tear trickle from my eyes. "Why don't you tell her what you lied about Dean?" Sam's voice was horse behind the door. We both looked up. "Go on Dean tell her what the doctors told us." Dean's face changed he looked guilty and anguished. "Don't Sam, we said we wouldn't tell her. It's better if she doesn't know." Dean begged. "Tell her Dean, tell her about the baby." I blinked and looked at Dean. "Baby, what baby?" I was confused. Dean looked back at me with tears in his eyes. "Nothing!" He choked out. Sam let out a breathless angry laugh. "Tell her Dean or I will." Sam said. I looked at Dean's face. "We didn't know. If we had known we would never have let you go with us to meet those werewolves." Dean said his voice rough. "Dean what is he talking about?" I asked touching his arms. His head bowed. "You were pregnant." He said his voice broken. I blinked. "What?" It didn't make any since, how could I have been pregnant? I had only had sex for the first time a month ago. "It was just a cluster of cells but it showed up in your blood work. You lost it from the trauma." Dean was crying now his face turned away from mine. "I was…." I felt a horrified darkness sweep over me. Sam laughed again. "We let you kill our child." He said his voice sounded crazy. He laughed and I heard him fall back on the bed. I felt tears falling down my face hot and fast. "No…" I whispered. Dean let out an anguished noise and balled his fists up. Sam started talking to someone. Dean stood his head bowed and walked back upstairs. I stared after him then followed in some sort of strange haze. Dean sat on the couch and covered his face with his hands. "You weren't going to tell me?" I asked my voice flat and hollow. "You weren't supposed to know. I knew you wouldn't be able to cope and I didn't want that on your mind." Dean said quietly. I just stood there for a long time. I tried to make since of it. I had been pregnant. It was either Sam's or Dean's and I had lost the child. I suddenly felt cheated. Could we have been happy? Could we have had a child and settled down and lived like normal human beings? I could see myself cooking dinner for the four of us, cutting the crust off a dark haired boy's sandwich and packing lunches for school. Then I saw the same little boy with my green eyes holding a sawed off as Dean taught him to shoot, and with Sam as he taught him about monsters. Would we raise him to be a hunter like we were? I choked back a sob and sank into an armchair my hands over my mouth. "Selen?" Dean looked up at me. I just stared at him horrified. "Could we do that? Could we bring a child into this world the way it is? I couldn't put a child through this. Not like my father did to me." I felt tears falling faster than before. "What are you talking about?" Dean said coming to kneel at my feet. "I couldn't make him a hunter Dean. I couldn't make my child into the monster that my father made me." Dean took my face in his hands. "We wouldn't have done that. Selen we would have gotten out of the life. I would have stopped the apocalypse and we could have settled down." He was trying to rationalize it. "Dean this isn't something that can be solved in nine months." I said setting my jaw and closing my eyes. "Hunters live fast and die young. I will probably be dead before I'm thirty and you and Sam…" I cut off at the thought. "I couldn't think about what that would mean for a child. It is a miracle the three of us have lived this long." I shook my head as the tears threatened to choke me. "Selen what are you saying?" Dean was holding my shoulders tightly. "What the hell are we thinking? We just run around killing monsters and try to stop the apocalypse and we almost had a child!" I was shaking, I had never felt like this in my life. The idea of bringing a child into this world terrified me. That small part of me that had seen what little good there was in the world wanted a child but my heart was screaming that it was the worst thing in the world. Children were for the people who lived in the light away from the demons and monsters, I thrived on darkness the only way I was going down was fighting and I knew I couldn't care for a child in a world like this. "We can't have a family like that Dean. You and me and, Sam that's it. This is the closest thing to a family I am allowed to have. I am not bringing a child into a world like this. Who knows if it would even be a normal human baby." I said looking away. Dean touched my cheek. "Don't say that, we could have a family. You aren't the monster you think you are Selen." I shook my head and stood slowly. "I'm going to do some reading." I said letting that coldness I used to keep from crying sink into my gut. Dean stepped in front of me. "Selen you aren't a monster." He said again. I glared at him and felt my eyes burn to gold. "Say that when I am like this Dean. Say it when I put a bullet in the person a demon is wearing to slow it down long enough to exercise it." He looked away for a moment. "Don't do this. Not now, not with Sam like this." I closed my eyes trying to cool them back to green. "Think about it hard Dean. What if it had been Sam's? Remember what Castiel said about me breeding with a demon to make a new type of hell hound." I balled up my fists to keep from shaking. Dean was glaring at me when I looked back at him. "My brother is not a demon." He growled. "He has demon blood and I have werewolf blood what would that have made?" I asked my voice much calmer then I felt. "It could have just as easily been mine." Dean snapped. "Do you think you could have taken that chance Dean? Could you have watched me for nine months with something growing inside me, only to find out when I gave birth it was a monster? That we had to kill my and Sam's child? Could you really live with yourself?" My voice had risen until I was nearly screaming. Bobby came in the room and looked from me to Dean. "Everything ok?" He asked. Dean was glaring at me. "Family business." He said his voice low. "Don't make me the bad guy Dean." I said turning away. He grabbed my arm and spun me around. "Come on hit me again!" I screamed as his fist came back. He hesitated. I jerked my arm free and glared at him. "Think about it hard Dean. Think about raising a child and hiding from all those demons. We are in far too deep to turn back now." I said walking into the library. I could hear him breathing deeply to try and calm himself. I looked through the shelves and grabbed a book on werewolves. I walked down the stairs to the cellar and in front of the door to the panic room. Sam was still talking to himself and occasionally screaming. I sat there and tried to read.

Bobby offered to bring me down a cot and I refused. "I'll come back up later." I said turning the page. "I'm not sure what is happening with you and Dean but I think we are killing Sam." I looked up. "Dean is too worried about him being human to really understand I was hoping you may be able to talk some since into him." I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment. "If there is one thing I have learned from living with these two it is that Dean will do whatever it takes to save Sam. If he thinks this will save him then God help us." Sam was still babbling to his memories. Bobby shook his head and walked back upstairs. I leaned my head against the door and closed my eyes. "I know you are out there Selen." Sam said his voice rough. "I'm here Sam." I said. I heard him lean heavily on the door. "I'm hurting Selen. You let me have it before, please I just need a little." Sam pleaded. "Dean will kill both of us Sam." I said feeling my eyes burn with unshed tears. "Selen please." He sounded like he was crying. "No Sam I can't." I said firmly. "I thought you loved me." He said. I felt my heart breaking. "This isn't you Sam." I said a tear rolling down my cheek. "You don't love me enough to save me!" He screamed. I curled my knees to my chest. "You don't love me Selen! If you loved me you would give it to me!" I let out a sob. "I promised I wouldn't leave you Sam." I cried out. "I told you I loved you, don't you tell me I don't when I proved it by staying around after you made Dean rape me!" I screamed. "You loved it you little whore! You loved the fact that I made him do it and watched! That's why you keep sleeping with us! You love rough sex and you are just a werewolf slut!" He pounded on the door. "I own your little bitch ass because I took your virginity!" I tried so hard to get angry with him but I was too hurt. I stood slowly. "Let me out you little wolf bitch!" He screamed. I walked away. I felt a cold emptiness fill my heart and I walked away. Sam kept pounding on the door and screaming at me. I walked upstairs and into the kitchen. Dean saw me from the living room and stood. I walked to the fridge and looked at the beer. I closed it without getting anything and started searching the cabinets. Dean walked in watching me from the doorway. I finally found what I was looking for: the liquor cabinet. I got out a bottle of whiskey and sat down at the table. Dean folded his arms across his chest. I didn't bother with a glass and just drank from the bottle. "What did he say to you?" Dean asked eyeing the bottle. "Called me a whore." I said taking another drink. Dean came to sit in front of me. "He isn't himself." He said with a sigh. I took another long drink and put the bottle down. "I don't want to be here Dean. I don't want to be here if you kill him but I can't make myself leave him. I gave him my word and god damn it that is the last thing I have left." He took the bottle from my hand. "How are your stitches?" He asked. I pulled my shirt up. "Just about gone." I said showing him the scar that was starting to turn pink. "I guess we should take the stitches out." He said taking a drink and standing. "I'll get the scissors." He left and I just stared at the wall. He came back and started pulling the stitches out one by one. I sat there emotionless as he did it. When he straightened and looked at my face he flexed his jaw. "I've seen that look." He said turning away. "The day I had to carry you in the house because of Sam. I hope I never make you get that look and Sam just does it over and over." He shook his head and walked away. I picked up the bottle again and didn't move until I finished it.

I wondered back down the stairs and opened the metal plate to see inside the room. Sam was talking to himself again. I watched him cry as he spoke. I felt that empty pit in my heart widened as he called the hallucination 'mom.' He, like me, didn't have any memory of his mother. I hated the woman who had left me to this life. I hated her more in this moment then I ever had before. "I could have just killed you and left Sam." I said. He turned to me. "I could have killed you right then and there but I didn't, do you know why?" He came towards me. "I didn't kill you because you were the first person in the world to treat me like a person. You gave me hope that I could be more than just a killer, that maybe the world wasn't as dark as it seemed." He pressed his face against the opening. "Not you too. I don't want to hallucinate you Selen. Leave me alone you aren't real." I glared at him. "I feel like you ripped out my heart and stomped on it. I feel empty Sam. I don't feel anything. You know what I figured out?" He closed his eyes. "What?" He asked his voice angry. "I found out that there is nothing in this world worth fighting for but you and Dean. I could care less if I died right here and right now but if you or Dean dropped dead I would die. I would curl up and die because you two are the only reason I am living anymore. So don't you tell me I don't love you and don't you dare call me a whore, I am dying to let you out of there but if I do Dean will never forgive me. I don't want you to die Sam and I wouldn't wish this suffering on anyone, but damn it you have to fight." He just stared at me. I closed the plate and walked back upstairs. Sam went back to muttering to himself and screaming. I walked into the library where Bobby was sitting looking at his computer. "You had better get Dean." He said. I walked into the living room. Dean was playing with his necklace. "Bobby wants you." I said and flopped on the couch. He stood and walked into the library. I closed my eyes and sighed. They were talking about seals breaking, quickly. I let myself start to drift off to sleep. "Do you hear that?" Dean asked suddenly. I listened for a moment. "That's a little too damn quiet." Bobby said and I heard them running. I sighed and stood walking back down to the cellar. Sam started rolling around on the walls and Bobby and Dean were standing there dumbfounded. They rushed in and yanked him off the wall. "We have to tie him down." Bobby said shoving his belt in Sam's mouth. Dean just sat there. "Dean before he has another fit!" Bobby snapped. I watched as they tied him to the cot. I walked in and stared down at him while they secured his ankles. I tucked back a stray piece of hair that had fallen in his face. "After all the booze and the screaming you still find some way to be tender for him." Dean said turning away. "I don't know what to tell you Dean. You and I were good little soldiers Sam isn't made up of the same stuff. I can take orders with the best of them but with Sam." I shook my head. "He is so violent and it's like I know deep inside he is sick and he just needs something to hold onto. He is trying so hard to take that weight off your shoulders Dean and you just keep putting him down." I let my fingers trace his face and felt my heart sink at the circles under his eyes. "I can smell how sick he is Dean. We are going to kill him if we keep doing this." I could almost feel the anger rolling off him in waves. "At least he will die human." He snarled. I looked up at him. "And what does that make me Dean? Sam said I tasted like a monster and I know all about Ruby." Dean flinched. "So you know he is…" I nodded. "I think I knew the first time I saw her. Sam cares about me and I know that but Ruby is offering him something I can't, she is giving him a way to save you." I leaned down and kissed Sam's lips softly. "You two would do anything for each other and I understand." I stood and walked out. Dean and Bobby closed the door and I went upstairs. I went to the bedroom that Sam and I had spent our first night together in and sat on the bed. I bowed my head and folded my hands. "God, if you are out there and you know this is happening please, please let Sam live. I know what that means and I know that you must look upon me as a lost sinner with no hope, but please. I don't ask for much and I have never asked for anything like this. I let my father die and I let myself feel such anger." I felt tears flowing down my face. "Lord I want to change, I want to be a better person and I want so badly to believe you love me… Please God just… Just make Sam better." I choked. "Just let him be ok." I closed my eyes as I was racked with sobs. "God does love you Selen." I looked up. Castiel was standing by the window. "Castiel." I whispered. "He created you for a purpose, don't let that be lost to you." I bowed my head. "I'm a monster Castiel, I am just as twisted as any demon. How could he love an abomination like me?" I covered my face. "I'm not worth his love and I certainly don't deserve Dean and Sam. I just thought maybe if I prayed hard enough I could save them from the pit. I would gladly take their places, I just let Dean go back. His nightmares are so awful, he wakes me up thrashing most nights. I couldn't put Sam through that either. Please Castiel if there is something, anything!" I looked up at him my eyes pleading. He turned away. I slid off the bed and fell to my knees. "Castiel let me go in his place. Let Sam go to heaven and put me in the pit. I know I am meant for it already but please." I let the tears flow freely. "Please Castiel, I would spend eternity on the rack to save Sam. I know you already saved Dean, I know he is a vessel and he is safe, but Sam…" I wrapped my arms around my chest. "I never asked for anything, I never tried to bargain with anyone I just took it like a man and kept going. Just this once let God hear me and know that I need to know Sam is safe." Castiel sighed heavily. "Selen, you aren't meant for the pit. God has tested you time and time again and you never asked him for anything, you believed he had a plan for you and even after you were infected with werewolf blood you waited to be sure before you committed that sin, and you avoided it. You trusted Him and you are meant for Heaven. We can't intervene like you want us to. I can't take Sam in your place, he has to earn it." I let out an anguished sob. "But my anger Castiel, that's a sin. I slept with two men I have no intention of marrying and I have killed innocents." I shook my head. "What makes me deserve His love? What makes me worthy of salvation?" Castiel knelt down and placed his hand on the top of my head. "That is what makes you worthy. You repent for your sins and you wish to cast yourself into the pit for another. You would suffer hell for Sam Winchester because you do not wish his suffering. You have never wished ill upon another person not even the woman that abandoned you. Yes you have anger but you never act upon it and you have saved far more souls then you have taken." I curled my knees to my chest. "I know there is no love lost between us Castiel, but what about Dean? Could he go to heaven and let Sam go to hell? He won't miss me as much as he thinks." He stood and took his hand away. "Dean wouldn't sacrifice either of you." He said suddenly angry. I slid back up on the bed. "If it came down to it Castiel I know he would pick Sam. Don't tell me I'm wrong. I just want them to be happy. I don't want my own happiness Castiel if I can give it to them I will." He shook his head. "You will understand some day." He said and touched my forehead. There was a flash of light and then nothing.

I woke up to the sound of a car door. I jumped up and looked around. My head was throbbing as I raced downstairs. Dean was packing up the Impala. "What's going on?" I asked as he slammed the trunk. "Sam escaped." He said. "We have to find him!" I cried. "No just me." Dean said. I grabbed his arm. "Let me help you." He shook me off. "Damn it Dean don't you go all brooding big brother on me! I'm in this with you and I am not going to just sit around!" He grabbed my shoulders hard enough to hurt. "You will listen to me Selen and you will stay here. You will not try and follow me and you will not go after Sam by yourself! Am I clear?" I set my jaw. He shook me so hard my head snapped forward painfully. "Selen you will listen to me and you _will_ follow my orders do you understand me?!" I looked in his eyes. "Yes sir." I said my voice hard. "Good girl." He let me go got into the car and drove away. Bobby came to my side. "So he is leaving you here huh?" I nodded. "You haven't called anyone sir since your father died." He said. "He sounded like his father, Bobby. I heard his father speak to him that way when he refused to watch me and Sam." He nodded. "Come inside, I could use a home cooked meal right about now." I smiled softly. "You will turn me into a house maid yet." I said following him inside. Inside I was broken and beaten to the floor, but years of training helped me hold it inside. Dean would call for directions every now and again and I would lean in to hear his voice but never speak to him. I couldn't sleep without someone holding me. I would curl up in that bed and burry my face in Sam's pillow and just weep. I cooked meals and cleaned the house within an inch of its life. I worked on my Charger even though it didn't need it. I bought groceries and drowned myself each night in whiskey until I passed out and I prayed. I prayed for Dean and I prayed for Sam but more than anything I prayed God would accept my offer. If I wasn't meant for the pit then I had something to offer. Sam was more deserving of heaven then I was by a long shot. I had been praying when Dean came back empty handed. He looked like hell and I ran to him and hugged him tightly. "Dean, are you alright what happened?" I kissed him before he could answer. He just held me to his chest. "He isn't coming home puppy." He said softly. I felt my heart sink. "He is back on the demon blood and determined to kill Lilith." I just sighed and buried my face in his chest. "Come to bed." I said tugging on his arm. He followed me upstairs. He went into his bedroom and I followed. I couldn't lie in that bed and have Sam's scent around me if he had left. He had broken his promise first. Dean peeled off his shirt and pants. He lay back clad only in boxers and I curled into his side. "I missed you." I whispered laying my head on his chest. He put his arm around me and kissed my hair. "Sorry puppy." He said. I sat up and took off my shirt. He didn't look at me just the ceiling. I laid back and took off my pants curling back into his side and closing my eyes. I needed to be close to him, I need to feel my skin against his and know he was really here. He ran his fingertips over my back and I snuggled closer. "Is there anything I could do?" I asked. He sighed. "I told him if he walked out that door he shouldn't come back, and he just walked out." He rolled onto his side and pressed his face to my chest. I felt him crying silently and I pet his hair softly. I took a slow breath and began to sing to him softly. "Carry on my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more." I remembered when our roles were reversed and he was the one holding me while I cried over Sam. I let that coldness and sadness of loss fill me to the point where I felt like I was drowning. "I'm sorry." Dean whispered his teeth locked together. I kissed the top of his head. "Don't blame yourself Dean. I certainly don't." He held me tight and shook. "You and me Dean we are made up of tougher stuff. We can't be tempted the way Sam can." Dean just sighed. "I know Dean and I don't want to lose him either." We lay there for a long time not speaking just reveling in the pain and loss we both shared in silence. This was how we coped. We would shove the pain back in it's box once we felt it for a short time. We would pick up and carry on just like always. I didn't cry, I didn't let myself, I had cried enough for Sam while Dean was gone and now I wouldn't let myself feel that wound open again. I could feel that cold wall in my heart fall into place. My father had never allowed me to show emotion, never let me cry, and now that he was gone I knew why. Hunters don't get to cry, we don't get to feel the loss of our friends and loved ones. We pull ourselves together and carry on, no matter the cost to our minds and souls. I had never cried as much my whole life as I had in the last few months I had spent with Dean and Sam. No more, I would follow my father's laws and I would shove this wall up as high as I could. I wouldn't be held back anymore, I had a job to do.

"I won't do this to myself anymore Dean." I said my voice hard. He looked up at me. "What?" I stared at the wall. "You two have made me soft. I've cried and drank and hit you and hurt myself since the day I decided to stay with you. I have broken every rule my father put in place for me. You and Sam bring out the worst in me. Castiel told me if I stay on this path I will make it to heaven, I just have to keep trusting in God." I shook my head. "I've never questioned my role." I said. Dean was staring at me. "I'm an abomination, a half werewolf who is sleeping with two men at the same time, one of which has been fucking a demon on the side. I kill for a living and He still loves me. I don't see the point and I told Castiel as much." I shook my head. Dean looked suddenly angry. "Is that why he seemed to disappointed when he talked to me before? He told you that you didn't have to go to the pit and you just scoffed at him?" His voice sounded almost disgusted. I set my jaw. "No, I told him to let Sam take my place. I begged him Dean, I couldn't spend eternity in paradise and know he was burning in the pit." Dean's face softened. "You would let yourself be dragged to the pit for him?" I looked back at the ceiling. "I know you are safe as a vessel but Sam may not make it. I would have traded places with either of you if you were both going but I knew you couldn't sit by and watch as Sam burned in the pit forever. I couldn't let Sam suffer." I closed my eyes and shoved back the ach in my chest. "I couldn't go to heaven and let either of you burn." Dean was glaring at the wall when I chanced a look in his direction. "You aren't the one responsible for Sam's salvation. I'm the one who is supposed to take care of him." I closed my eyes. "Can we just not talk about this? Just for a little while Dean I want to forget some demon bitch is trying to end the world. I just want to let go of it all for a little while." I was so tired of fighting and even if it was just for an hour or so I wanted to forget where I was. I didn't want to morn Sam, I didn't want to think about hunting I just wanted it to stop for a little while. "Then let go." Dean said rising up on his elbow. His eyes were so hurt and lost. I wanted to make that look go away. I kissed him softly and felt his arms slide around my shoulders. I felt my heart speed up as he deepened the kiss and rolled on top of me. He pressed against me and drew a soft sound from my lips. He pulled away his eyes heavy with desire. I looked away as I felt my eyes slowly burning to gold. "I don't want you to see my eyes like this." I whispered. He jerked my chin back towards him. "I want all of you tonight Selen. I want to see your eyes glow gold just for me. I want to break that control you keep in place so tight around me. I want you to let me in." He pulled my bra off roughly and I cried out as he grabbed my breast in his calloused hand. "There you are." He growled and reached down sliding a hand inside my panties. I gasped as he slipped a finger inside me. "Dean." I breathed. "I'm going to fuck you until you can't see straight." He growled and bit my neck. I cried out as he curled his finger inside me. He worked me roughly with his fingers until I could feel the heat burning me up. "Dean, god please!" I gasped. He leaned in to my ear. "Cum for me and I'll give you what you want." His words sent me over the edge. My back arched and his name fell from my lips. He kissed me roughly and nearly ripped my panties off of me. He had changed since we had made love last and I could feel a deep rage in him, almost a want to cause pain. He rose above me and watched me as I lay there panting. His nostrils flared and he pressed the head of his erection to my opening. He looked into my eyes and shoved himself into me hard. I cried out and gripped the sheets. He fucked me relentlessly and I felt tears squeeze out of the corners of my eyes as he pounded into me as hard as he could. He angled himself and starting hitting a spot deep inside me that made me see stars. He put his hands on either side of me and my hands went to his shoulders. He slammed in deeper and I dug my nails into his back. He let out a hiss of pain and shoved in harder. He kissed me and pinned my wrists above my head. He glared down at me with a fierceness I had never seen before in his eyes. I felt my body tighten around his and he threw his head back. "Fuck." He breathed and ground his body into mine. "Please, Dean I'm so close." I begged. He let my hands go and gripped my hips lifting me up slightly and forcing himself deep inside me over and over. I screamed for him and came my nails raking down his back. He turned me on my stomach and slammed himself back inside of me. I cried out for him and he gripped my hips hard enough I knew I would be bruised later. He didn't let up until I felt his rhythm start to falter. He jerked be backwards pulling me to my knees and slammed into me harder. "Cum inside me Dean." I begged. He bit into my shoulder and I screamed as I felt his teeth sink in. He drew blood and gave a muffled cry as he came. We collapsed forward and both gasped for air as we tried to relearn how to breathe. When I could move again I touched my shoulder gingerly. My fingers came away with small beads of blood clinging to them. Dean held me tightly as our hearts slowed. I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. Dean began to snore softly. I smiled and reached out for Sam before realizing it. I felt an emptiness sink over me as I realized Sam would probably never come to bed again. I curled closer to Dean and closed my eyes. I would follow the rules my father set down for me, I wouldn't cry for Sam and I was going to go back to what I always did when I needed to get rid of emotions, hunt. I took my emotions and shoved them in a box inside myself. I buried the sorrow that was threatening to take me over and I hardened myself against it. I felt a familiar coldness fill me as I sank slowly into that darkness that had so long been my life. I let sleep take my mind with the solemn promise that I would stick to my old rules.

I dreamt I was floating face down in water. I could hear Dean and Sam calling out for me. I felt a hard tug and came face to face with the werewolf that had killed my father. I opened my mouth to scream as he tore into me. I sucked in water that tasted like blood. It was warm and filled my nose and mouth with that metallic tang. I was drowning in blood. I looked up and saw Sam reaching out for me. I struggled towards him and watched as his eyes closed slowly then snapped open, his wonderful hazel eyes swallowed in black. I woke in a cold sweat laying there breathing hard. I sat up careful not to disturb Dean and got dressed padding downstairs. Bobby was sitting at the kitchen table reading a newspaper. I grabbed a mug out of the cabinet and filled it with the coffee he had made. I poured in milk and some sugar and sat down stirring it slowly. "Well you look like shit." He said looking up. "Thanks, you aren't winning any beauty contests yourself old man." I said. He laughed and sipped his own coffee. "So what are we going to do?" I asked. He shrugged. "That's up to Dean." He said. I looked down and drank my coffee slowly. I was on my second cup when Dean finally came down. He was just wearing jeans. I just watched him silently as he sat down. "Coffee?" I offered gesturing with my own mug towards the pot. He just shook his head. "So how are we going to stop the apocalypse?" I asked. He glared at me. "Parker I just woke up, I need some time to think." He pushed back from the table angrily. I sighed as I heard him go back upstairs. "Don't get mad at him, he is just upset about Sam." I finished my coffee and went to put the mug in the sink. "Yeah well maybe if he got his head out of Sam's ass long enough to look around he would realize that we need to get a move on." I pulled my shoes on I had left by the door and walked outside letting the door slam behind me. I walked around the yard for a long time before I circled back. Anger was better than sadness and I embraced it. I walked back inside as Dean and Bobby were talking. Dean turned towards the window. "What's the plan?" I asked. I blinked and he was gone. Bobby and I were staring at the spot Dean had been standing. I walked over and sniffed the air. The smell of fresh water and sunlight was prevalent. The last time I had smelled that was when I saw Castiel. Dean had been taken by angels. "Where is all this shit going down?" I asked. Bobby was still staring at the spot Dean had disappeared from. "Some convent." He said. "Give me the address." I said running upstairs. "I'm going after them." I said loudly as I threw all my things into my bag quickly. When I raced back downstairs Bobby handed me a map with a little X on it. I snatched it and ran out the door calling a thank you over my shoulder. I leapt into the charger and peeled out.

I was almost half way there when Castiel appeared in the passenger seat. I nearly ran off the road. "Shit Castiel!" I said angrily as I corrected myself. "You could warn a girl." I said glancing at the map to be sure I didn't miss a turn. "You have to stop hunting with Sam and Dean." He said quietly. I looked at him angrily. "What?" I barked. He looked down. "You have to leave Sam and Dean. I have been ordered to keep you away from them, whatever it takes." I pulled into a diner to get off the road. "Look soldier boy, I don't care what your orders are, I am going to find Sam and Dean and if the cage opens at this convent they will be there. Unless you want to take me to Dean and save me the trouble." I said angrily. Castiel sighed. "Selen if you keep veering off your path you will be condemned." I glared at him. "I'm trusting that God has a plan for me Castiel and I feel like it includes them." He looked at me his eyes sad. "Don't make me force you Selen. I don't want to have to do that. Just stay away from them." I scowled at him. "And if I say no?" I dared him. His shoulders sagged. "I'm so sorry Selen." He said and touched my forehead. There was a blinding flash and everything went dark.

I groaned at the throbbing pain in my head as I opened my eyes. I was parked in the parking lot of a diner. I must have fallen asleep in the car again. I never stopped at diners why was I here? I got out to get a coffee to go. I was waiting for the guy to come back with my coffee when I smelled a hamburger. I felt a searing pain just behind my eyes and winced. The guy handed me my coffee. "You ok lady?" The guy asked. I rubbed my temple. "I'm fine thanks." I said getting handing him the cash and doctoring my coffee before leaving. My cell rang. I answered wondering when the hell I had changed my ringtone to "Falling into the Black" by Metallica. "Parker." I said getting in my car. "Selen, thank god I need you to get to Sam." I rolled my eyes. "Look dude I know I said I would take this job but let's get something straight. I don't kill other hunters. I am not killing the kid no matter what kind of freaky shit he has in his blood. So lay off and either give me another job or hang up." There was a pause. "Dean what are you doing?" The voice in the background sounded vaguely familiar. "Nothing Cas just leave me alone." I realized this wasn't the person that had called me to kill that Sam Winchester kid. I had that awful burning sensation again. "Who the hell is this?" I asked rubbing my forehead. "Cas get away from me I have to get Sam some help!" The voice yelled. "Give me the phone." There was a scuffle and the line went dead. I looked down at my phone. The caller ID just registered a random number. I sat the phone in my lap and took a swig of coffee. Weird guys calling me usually didn't bug me too much. I drove off looking for an internet café to look for a job.

I had bagged a few ghosts in New Mexico two months later when I got a call from someone I hadn't seen in a long time. "Hey Bobby Singer, never thought you would call me again after I finished up the Charger. What's up man you got a job for me?" I was dusting off my pants at the grave site after reburying the bones I had salted and burned. "What the hell are you talking about? I know you didn't find Dean or Sam, but we have been worried sick about your sorry ass! What the hell are you doing running off like that?" I was getting back in the car. "What the hell are you talking about old man? You going senile on me?" He was sputtering. I heard a voice in the background. "She has to stay away from them." The line went dead. I shook my head and put the phone in the cup holder cranking the car. Weirdo. I was heading back to Kansas for the summer to go fishing in honor of my dad. Luckily the headaches had stopped once I stayed away from diners, it must have been the smell or something. I was enjoying myself again, though I felt a little lonely sometimes. I never wanted people with me before so I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. The smell of some strange man was all over my cloths so I had had to wash them when I left that diner two months ago. Someone may have been after me but nothing from my bags was missing and no spells had been cast so I must have ditched them whoever they were. I had gotten back into the rhythm of things, hunting and doing the best I could and now it was time for a little vacation. I loved driving cross country and just drifting around doing jobs as I was needed, it was the only life I had known and I enjoyed being solitary most of the time, periodically though I would wake up clutching a pillow a second one tucked at my back. Was I going crazy or was I getting lonely? I shook the thought away and stopped at a drive thru to get some food.

Two Years Later.

It had been almost two years since I woke up at that diner in my car with searing headaches and I had gotten a call about some sort of jinn activity in a small town. I was walking around a warehouse when I smelled something. Wood smoke sunshine and just a hint of musk and gunpowder. My head began to throb as I tried to remember why that smell made my stomach do a flip. I had my browning out and loaded with iron ammo out. I knelt down as I heard footsteps coming closer. "I don't know Samuel this doesn't feel right." I heard a voice whisper. I felt that burning in my head again and blinked hard setting my jaw. I was kneeling in a shadow as two men came around the corner. One was tall with long hair past his ears the other was bald and ageing. I took out my flask of holy water. I tossed a line of it over them and they both jerked and pulled guns as it fell on them. "Holy water?" The taller one said looking around. He spotted me in the shadows. "Come out hands up." He ordered. I stood and raised my hands up. "I don't want any trouble guys, you must have gotten the same call as me." I said stepping out of the shadows. The tall one squinted at me. "Selen?" I looked at him. "Do I know you bud?" I asked. He looked familiar but I couldn't quite place him. He smiled and came forward to hug me. "We thought you were dead!" He said. I stepped back. "Whoa buddy, I don't take kindly to that sort of attention." I said watching him. His smile faded. "You're serious." He said. I felt my eyebrows draw together. "Look man I don't know who you are but you are seriously freaking me out. You know my name and you obviously think you know me enough to hug me, but I have no clue who you are." He was staring at me with an odd expression. "I took your virginity and you shared a bed with me and my brother for three months." He said his voice flat. I raised my eyebrows. "Look buddy you must be confusing me with someone else. I don't have sex and I certainly don't do it with two guys." I shook my head. "Maybe I should go." I started to turn away but he grabbed me and slammed me into the wall. My eyes burned gold and I bared my teeth at him. "Paws off buddy." I snarled. He just smiled down at me. "I've seen this little show. Lots of bark but no bite." I let a snarl trickle from my lips. The bald one had a gun on me. "Sam what the hell are you doing?" He said angrily. "Maybe you will remember this." Sam said and his lips came down on mine. There was a flash of white light and memories came flooding back, Sam over me as his eyes rolled back in pleasure. Dean playing loud music in the car and eating burgers, telling me Sam wasn't coming home. Castiel in the car with me at that diner. Sam pulled back and I was panting. He looked down at me rather smugly. "Sam?" He smiled widely and nodded. I smacked him as hard as I could. He backed off and held his cheek. "You _bastard_! I screamed. "You left me and Dean high and dry and ran off with that hell bitch! I loved you, you sick fuck!" The bald man he had called Samuel was just standing there dumbfounded his mouth slightly open. I balled my hands into fists. "You promised me Sam, you swore to me you wouldn't leave." He laughed. "And what about you little hound dog? You ran off when Dean was abducted by angels and left both of us!" I ground my teeth. "Castiel erased my memories! I was on my way to find you and he cornered me and whipped my mind of both of you! You left because you wanted to!" I shoved him. He grabbed my hands and held them over my head with one hand. "I stopped the apocalypse while you were gone, I saved the world and stopped Lucifer. You got to run off and have a life." He spat. I tried to break his grip. "So that flash of light was her breaking the spell of an angel?" Samuel asked suddenly. We both looked at him. "Back off old man this is between me and hell boy here." I snarled at him. Sam laughed and looked back at me. "Hell boy? Really Selen?" I hooked my foot behind his ankle and threw him off balance. He let my hands go to catch himself and I leapt away. Samuel had a gun on me in an instant. "Just hold still and I won't shoot you. You are obviously a hunter, and I don't like to kill fellow hunters." I laughed. "Where you been old man sometimes your own kind is the biggest danger there is!" Sam was glaring at me. "Leave her here Samuel, she isn't strong enough to help us." Sam said putting a hand on Samuel's gun. "What's happened to you Sam? You smell different, almost sick." I said relaxing my stance. "Dean is in trouble and I need you to stay the hell out of the way. He is with Lisa and Ben now." I set my jaw. "I guess I should have expected that he would find someone else." I said a bitter pit forming in my stomach. "He has a family now." Sam said. I turned away. "What kind of trouble?" I asked forcing the feelings back in their box. "There are some jinn after him." He said. "If you want to help fine but stay in the background, Dean thinks you are dead." I took a deep breath. "Fine what are we standing around here for then?" I said walking towards the exit. "There aren't any jinn here, I would smell them." They followed me out.

Samuel didn't want to take me back to headquarters but Sam finally convinced him once he told him about me tripping up Castiel the first time we met. "If she has lived this long I think she could be useful." I was not very happy sitting in the back of Samuel's van listening to them talk about me like a new toy. I had left the Charger at the motel I was staying at, I was planning on going back for it as soon as I made sure I saw Dean. Sam had explained about his grandfather and family back at headquarters. I was feeling just a little bitter since the memories had come back, the wounds were fresh in my mind again of him leaving. "How many other demons you banging now Sam?" I growled. He smiled and turned to look at me. "Just humans from now on thanks, Ruby made me start the apocalypse so I'm off the demon blood." He said. I ground my teeth. Something was different. This wasn't my Sam, my Sam was violent and passionate, this Sam seemed cold and calculating. He didn't even smell the same. I felt that sharp edge of loss all over again. "Well while you were out losing your memory Dean and I killed the four horsemen and I jumped into the cage to stop Lucifer." My eyes widened. "You what?!" I screamed. Samuel nearly drove off the road. "Could you not do that kid?" He barked. I grabbed Sam's shoulder. "You went to hell and came back? How long?" He shrugged. "I woke up in the field we fought in the same night." I sat back. "Well now that I'm the only one who hasn't come back from the dead, can you tell me exactly why Castiel mind fucked me?" I said angrily. He shrugged again. "You would have to ask him, and he doesn't really answer me much." I sighed. "You are awful damn calm about all this." I said. He started to shrug again and I slammed my hand down on his shoulder. "So help me Sam if you shrug at me one more frigging time!" He sighed. "What do you want from me Selen?" He asked. I set my jaw. "Oh I don't know maybe an 'I'm so sorry Selen, I don't know what I was thinking running off with a _demon_ like that, will you ever forgive me?'" I was all sorts of pissed at him. He turned to look at me. "You've been gone for almost two years. I don't owe you a damn thing." He said. I felt my heart breaking but kept it locked inside. "Fine Sam." I said. We stayed silent the rest of the ride. I got to meet a bunch of Sam's relatives when we got there and hatched a plan to save Dean.

I had to force Sam to take me with him to see Dean. He made me stay in the damn car. He had gotten a brand new model Dodge Charger. I let out a low whistle when I saw it. "I don't mind staying in the car as much now." I said as I got in. "You stay here no matter how long it takes." He ordered pulling out of the complex. I sighed. "Sam if he is happy then he won't want me anyway." I said. "Just like you don't." I whispered. He didn't even flinch. "I've moved on. When we all thought you were dead Dean wanted to get Cas involved but he said he wouldn't because you had followed your path. He didn't tell us that had meant you were alive. We even went to heaven at one point and didn't see you there. Dean panicked after that and we figured you ended up in the pit. It took a lot of convincing to get Dean to keep off the crossroads." I set my jaw. "What about you, Sam? Did you look for me? Did you even care?!" I spat. "I cared, ok? I looked everywhere for you and you didn't show up. I figured you were either dead or didn't want to be found." Sam's knuckles were turning white on the steering wheel. "What is the matter with you Sam?" I asked touching his hand. "I don't know." He admitted. We drove in silence for a while until he finally turned on the radio. I sighed as Rise Against, "Approaching Curve" poured through the speakers. I watched the road and sang along softly as we drove. Sam was silent and didn't look at me. "Up ahead there was a curve approaching, she made no indications of slowing…" Sam glanced at me. Eve 6 "Inside Out" came on next. We both sang with that one. I smiled as we both got into it. We were both rocking our heads in time with it. "I'm not as ugly sad as you!" Sam sang and looked at me. I grinned. "Or am I origami, folded up and just pretend, demented as the motives in your head!" I sang bumping his shoulder. We were both laughing by the time the song was over. "I missed you Sam." I said leaning my head on his shoulder, my bitterness forgotten. "I think I missed you too." He said kissing the top of my head. I smiled and closed my eyes breathing in his familiar scent no matter how strangely tainted it was, maybe he was just different since I had been away. I fell asleep with my head against the headrest.

When I woke up it was daylight and we were in a small neighborhood. I swallowed past the dry feeling in my throat. "Did you sleep?" I asked. Sam shook his head. "Something is wrong." He got out of the car in a hurry. "Stay here." He ordered. I fidgeted as I saw him go into someone's garage. He came back out a few moments later carrying an unconscious Dean. I flew out of the car and helped him get Dean into the back seat. "What the hell Sam?" I said as he put the seat back. "I had to dose him with jinn antidote." He said getting in the car. I slid in and he cranked up the car. I turned in my seat to look at Dean. He looked just like the last time I had seen him, his hair was just a tiny bit longer. I touched his face and felt my heart ache as I felt that familiar line of stubble on his cheek. "I'm so sorry." I whispered. Sam drove us back to the complex with his relatives and carried Dean to a bed inside. "You keep out of the room until he wakes up. One of us back from the dead is enough." I glared at him. "Damn it Sam I haven't seen him in two years and I didn't even remember leaving, do you know what that does to a person?!" He just glared at me. "Follow orders like a good little hell hound will you?" I touched my side were my tattoo hid under my shirt. Castiel must have put a spell on it to hide it before, someone tends to remember if they saw someone's name tattooed on them. "Please Sam." He held up a hand. "You can see him after he calms down. This is going to be a big shock for him." I felt myself grow cold. "I mourned you Sam. I had Dean while he cried when you picked a demon over us. Don't you try to tell me he didn't mourn me when you couldn't find me." Sam grabbed my shoulders and drove me from the room. "You stay in here until I say so." He growled and sat me down in a chair. He left the room and I heard him sit on a across from Dean. I sat and waited for hours. The sun was setting when I finally heard Dean wake. My heart skipped a beat as I heard his voice. I was twitching in my seat by the time Sam finally said he needed to tell him something. "I'm not alone." Sam said carefully. "Who else could be more important?" Dean asked his voice laughing. He led Dean around the corner. I stood. He froze and his mouth dropped open. "She's been alive this whole time." Sam said. I swallowed. "Hey Dean." His face changed and contorted with rage. He ran forward and slammed me against the wall knocking the breath out of me. "You left me with a bunch of angels and ran off and you were _alive_?!" I was trying to get air in my lungs. "Dean, please!" I choked out tears in my eyes. "Castiel whipped my memory!" He still looked pissed. "I was trying to find you and he whipped my memory!" I was sobbing now, something I hadn't done in two years. "Why would he do that?!" He snarled. I shook my head. "I don't know!" Dean let me go and I fell to the floor. He turned away. "We thought you were dead." He said quietly. I stood up and whipped my face. "I'll leave Dean, I swear if you are happy I'll leave." He spun on me. "Don't you dare! I thought you were dead Parker! No one could find you and Cas made us think you were in heaven! I lived the last two years praying you were watching over me! I begged you to understand why I had to go live with Lisa and Ben!" He was back in my face again. "I didn't know Dean. Sam gave me my memory back last night and I didn't even recognize him before that." Sam touched his shoulder. "At least she let you toss her around, she slapped the shit out of me." Dean looked at Sam. "She hit you?" I froze. Dean smiled slowly then started laughing. "That sounds like her." He said finally. I let myself relax a little bit. "If Cas erased your memory he must have had a good reason." Dean said turning back to me. "I don't know, he didn't give me a straight answer before he mind raped me." I said. Dean flinched. "Poor choice of words." I muttered. "So where have you been?" He asked. I shrugged. "I was hunting, I didn't do anything I hadn't done before." Dean looked down. "Did you find someone else?" He asked. I felt my stomach drop. "Honestly Dean that never crossed my mind." I said coming towards him slowly. He touched my face turning it to look from all angles. "You got a new scar." He said softly touching the one I had gotten from a vampire slamming me through a window just above my left eyebrow. I closed my eyes. "Did you notice we were gone?" He asked softly. I swallowed hard past the lump in my throat. "I would wake up will pillows in front of me and one at my back almost every night. I dreamt about you two but I didn't know who you were." I opened my eyes. His green eyes were sad. "I mourned you even when I didn't know it." I leaned closer to him. His eyes closed and he stopped just before our lips touched. "I can't, its just… Lisa…" I leaned away and nodded taking a deep breath. His scent filled my nose and I could smell her on him. I felt a stab of sorrow. Dean and Sam had moved on and I hadn't even been here. I turned away. "I think I'll get Sam to take me back to my hotel and I'll start heading my own way again." I felt Sam touch my shoulder. "You could always stay with me." He offered. I balled my hands up to fight the onslaught of tears. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea Sam." I whispered. "We could use a hunter of your caliber in our group. Besides Dean is the one that said you were family." I took a deep breath. "I'll stay if you need me." I said. Dean had his head down. "Don't be a stranger, I bed Ben would like to meet you, I told him about you. Lisa said you sounded like hell on wheels." I gave a weak laugh. "I'd like that." I said softly.

Dean met the rest of the group, he was a little more alarmed then I was he had an extended family. I knew I had a few relatives roaming around but I stayed away most of the time. After we got the preliminaries out of the way Dean wanted to go back for his family. "Dean are you sure moving them is the best idea?" I asked. He glared at me. "I'm not leaving them to the jinn. We can take them to Bobby's place until we sort this out." I nodded and went back to cleaning my gun. Samuel tapped me on the shoulder. "Can I talk to you for a moment?" I stood and followed him to his back office. "What's going on Samuel?" I asked. He come closer and looked into my eyes. "Sam barely mentioned you in passing before. I thought at first because he was mourning you but now I'm not so sure. You are really half werewolf?" I sighed. "Yes, I was contaminated by a werewolf when it killed my father." He nodded. "Sam said something like that, but again he didn't talk about you much." I glared at him. "Any reason you keep saying that?" I said my voice angrier then I had intended. "I just want you to understand, Sam is a different person now. He only cares that you might be useful, I don't think he even remembers if he loved you or not. I don't know the whole story, only what he has told us when we asked about before the apocalypse. He seemed pretty angry when we would ask why you left. He didn't know you were going to find them, he thought you left because he had made you angry, he has told us all about your world class temper." I scowled. "You should have seen him when he was jacked up on demon blood. He could really fuck you up if he wanted to." I looked away as I felt my eyes starting to burn. I hadn't had a strong enough emotion in a long time to make them do this. "Sorry I know it's a little unsettling." I said as Samuel took a small step backwards. "I'm not going to wolf out, it's an emotional response." He took my chin and tilted my head this way and that to get a better look. I felt my eyes cooling back to green again. "What causes it?" He asked and I felt a pang of loss as I remembered Sam asking me the same question when we met. "If I get really angry or sad or any other strong emotion they turn gold. It's almost like a heat, so I know when it's happening." He nodded and let go of my chin. "Mary would have liked you if Sam's stories are true. She had quite a temper herself." I smiled as I realized he was talking about their mother. "I doubt she would have liked me being with both of them." I said. He laughed. "No I suppose not. I don't know how you kept those two in line, they are pretty hard to handle one at the time." I shrugged. "They more or less kept me in line." I answered. "Sam was the one who seemed more emotional, Dean kept me in check when things when wrong. Sam was the one who cried over me when I got shot. Dean just wanted to get me patched up and out of there. I was out for six days and Dean made Sam go hunting with him." Samuel was watching me carefully. "Sam, emotional?" He said suddenly. I looked up at him. "He must have changed a lot in the cage then, that boy is a hunting machine." I stared at him. "Sam is a great hunter but sometimes his emotions get in the way, now you're telling me he is a machine?" Samuel nodded. I thought about it for a moment. It had been two years since I had laid eyes on Sam, he could be so much different. I sighed. "I don't know Samuel, I mean it's been two years and he has been through so much. He seems very different but that could just be him changing." I shook my head. "You let me know if you think I should leave. I'm trusting you with this, ok? If you think my being here is more harm than good or if you just don't need me around, just tell me to go. No attachments ok? I'll go without a fuss." He looked me over for a moment. "Something happened between you three, something big." I looked away. "I lost a baby with them. I'm not sure how messed up about it Sam was, I never got the chance to ask, we were a little busy trying to stop the apocalypse. Which by the way was a bust, I only got like five extra jobs because of it." I shook my head. "Sorry I'm just being a little bitter. I may need to burn off some steam." I rolled my shoulders. "Are you as good at following orders as Sam said you were?" I looked up at him. "I'll do what I'm told, I won't promise I won't complain every now and then but I will get it done." He seemed to think about that for a moment then nodded. "Welcome to the group then." He said clapping me on the shoulder. When we came back out Dean was ready to get everyone out his house. "We can send them to Bobby's place and position ourselves in the house." Sam said laying down the game plan. "Sounds like a plan." I said looking around at the others. Sam and Dean both looked at me. "Samuel?" Sam asked looking at him. "She seems like a good hunter, I don't see why she shouldn't stay." One of the men stood. "Because she is a total stranger that Sam barely told us about and she isn't even related to us." I glared at him. Dean rounded on the guy. "Look buddy I don't know if you realize this but she didn't leave us on purpose. An angel whipped her memory and left her out in the middle of nowhere." I touched Dean's shoulder. "Dean I can fight my own battles." I said gently. "I'm just as good at hunting as any of you. If you want to kick my tires feel free, but just give me a chance. If I become too much of a distraction to any of you I'll walk away." They were all looking at me levelly. "So she fucks Sam for a few months two years ago and suddenly she is in the group." The only other woman in the group said. I sighed. "I'm going to get this out of the way now so you can all get it out of your systems. I was sleeping with both of them. I love both Sam and Dean, call me what you want but at least I can admit it. I'm willing to let Dean go back to his family because I can tell he is happy and I want nothing better for him." Dean was watching me his eyes held pain and guilt. "If I had known." He stopped himself and turned away. "Are we doing this or not?" He growled. Everyone was looking at me just like I expected them to; like I was the whore of Babylon. Samuel took charge and everyone got moving. I rode with Sam and Dean to his house. I was silent the whole ride.

When we picked up Ben and Lisa Dean was in a near panic. They loaded into the back seat with me. I gave them a friendly smile. "I'm Selen." I said offering my hand. Ben's eyes went wide. "Selen Parker?" He asked. I smiled and hesitantly nodded. Lisa looked slightly worried. "Dean has told us a ton about you! Are you really part werewolf? Did you really beat Castiel in a fight?" He was firing off questions at me. I didn't have much experience with kids. I looked at Dean. "Edited version." He said curtly. "Um, yeah I am part werewolf. I'm not contagious and I don't change, I just have heightened senses and my eyes change color. The first time I met Castiel he was trying to test me so I showed him I could take care of myself. I only knocked him over I didn't hurt him." I explained. Ben's face was lit up. Lisa patted his shoulder and smiled at me. "He likes to hear stories about Dean's life before us. You are a dream come true for him." I smiled. "Well Dean is quite the guy, you two are lucky to have him." I almost liked Lisa. She was strong but she was very worried about her son. "Dean won't let anything happen to you guys. He is a fantastic hunter." Lisa nodded and looked down. Ben started asking questions again. "So did you really get shot?" He asked. I smirked. "Yeah." I said lifting the edge of my shirt to show the scar running a few inches across my side. He saw the Tattoo and grinned. "Did Dean make you get that?" He asked. I jerked my shirt back into place. "It's an anti-possession tattoo." I said quickly. "Not the words." He said. Sam started laughing. "That was my idea." He said. "Let's talk about something else." Lisa said. "So how long have you known Dean?" I asked. Lisa smiled. "A while. He blew through town a few years ago and changed my life. It seemed only natural when he came back again to talk to him. He saved Ben's life. When he needed a place to go we took him in." I nodded. "What about you Selen? I know your memory got whipped but how did you end up with Dean and Sam before?" I looked out the window. "Well I had met Sam and Dean as a kid when my dad needed a babysitter, but when I got this call from someone wanting to kill Sam I didn't really want to do it. Other hunters look at me like a battering ram sometimes and call me in on jobs they want to either get done quickly or if they don't want to do it themselves. Sam saw me when I was scouting the area and they captured me. Dean didn't warm up to me at first, until he saw my car that is." She smiled and nodded. "He has a thing for cars, I'll give you that." I smiled. "Sam just wanted to learn more about me since I am the first other half breed he has come across that didn't try to kill him." Sam glanced back at us. "As time went on and we got to know each other we shared some pretty memorable experiences. Dean introduced me to diner burgers." I said. Lisa wrinkled her nose. "Yeah he eats like he doesn't care if he has a heart attack." I smiled. "Most hunters live fast and die young." I said. She didn't look too happy about that. Dean turned up the radio as I made a face at him in the rearview. "Paradise City" came on and I grinned, reminded of the time we drove to this song on a job. We had both sung aloud while Sam was back at the hotel doing research. We were bobbing our heads in time and Lisa was watching us oddly. "Take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and girls are pretty!" Dean sang looking at me in the mirror. "Oh won't you please take me home?!" I sang. Sam quirked a smile and Ben seemed to be enjoying the ride. Lisa on the other hand seemed rather upset by the time we pulled up in front of Bobby's house.

We got them settled in and Dean kissed Lisa good bye before we got back in the car. I smiled softly and slid into the car before him. Sam looked at me for a moment. "It bothers you doesn't it?" He asked softly. I looked up at him. "Dean is happy Sam, what does it matter if it bothers me or not?" He looked down. "I guess part of me doesn't want it to." I licked my lips and looked at my feet. "I guess you have me all to yourself now Sam. That is if you even want me." I regretted the words as the poured from my mouth. "Oh I want you, I've wanted you since you left." I couldn't look at him. His voice didn't even sound the same, that note of affect it used to hold for me was gone, replaced by something much darker. Dean slid into the front seat and Sam turned back. "What's got you in a mood Parker?" Dean asked. I shook my head. "I'm fine let's just go." Part of me was ready to just leave now, not help Sam and Dean kill the jinn that were after them, just leave and never turn back. My heart was breaking at the thought of losing them. _You've already lost them._ I reminded myself. I took a deep breath and looked out the window forcing my feelings back in the box they belonged in. "You sure you are alright?" Dean asked as we got underway. I set my jaw. "I'm fine Dean." I barked a little too harshly. He looked at me in the rearview for a while. "Don't lie to me Selen, I know when something is bothering you, or did you forget that?" I glared at him. "Didn't mean to fuck up your apple pie Winchester." I growled. I saw his jaw flex. Sam stayed silent, which was very uncharacteristic for him when Dean and I fought. At least it used to be. "I know you aren't my boys anymore. I know that in the two years I have been wondering around with no recollection of either of you that you have both changed. Sam ended up in the cage and you ended up as a family man. I don't doubt that those experiences have changed you, but keep in mind my memories of you two before are all I have. So I'm sorry if I don't expect you two to act the way you do now." I looked out the window again trying to make the pain in my chest stop.

Everyone was set up at Dean's place when we arrived. I looked up at Samuel and he must have seen the hurt in my eyes because he just looked at Sam and nodded. I wanted to slink off like a wounded animal, very uncharacteristic of me. I moved a chair into a corner of the living room and sat down to sharpen my knife. Sam was watching me silently. I could feel my scalp itching as they talked quietly. I looked up finally to see one of their cousins staring at me. "What?" I barked. He shrugged. "You ain't in this with us, I can tell." Dean looked at me and then back at the man. "She is fine." He said. The man shrugged again. "If you say so, but she is gone soft. I can tell, she may have been good at one point but you two broke her." He motioned between Sam and Dean with a dagger. I glared at him standing. "I'm not the broken one here." I said and walked out into the night.

I stood on the porch and let out a breath. I closed my eyes and prayed. "Ok Castiel you were right. I should have stayed away, but is it too late for me? I can't pretend that they haven't changed, now that Dean has a family and Sam found his cousins…" I shook my head. "You are far too busy with heaven stuff to bother with me. You stay up there and let me figure it out just like everyone else." I sighed and walked off the porch to my car. I leaned against the hood. I could smell the jinn off in the distance. "Not going to come out and play?" I shouted. Sam appeared at the door. "Who are you talking to?" I turned. "The jinn off in the trees." I said simply. He walked down and leaned against the car next to me towering over me even slouched. "You can smell them can't you?" He sounded slightly disappointed. "Yeah." I said looking down. "I don't drink blood anymore you know." He said. I shrugged. "I guess I kind of expected that." I muttered. "You haven't changed at all have you?" Sam asked. I sighed and looked back out at the trees. "I guess not. I mean, sure I've been through the whole apocalypse, total bust by the way, but I don't feel any different now. I've survived a few more wounds then I figured I would and I haven't stopped hunting, but I am not as changed as you two are. Two years and it's like you're a totally different person Sam." His fists tightened. "Sorry if we didn't all breeze through the apocalypse like it was nothing." He said. I pushed off the car. "Don't you put that on me damn it. I was just saying for something of biblical proportions the rest of the world is relatively unscathed. I was hoping for like, oh I don't know, a realization that things that go bump in the night are real?!" Sam was glaring at me. "They are real, you and I know that." I threw my hands up. "Well no dip shit Sherlock! I am something that goes bump in the night! Or did you forget I have werewolf blood?" I was pacing and fuming. "I didn't forget." He said softly. "Well it seems that way! You and Samuel and Dean keep treating me like I'm going to break or explode or something! I'm not a child Sam!" I rounded on him. He pushed off the car. "You are clearly upset. I shouldn't have come out here." I set my jaw. "This isn't how you would have treated me before. You and Dean respected me as a hunter. Maybe it was the sex, but now you two are both treating me like I have a hair trigger. I don't understand it Sam." He shrugged. I turned away and let out an exasperated snarl. "That is why. You seem much more wolfish then before. You growl and seem to not be hiding your eyes much anymore." I glared at him and tried to keep my eyes from heating to gold. "So what Sam? So I'm getting in touch with the anger I hold and the wolf inside of me." He was just staring at me. "Selen you shouldn't do that. Remember how messed up I was on the blood?" I felt my eyes go completely gold. "I am not going to do that Sam. I'm not some messed up junkie. I'm not letting this rule my life, I'm just accepting it's a part of me. I guess it stemmed from the loneliness I was feeling. I didn't know why I felt this crushing sadness whenever I slept, I was just always alone and eventually it made me angry. I let go and realized that my nature was more wolfish then I wanted to find out. It just happened this way Sam, I don't like what I am but I can't fix it." I shook my head. "I don't take a sabbatical to hell and get all my shit cured." He seemed angry for a moment then he just sighed. "Come back inside, we should tell Dean he jinn aren't attacking." I looked back up into the trees. As Sam looked too I smelled fear on the wind. "They won't attack when we are here." I said softly. I followed Sam back into the house.

By sunrise Dean was ready to kick us out. I stood with my arms folded across my chest beside him at the table. "They aren't going to come here until Dean is alone." I said as the cousins were shouting at him. They all looked at me. "He doesn't want us here, so why bother? Let him handle it himself. He is protecting his family." I nearly spat the last. Dean looked away from me. "I'm not staying where I'm not wanted, and I won't be the reason we can't catch these fuckers. Go on, be proud little hunters and stick this out until the jinn find out where Ben and Lisa are, I'm going to go find something else to do in the meantime." I kissed Dean's cheek. "Good luck Dean." I said in his ear. He looked up at me his eyes pained. "You get it don't you? Why I have to do this on my own?" I nodded. "They are your family Dean, you are supposed to protect them and you feel like the jinn coming here is your fault, so you are going to fix it. I know why and I also know if you get too much more thick headed you may get yourself killed. Be careful." His gaze went from pleading to sure of himself. He turned back to them. "Get out." Sam was glaring at me. "Way to go Selen, you gave him want he wanted." I set my jaw. "Maybe I just understand him more than you do. You are his brother, no matter how hard you try there are parts of Dean's mind you will never understand, just like there are parts of yours he will never understand either." I turned back to Dean and fixed his hair a little. "Come back in once piece will you? Maybe I can make you a pie for when you get back?" I smiled sadly feeling the ache in my chest again. He smiled. "I'd like that." He patted my hand and stood. "Everyone get their crap and load up. I want everyone out of here." I picked up my duffel bag from the corner and slung it over my shoulder. "You heard him." Sam said with a sigh. I cast a glance back over my shoulder at Dean as Sam closed the door. "You sure you made the right decision backing him up?" One of the cousins asked me. "Dean is a big boy, he can take care of himself." Sam looked unsure. My phone rang. I dug it out of my pocket and flipped it open. "Parker." I said. "Selen, hey you wouldn't happen to be anywhere near this vamp would you?" Robert, one of the few hunters that would work with me started rattling off GPS coordinates. I swung my bag around and pulled out my GPS tracker. "I'm about ten clicks from that." I said my brain working quickly. I had all my hunting gear on me in the Charger. "No problem man, I'll be there in less than an hour." I said putting the tracker back in the bag and tossing in the back seat of the Charger. "Thanks Selen, this guy has been pretty good at avoiding me. I need you on this one, I know it would only take you a few hours." I nodded and smiled. "Yeah I'll be done before nightfall. As long as you have something he touched recently." I said seeing Sam watching me carefully. "As a matter of fact I have a little of his blood on my shirt." I rolled my eyes. "Even better. See you soon Rob." I said and hung up. "You get a job?" Sam asked as his cousin started to drive away. "Yeah, it's just a little vamp problem. I've become a regular Buffy in the last two years, they like to call me in if one gets a little too sly." I touched the tip of my nose. "They can't escape when I have their scent." I said with a grin. "I'll come with you, I mean if you can get us back here by nightfall." He said looking back at the house. "Going to come in on a fiery steed there Sam?" He shrugged. "Come on hop in, this shouldn't take more than four hours." He slid into the front seat and I started the car.

It took me an hour to get there and twenty minutes to locate the vampire. Sam and I were standing outside an abandoned warehouse. "He is defiantly in there, it reeks of vampire." Sam was looking at me like a shiny new toy. "Come on what are we waiting for?" I grabbed his arm as he started forward. I had smelled something through the stench of human development, fear. "He knows we are here. They don't like being cornered. We have to hurry but we also have to be careful." I led the way inside gun out. My eyes adjusted quickly to the dimness inside the warehouse but Sam stayed close on my heels. I sniffed the air. The vamp was close, but where was he hiding? A dark shape barreled out from behind a stack of old wooden crates and sent my browning spinning to the other side of the building. I managed to grab a bit of fabric from the thing's shirt. It set him off balance and he bared his teeth at me. "You have no weapon doggie!" The vampire, a female, hissed at me. She had disarmed Sam as well. I smiled and I knew it looked twisted. "I don't need one." I said. She gave a high laugh and I struck. My entire hand punched through her chest just under her sternum and I wrapped my fingers around her heart. With a sickening crunchy squelch I ripped the organ from her body. Her eyes were wide and she was looking down at herself as I tossed the heart aside and grabbed the sides of her head and twisted. There was a satisfying snap as her neck broke and I tore her head from her shoulders in a spray of blood. I dropped the head at my feet and went to retrieve my browning from the floor. "Quick and easy." I said turning back to Sam and putting the browning back in its holster. He was staring at me his eyes wide. "You did that by hand." He said. I shrugged. "I learned a few tricks while I was on my own, for instance I can rip almost anything to shreds with my bare hands. Doesn't do much but slow down a demon but for everything else…" I shrugged again. "Works pretty well, they don't expect you to rip out their guts with your hands. They always focus on disarming you first so why not give them the illusion it may work in their favor?" Sam was looking at my right arm. I looked down at myself. My right arm was covered in blood nearly to my elbow and I was sticky with blood. I wrinkled my nose. "Yeah you get a little gory." I said walking towards him. I saw him plant his feet. I bent to pick up the shotgun that had been ripped from his grasp. I held it out. "Let's get back, you wanted to rescue Dean right?" He took the gun slowly. "What makes you human anymore?" He asked. I set my jaw. "To tell you the truth Sam I'm not entirely sure." I took out a book of matches from my pocket and lit one. Sam watched me closely. I dropped it on the vampire's body and it burst into flame. I walked out towards my car. He followed and I could almost feel the anger rolling off of him in waves. "You're upset." I said pulling out a black towel and trying to get most of the blood off myself. "Damn right, you aren't even killing like a human! What's happen to you Selen?" This was the most emotion he had shown since he had found me. "I grew up Sam, just like you did. I'm using the strength I gained from the werewolf blood to kill other monsters. It isn't any different than tracking them with my heightened senses." I threw the towel back in the truck and pulled off my shirt revealing the tank top I was wearing underneath. I tossed that in with the towel and grabbed a new shirt pulling it on and slamming the trunk. "You ripped out that thing's heart! No blades no guns, how am I supposed to believe you didn't grow claws or something?!" I rounded on him. "I have the eyes nose and ears of a werewolf, I don't have claws or teeth. Sometimes I feel like a declawed cat trapped in a house. I see all the monsters and say you know I have the ability to turn their power against them, why not use it? Now get in the car so we can let you save Dean." His eyebrows drew together. "Wait are you not helping?" I threw my hands up in exasperation. "First you are screaming at me about being a monster and now you want my help?" I jerked the door to the car opened and got in. "I'm not helping because you and Dean need to solve this little argument you two are having. He feels betrayed because you didn't come back immediately." Sam got into the car and I started it as the building began to catch on fire from the blaze inside.

We got back to Dean's just in time for Sam to have a good heart to heart with him before all hell breaks loose. Dean rushes over to his neighbor's house to save them. I spotted both the jinn and let out a yelp as I see Dean hit with jinn poison. I leapt out of the car in time for Sam to come crashing into the fray. I nearly flew through the door as the jinn rounded on Sam. I hit my knees next to Dean and patted his face. "Dean?" His green eyes are almost crossed. "Ben, Lisa no!" He is reaching towards the window. "Shit." I breathed. The cure was smashed on the floor. I heard a shout and turned to see all the cousins running through the door. Dean got shakily to his feet and bolted for his house. I looked up at Sam. The cousins were holding off the jinn just fine. "Come on!" He shouted and grabbed my arm pulling me out the door. We raced into Dean's house and I stood still for a moment listening. I could smell him and a muffled cry came from upstairs. I flew up the steps Sam at my heels. I nearly broke down the door Dean was behind. He was calling out for Ben to stop. Sam jammed a needle full of the jinn cure into his chest. Dean passed out. "Were we in time?" I asked petting Dean's hair as he breathed deeply in his sleep. "I think so." Sam leaned down to check his pulse. I let him and we walked down to my car to get some bandages. I could see Samuel and the others loading the female jinn into the back of his van. "What the hell?" I looked at Sam. "We need to question her." I shook my head and grabbed my well stocked first aid kit. "Forget it, I don't even care what you and your cousins do." I walked back into the house to patch Dean up. Sam and I were standing over him as he woke. "Hey sleepy head." I said with a smile. Dean gave me a smirk. We started downstairs and Dean seemed no worse for wear. "We are going to head back to base soon, you coming?" Sam asked. Dean paused and I almost immediately knew the answer. "He isn't coming back with you." I said. Dean touched my shoulder. "I got them into this mess. I have to be here to protect them." I nodded. "I know why Dean, it doesn't make it hurt any less. I'll miss you." I said as he touched my face. "You could stick around for a little while, Puppy. Ben is crazy about you and I need someone I can talk to." I smiled sadly. "I doubt Lisa will like that much." I said leaning into his hand. He pulled me to his chest in a hug. "Just for a day or two." I said finally. "I'll keep in touch." Sam said patting his brother's shoulder. Dean drew him into a hug and I smiled at them. Sam nodded and looked down at me. "I'll see you when you finish up here, Samuel is intent on getting you to join the group." I nodded. Sam left to the roar of his new model Dodge Charger. I shook my head. "You going to take care of him for me Selen?" Dean asked. I looked back at him and leaned into his chest. "Don't I always take care of you two when I can?" I felt a small bit of comfort as he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my hair. "I missed you." He said softly. "I don't know how to react Dean. Sam is a totally different person and you have a family now. I don't see where I fit into that. Now with Sam looking at me like I'm the newest and shiniest hunting toy he ever got I have no idea if I could even stay with him." Dean just held me. "Two years is a long time puppy. I understand what you are saying though, Sam is much different." I nuzzled into his chest. "Hey where is my pie?" I grinned. "Well how about I bake one for you and your family in the morning? Get Ben and Lisa back here and I'll make sure to make peace with Lisa, she seems to think I'm trying to muscle in on her territory." Dean smiled and let me go. "Watch out puppy, she gets pretty mama bear on people if they mess with me or Ben." I nodded. "Is she going to be upset that you asked me to stay around for a day or two?" Dean shrugged. "You're a hunter and we know each other, play it off like you just want to catch up. Oh and edit down your stories when Ben asks, she gets pissed if you give too many details." I rolled my eyes. "Hunting is gory and has a lot of details." I said. Dean chuckled. "Yeah I know." I smiled at him. "Let's get started on that pie." I said and walked into the kitchen.

Lisa as predicted was not thrilled I had stayed. Ben was over the moon and I wasn't sure he was going to let me sleep for a while. Lisa set me up in the guest bedroom for the night and as promised I baked Dean a pie. Lisa was gracious enough to let me use her kitchen while they packed to move. Dean didn't want to stay there in case the jinn told someone where they were. I cleaned up after myself to keep her from worrying too much. Ben sat on a stool by me the whole time. I laid the pie out to cool for an hour and let out a sigh. "So what was Dean like when you knew him?" I smiled. I had been answering questions about hunting the entire morning for him. I was glad for the change in subject. "Dean was a little different back then. He was quick to judge and fast." I leaned back against the counter. "He was an amazing hunter. He tries to look tough, but inside he is so caring. He is a big softy you know." I said looking at him with a grin. Ben had a huge smile. "Who you talking about?" I looked up to see Dean in the doorway. "Just sharing old war stories." I said patting Ben on the head. He jerked away and straightened his hair. "Ah huh, she isn't going to give you nightmares is she?" Dean asked Ben. We both rolled our eyes. "I made sure not to give him too much to feed his imagination." I said as Dean came over to look at the pie. "Smells damn good." He said leaning his head over the pie. "Cherry." I said putting a finger on his forehead and pushing him back. "Too hot to eat right now." I said. Both he and Ben let out a disappointed groan. I stifled a giggle as Lisa walked in. "Done already?" She asked. "Yeah, I just have to try and keep these two out of it until it cools." She looked around the kitchen. "No dishes?" I shrugged. "My dad always taught me to clean up after myself." I said. She smiled. "You cook and clean, maybe Dean needs to go back to hunter boot camp then, I think he skipped those lessons." She leaned against him. I forced a smile past the little pang in my heart. "I know, I used to have to cook and clean up after him and Sam." Dean scowled at me. "We went out to eat too." He said indignant. I grinned. "Sometimes, but let us not forget the day I spent hours trying to get Sam and your laundry done." I said. Dean's scowl deepened. Lisa looked at me expectantly. "They had nothing clean to wear and I finally couldn't take the man stink anymore. I waited until they were both asleep and took all their cloths to the Laundromat. Eight loads just to make a dent! One was entirely boxers!" Lisa was laughing. "Dean was so pissed, Sam was happy with it but not Dean. No he liked his cloths like that!" I shook my head. "At least she didn't wash my jacket." Dean said. I smiled. "I know not to wash that Dean, but for god's sake you needed clean underwear!" Lisa was roaring with laughter. I punched Dean's shoulder playfully. "Lighten up the pie is cool." I said picking it up and carefully setting on the table. Ben bounded over to the table happily. Dean lightened a little as I cut slices for everyone. "It's an old recipe." Dean took a forkful and I grinned as his eyes rolled back at the taste. He gave a soft groan as he chewed. "Why did you never make this before?" He asked swallowing. "You never asked." I said taking a bite of my own slice. Lisa and Ben seemed to enjoy it just as much. "Since you let me use your kitchen I would be happy to give you the recipe." I said to Lisa. She smiled. "That would be wonderful." I nodded and got up the retrieve my battered black leather bound journal from the counter. Lisa gave me a recipe card to write it on and I recorded it carefully. "I got it from this old diner off 66 last year. It was too good not to try to make myself." I handed her the recipe and closed my journal. "What's that book anyway?" Ben asked. I ran a finger over the worn cover. "I kept a journal like my dad, this one has everything I know in it. Everything he taught me is in here." Dean touched my hand. "He continued his work through you." He said looking into my eyes. I swallowed and pulled my hand away. "Yeah, well I made you the pie so I guess now I should get back to the Campbell's and Sam." I started picking up empty plates. "Aw do you have to?" Ben whined. I smiled and ruffled his hair. "I have to get back to fighting the spookies kid." I said. He looked disappointed. "I'll keep in touch. Maybe your mom will even invite me back sometime." I looked up at Lisa. She looked down at Ben's eager face. "I guess since you find so many recipes while you travel we should sit down and swap sometime." Ben punched the air triumphantly. Dean wrapped an arm around her and laid a kiss on her lips. I felt that twinge in my chest again and went to wash the dishes in the sink. "Oh no, leave those its fine." Lisa said shooing me away from the sink. I smiled. "I'll get my bag." I said heading upstairs.

I was putting my brush back into my bag when Dean leaned against the door jam. "You don't have to go." He said quietly. I looked up. "I'm not going to stay with your family Dean, you think you have enemies? I have other hunters after me." He shook his head. "I miss you being around." Dean said coming forward. I closed my eyes. "Dean I can't stay here and watch you play house." I said zipping up my bag. He put his hands on my shoulders and turned me to face him. "You could be safe. You could help me keep them safe." I set my jaw. "You have different priorities now Dean. I don't belong here." His eyes were full of regret. "I'm sorry." He said softly. I forced my tears away. "Me too Dean." I pulled my bag up on my shoulder and walked past him. Lisa and Ben were waiting at the door to send me off. Lisa handed me a small spiral bound recipe book. "Here, keep your cooking separate from the monsters." She said with a smile. I looked down at the shiny cover with yellow flowers and smiled. "Thanks." I said. She hugged me tightly. "I know he still cares about you, and that makes you part of this family. Ben adores you." I felt tears well up in my eyes again, for a different reason this time. "You come back safe, with more stories for Ben and recipes for me." I swallowed as Ben hugged me. "I'll come back and see you guys soon." I promised. Dean was leaning against the banister with his arms folded. I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. "You take care of your family." I said. He came over and gave me a tight hug. "Take care of yourself, and Sam if you can." I sniffled and hugged him back tightly. "I will." I said. He kissed my forehead and I headed out to my car. They waved as I watched in the rearview. I felt a tear slide down my face as I touched the recipe book in the seat next to me. She had said I was part of her family. I made a silent vow I would protect them just as hard as Dean did.

I didn't go back to the base right away, instead I stopped for a drink, I needed one. I drove to a little bar a few miles away and called Sam before I went inside. "Yeah?" I let out a small sigh. "Hey Sam I'm grabbing a drink and then I will be there ok?" I didn't want him to get a bug up his ass if I was late. He let out a frustrated sound. "We have whiskey here Selen." He said. I rolled my eyes. "Maybe I just want to mingle with the humans for a little while." I barked. "What is your problem?" He said angrily. "I'm trying to figure out my place Sam. You are trying to lump me in with your little group and Dean is trying to talk me into settling down." I heard Sam give an exasperated sigh. "Fine have your damn drink. Just get back here soon." He hung up. I jammed my phone in my pocket and walked into the bar. Everyone looked up when I walked in, I was accustomed to this. I always looked out of place no matter where I was. I walked up to the bar and took a seat far away from any other people. "What can I get you?" The bartender was a tall man with short cropped brown hair and blue eyes. I smiled at him ruefully. "Pour me something tall and strong." I said. He grinned. "Alan Jackson very nice, most people don't quote that song unless they are from the coast." I smiled again as he poured me a glass of Jack. "I would love to retire to the coast. Maybe buy a little place in North Carolina and settle down." I sipped my drink. He plunked a little umbrella into my whiskey and I smiled up at him. "You ever been to North Carolina?" He asked pretending to polish the bar. It was pretty slow considering it was only half past two. I nodded. "Yeah I was there on a job two years ago. Some of the best memories I've got." I said sipping my drink and enjoying the warmth that was spreading through my gut. "Meet a guy?" I grinned. "A couple of them actually." I said. He smiled. "You look a little too respectable for that." He said polishing a glass. "You would be surprised." I said twirling the tiny yellow umbrella. "So what brings you out here?" He asked. I shrugged. "Just looking for my place in the world." I said finishing my drink. He poured me another. "Ah, you're on a life mission then." He said as I nursed my drink. "You could say that." I said. "Traumatic injury?" He asked taping his own forehead in the same place I had a scar from a vampire tossing me through a window. "Amnesia." I told the half-truth. He nodded. "I just met up with a guy who I had been pretty close with two years ago. I had disappeared and didn't realize I had even left a life behind. I got my memory back but I only remember how they were. Now he has his own family and his brother, who I was also close with, is trying to get me to stay. He offered me a long term job and now I'm kind of stuck. If I say no there is a good chance I will never forgive myself." He nodded and I took another sip of whiskey. "I'm guessing they have changed a lot." He said. I nodded. "The older brother is a family man now, and Sam… Well he seems to have changed the most." He patted my hand. "Don't tie yourself down immediately. Hang out for a while and see how things go, but don't stay if you can't handle it. Besides, if you keep spilling your secrets to demons you may end up dead before you get back." He blinked and his eyes were black orbs. He came over the bar to grab me but I was faster, out of my seat before he could grab me I fired a round into his head and he fell to the floor. A waitress screamed as he got up again. "Get out of here!" I yelled. The few people who were inside the bar raced for the exits. I was fighting him off and chanting in Latin as he made a grab for me. I grabbed him by the throat and gripped him tight. "Bad dog!" He choked and punched me in the jaw so hard my head rocked back. I said the last words to the exorcism. "Amen!" I screamed. His head went back with a scream and black smoke poured from his mouth. I let the lifeless body drop to the floor and took a deep breath. I walked back over to the bar and finished my drink. I walked out to my car and drove back to the base.

Sam was on me as soon as I parked. "Where the hell have you been? I told you to get one drink." I shoved him against the side of the building hard. He looked startled for a moment. I could feel my blood pumping. "Don't treat me like a child Sam. I just killed a demonic bartender and I am not even close to calm!" His eyes were still wide and I could smell his fear dissipating. "What are you talking about?" He asked. I let him go and started walking inside. "I stopped for a drink and the bartender was a demon. I sent his sorry ass back to hell." I said. Sam grabbed my shoulders and spun me around. "Just stop for a moment!" He said looking down at me. He turned my chin and I flinched as he brushed the bruise forming from where the demon hit me. "Let me look at it." He said leading me farther into the building and sitting me down on a cot. He flipped on a light and came to look more closely at my jaw. He touched it gingerly and I winced. "It's not broken but its going to be a nasty bruise." He said his face close to mine. I gazed into his eyes trying to find that little part of him that was my Sam. He caught me looking but I didn't look away. His eyes were the same but changed somehow. He didn't have that little spark in his eyes like he used to. I touched his face and looked harder. "What are you looking for?" He asked finally. "You." I whispered. "I'm right here." He said leaning closer. I let my eyes drift closed as the smell of his aftershave hit me. He kissed me softly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me into his lap. His mouth became more insistent against mine. I let out a small noise and pressed closer to him. I hadn't realized how much I had missed this while I was on my own. I heard someone clear their throat and Sam pulled away. "What?" He barked looking up at Samuel. "If you could untangle yourselves for a while we have a job." I laid my head on Sam's shoulder and closed my eyes. "We will get right on that." I said my voice a little shakier then I would have liked. "Shape shifters are killing families and taking babies." I felt sick for a moment. "Is it…?" I looked up at Samuel the question hanging in the air like a black cloud. "We don't know but Sam needs to get on it." He turned and left. "Well that is a mood killer." I said getting off his lap. "You need to stay here, I'll handle this." Sam said standing. He must have seen the indignant look on my face. "You will get emotional; women always do when babies are involved." He walked out without another word. My mouth was hanging open in utter disgust.

I followed him out of the room and watched as he began packing his things. "So let me get this straight, I'm on your side now on your team and you are going to leave me here by myself?" He glanced up. "You will be here with Samuel and my cousins." He said as if that solved everything. I scowled. "I don't know these people from Adam." He sighed. "Look just stay here ok? Dean is moving Ben and Lisa to a different house and Samuel is trying to figure out some mythology we stumbled across. Why don't you help him from here? He is terrible at using computers." I was glaring at him now. "So you want me to stay here and do research on shape shifters?" I said flatly. He looked up at the ceiling and closed his eyes. "Selen, I don't want to put you in danger as soon as you get here. I want to make sure you don't get your memory whipped again." I felt a small ache in my chest. "Oh." I said sitting down on his bed. "I'll stay if it will make you feel better." I said softly. He nodded and didn't look at me for a while. "Sam I understand, you don't have to hide your feelings from me." I said standing to touch his arm. His muscle tensed under my hand. "Sam?" He took a deep breath. "I can't tell you what I don't have." He said softly. I felt my eyebrows crease in confusion. "What are you saying?" I asked. He finally looked at me. "I don't feel any emotions." He said. I felt my heart sink. "About me?" I ventured. "About anything." He said jamming a shirt into his bag. I touched his hands. "Sam, stop for a second. You don't feel emotions? Like any at all, even anger?" He sighed and shook his head. "I don't know why. I should probably tell you now I don't sleep either." I looked at him hard. He didn't seem sleep deprived. "Don't mention any of this to Dean for a while ok? I don't want him to freak out, it's probably nothing." I chewed my lip for a little while. "I'll try not to say anything if you are sure. Don't you think this is something we should look into?" He shrugged. "I'm a better hunter. I don't have to stop as much for sleep and I feel fine, no pain or anything." I was feeling slightly sick. "Ok." I said softly. I sat back on his bed and he started packing again. "I feel a bit left out considering I'm the only one who hasn't taken a trip to either heaven or hell." Sam cracked a smile. "I envy you." He said zipping up his bag. "If you want to we can share this room. Since I don't sleep the bed is kind of useless. It's comfortable though so feel free to use it." I looked down and kicked my feet idly. "Thanks." I mumbled. He tilted my face up to kiss me. "I know you love me, I haven't forgotten. Just because I can't feel it doesn't mean I don't want you around." I felt a cold darkness starting to creep up inside of me. "Sure, Sam." I said. He smiled and kissed me again. "I'll be back as soon as I can." He said. "Be careful." I said softly. His smile widened. "Like I said, I'm a much better hunter now." He saw my look. "I'll be careful." He said finally. I watched him leave and felt myself close down again as I heard his car start and leave.

Eventually I got hungry and wondered out of Sam's room. Samuel was leafing through some papers and Christian was cleaning a bunch of guns. Samuel looked up. "She lives." He said with a smile. I looked down. "Do we have food?" I asked. He pointed to a refrigerator in the corner. I walked over and opened it searching for something other than beer. I finally settled on making a bologna sandwich. I sat at the table across from Christian. "Where is your wife?" I asked. He blew on the sock of the gun he was polishing. "She is on guard duty for the next two hours." He said not looking up. I ate quietly and didn't ask any more questions. Finally Samuel spoke. "So what exactly is your story? Sam told us you got werewolf blood in your eyes and somehow got powers from it." I should have been more prepaired for the question. I resorted to science. "I absorbed the blood through my retinas into my blood stream. I can see in the dark and hear really well. I also have more strength then a normal woman my size. I can tear off a vampire's head with ease. I don't think there are any other side effects then my eyes changing colors with strong emotions. I can also sound like a wolf pretty easily. My temper has always been there so I know that isn't from the werewolf blood." I shrugged. "I mean it isn't too different than what Sam had before." My phone rang. I sighed and pulled it out. "Parker." I said my voice serious. "You remember me yet?" It was Bobby. I smiled. "Hey, yeah I remember you Bobby. Sorry about that seems like an angel has it out for me." I said. I heard him chuckle. "Yeah well make sure you don't get your brain scrambled again. It took a long time for Dean to get over you running off. Sam was a little busy blaming himself for the apocalypse, but I know he missed you too." I leaned back in my chair. "Yeah well it seems like they have both nearly forgotten about me." I said my voice lighter then I felt. Samuel shook his head with a smile. "All I got was stories about you when we rode through some place with a college or if we were after werewolves. Sam has a thing for you still. I think part of him knew you weren't really dead." I shrugged. "I felt it when he was thrown into the pit." I whispered. They both started at me. "You felt it? You had your memory whipped how do you know you felt it?" Christian asked. "It was like someone ripped a hole in my chest. I talked to Dean and he gave me the date. I had been sleeping in my car and I woke up to this awful pain in my chest. It felt like a part of me had been ripped away. I still don't really feel whole again, even when Sam is with me. It's like a small part of me still has that little hole. I also gained more strength when the apocalypse began." Samuel came over to me and bent down to look into my eyes. "Do me a favor and make them change color. I want to see something, just a test of sorts." I took a deep breath and tried to think of something to make me angry. An image of Dean and Lisa kissing popped into my mind and I felt a small heat begin in my eyes. It wasn't enough to make them change completely.

I chewed my lip for a moment. "I need to get mad or something, otherwise they won't change." I said finally. Samuel seemed to think for a moment. "Sam seems to think he is better off without Dean. He says that if Dean had come back with him before he would hold us all back. Said he was an alright hunter but his emotions got in the way too much." This wasn't going to work. "That's too logical to make me angry." I said. Christian stood and walked in front of me. "Why did Sam make you stay here anyway?" He asked looking down at me. "Did he think you were too weak?" I set my jaw and glared at him. "Did he think a little girl like you couldn't do anything? He told us how you couldn't even save your father." Samuel looked back at him for a moment and I felt my eyes heat to gold. "You bastard." I snarled. "It worked. " He said. Samuel looked into my eyes and then touched my face tilting my head a little. "I thought so." He muttered. I felt my eyes cooling down a little. "What?" I snapped as he let my head go. "Sam told me that before your eyes went totally golden when you got mad enough or had any other strong emotion. Now you have a circle of grey around your pupil. I think you may have bonded yourself to Sam. Your eyes are showing there is still something wrong. Tell me about the first time you two got to know each other." I shrugged. "We were kids the first time we met. I didn't talk to him very much." He shook his head. "No I mean the first time you two had sex." My eyes widened. "Why is that important?" I asked slightly embarrassed. "Did he make your eyes change color?" I blushed. "Well yeah, I mean the emotions were running pretty high. Dean can make it happen too." I added. Samuel started pacing. "Have you ever had them change color around any other men for the same reason?" I thought about it for a moment. "Sam was my first, I didn't really feel that way about men before. Sam and Dean are the only men I have ever actually loved." I admitted. Samuel shook his head. "No I mean do your eyes turn gold when you get aroused?" My eyebrows went up. "Oh." I thought hard for a moment. "I don't think so. It's just when Sam or Dean are touching me. Or if I am really pissed." Samuel walked over and opened a book on the table he had been working at. "Have you ever bit one of them hard enough to draw blood?" He asked scanning the page. "I bit Dean once. I didn't mean to draw blood but it was just for show." He nodded and put the book down in front of me. I looked over the page. It was a picture of a very male, very naked werewolf with a woman hanging in his arms. He had his teeth sunk into her breast and blood was leaking down her front. "According to this, when a werewolf meets someone who can bring on a partial transformation they bind to them when they drink their blood. It works the same way if the person drinks their blood. Did Sam ever drink your blood?" I swallowed and read over the page. "It was a long time ago Samuel. When he was addicted to the demon blood, he said I tasted almost better then demons." I felt my heart sink. I was bonded to Sam and Dean. According to the tome before me our souls were bound for eternity, death would never change that. If one of us was damned all of us were. "You Sam and Dean are bound." I blinked. "How do we break it?" I asked my mind still reeling. "You can't." He said closing the book. He was watching me carefully, almost as if I was dangerous. "Samuel, there has to be a way to fix this." I said softly. "How have you been feeling the past year?" He asked. He was looking me over and touching my neck and shoulders as if he was checking for injuries. "Fine I guess. I mean, since the day I felt that hole form in my chest my temper is a little worse. I just chalked it up to PMS or something." He was looking in my eyes hard. "You haven't felt pain?" I blinked. "Well I'll get these weird pains sometimes. Nothing I can't ignore, why?" He shook his head. "I need to do more research on this." He said and walked out. I heard a door close down the hall. Christian had resumed cleaning his small arsenal. "You have intrigued him." He said oiling down a stock. "What does any of this mean?" I asked. He shrugged. "We need an expert to answer that and as far as we know you are the only person to ever catch a partial form of lycanthropy." I put my face in my hands. "How do I tell Dean that I'm bound to him? Sam may not take it as hard but for god's sakes Dean has a family now!" Christian didn't offer an answer.

It was hours later and I was sitting on Sam's bed pouring over any werewolf lore I could get my hands on. Turns out werewolves really could bind themselves to humans if they wanted to. It's similar to a witch having a familiar. The connection was in both the blood and the soul and you could prevent yourself from being accidentally sucked into other dimensions if something goes wrong by focusing your energy. It was possible, if the werewolf is powerful enough, to communicate telepathically. The problem was humans can leave a mark on the soul of the werewolf if they are killed, the same was true in reverse. There was very little on what happened to the werewolf in the event that one of the 'bonded', as they were calling them, was resurrected. The only known report was when it happened with a cross roads demon. When the human called the werewolf back there was damage to both their souls, but it was unsure if it was caused by the interference of the demon. I sighed and tossed the book aside. My cell phone rang. "Parker." I barked annoyed. "Selen?" It was Lisa. My heart jumped. "Is Dean alright?" I asked nearly panicked. "Dean is fine. I wanted to ask about these nightmares he has been having. Since he found out you were alive he has been having this reoccurring nightmare. He tosses in his sleep and keeps begging Sam not to 'Make him do it.'" I blinked as my heart started to calm. "Shouldn't you ask Sam about that?" I asked. She sighed. "I tried to call him first. I was hoping he was either with you or you knew what this was about. He isn't sleeping Selen, its worrying me." I ran my hand over my face feeling tired all of the sudden. I felt like I hadn't slept in days. "Is he saying anything else?" I asked lying back on the bed. It was just as comfortable as Sam said it was. "He keeps saying he is sorry and he will try not to make it hurt any worse." I sat bolt upright. "To me?" I asked my heart hammering. Was he dreaming about the rape? "Yes, he keeps saying how sorry he is to you and then he wakes up in a cold sweat. Did something happen between you two?" I swallowed. "What has he told you about me?" I asked. I didn't want to spill something to Lisa that Dean didn't want her to know. "He said you both went through something traumatic and you became really close. He said Castiel saved you from something awful when he couldn't. He also told me about your relationship with him and Sam." I sighed. He had just about told her everything. I wasn't sure why but that made me slightly jealous. "There isn't a whole lot I can tell you that he hasn't already. He seems to be dreaming about what happened to pull us closer." I paused not sure how to continue. "What happened between the three of you that could affect him like this?" I swallowed and closed my eyes. "Lisa there is something about that he hasn't told you, and I don't know why. If he hasn't told you then there is a reason, I'm going to have to tell you to ask him about it." She let out a sigh. "Selen I know you still love him, I just need you to trust me on this. I need to know what is causing him to stay up for days until he crashes." I felt my heart sink. "Maybe we should talk about this face to face." I said. "With Dean." I added. "He won't talk to me Selen. Whatever is going on must have been pretty damn bad for him to act like this." I ran a hand through my hair. "I didn't know he had so much guilt over this. It was years ago and I forgave him." I shook my head. "He needs to forgive himself." Lisa said. I nodded. "Let me call Dean, I'll set something up." I said looking at my watch. It was nearly eight and I hadn't even noticed the sun going down. "You don't sound too good yourself." Lisa said. "Is everything ok?" I closed my eyes as I heard the genuine concern in her voice. "I haven't been sleeping much myself. I haven't had a full night's sleep since I was over at your place." I heard he move suddenly. "Selen that was three days ago." She said. I frowned. "No it was just yesterday." I said looking at the clock again. "Selen its eight in the morning on Sunday. You were here overnight on Thursday. What have you been doing?" I blinked and got up to look out the window. The sun was rising over the horizon and it was overcast. "Reading." I muttered. "For two days?" I rubbed my eyes. "I guess so. I remember coming back from your place and killing a demon in a bar and then it was night time. Sam left on a job that morning and I ate something. Samuel got me researching on something. I must have been sitting here all this time." She was quiet for a long time. "I must have been reading all night and day." My back was stiff. "You started doing this Friday?" She asked. I checked the date on my phone. "Friday afternoon." I confirmed. "No one even bothered to come see if I was alright." I said suddenly feeling rather betrayed. "Why don't you come down and we can go get something to eat? Unless you are tired?" I thought about it for a moment. I was starving, but my eyes were burning from reading for too long. "Let me try to sleep for a few hour Lisa. I'll call you back this afternoon." I walked towards the door. "Don't sleep too long, Dean is still not doing well." I opened the door to the room and started towards the kitchen. "I know, I probably will only sleep for a little while. I'll give you a call when I can." I said. "Maybe you are both having the same problem." Lisa said. "I hope not." I said. "I'll call you later." She hung up first. I opened the refrigerator and pulled out ingredients to a roast beef sandwich.

Samuel walked in as I was finishing off my sandwich. "You locked yourself in Sam's room." He said. I looked up. "So you left me in there for two straight days?" I asked. He shrugged. "You're a woman, I assumed you were trying to figure out what how to take all this. Besides when you kept coming out for new books we assumed you were fine." I drank the last bit out of my water bottle. "I haven't slept." I said. His eyes narrowed. "I feel like crap, I didn't realize I had gotten hyper focused." I said as he looked at me. "You have marks under your eyes so dark they look like bruises." He said turning away. "Thanks Samuel, that makes me feel so much better. I'm going to take a nap and then I'm going out." I said standing. I felt like every bone in my body was sore. He just nodded. I walked back to Sam's room and laid down. I don't think my head hit the pillow before I was asleep. I dreamt of Sam. He was inside a house and there was blood on the floor. He looked at a dead man in a chair and a woman lying on the floor soaked in her own blood. The smell of blood and death was thick in the air. Someone walked out of a room and struck out at Sam, sending his gun spinning to the floor. They scuffled and Sam cut him with a silver knife. The thing screamed and his skin burned. He let go of Sam and took off. Sam kept looking around the house. There was a soft noise and he paused. He picked up the edge of a table cloth and lifted it. I saw a glimpse of a tiny baby and my eyes flew open. I lay there for a moment to get my bearings. I sat up and checked my watch. I had only been asleep for three hours. I groaned and got up to get a shower. I had the water nice and hot and I was covered in soap when my phone rang. I picked it up gingerly to keep the water off of it and answered it. "Parker." I said over the water. "Selen, hey I need to tell me about babies." It was Sam and he sounded nervous. "Sam I don't know a damn thing about babies, why do you need to know about babies?" He spoke fast but he described exactly what I saw in my dream. "I saw it." I said my voice seemed far away. "You what?" He asked. "I thought I told you to say at the base?" He sounded angry. I tried to rinse off the soap without getting my phone wet. "I dreamed about it." I said turning the water off. "Are you in the shower?" He asked. I wrapped a towel around myself. "Yeah, I needed a bath." I said. "I don't know what to tell you about babies Sam. Try Dean, I have no clue." He gave a huff. "You're a woman and you don't know anything about babies?" He asked. I sighed. "Sam the only thing I know about babies is they are cannon fodder, they smell funny, make horrible noise and leak various bodily fluids. I'm not fond of babies." I dried off quickly. "Never mind." He hung up. I looked down at my phone. "Love you too Sam." I muttered putting the phone on the counter.

I called Dean as soon as I was dressed. "Selen, tell me you don't need me to do something for you too." I smiled. "Good to hear from you too Dean, Lisa called." He paused. "Why did Lisa call you?" He asked his voice suspicious. "Well it seems you have been dreaming about me. She is worried about you." He was silent for so long I wondered if I had given him a corinery. "Dean?" I asked finally. "I'm still here. I've been having nightmares about the rape ok?" He said. "You need to tell her what happen or give her some bull shit story because she is asking questions and I don't know what to tell her. You clearly withheld this for a reason." He sighed. "I didn't want her to know. I didn't want her to worry. You can't tell her what happened." I rubbed my eyes. "Fine Dean, I'll keep yet another Winchester secret." I said. "I'm sorry Selen, you understand don't you?" I thought about it and suddenly felt horrified. What if Lisa found out I was capable of that? That I wanted to do that before Sam forced us? I shook my head. Those were not my thoughts. "Dean I need to tell you something." I said suddenly. He had to know about being bonded. "What is it, puppy?" He asked. I closed my eyes at my old pet name. I swallowed and tried to reach out to him. I felt him as surly as if he was standing next to me. I could feel his mind close to mine. "Do you still love me?" I asked. His heart jumped and I felt shame, but deeper I could feel his regret and his want to be near me. "I have responsibilities to Ben and Lisa." He said. "I'll ignore the deflection." I said. I felt his heart spike again. "Do you know anything about familiars?" I asked. "Like witches?" He asked. "Yeah." He paused. "Just what all the other hunters know, why?" He asked. "Do you know anything about the 'bound'?" I heard him move the phone. "Yes, it's some ridiculous story about werewolves binding to humans. What has you asking me about all this? It's just stories." I swallowed. "Do you remember when I bit you in front of those werewolves?" I asked. "Yeah." He sounded slightly miffed. "Samuel thinks I'm bound to you and Sam." I said it quickly fearing his reaction. I could still feel him and I felt the shock as it hit him. "You did what?" He whispered angrily. "I didn't do it on purpose." I said my voice pleading. I heard a door open and talking in the background. "I have to go, but we will talk about this later." Dean snapped. "Dean wait." I begged. "You better hope that Samuel is wrong." He said his voice low. I felt his fear and anger even as he hung up.

I was lying on the bed reading when Christian came in without knocking. "Thought you may want to know they are back. They are pulling in now." I crawled off the bed slowly and tucked my book under my arm. I followed him out to the main room. Sam and Dean were standing there and Dean was holding a small black baby. He looked up at me and I saw a flash of anger in his eyes. I looked down and felt my shoulders hunch slightly. Sam was arguing with Samuel about the baby. "What are we supposed to do with it?" Samuel smiled. "We raise it." I looked up my eyes wide. "Are you kidding? What are you going to do poke at it?" Dean snapped. I walked forward. "Let me see him." I said holding out my arms. He slid the baby into my arms carefully. He cooed softly. I couldn't help but smile. "Cute little thing." I said softly. "Yeah, well he is a shape shifter." Dean said his voice softer. "Doesn't make that his fault." I said bouncing him gently. The baby opened his eyes too look up at me. He smiled and grabbed a stray lock of my hair in his little fist. "He likes you." Dean said. I smiled up at him. Sam and Samuel were staring at me. "What?" I asked. Samuel shrugged. "If you were blond I would say you almost looked like Mary there for a moment." I handed the baby back to Dean. "Nice try." I said softly. Sam touched my shoulder. "You ok?" The baby still had my hair and I was stuck next to Dean. "I'm fine." I said as the baby jerked on my hair. I winced. "Strong little tyke." I said forcing a smile. "You don't like babies too much do you?" Christian asked. Gwen was standing next to him. "I've never had the notion I was mothering material." I said poking the baby's hand trying to get him to release my hair. Dean chuckled and carefully unfolded his tiny fingers. "There you go." He said as I stepped back out of reach. The baby let out a small whimper. I felt a pull in my gut. Sam held out his arms for the baby. Dean passed him over with a glare. "Its ok." Sam said to him and handed the kid off to Samuel. "Christian, any luck on the baby front?" Christian shook his head. "Not yet." Samuel was bouncing the kid carefully. "You still want one though." He nodded. Samuel handed him the baby. "Congratulations, it's a boy." I felt Dean's fear as Christian took the baby. I touched Sam's arm. "We need to talk about something." I said. There was a loud banging noise. We all turned to the door. "Take the kid to the panic room." Samuel ordered and took the baby from Christian and handed him to Dean. Sam started to grab my arm. "I'm better here." I said and went to grab a rifle. A shape shifter in Samuel's form burst through the door. "You have something of ours." He said. "Finders keepers." I said and felt my eyes leak over to gold. "Your father would be so disappointed." He said and came forward. I fired and felt confusion as what looked like a tranquilizer dart hit him in the chest. "The fuck?!" He tossed me aside and I hit the wall the breath rushing out of me. I lay there stunned for a moment. I shouted and tried to stand as I watched him kill the quiet cousin. I fell back against the wall as blood rushed to my head and passed out.

Dean was patting my cheek when I came to. I blinked hard and groaned. "There's my puppy." He said with a smile. "What happened?" I asked as he helped me to my feet. "Shifter got the baby. They said it must have been an Alfa." I staggered and Dean caught me. I felt a rush of warmth and his fear that I may be hurt. "I'm ok." I said standing straighter. "Nothing too bad." I said as he looked uncertain. I looked up at Samuel. "Anyone want to tell me why those guns have tranquilizer darts rather than bullets?" I asked angrily. Sam came over to check me over. "We wanted to capture him." Samuel said. I felt Dean's rage along with my own. "That thing could have killed me!" I shouted my eyes blazing to gold. Dean fueled my anger with his own. I got in Samuel's face. "You don't get what that means do you? I'm living for three here! I could have drug them down with me!" Samuel didn't flinch. "If Sam falling into the pit didn't drag you down I doubt your death would drag them with you. You may have some power but you don't have enough to do that." I set my jaw and felt my fist clench. Sam touched my shoulder. "What the hell are you two talking about?" He asked breaking in just before I decided to punch Samuel square in the jaw. "She bound you and Dean to her years ago and we just figured it out. She drank Dean's blood and you drank hers." Sam looked like he was trying to process this. "When the hell did you drink my blood?!" Dean shouted suddenly. "When I bit you to throw off those werewolves in North Carolina your blood got in my mouth." Dean looked pissed as I explained but I could feel the fear in his heart. "What the hell are you scared of Dean? Me? Lisa finding out?" I watched his jaw clench. "I'm not afraid of you." He said getting in my face. "I don't get scared of monsters." I felt a shock go through me as he realized what he had said. "You didn't mean it." I said as he moved his mouth trying to find words. "You are upset." He grabbed me by the front of the shirt. "Don't think you can walk in here and start getting in my head and wreck this." I kept my face blank as he fumed. "Dean, maybe we should talk about this." Sam said suddenly trying to get Dean to let me go with gentle hands. Dean released me and I felt him trying to force his anger down. "I know you Dean, this is just you backed into a corner." Sam held him back as he lunged at me. "You better fix this!" He snarled. "So far we haven't found a way to break it. Your souls are connected." Samuel was trying for logic and I knew that wouldn't make Dean any calmer. "I felt when Sam jumped into the pit." I said watching Dean carefully. His anger started to dissipate. "What does that mean for us then?" He asked. I shrugged. "Why does this have to change anything Dean? Why not just pretend I can't feel your emotions and see what's happening to either of you when I dream? I can live with it, you just don't have to think about it." He stepped closer and looked into my eyes. "You can feel my emotions?" I felt a thrill of fear from him again. I sighed. "Why does that scare you?" I asked. He jerked back. "Is that why you asked how I felt about you on the phone?" I looked away. "I had to know Dean." I said softly. I noticed the others had left the room and left me Sam and Dean alone. He stuck a finger in my face. "You stay out of my head." He snapped. "Fine." I said. "Dean be fair, she cares about us." Sam said. I still couldn't feel much from him. "Take me back Sammy." He said turning away. I felt Dean's regret again. "I still love you." I said turning away. I saw Dean flinch and I felt his heart drop. He had been hoping I wouldn't still care.

After Sam got back he wanted to go to his own apartment. "I'll come with you." I said as he started packing his things. "Come or stay, doesn't matter." I felt my heart clench. I had hoped he would be a little less apathetic at some point. Not today then. "Should I just go my own way for a while Sam? Do you think it would be better for all of us if I just left you two alone?" Sam sighed. "Just do what you think is best ok? If you want to stay then stay if not just stop whining about it." I felt the heat of anger and I glared at him. "Fine Sam, I'll see you around. Call me if you decide you need me." I tossed my dirty clothes in my duffel bag and stormed out. Samuel glanced up as I walked towards the main door. "Going somewhere?" He asked. I turned and glared at him knowing my eyes were starting to go golden. "I'm leaving. Sam doesn't need me here and he sure as hell doesn't want me." I slammed the door behind me. I threw my bag into my car so hard it smacked the back window. I sped out of the gates so fast the guards barely had time to open them. I didn't look back and I shut out the connections I had with Sam and Dean. If they needed me I had a damn phone. Speaking of which it was ringing. I flipped it open. "Parker." I barked my voice harsh. "You don't seem to be doing so great either." It was Lisa. "Hey Lisa, no I just left Sam. Did Dean get home ok?" I heard her sigh. "Damn, I was going to ask you to look after him for me. I sent him out. He is a hunter and I get that. He acts like a trapped lion when he is here. He just paces and doesn't do much. I could tell he wasn't happy and now that Sam is back… Well let's just say I think he is better off living as a hunter." I smiled ruefully. "A trapped lion?" I asked. She chuckled. "Ben used to beg me to go to the zoo when he was little, to see the lion. I always felt so bad for the thing. He just paced and panted, he wanted to be out hunting." I smiled. "I get it now. You are a much stronger woman then me." I turned out onto the highway towards Dean's house. "I'll see if I can find him before he gets too far. He isn't too happy with me right now, but if you want me to I'll keep an eye on him." I could hear the relief in her voice. "Thanks Selen. I'll tell Ben you said hi." I smiled. "Take care of that kid Lisa, he's a good boy, they don't make them like that much anymore." She laughed. "Good luck with them." I smiled. "I'm going to need it." We got off as I rocketed down the highway.

I saw the Impala a few hours later parked in a diner's parking lot. I pulled in trying to decide how to play this. He was not going to be happy to see me. I took a deep breath and walked in sitting at the counter. "Coffee please." I said to the server. I could see Dean in a booth out of the corner of my eye. He looked up. "Selen?" I turned my head smiling. "Dean what are you doing here?" I said feigning surprise. He scowled. "Don't even try that." He said. I turned back and motioned to the server. "I'll be moving over to that booth and could you get me and my friend a slice of pie?" The guy nodded and I picked up the cup of coffee he had set down for me. I grabbed some cream and walked over. Dean didn't look very happy when I sat down in front of him. "Cheer up Dean, Lisa sent me to watch over you." He let out a bark of laughter. "Great my guardian angel has fangs." I scowled. "You know I don't." I said. The server came over and sat down a slice of pie in front of each of us. "I didn't order this." Dean said. "My treat." I said as the server left. He glared at me. I poured sugar into my coffee and smiled. "I'm going to stay out of your head so you are going to have to tell me how you are feeling. You can even lie." He jammed a fork full of pie into his mouth. I sipped my coffee. "I don't need someone to look after me." He said finally. "Look, Sam is different now. He isn't exactly the light hearted guy I met before. I'm just doing this to make Lisa worry less, ok?" He looked down at his pie. "What makes you care so much about her feelings?" Dean asked. I sighed. "Yes, Dean I still love you, but I also understand you and Lisa are together and somewhat happy. I'm not asking for you to let me back into your bed, just back into your life." He looked sad for a moment and I fought the urge to open up to his emotions. "You don't know what it felt like to lose you like that." He said finally. I swallowed. "When Sam made my memories come back I felt panicked when you weren't with him. I was terrified you were dead. When he told me you were with a family I was crushed. I tried to be happy for you. I really did Dean, but I just feel this crushing weight when I think about you with Lisa." I shook my head. He touched my hand and I looked up. "You know I still care." I felt tears burning in my eyes and looked away. "Eat your pie." Dean ordered taking his hand away his voice gruff. I smiled and took a bite. It was very good and I savored the gooey bits of fruit inside. "You remember the first time you made me eat a burger?" I asked sipping my coffee. He smiled. "You made this cute little noise and Sam looked so disappointed." I laughed. "I missed that. You both have been so uptight lately. I miss the carefree Winchester Brothers. You and Sam were the best thing in my life. You made me feel human for once." I finished my pie and looked up to see Dean watching me. "You are human." He said. I sighed. "I'm a human infected with werewolf blood." I said sipping my coffee. Dean reached across the table and took my hand. "Selen, you are the most human person I have ever met. Sure your eyes change color but that doesn't make you a monster." I looked into his eyes. Sam really hadn't told him about the vampire I had ripped apart. I picked up the metal fork in one hand and bent it with my thumb. Dean looked at the fork. "I can do that." He said. I sighed and bent it back into place. "I can rip the head off a vampire easily." I said. He sighed. "I don't mean your strength Selen. You have a soul, a good one." He was still holding my hand. "Yeah and I bound your soul to mine. Sam did the same thing when he drank my blood. If I do something to merit going to hell there is a good chance I could drag both of you with me." Dean shrugged. "Then don't do anything to get a ticket to hell." I grinned. "I'm pretty sure 'Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife' applies to women too." I said. Dean smiled. "Well I'm sure no one could really blame you, I am amazing. Besides Lisa and I aren't married." I ran a thumb over Dean's knuckles. "You wouldn't believe looking back how obvious it was I was missing something. I mean not only did I wake up with pillows around me the way you and Sam used to sleep with me, but I started eating at diners by myself. I always felt lonely without someone with me and I started singing 'Fade to Black' whenever I got upset." I shook my head. "My heart knew you were missing even with my mind erased." Dean looked thoughtful for a moment. "You did say our souls were connected." He said. I finished my coffee. "So what's the plan then?" I asked. Dean shrugged. "Hunting I guess. I've got the Impala and now you, things are starting to come together." I smiled and squeezed his hand. "I guess I could put the Charger in storage for a while." I said. Dean smiled. "Not giving yourself a way to run then?" He asked. I shook my head. "I don't want to." He let go of my hand and pulled out his wallet pulling out the cash for the bill. "Then let's go."

I paid for a year of storage at this place with climate controlled units specifically for cars. I got all my things out of the trunk and loaded them into the Impala. Dean helped and every now and again he would look over a weapon or two. He held up a blood stained bible questioningly. "It was my dad's. Some of the pages are so stained they are hard to read but I can't seem to let it go." He placed it next to his in the trunk. It took us longer than I expected to load everything up but finally we were off. I had brought my CDs with me but Dean didn't have a CD player. I smiled as I dug through his tape collection finding much of the same music. "You should update your collection." I said pulling out a Metallica tape. "Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts her cake whole." I laughed. "Yes sir." I said holding up the tape. "Metallica ok with the driver?" He smiled at me and took it pushing into the player. I smiled as 'Enter the Sandman' began playing. I tapped my foot with the beat as we drove. Dean was smiling and began singing along. I sang the chorus with him. I played air guitar as Dean drummed on the steering wheel. By the time the song ended we were both laughing. "I missed you puppy." Dean said shoving my shoulder. I grinned and felt warmth inside my heart as we drove.

I was sleeping in the front seat of the Impala while Dean drove when the dream began. I was strapped down to some sort of rack. I pulled at my restraints as a demon approached me with a blade in his hand. "Ah, Dean brought me a new play thing." He said his accent strange. He was tall and almost skeletal with a beard and short hair. His eyes were black. "Who are you?" I asked realizing with a start I was nude. "My name is Alistair, I'm the one who turned your lover into a torturer down here in hell." I struggled against my restraints a shock of fear making my heart hammer in my chest. Alistair came closer. "Now let's get more comfortable shall we?" He slowly carved into my stomach with his blade. I sucked in a breath. He started cutting into the muscle layer just below my ribcage. I whimpered as he tore at me. "Please." I begged as he twisted the knife. "Now where is it?" He asked almost to himself. I felt his hand slowly searching around inside my chest cavity. I was crying and gasping in pain. I felt his hand close around my heart. I gasped as he pulled it from my chest. He held it up still beating in his hand. "I see why Dean loves you so much, you have a good heart." I let out a piercing scream. I woke still screaming Dean had pulled over and was shaking me. "Selen!" I clutched at him and panted trying to slow my heart. I felt around on my stomach to make sure it had really been just a dream. I was shaking. "Damn Selen, that must have been one hell of a nightmare." He said holding me for a moment. "Demon." I said still shaking hard. "What kind of demon?" He asked. "Alistair?" I said my heart starting to slow down a little. He stiffened. "Who told you that name?" He asked pulling away to look at me. I blinked. "Um, he did. I mean in the dream." I had finally stopped shaking. Dean let go of me completely and stared straight ahead. "This bond, can you share memories?" He asked. I looked down and tried to think. "Um, yeah I think I read that somewhere." I said closing my eyes. "Yeah, the werewolf and their bonded can share memories. It's rare but not unheard of." Deans knuckles were white on the steering wheel. I touched his arm. "Dean its ok, I'm fine. Memories can't hurt people." He was grinding his teeth. I grabbed his jaw and forced him to look at me. "Hey, quit it! Dean I'm fine, don't worry about it. If you don't want to tell me fine, I can live with that. It was just a dream." He looked upset but he turned away and pulled back onto the highway.

We pulled off a few hours later so we could both sleep. He was out in a few moments and I fell asleep soon after. I woke up curled into his side his arm around me when his phone rang. He woke with a start and answered it. "Hello?" I sat up and cracked my neck. "Sam, where are you?" I looked over at him. "Yeah I'll meet you there." He hung up. "Where to?" I asked as he started the car. "Pennsylvania." Dean said. I rolled my shoulders. "Can we stop for coffee?" I asked reaching into the back to grab my hairbrush out of my bag. "Drive thru." He said pulling out onto the highway. I sighed. I hated drive thru coffee. "I'll go without thanks." I said trying to brush out the knots in my hair. "I'm stopping for food anyway just get coffee too." I rolled my eyes and tossed my brush back into my bag. "I don't drink drive thru coffee. I'll be fine with a soda." My neck was killing me and I was in a bad mood. "Fine." Dean growled. I rubbed my neck trying to get the kinks out. "I slept funny." I complained. He reached a hand over and began massaging my neck. I let out a groan and relaxed. "Where did you learn to do that?" I asked when he stopped. "Sam used to have the same problem. He is so tall he has trouble sleeping in the car without getting something out of place." I smiled. "That's sweet." I said bumping his shoulder. He frowned. "Didn't I say yesterday the passenger shuts her cake hole?" I smiled realizing he was embarrassed. "Yes sir." I said and leaned back to watch the road flying by.

We changed into our formal wear before we met up with Sam. I had on white top with a black skirt and matching jacket. "You clean up nice." Dean said as I came out of the bathroom at a fast food joint brushing a bit of lint off my skirt. I scowled. "You should talk. You look like something straight off some cop show." I punched his shoulder. He rolled his eyes. "Come on we have to meet Sam." He said picking up a bag and motioning to the drinks. I grabbed them and we got in the car. I had just finished my fries when a phone rang. I grabbed it. "Parker." I said as Dean looked up at me. "Um, I thought this was Dean's number?" I blinked and looked at the phone. It was so not mine. "Sorry Ben, I picked it up by mistake." I handed the phone to Dean. "Awkward." I said making a face. He took the phone. I tried to tune out their conversation as I ate my cheese burger. I thought about what I was going to say to Sam when we got there. We pulled into a police station and I got out giving Dean some privacy. Sam just watched me as I walked towards him. "Lisa asked me to keep an eye on Dean. I figured this was the best way to do it. So this is me, staying." I said. Sam nodded. I sniffed. "Why do you smell like sex?" I asked. He raised an eyebrow. "You can smell that?" He asked. I nodded. "It's faint like you showered but it's there." He shrugged. "I called a hooker since you left me all alone." I set my jaw. "You don't tell people that." I said as Dean got off the phone. Sam walked past me. "How did she take it?" I glared at him. "Good, we both agreed this was best for everyone." Sam nodded. Dean glanced up at me. "Why do you look so pissed off?" Dean asked. "Apparently I wasn't supposed to have sex with anyone but her until she came back." Dean didn't look pleased with Sam's answer either. "Can we just get on this case?" I snapped. Dean patted my shoulder and we walked into the station. Sam explained about the other cop who had died as we walked to the morgue. "He basically turned into blood." Sam said and opened the door to the morgue. We walked over to the drawers and Sam selected one. "This guy died of boils." He opened the drawer and I flinched when I saw the body on the slab. "Yummy." I said sarcastically. "So any frogs falling from the sky yet?" I asked looking up at Sam. His eyebrows drew together. "Blood, boils, what next fire raining from the sky? Its plagues like in Egypt." Dean smiled. "Someone needs a treat." He said patting me on the head. I pretended to try and bite his hand. He flicked my nose and I jerked back. "Hey!" I yelped holding my nose. "Bad puppy, no biting unless you mean to make it fun." I smiled and pricked an eyebrow. "I could make it worth your while Dean baby." I purred and grabbed his tie pulling him closer. He looked nervous for a moment. I rolled my eyes. "You are no fun anymore." I complained fixing his tie and patting his hard chest. "Ok, so we find the last cop." Sam said ignoring us. I rolled my eyes. "Sure let's get right on that." I said heading for the door. I heard Sam slide the drawer shut and they followed. We drove to the address of the last cop that had been involved in the case with this kid that had been shot. Sam filled us in on the way. I rang the doorbell and looked at Dean out of the corner of my eye. He was shifting from foot to foot. The door opened. Sam tried to ask the guy a question and he said it was fine and shut the door. I raised my eyebrows. "Well then." I said starting to turn. Sam kicked in the door. "Sam the hell?!" Dean and I hurried after him as he walked inside. The cop was sitting there at a table scratching the faces out of pictures. Sam and Dean barely got a sentence out of him before he collapsed dead. "He is bleeding under his hat." I said pointing. Dean leaned forward and pulled his hat off. Locusts poured out of a hole in the cop's skull. I let out a shriek and jumped back. Sam grabbed me before I got very far. I was cringing. "You kill monsters and bugs scare you?" Dean asked looking at me with disbelief. "I don't do bugs!" I said as Sam held me in place. "Can we just go?" I begged looking at Dean my eyes pleading. He sighed and grabbed my shoulder leading us all out of the house.

"Ok so biblical plagues." I said once we were safely in the Impala. "I can't believe a big bad werewolf hunter like yourself is scared of a little old bug." I glared at Dean. "Very funny, can we get back to the case please?" He was grinning. I sighed. "When I was little I had a bug fly into my hair and get stuck. It bit me and ever since I was terrified of them. Now can we move on?" Dean was roaring with laughter Sam was chuckling along with him. I scowled. "Seriously guys?" Dean just drove to a motel, night was beginning to fall. We had finally gotten back on the case by the time we got a room. Dean suggested calling Castiel. I went still. "He isn't very responsive these days. He won't come when I pray for him." Sam said. I relaxed a little bit. Dean started giving a half ass prayer. "I don't think this is really necessary, I mean we can do this on our own." Dean looked up as did Sam. I stiffened. "He is right behind me isn't he?" They both nodded and I turned taking a step back. "Just so you know, if you touch me I will not hesitate to rip you balls off." Castiel just stared at me. Dean put a hand on my shoulder and I jumped. "Cas, why would you erase her memories?" Dean asked. Castiel sighed. "I am here for help, not to answer your questions. She isn't meant to be here." Dean pulled me closer. "She is staying, with us." Dean's voice sounded final. Castiel sighed and cast me a pleading look. "If you had just kept on your path none of this would have happened. In all honesty we expected Sam leaping into the pit to kill you." I swallowed. "You knew I was bound to them and yet you still sent me away. You tore out a hunk of my life and didn't even leave me with my memories." He looked almost repentant for a moment. "These deaths are the work of the Moses Staff." I glared at him. "I trusted you Castiel." I snapped and tore myself away from Dean. Sam touched my shoulder but I shook him off. "You two get the information, I'm getting a drink." I slammed the door behind me.

I walked to a bar a few blocks away. I was still fuming as I ordered my drink. "Who pissed you off?" The guy next to me asked. I glared at him. He raised his hands in surrender. "Just trying to make conversation, the last time I saw a woman drink straight whiskey she had caught her husband cheating." I smiled ruefully. "Trust me it wasn't that." I said as the bartender sat my drink in front of me. I downed it in one gulp and waved for another. "Shall I leave the bottle love?" The bartender asked. I smiled up into his blue eyes. "That might be wise otherwise I may have you running back every few minutes to refill me." He smiled sadly at me and left the bottle on the bar. "So what was it?" I looked back at the dark haired man next to me. "What?" I asked tipping my glass back to my lips. "What pissed you off so badly you got Phil to leave the bottle?" I looked him over. He was tall with dark hair and dark eyes, his demeanor screamed father as did his outfit. He had on a dark blue button down shirt and a black leather coat with blue jeans. "Old friends." I said sipping my drink. He nodded. "Not very good friends if they made you this mad." I smiled. "Just one of them. He left me high and dry all alone and didn't tell the two brothers I was traveling with where I had gone. For two years I wondered around with a hunk of my memory missing, I had a bad head injury, they looked for me but I had gone back to my old life and they couldn't find me. Eventually I met up on a job with one of them and I got my memory back. Now he just showed up with no explanation and no apology." He nodded and sipped his beer. "I'm Selen by the way." I said holding my hand out. He shook it. "Chase." I smiled. "So how many kids do you have Chase?" I asked. He smiled. "Is it that obvious?" I nodded. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He showed me pictures of his two kids a boy and a girl. The girl had hazel eyes and brown hair and looked almost just like him. The boy must have looked more like his mother, his hair was dirty blond and he had blue eyes. "Cute kids." I said with a nod. "You have any?" He asked. I smiled and shook my head. "Had a miscarriage once, my life wouldn't work with kids." I sipped my drink again. "What do you do?" He asked putting his wallet away. "I'm a bounty hunter." I lied smoothly. Chase eyed me for a moment. "You are awful small for a bounty hunter." He said finally. I smiled and moved my shoulder just enough to flash the butt of my gun. "You are only as good as your tools." I said as his eyes took in my gun. He gave a low whistle. "Alright I believe you." He said taking a swig of his beer. "Most people don't think someone my size is dangerous, that just makes it that much easier to do my job." Chase looked grim for a moment. "You in town on business?" I nodded. "The two brothers I told you about earlier and I are investigating some strange deaths. They work for the feds and I'm a freelancer, we are the ones who mop up the mess when no one else knows what is going on." Chase looked thoughtful for a moment. "I doubt if it is anyone you know." I said pouring myself another drink. He smiled ruefully. "Could be my ex-wife, she was weird enough." I laughed. "Trust me Chase I doubt that." I downed this glass quickly and poured another. "I bagged a guy last month who ate his fiancé's heart." I said grimly. Chase visibly paled. I smiled, and it wasn't a nice one. "Trust me, I won't bring a child into this world knowing what I know." I said sipping my drink. Chase nodded. "You ever think about quitting and settling down?" I finished my drink and poured the last of the bottle into my glass. Chase ordered another beer. "My father taught me to hunt. I was raised this way and all the people I meet are the same as me. I only know of two people I could ever settle down with and they are in the same business. I doubt I will live to see thirty-five at the rate I am going." Chase touched my shoulder. "You always have another option, even if you can't see it." I finished my drink and pulled out my wallet. The picture of Sam and Dean I had gotten the day I got the job to kill Sam fluttered to the bar. Chase picked it up. "These the two brothers?" He asked. I nodded and paid for the whiskey. "The picture is pretty old but that's them." He handed it back and I stuck it back in my wallet wondering how Castiel had covered that up, I kept that wallet wherever I went. "I'll see you around." I said turning. "Take care of those kids Chase, you never know what sort of monster is lurking in the dark." I walked out of the bar into the cold embrace of night.

Castiel had gone by the time I got back to the room. Dean was sleeping on one of the beds. Sam looked up from his laptop as I came through the door. I yawned and his nose wrinkled. "You smell worse than Dean when he goes on a bender." I stuck my tongue out at him feeling too warm to care what he thought. "I'm going to get a shower." I said stripping off my jacket and tossing it onto the couch and unclipping my shoulder holster. "You can have the other bed." Sam said going back to his research. I scowled and stripped off my shirt and tossed it at him. It landed over his face and he just sat there for a moment. I was grinning as he pulled it off his face and looked at me. "You and Dean are no fun anymore!" I whined. He sighed and stood drawing up to his full height. "You are trying to tempt me." He said slinking towards me like a great cat. I swallowed suddenly thinking a full bottle of whiskey hadn't been a great idea. He stopped a foot from me and stared down at me. I felt my eyes beginning to heat to gold at the dark look in his eyes. He smiled down at me darkly. I blushed slightly as he put his arms around me. The warmth of his arms sunk into my skin and my eyes flared golden. "I missed you Selen." Sam whispered leaning down to kiss me softly. My arms wrapped around his neck on their own accord. He deepened the kiss and I sighed softly my body molding to the front of his like I had never left. He broke the kiss and nibbled down my neck softly. "Sam." I sighed his name and his grip on me tightened. I gasped as he pressed against me and I felt him rock hard against my front. He kissed me again more insistent this time. He pushed me backwards towards the other bed and fell on me with a possessive growl. He leaned away just long enough to pull his shirt over his head and toss it aside then he was kissing down my chest. I let out a soft sound as he slid a hand beneath me to unclip my bra. His lips found my hardening nipple and I let out a gasp. He pulled at it with his teeth and I cried out. He put a hand over my mouth and I closed my eyes. I felt him unbuttoning my jeans and I looked down. He yanked my pants off and my underwear came with them. He looked down at me hungrily. He took his hand away from my mouth and kissed me roughly. I gasped and moaned into his mouth as he slid a finger inside me. He leaned his forehead on mine panting. "God you haven't been with anyone else have you? You're so tight." I gave a small sound as he curled his finger inside me. "I almost forgot how amazing it was to see you this wet for me." I blushed and he smiled darkly. "Tell me what you want." He said his voice husky. I bit my lip and he drove his finger deeper. I cried out. "Tell me what you want Selen." He demanded. "I want you inside of me. God please Sam I need you!" He slid his finger out of me slowly and my head fell back. I watched as he stood and stripped off his jeans. I blushed deeper as I saw him hard and ready. He climbed over top of me and positioned himself against me. He rubbed his head against my clit making me writhe beneath him. "I love watching you come apart for me." He growled sliding himself against me. "Tell me how badly you want it." He demanded. I was panting my heart beating in my chest like a caged bird. "Please Sam I want you inside me! I want to feel you stuffing me full! I have to!" His smile was more of a bearing of teeth. "That's right." He whispered. "You're my bitch aren't you?" I bit my lip unsure if I was really this hot for him or if it was the whiskey talking. "Yes." I gasped. "Yes what Selen?" He said his voice taunting. "I'm your little bitch Sam." I whimpered. He slid himself inside of me. My back arched and his lips locked over mine muffling my cry. I could feel him in my mind, the heat of him, the raw lust he had for me. He pulled almost completely out of me and drove back in. I was moaning with each thrust until he hit that spot inside of me that made me see stars. My head fell back and I gripped his shoulders harder. "There you are." Sam growled. He drove himself into that spot over and over. I felt a red hot heat pooling inside of me until I felt like I was going to catch on fire if I didn't find relief. Sam drew back and slammed inside of me harder. I gasped and drug my nails down his back. He grunted and ground against me. I gasped as he bottomed out inside of me and tried to go farther. He bit down on my shoulder and I cried out his name. He drove deeper and I could feel him coming close. I looked up at him with golden eyes and his eyes met mine. I felt something deep inside me click and he drove himself into me as hard as he could. I came and he came with me both of us shouting our release to the air. He collapsed on top of me both of us panting. "What did you do to me?" Sam asked breathless. He rolled off of me and I lay there staring up at the ceiling. "We are bound Sam." I said my eyes cooling back to green. We lay there for a long time before I could move again. I rolled onto my side and spotted Dean watching me.

A rush of shame overtook me. I gazed into his emerald eyes silently for a long time. I had promised to stay out of his head so I kept myself shut tight. "You ok?" Sam rolled onto his side and wrapped his arms around me. He saw Dean watching us. "Did we wake you?" Sam asked casually. Dean just rolled over and pulled the blanket over his shoulders. Sam kissed my neck. "What's his problem?" He asked. I didn't move for a long time. Sam just held me for a while. His breathing was so deep I thought he was asleep. I turned my head to look at him and he looked down at me. "I don't sleep remember?" I nodded. "I'm going to go get a shower." I said softly. Dean had drifted back to sleep a while ago. Sam lifted his arm and I sat up feeling slightly sore. The feeling would be gone by morning. I walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I leaned against it for a moment trying to sort out this awful feeling I had in my gut. Part of me wanted to peek into Dean's mind and find out what he was feeling but I had made a promise. I turned on the hot water and let it run for a moment. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked hard at my eyes. Very faintly, where it had never been before, was a grey circle around my pupil in my right eye just under the gold. The left was the same green and gold it had always been. I blinked and watched my pupil contract trying to make since of it. Something was missing, something in Sam. He looked like the same old Sam but he felt different, like that part of him that made him my Sam was gone. I shook my head and got into the shower letting the hot water run over me and relax all my tense muscles. I let out a sigh and wet my hair a smile playing at the corners of my lips. I loved taking showers, it was the only time were I could just relax for a few minutes. I rolled my shoulders and squirted some shampoo into my palm. I scrubbed my hair thoroughly and took a long time to rinse out the soap. I could feel the after effects of the alcohol and sex making my muscles loose. I let the water run over my skin and focused on Sam for a little while. I could feel him laying in the bed in the next room his arms behind his head. I was starting to get the hang of this connection between us but then I could feel Dean and I drew back, I wouldn't break my promise. I opened my eyes and soaped up my body again taking longer than necessary to make sure I was clean. I sang softly. "Put me to sleep evil angel. Open your wings evil angel. Fly over me evil angel. Why can't I breath evil angel?" I adored the song and it reminded me a lot of Sam and Dean. Breaking Benjamin had slowly become one of my favorite new bands and "Evil Angel" was my favorite song. "Did you call me?" I jumped and poked my head around the shower curtain. Castiel was standing there looking at the floor. "What?!" I yelped. "I thought you called me." He said. I swallowed. "Cas, get out of here! I'm naked!" His eyebrows drew together. "I believe you had no objections to being naked when we first met." I licked my lips nervously. "Yeah well you erase a girl's memories and she tends to not want to be naked with you Cas." I said angrily. "You also never called me Cas before." I glared at him and turned off the water. "I used your full name because I respected you Castiel. You betray me like a coward." I spat. I grabbed the edge of a towel and ripped it off the rack drying myself off quickly. "I was trying to save all of you. If you go to heaven then so will they." I rounded on him. "I know that now Castiel! Do you not think I am doing everything I can to stay worthy?" I snapped. He bowed his head. "If you keep behaving like this then you are going to end up getting pregnant. You said yourself you didn't want to bring a child into this world knowing what you know, so what would you do?" I set my jaw. "Are you saying that I would get an abortion?" I asked my voice low. Castiel looked at me dead in the eye. "Wouldn't you?" I smacked him across the face so hard my hand stung. "I would rather be forced to stop hunting and raise a child before I killed Sam or Dean's child!" I was trying to keep my voice down but he was stepping way over a line with this. "Neither of them would let you raise that child a hunter." He growled. "You get the hell out of here." I snarled. He didn't move. A wolfish snarl ripped from my chest. He was gone with the beating of great wings. I came out of the bathroom and Sam was sitting up on the bed. He was wearing a pair of boxers and a concerned expression. "Are you ok? I heard a growl." Sam said as I pulled on a pair of underwear and sleep pants. "I'm fine." I said not bothering with a shirt. I crawled under the sheets and curled up closing my eyes. Sam didn't ask again. I drifted off to a fitful sleep.

I woke up pressed between two warm bodies. I let out a sigh thinking this must be one of those dreams about before the apocalypse again. I snuggled tightly in between them. "Are you awake now?" It was Sam. I whimpered. "I'm not ready to wake up yet. I just want to stay here." I pleaded. "She thinks she is dreaming." It was Dean. My eyes flew open. Dean was in front of me and I was against his bare chest and Sam was against my back. "You wouldn't stop kicking until both of us got in the bed with you." Dean said tucking a stray lock of red hair behind my ear. I blushed. "I'm sorry." I blurted. Dean laughed. "Don't be that's the best sleep I've gotten in weeks." He said. I smiled softly and he kissed my forehead. "Come on puppy, we have a staff to find." I wrapped my arms around his waist. "Just five more minutes." I begged. He sighed and looked down at me. "I'm terrified I won't ever get this again, please Dean." His eyes softened. "Five minutes." He said his voice gruff. "Then we have to leave." He was feigning irritation. I smiled and cuddled closer pulling Sam's arm around me tighter. Dean let out a happy sigh. "I didn't know werewolves were so cuddly." He said. I grinned. "Just the ones that have been declawed." I said nuzzling his chest. "I wouldn't say declawed after what you did to my back last night." Sam said kissing my ear. I stiffened and looked up at Dean. He was watching me his eyes guarded. "You don't have to stay celibate puppy, just because you don't do it with me." I swallowed. "Even though I want to." I muttered. Dean sighed and started to move. I tightened my grip on his waist. "You promised." I said. "Your five minutes is up." He said and pulled my arm off his waist gently. I looked up at him sadly. He winced. "Really, puppy eyes?" He said. I creased my eyebrows more. He scowled and leapt at me his hands finding my sides and tickling me. I was gasping with laughter. "Dean no!" I screamed. He didn't let up. I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe. "Puppy eyes don't work on me sweet heart, Sammy is king of the puppy eyes, you are no match!" I was gasping and then Sam joined in. I screeched. "You guys suck!" I gasped between bouts of laughter. Sam was grinning and I almost felt something from him, a small flash of something akin to joy, then it was gone. Dean let me go and Sam stopped too. I lay there trying to catch my breath. "So not fair!" I said sitting up. I was smiling despite myself. "Alright puppy, get up." Dean said grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet. I kissed Dean's cheek and almost pranced over to my bag. "So we have to find this kids father today?" I asked clipping my blue lace bra into place. Sam came over and ran a hand over my shoulders planting a kiss on my neck. "You and that lace." He said running his hands over it. I smiled. "Stay on track Sam." I said turning in his arms and wrapping my arms around his neck. I had to stand on my tip toes to reach. His eyes were dark and possessive as he gazed down at me. "Sam come on we have to finish this job." I said nuzzling his chin. He gave me a tight hug then went to go get dressed. I fished out a nice top and started getting dressed.

Castiel went with us to the father's house. He didn't seem very happy to see us. A young boy pointed a stick at me. "You leave my dad alone." I raised my eyebrow. "Is that the staff?" I asked Castiel. "It looks as if it has been sawed off but I believe so. "Look kid we aren't here to hurt you or your dad but I'm going to have to take that." I said holding my hand out. "How did you get that?" Dean asked. "I traded for it." The kid said holding tightly to the staff. "What did you trade?" I asked suspiciously. "Did the person who gave it to you have red or black eyes?" Sam asked. The kid shook his head. "He was an angel." The boy said with conviction. I sighed. "Hand it over and we will get your soul back." I said reaching for the staff. He jerked back. I felt my eyes begin to heat. "You are trying my patents kid. You've killed three people with that thing." I growled. Dean set a hand on my shoulder. "Selen he's just a kid protecting his brother's memory." I set my jaw. "Don't test me boy." I said shrugging off Dean's hand. He looked into my eyes and flinched. "Your one of those demons!" He shouted. I rolled my eyes. "Kid if you can't tell the difference between a demon and a werewolf you have no need for a weapon of the lord." I said scowling. Castiel cleared his throat. I cast a glare his way. His hand came forward and I got a horrible sensation of falling from a great height. I opened my eyes in the middle of a city. I blinked and looked around my mouth slightly open. I looked up to see skyscrapers as far as the eye could see. "Damnit!" I growled. I started walking and looking for some way to tell where I was. I stopped when I saw the police station. "One P.P." I muttered. I was in New York. I hated big cities. I let out a sigh and dug in my pockets. I had no phone and just my wallet and a few coins. I sighed and walked over to a pay phone. I popped in a few coins and dialed Sam's number. I got a disconnected message. I hung up the phone and grabbed my change. _Looks like I'm on my own._ I thought. I started walking.

I managed to find a rental car company close by. I walked in and gave my best 'Oh what have I done' smile. The guy who looked up was young and still growing into his height. "Hey, I seem to be lost, and my car was stolen." I leaned on the counter. "Welcome to New York." The kid said with a heavy Brooklyn accent. I smiled. "I need to get back to Pennsylvania sooner rather than later." He looked up and frowned. "You want to drive instead of flying?" I nodded. He started typing. "All we got that we can rent to you is…" He squinted at the screen. "A Corolla." I sighed. "It will do." I said holding out a credit card. He took it ran it and handed me the keys. "Sure you don't want to stay in town a little while longer? You haven't lived until you've gotten a taste of the Big Apple." I smiled at the kid. "Oh honey trust me, I've gotten a taste of enough forbidden fruit to know when to go home." I took the keys and headed out to the car. I wrinkled my nose when I saw it. The damn thing was way too modern for me. I adjusted the driver's seat and started it up. There was no snarl that I was accustomed to. I frowned and cranked up the radio. I was going to be driving for hours. I would have flown if I didn't have the fear of heights. I stopped at a cell phone place near the edge of the city. I walked in and told them I had lost my phone when someone stole my car. "You need a replacement?" The older gentleman asked. "Nothing fancy just something that can send texts and calls." I said looking at the rack of phones. "That Black Berry would be perfect." I said pointing. He got the box down and opened it setting the phone to my number and put in a charged battery. "I transferred your contacts." He said handing me the phone and box. I smiled broadly and thanked him giving him a card to pay for the new phone. He swiped it and handed it back. "Hope you get home ok. I know New York isn't for everyone." I tucked the phone into my pocket. "Thanks." I was on my way.

I called Bobby as soon as I hit the county line. "Selen, thank god, the boys are beside themselves." I smiled. "Castiel sent me a state over. We are lucky he didn't send me to the other side of the country." I stopped at a light. "Yeah, Dean is pretty pissed." I smirked. "I can only imagine." I heard papers shuffling. "Where did you say you were?" Bobby asked. I felt my heart sink. "New York." I said. "You got time for a job?" He asked. I rolled my eyes and pulled into a parking lot. "I can as long as you tell Dean and Sam where I am." I said throwing the car in park. "There has been a recent rash of interesting reports in the area, might be up our ally." I sighed. "Spit it out old man what is going on?" I heard the papers flipping around again. "Ten rapes in the last month, all the women were asleep at the time and woke up after whatever this was finished. The all reported a man with leathery wings and glowing eyes." I chewed my lip for a moment. "An incubus?" I asked grabbing my journal to look through. "I mean I know succubae are real so why not their male counterparts?" Bobby cleared his throat. "Just take care of it Selen." He said his voice irritated. "Don't be a prude, I'll handle it." I said. He hung up. I sighed and turned back to New York. I hated cities and now I had to find and kill an incubus? I started driving towards the library for more information. I needed to know if I needed to go and find something to kill this thing, if that could even be done. I parked close to the library and jogged up the steps. I ran my hand over one of the stone lion's paws as I went by. I smiled as I walked inside and was struck by the smell of old books. It was one of my favorite smells in the world. I took a deep breath and went straight to the mythology section. I pulled down every book I could find on incubi. Most of them read the same way: there is no fool proof way to kill these things. I was pouring over yet another dusty tome when someone walked in. I glanced up. It was a young boy with dirty blond hair just past his ears and glasses that did little to hide his green eyes and sharp nose. He was tall and lanky and he was holding onto his notebook like his life depended on it. "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't think anyone else would be in here." He said turning to go. "No, no I'm not here for much longer." I said standing. He turned. "I don't want to disturb you." He said. I smiled. "Trust me, you won't." I said closing the book I had been reading. He squinted at the title. "Greek Mythology is that your major?" He asked. I smiled. "No actually. I majored in cryptozoology when I was in college." I said stacking the books I had pulled down. "Incubus?" He asked picking up a thin book. I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I was doing some research, seems like you can't actually kill these things." I said taking the book. He nodded and opened his bag pulling out a few books and putting them on the table. A paperback of some book with two men and a red headed woman fell out of his bag. I picked it up. "Supernatural; The Wolf-Girl?" My eyebrows drew together. "Oh that's just a book I was reading for fun. Its about these two brothers meeting up with this half werewolf chick. They hunt supernatural creatures." I opened it to the first chapter. "As Dean and Sam gazed down at the woman before them they had no idea whether to trust her or kill her. Bobby Singer gave Sam a length of rope to tie her hands. Selen looked into Sam's eyes and he gasped as her eyes turned golden with anger. "Don't treat me like a wounded animal Sammy, I may still bite because of it." Sam jerked her arms behind her and tied them tightly." My mouth was hanging open. "Oh my god." I muttered. The kid smiled. "Yeah they are pretty good right?" I closed the book and handed it back to him memorizing the cover. "Yeah." I said shelving the books I had taken down. "Oh and if you are working on a paper about killing incubi you may try iron or silver as possible remedies. They seem to work on other creatures. Decapitation is always a good answer." I nodded to him and walked out quickly. I got to my rental car and grabbed my phone dialing Dean. He answered on the second ring. "Selen, where the hell did Cas send you?!" He sounded furious. "New York, I'm fine. Were you aware there are books out about you two?" I asked cranking up the car. "Yeah, its some stupid thing this guy did. He is a prophet of the lord or some shit. Why did you find one?" I set my jaw. "Yes, I did actually. Some college student was reading it." I heard Dean snicker. "I'm assuming it had you in it then?" I let out an annoyed growl. He laughed. "Its good to know you are ok puppy. You coming back soon?" I drove around trying to find a motel that didn't look like a rat hole. "Bobby gave me an incubus job." I said pulling into a park giving up on the motel angle. "Do you have cloths?" He asked. I let out a sigh. "No can you keep my bag until I get back? I'm going to buy some to get me through this job." I was watching the sun begin to set. "That is not necessary." I jumped and pulled my gun pointing it at the angel in the back seat. "Selen you ok?" Dean sounded worried. Castiel was in the back seat holding my duffle bag. "I warned you." He said as I kept the gun level. "I will shoot off your hands if you try to wipe my memories again." I snarled. He sighed and bowed his head. "I'm not going to. I've given up on that, clearly you mind is much stronger then I gave you credit for. I doubt I could wipe it permanently without risking damage." I scowled. "Thank you for the bag." I said slowly. He looked up. "I am just trying to protect your soul. I'm not saying leave Dean and Sam completely maybe just doing some jobs on your own?" I let out a sigh. "Dean I'll call you back." I said. "Be careful. I… I'll talk to you later puppy." I felt a jolt of surprise. Had he almost said _I love you_? He hung up quickly. "Castiel, while I appreciate your position do you even know what it is like being away from them this long? I feel like a good chunk of me is missing, if I am on a job then I need to stay focused. That is hard to do when all your mind is saying is go get back to them now!" He sighed. "Selen please, I don't want to have to do something drastic." I scowled. "I'll just come back Castiel. I'm a resilient little bitch, do not test me." He set his jaw. "I could send you somewhere that doesn't have a way to get back to the United Sates." My eyes narrowed. "I could find a way. Besides if you were going to do that than you would have already. Think of Dean Castiel. Remember how angry he was when you sent me here? I could almost feel his rage breaking down the wall I put between us to stay out of his mind. Do you remember what he was like after you wiped my memories?" He looked away. "I know you care about him Castiel, you and me both. We have to care for the Winchesters. Just because you share a bond with Dean and I have a blood bond with both of them you think I'm somehow different, a danger. I'm not going anywhere, and now that I'm the one who holds the fate of their souls I'm really not going to do anything that could get us all damned." He looked upset of a moment. "I could break the bond." He said looking up at me pleadingly. I raised my eyebrows. "You could break a blood bond?" He nodded. "But there is a good chance it would kill one of you." I felt a thrill of fear down my spine. "Who would it kill logically?" I asked weighing my odds. "Most likely you or Sam, he is the weakest of the three of you. I'm not sure his soul could take it." I swallowed. "No way then, I'm not risking Sam." He looked frustrated. "You could free Dean and you say no?" I reached out. "Read me Castiel. I know angels can, read my emotions and tell me I am doing this for selfish intent." He reached out hesitantly and took my hand. I felt all my emotions boil to the surface. The anger I held for my mother the anger at myself the sorrow at losing my father. I concentrated on Sam, my fear something was wrong with him, the horror I felt at the idea that if we broke this bond it may kill him, the guilt at even starting the bond in the first place. Castiel took his hand away. I was gasping and I laid my head against the seat. I was drenched in sweat. "I see no selfish intentions for Sam." My eyebrows drew together. "And Dean?" He was quiet for a moment. "You feel a possessive jealousy over him, yet you have guilt for feeling that way. You want him to be happy, could you leave him if it didn't involve you?" I bit my lip as I thought about it. Tears threatened as I remembered him ruffling Ben's hair and hugging Lisa. "If he could be happy Castiel I would cast myself into the darkest corners of hell for him." My voice felt tight. "And Sam, what about him?" I reached out and felt for him. I could see him lying on a motel bed looking up at the ceiling. "If I could be sure he was ok, and he found someone that made him happy I would let him go. I would live with this bond so he could be happy." Castiel put a hand on my shoulder. "Your intentions are pure Selen. I see that now, you are not staying with them for yourself you are trying to make them happy. You let Dean brood about his lost family and don't prod him and you make sure Sam recovers from his year alone." I took a deep breath and looked at Castiel squarely. "What's wrong with Sam Castiel?" I asked. I watched the muscle in his jaw twitch. "I don't know." I looked into his blue eyes for a long moment. "Liar." I whispered. I blinked and he was gone with the sound of great wing beats.

I finally found a motel for the night around eleven. I didn't bother taking off anything more than my shoes. I curled up under the sheets and tried to fall asleep. When I had been laying there for a half hour I finally dug my phone out of my pocket. I dialed Dean's number. "Hello?" His voice sounded groggy. "Hey sorry I didn't mean to wake you." I said tucking myself under the sheets even tighter. "You didn't I was just crawling into bed." I smiled. "What's the matter puppy?" He asked. I could hear the bed he was on squeaking. "I just really miss you guys." I said my voice much softer then I had intended. I heard a click. "We are here puppy." Dean said. I heard the bed again. "Hey Selen." It was Sam. I smiled. "Hey." I said my eyes welling with unexpected tears. "How you doing Sam?" I rolled onto my back. "I'm fine. I heard you were hunting an Incubus, sounds like fun." I smiled. "Yeah well you know how it is, being a petit woman is great when you are hunting down something like this." I heard Dean chuckle. "You aren't that petit." He said. I rolled my eyes. "I still have to stretch up to kiss you don't I?" I said. Dean went quiet for a moment. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that." I was trying to back pedal. "It's fine don't apologize." I let out a sigh. "I just wanted to say goodnight and now I'm just messing it up." I shook my head. "He is just touchy, don't worry about him." Sam said and I heard a thud. "Dean don't hit your brother." I said. Sam snorted. "Damn wolf ears." Dean muttered. "Yeah don't forget it. Don't make me pass this job off to a local hunter and drive my ass down there just to keep you two in line." I said jokingly. "Only if you promise to be rough with us." Dean said. I blinked. That was unexpected. "Dean you sure are bipolar with your teasing." I said yawning. "Come on puppy it's late and we all have an early start in the morning." I curled up against the pillows. "I guess you're right. I have to find this stupid thing. I'll have to call Bobby tomorrow and see if he knows if anything can kill an incubus, so far I have zilch." I closed my eyes and felt for Sam. I could almost see him walking over to his laptop. "I'll look into it for you." He said his voice farther from the phone. "Thanks Sam. You guys get some rest ok?" They both gave an affirmative and I smiled. "Good night." I said feeling my libs getting heavy. "Love to you both." I said starting to drift off. "We love you too." Dean said softly. I smiled. "Bye." I was asleep by the time he hung up.

It had been days and I still hadn't found the incubus. I was dead asleep in the motel. I heard something in my room and opened my eyes keeping my body still and breathing even. I looked towards the door and saw the lock being jimmied. I slid my gun out from under my pillow and clicked the safety off. The door swung wide and I had just enough time to dive off the bed before a shotgun blast hit right were my head had been seconds before. "Hold still you little wolf bitch." I fired at the voice and grabbed the strap on my duffle bag. I kept low and streaked for the door. I grabbed my boots and fired again at the man trying to kill me. I slammed the door behind me and raced for the exit. I heard the door ram into the wall as he opened it. "Come on now I'm getting too old for this." I heard him mutter. I cast a glance back over my shoulder. He was an older black man with a short greying beard. He had a shotgun in his hands. I ran out into the lightening dawn. My feet hit the pavement and I winced as I stepped on something sharp. I didn't stop until I was in my car. This had happened before, some hunter had gotten a hit out on me. I was not staying in town long enough to get killed, the incubus would have to wait. I stomped on the gas with my injured foot and looked in the rearview to see the hunter watching me. He had my rental car license plate. Great I would have to ditch this one. I drove quickly but didn't speed, the last thing I wanted was the cops on my tail. I dialed Bobby's number. A groggy voice answered the phone. "Hey Bobby I'm going to have to take a rain check on that job. Some hunter is after me." I heard him pouring what I hoped was coffee. "Who is it this time?" He asked. "No idea some black dude, older guy with a grey beard. I'm going to have to ditch this car, can you tell me where Sam and Dean are?" I heard him shuffling papers around. "Sounds like Rufus. I'll give him a call and see who gave him the job. I have to call Dean to see where he is." I turned into the rental car company as the lights were coming on. "Thanks Bobby. Call me back when you have something. I owe you one man, I'll swing buy and make you a nice home cooked meal, how's that sound?" I heard him chuckle. "You always did know your way around a man, sounds good. I'll see you later." He hung up. I parked and got out to examine my foot. A nice chunk of broken beer bottle was stuck just above my heel. I pulled it out with a hiss and dug in my bag for a bandage. I slipped on my boots and tried to smooth down my hair. The man behind the counter looked groggy to say the least. He had a cup of coffee in his hand and his tie was undone. "Hey, I'm having problems with the car I rented here a few days ago? I ended up staying here longer then I intended and I need to get back home, but this one is a little uncomfortable. Can I snag a different car?" The guy blinked. "Yeah, give me the keys to that one and I'll change it out for you. We only have an old PT Cruiser right now but they are pretty roomy." I handed him the keys and he typed a few things in on his computer. "Ok here you go Mrs. Everdeen." I smiled. "Thanks." I loved using characters from books as my aliases. I didn't get to read much but when I got the chance I burned through books in a day. I got into the car and started laughing. It was roomy but the thing was a family car. I shook my head and started off. I needed to go back under cover.

I was headed for Pennsylvania. That was the last place I knew they had been. I tucked my hair behind my ear and sighed. My phone rang and I answered it looking for a place to grab some food. "Parker." I turned into a diner. "I can't get a hold of Rufus and Dean is trying to deal with Sam. They are with their grandfather. Something about an Alfa vampire or something, look be careful, if it is Rufus who is hunting you then you are in some deep shit until I can reach him and tell him you are on our side. And Dean is not doing too well with Sam. We figured out what was wrong with him but I think it would be best if he told you himself." I set my jaw and turned off the car. "Thanks Bobby. I'll find them as soon as I can." He hung up and I went to grab a burger to go. I drove through the night and ended up getting to the compound just after night fall. I pulled up and poked my head out of the window. "Y'all remember me?" I asked with a grin. I saw Christian looking me over. "It's me Selen." His eyes narrowed. "Just what we need more trouble." I sighed. "Look are they here or not?" I asked knowing the answer. I could feel Sam just inside the building. "Most of them." He said and opened the gate for me. I parked next to the Impala and hopped out trying not to race right in to see them. I rounded the corner and walked smack into Samuel. He was glaring at me. "I see their pet came back home." He growled. I sighed. "I'm sorry if they are causing problems here. I came back to get them in line." He shoved me aside. "I doubt it." He said walking away. I kept looking for the brothers. After wondering around for a while I gave up and flopped onto Sam's old bed face first pulling a pillow over my head. No one had been using the room, that much was clear. I sighed and let my mind wonder trying to since where Sam was. "Damn Sammy how about actually doing something before flopping down?" I sat bolt upright and turned. Dean's face changed. "Selen?" I bounded up and hugged him. "Hey Dean oh my gosh I missed you. I have a hunter on my tail." He was looking me over his arms around my waist. "You look good, have you lost weight?" I grinned. "I've only been gone about a week." I said enjoying the feeling of being close to him. "Bobby said you found out what was wrong with Sam." I said as I leaned into his chest. "His soul is still trapped in the pit." Dean said his grip on me tightening a little. I looked up at him. "His soul is gone?" I said my heart fluttering in my chest with worry. I started to panic. "How do we fix it? I mean can't Castiel get his soul back?" Dean put a finger over my lips. "Selen, calm down. We are going to fix this. Castiel says his soul is much more heavily guarded then mine was. I think I have an idea of how to get him out, but it is going to take some time." He was looking down at me and I could see the worry in his eyes. I wanted to open myself up to him so I could share the burden but I didn't want to break my promise. "I guess now we know why I have that grey circle around my pupil." I said looking past him. Sam was coming around the corner. "There you are." He said. Dean grabbed my chin and made me look up at him. "Grey circle?" I felt my eyes flare up slightly at being this close to him. He spotted my right eye. "How long has that been there?" He asked as Sam came closer to look at me. "How you been?" He said running his hands through my hair. I smiled. "Better now. It's been there for just over a year now. I never paid much mind to it but I think it represents Sam's soul." Dean started turning my head side to side and looking at my eye. "There is a streak of red here." He said softly. I felt my heart give a particularly hard beat. "What does that mean?" I asked my voice panicked. "I don't know." Dean said. Sam was looking at my eye as well. "That is the weirdest thing I have seen in a very long time." He said. I gave a whimper as Sam drew back. He came around behind me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. "I missed you." I said leaning back against him. Dean still had his arms around me and he was thinking very hard. I pressed the tip of my nose to his. "I can smell the wood burning dear." I said looking into his emerald eyes. He looked down at me. "Sorry, that is just something else to think about." He said. "Sam kissed my hair. "So he told you about me missing my soul then?" Sam asked. I nodded. "We can fix it." I said nuzzling his chin. "It may kill me to get my soul back." I paused. "Castiel tell you that?" I asked. "Yeah." Sam said. I sighed. "He is just full of things that will kill you isn't he?" I grumbled. They both looked at me. "He said he could break the soul bonding thing but there is a good chance it would kill Sam. I told him no." Dean was watching me with a strange look in his eyes. "So you passed up an opportunity to break this bond and live any way you want to without risking our souls and you passed it up because Cas said there was a chance it would kill Sam?" I blinked up at him. "I wouldn't risk either of you." I said suddenly angry with him for even considering I may have to think about it. He nodded. "Did he say it would damn him?" He asked. I looked up at Sam then back at Dean. "It doesn't matter!" I said angrily. I shoved Dean backwards my rage getting the better of me. "Damn it Dean I would never let Sam die because of something I did! I would risk my soul happily before I risked either of yours!" I was backing him into a wall. "If you think I considered breaking this stupid blood bond at the risk of Sam's life then you don't know me at all!" I could feel my concentration on the wall between us slipping. "I would die before I let either of you two get hurt for my stupid condition!" My anguish and rage hit Dean like a truck as my barriers came crashing down. My eyes flared gold and Dean gasped and staggered. He grabbed my arm and his fingers dug into my flesh. "I'm sorry!" I cried trying to throw up a barrier between us again. He was panting and his eyes were clamped shut. Sam came to his side and touched his shoulder. "Dean?" I touched his hand on my arm. "You feel like that all the time?" Dean asked finally. He looked up at me with red rimmed eyes. "I didn't mean to share that with you. I've been trying to stay out of your head. I'm sorry Dean I didn't mean to break my promise." I said as his fingers loosened and his hand fell to his side.

He shook his head a few times as if to clear it. "You live with that rage and sorrow inside you?" He asked again looking at me in disbelief. "I just tuck it away like anyone else." I said looking away. He came forward and hugged me to his chest. My arms wrapped around him automatically. "Dean?" I was slightly stunned. He buried his face in my hair. "If I had known…" He groaned. "Dean I'm sorry, don't take it to heart. I've been like this my whole life." I said trying to look at him. He pulled back and looked in my eyes. "Let me feel it. Let me know how much you feel about us. Please I need to know." His voice broke. I touched his face. "Dean please, this isn't how I wanted you to find out." I bit my lip and closed my eyes. His hand cupped my cheek. "Please." He sounded so broken. I took a deep breath and opened my shields a little to let him in. "Do you still love me?" He asked. I felt my chest tighten and he let out a small breath. I opened my eyes and looked into his. I felt that small warmth in my heart I got every time I was around the boys. "Don't ask me that Dean, you know the answer." I said looking deep into his deep green eyes. His lips met mine with a near crushing force. My body molded to his and I let out a small sound in surprise. He kissed me and I let him feel everything going through my mind, the love I felt for him, how much I missed him, the fear of losing him again. He broke off with a small gasp and held me tightly. A small sob bubbled out of my throat and I put the back of my hand to my mouth. I tried to close down but he grabbed my wrist. "No don't." He said. I let him feel that crushing weight that hit me whenever I thought about how I couldn't have him now that he had Lisa and Ben. I desperately wanted him to be happy, even if it excluded me. He held me to his chest and started petting my hair slowly. "Well isn't this just touching." The smell of Demon burned in my nose and I pulled my gun pointing it at the man who had spoken. He was wearing a black suit and had a slightly European accent. "Now you will really have to call off your dog Dean." I let out a snarl. "Don't think so you black eyed limey." I growled. He let out a laugh. "Feisty little thing." He said coming forward. Sam put a hand on my gun and lowered it. I looked over at him dumbfounded. "He is going to help us get my soul back." Sam explained. I glared at the demon. "This is Crowley." Dean said his voice full of hate. I could feel the disgust rolling off him in waves. "I'm gone a week and suddenly you two are working for a demon?" I asked pulling away from them. Crowley touched my shoulder and I leapt back with a wolfish snarl, my eyes turning to gold instantly. "I see you have a little wolf pet. Pity, she doesn't seem to have teeth." He said grabbing my chin in his iron grip. I stuck my gun under his chin roughly. "Selen stop." Dean ordered. I set my jaw and didn't move. "Best listen to your master there pup." He said looking in my eyes. His gaze fell on my right eye and he paused. He looked at me hard then let out a harsh laugh. "Well I'll be damned. You are bound to Sam?" I tried to jerk away but he held firm. My finger twitched on the trigger and he snatched the gun out of my hand. "No, no bad doggie." He squeezed hard enough that I knew he could break my jaw if he wanted to. "No wonder you are so hot for his soul. The little pup here could pull it out if she died but that would take Sam with her." He looked at my other eye. "What's this? No soul blackout in this eye. Dean you naughty boy." I jerked again and this time he let me go. "You two are bound to a half werewolf. I do hope she has a good soul, you know if she is headed down stairs I get all of you." He looked at each of us. "I know where I am going and it isn't anywhere you can get me." I snarled. He held out my gun and I snatched it. "I could always break that bond for you." He said. I smiled and it wasn't a pretty look. "Just need my soul right? Fat chance hell boy." I said coming closer to Dean. "Don't forget my dear I have the ability to get Sam's soul back." My eyes narrowed. "I'm sure." I said sarcastically. He smiled and held his hands out. "I'm your best bet love." I set my jaw and glanced at Dean. "I will shoot you." I said my eyes still gold. "I don't doubt that sweet heart. You are rumored to be trigger happy. I've met a few of the demons you have run into." I gave another ugly smile. "I bet they are willing to give a favorite body part to get a few moments with me." I said ruefully. He gave a smile. "You volunteering?" He asked. Dean stepped forward and pulled me behind him. "Enough." He growled. "Just stopping by to make sure you weren't backing out." Crowley said. He cast a smile at Sam. "I'll see you all soon." He said and vanished.

I was not at all happy about them working with a demon. Dean insisted I keep the barrier between us down. "It's kind of nice being around someone that actually feels." He said casting a glance at Sam. Sam sighed and flopped down on his bed. A second bed had been added to the room for Dean. I sat by Sam's feet and looked down. "Things aren't going to well with Lisa." Dean said and I felt a stab of pain from him. I swallowed and picked my words carefully. "Lisa doesn't know as much about hunters as she thinks. This is a full time gig and it's one of those either you come along and learn the trade or are ready to be waiting at home for months on end. Maybe she just isn't one of the people who can do that." He sat on his bed and bowed his head. I leaned across and ran a hand through his short hair. I could feel how much he was hurting and how much he just wanted to be close with someone. I got up and slid into his lap leaning my head on his shoulder. "Come on Dee." I whispered. He let out a sigh and looked up at me. "No one has called me that in years." He said with a sad smile. I knew it had been Sam who called him that last. I kissed his cheek. "I may have to make it a habit then." I said. He gave me a full smile. "There is my favorite smile." I said brushing my fingers over his lips. His eyes got dark for a moment and I felt a pang of need from him. My stomach clenched. Could he forgive himself if he slept with me and left Lisa hanging? "Dean, think about this." I said as he leaned closer to kiss me. "I have and I can't take it anymore." He kissed me hungrily. I could feel all the pent up need from him rushing over me. He wanted love and he wanted someone to understand his frustration at Sam and Lisa and everything else. He kissed down my neck and leaned us back on the bed. I let out a little gasp as he bit my neck. "You mind giving us the room Sammy?" Dean asked his voice husky. "Could I join in when you're done?" He asked. Dean nodded and started to pull my shirt over my head. "Dean please I know you are hurting but what about Lisa?" He got my shirt off and unclipped my bra. "I don't care. She doesn't get it Selen, and she never will, but you." He let out a breath and took my breasts in his calloused hands. "God you understand perfectly. You know how I'm feeling and why I can't tell anyone everything." His mouth latched onto my left nipple and I gasped. He let out a growl and rolled us so I was on the bottom. My hands pulled off his shirt and he was smiling down at me with lust in his eyes. My heart was pounding in my ears. He unbuttoned my jeans and slid them down my hips. "Dean." I breathed his name. He captured my lips in a devastating kiss and I felt the head of him pressing against me. "I'm going to make you cum for me puppy." He whispered against my lips. He sank into me slowly and I gasped. He let out a groan and pumped into me hard. "God you are tight." He gasped. I gripped his shoulders and he kissed up my neck. "I can feel how much you wanted this. I know what you want." Dean whispered in my ear. He nipped my earlobe and started pumping his hips into me slowly. I moaned for him. He gripped my hair and tilted my head back to bite my collar bone. I cried out. He started fucking me in earnest and I held onto him for dear life. My nails dug into his back and I felt that wonderful heat building. "God, please Dean don't stop." He held onto my hips and slammed into me harder. "No chance." He growled. He kissed me roughly and I moaned into his mouth. He pulled back panting. "You are so close." He said gripping my hips so tightly I may be bruised later. "I'm coming!" I choked out. He slammed into me as hard as he could and I toppled over the edge with a scream. He wasn't far behind and the pleasure bounced between us through our link. We lay there gasping as the last few waves hit us. He rolled off of me and lay there with his arm around me. I didn't feel regret from him and I felt truly happy for the first time in a long time. I snuggled into his side and kissed up his jawline slowly. I felt a small warmth building between us that I thought had gone out altogether. "I missed you Dee." I whispered. He rolled on his side and held me to his chest. "I missed you too puppy." He said kissing my hair. I smiled as he pulled the blankets over us. "We will get Sam's soul back. I can figure out something, then we can get back to doing what we do best." He held me tightly and I could feel his heart drop a little. "Let's just enjoy the moment." He said petting my hair. I snuggled closer. "I love you Dean." I said softly. "More than anything." I felt his heart warm. "Yeah, me too." He said his voice gruff. I smiled and rose up to kiss him. "Still just as guarded as always." I said. He smiled and kissed my nose. "You know what I am feeling." He said. I smiled broadly. "Yeah I do." I said and rolled on top of him kissing him. He laughed and I reveled in the joyful sound. He tickled my sides and I held onto him giggling. "Dee!" I squealed feigning indignation. "This street goes both ways baby, I know you are loving this!" He rolled us over and we fell to the floor in a heap still laughing. Sam opened the door and seeing us covered his eyes. "Oh nice guys." He said starting to back out. "Don't worry Sammy we are done." Dean said standing and helping me to my feet. I was still having little bouts of giggle fits. I sat down on the bed "I think this is the most girlish I have ever seen you." Dean said grinning. "Shut it lover boy." I said my grin matching his. Sam came over and draped an arm around me. "He is right you know I don't think I have ever seen you giggle like that." I was still smiling as I shoved his arm off. "I have to drop off that rental car in the morning guys." I said as Sam leaned closer and kissed me. I looked at both of them and chewed my lip. "Is it my turn?" Sam asked his voice deep. I blushed. "Dean said I could have you when he was done." He said pushing me down onto the bed. He pulled his shirt off and my gazed wondered down his body. "I'll grab a drink." Dean said leaving the room. Sam kissed down my neck and bit into my collar bone softly. I moaned and fisted my hand in his hair the heat in my body flaring to life again. He slid his pants off and kissed me climbing over me and pressing our bodies together. He pressed against me and my head fell back. "I'm going to make you scream my name." He growled in my ear. He slammed into me and I gasped. He started into me hard and fast and I gripped his shoulders. He bit into my shoulder and I cried out. He held me tight and I raked my nails down his back. He grunted and slammed into me harder. I felt him getting closer. "Sam, please don't stop." I whispered my fingers lacing into his hair again. "Wouldn't dream of it." He growled and drove himself into me like his life depended on it. I his name fell from my lips along with a string of pleas for him to go fast, harder, deeper, anything to make me cum for him. I felt my climax building along with his. His hand fisted in my hair and pulled my head back. He bit into the base of my neck hard and I screamed his name as I came. He wasn't far behind and he growled into my neck as he came. The pleasure bounced between us a few more times before we collapsed in a heap. We lay there relearning how to breath. "God if this is how you are now without a soul I can't imagine what it will be like when we get it back." I said closing my eyes. He laughed and kissed me. Dean knocked on the door. "You done? The whole hallway smells like sex." He hollered through the door. "Yes we are done." I called irritated. Dean came in and flopped on the other bed.

Sam got up and put his cloths back on and I slipped on one of Dean's shirts and my panties. "Who should I sleep with?" I asked looking between them. "Sleep with Dean I don't sleep." Sam said wrapping his arms around me and patting my ass. I swatted at his hand playfully. "Sammy!" I whined draping myself over him. He rolled his eyes. "Don't call me Sammy." He said planting a kiss on my mouth. I smiled. "Am I not as special as Dean?" I teased. Dean came up behind me and put his arms around my waist over Sam's. "You are not my brother." He said looking at Dean over my head. I raised an eyebrow. "Ok that wasn't incestuous at all." It had been meant as a joke but both of them jumped back for each other like I had set a live wire to them. "Selen, that is not ok!" Dean shouted. I covered my mouth with my hand and tried to fight back the laughter that bubbled up in my chest. I could feel his anger and disgust but I couldn't help myself. "I'm sorry, it was a joke!" I said my voice shaking with mirth. Dean scowled as he realized I was trying not to laugh. "Sorry, sorry, let's just go to bed." I said gaining a little more composure and taking his arm. He wasn't very happy with me but he followed me to bed. I laid my head on his chest and he played with the ends of my hair. "I'm sorry Dee it was just a joke." I felt his heart warm again. "S'fine." He said. I yawned and glanced at Sam who had settled himself on his bed with a book. "I guess you have more time to read now huh?" Sam looked up. "Just catching up on some research." He said looking back at the book. I smiled. "You should try reading for pleasure every once in a while. I love it." Dean sighed and I looked back in time to see his eyes roll. "You two are nerds." He said. I grinned. "Oh but Dee, nerds are the best! It's the quiet ones you have to watch out for, we have the most kinks." I ran a fingernail up his thigh slowly. He had put on boxers but not bothered with anything else. He gave an involuntary shudder. I grinned. "I'm not leaving the room again so you two can fuck." I let out an annoyed sigh that matched Dean's. "I'm just being playful." I said laying my head on Dean's chest. Dean wrapped an arm around me and I closed my eyes. "I told him not to try and pretend anymore." Dean said. I snuggled closer. "Yeah I guess that's for the best." I murmured.

Dean gave a contented sigh and I cast a glance back over at Sam. He was reading intently. I chewed my lip for a little while thinking. Dean kissed my cheek. "Puppy I can't sleep when you do that." He said rubbing my shoulder. "Sorry I was just thinking." He took and deep breath and rolled onto his side cuddling me against his chest. "Thinking about what?" He asked nuzzling my ear. "I was just wondering why I can't sense Sam's soul." I said quietly. Sam glanced up for a moment. "I haven't been able to sense more than your location in a long time, but I know what Dean is feeling all the time." Sam seemed to think about that for a long time. "Well now that you know where it is can you try?" My eyebrows drew together. "Maybe." Dean grabbed my wrist. "Don't play with hell puppy, I don't think this is a good idea." I smiled and kissed his nose. "I'll be fine, it probably won't even work." I said. I felt a stab of fear from him. "I'll be fine." I assured him. I closed my eyes and thought about Sam, the old Sam and the beauty of his inner soul. I smiled at the memories of him kissing me and holding me at night. I could hear his laughter like my favorite song in my head. I thought about finding him and I reached out. There was a slight tug and I could see him suddenly, inside the cage with Lucifer. I let out a gasp at the sight of him. He was missing pieces of flesh and I could see broken bones poking through his skin. I let out a cry and they both turned. "What's this?" Lucifer asked coming towards me. I backed up. "Your little pet werewolf can astral project! Bad move sweet heart. He grabbed my wrist and I gasped. "No!" Sam cried. Lucifer laughed. "Oh now you have just handed me the best gift in the world. Selen right? Well Selen you are my newest roommate." He was smiling broadly and Sam was struggling against his restraints. "Don't hurt her! She isn't meant to be here!" He laughed. "Doesn't matter Sam she came here on her own volition, she is stuck until I say otherwise." I felt a stab of panic and the door between Sam and I opened. I felt every injury he had and I would have crumpled to the ground if Lucifer hadn't held me up by the wrist. Chains wrapped around me and I was hoisted to the ceiling. I was gasping for air. I hurt all over and I had no idea how Sam was still conscience. "I'm sorry Sam." I whispered. "I'm so sorry." I began sobbing. "Now, now Selen! That isn't at all what Daddy taught you! Show a little back bone, I haven't even started on you yet. Sam has told me all about you. He really loves you, you know. I know right where to twist the knife to make you crumble." He walked over to a table full of blades. "Lucifer you can't!" Sam screamed. I couldn't meet his eyes. I had done this to myself and now Sam had to watch. "I'm so so sorry Sam." I cried. "I didn't know." Lucifer selected a curved blade and stepped back over to me. "You've made my existence Selen my dear." He drew the blade down my cheek slowly opening a razor thin cut. I set my jaw. He frowned. "You are going to try and be tough aren't you?" He sneered. I stopped crying and just glared into his eyes. "I won't give you the satisfaction of hurting Sam like this." Lucifer smiled. "Oh but my darling, you already have. Go on open up your shields, see how much he is hurting." I glared at him. "No?" He ripped open the front of the white gown I was wearing. I looked down at myself confused. "Had you been meant for hell it would have been black or red." He ran the tip of the knife down my front not cutting me. "What shall we start with? I have all the time in the world to choose." He was circling me as he mused. "How about we start with my foot up your ass?" I asked with a smile. I felt blood well from the cut on my cheek. "She has a tongue on her doesn't she Sam? Why don't we just cut that out?" He grabbed my jaw in a crushing grip and yanked my mouth open. "Oh but then we wouldn't get to hear her screaming for help." He mused. He drew his tongue up my cheek collecting the blood. I squirmed. "Oh don't worry I can't be bound to you by blood." He said with a smile. "But I can torment you more since you are bound to Sammy here." I felt my eyes glowing gold. "Don't call him Sammy." I snarled. He patted my cheek. "You do have a temper." He said. He plunged the curved blade into my gut and twisted. I set my jaw and coughed. Blood dribbled down my lips and onto the floor. I smiled at him. "Try again, you much more gentle then Dean." I said my voice light. His face was backlit with rage. "I'll make you scream for mercy." He growled and twisted the knife more. I didn't react. I could feel my intestines leaking fluid into my body, stomach acid burned my insides. I laughed and he twisted the knife deeper. Sam was whimpering. "I'll be fine Sam." I promised. Lucifer let out a cry of rage. "I will break you!" He got into my face. "You father broke in only a few months. He is out there now tormenting souls. You won't be so lucky, you are stuck in here with me." I smiled. "Oh Lucy, can I call you Lucy?" He back handed me. "I'll take that as a yes. Lucy my dear I have taken much more damage than this just facing one of your underlings. You have such a light touch." I bated my eyelashes at him. The muscle in his jaw twitched. "You are only making this worse for yourself." He growled getting close to my ear. "Think about how it makes Sam feel every time I slice into you." I smiled. "Lucy I have a news flash for you." He looked at my face and I gave him an ugly smile. "I'm too far gone for you to touch me. I've lost my father, had my memory wiped by an angel, been hunted beaten and abused, and I just recently found out I am bound to two people's souls and if I die and go to hell so will they. Baby, you can't hurt me anymore then I have already hurt myself." He pulled the knife out and slashed it across my throat. Blood poured out of my severed arteries and I smiled. Sam began to scream and pull at his restraints. "I'm fine." I choked trying to calm him down. He was weeping with his head bowed. "I can't die here Sam." I said as the blood slowed. Lucifer looked pissed. "I will break you." He vowed. "Even Dean wasn't righteous enough to resist for more than forty years." I let my head fall forward and laughed softly. "Say it with me Lucy 'Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage!'" He drove the knife into my chest and jerked it around. I let out a laugh that barely sounded human. "You are going to have to try harder!" I hollered. Inside my mind I was screaming with pain. I could hide pain better than anyone but even I didn't know how long I could last.

I wasn't sure how much actual time had passed but it felt like a month before I finally broke. He had ripped out my kidneys for the third time and he was twisting a knife up into my chest cavity. I let out a small cry and the levy broke. Every ounce of self-control I had kept up shredded with my flesh under Lucifer's cunning blade. He began laughing as he hacked into me with renewed vigor. I let out scream after blood curdling scream and Sam began sobbing. Lucifer had left him alone while he worked on me and I had welcomed the chance to give him a reprieve even if just for a moment. "Listen to her Sam! Even she couldn't resist me for long!" He was cackling over my screams. I gasped trying to stop the flood of wordless agony coming from me. Sam had his head bowed and was shaking. "You want me to send you back to your body? You want to go home?" I clamped my jaw shut. He had been asking me this every single day, each time I refused knowing he would go back to hacking on Sam as soon as I was gone. I shook my head afraid of opening my mouth and letting the screaming start again. "Admit it I broke you and all you want to do is go home. Don't you miss Dean? Don't you miss being whole?" He got closer to me and ran a hand over my ruined stomach then trailed lower. "Don't you miss both of them fucking you?" Bile rose in my throat. "Get away from me!" I screamed struggling against the chains. "Don't touch me!" He laughed. "I've had my hands inside your body and _now_ you get squeamish?" He grabbed my breast roughly. "Maybe that will get you to break even more. Maybe I can just shatter you." I shut my eyes as he kneaded my breast in his hand. "Please, anything but that." I whispered. "Anything?" I glared up at him. "Would you rather watch me cut into Sam?" He let go and picked up a clean blade starting towards Sam who whimpered. "No!" I screamed. He paused and turned. "Would you give yourself to me willingly to save him?" I swallowed. "If you let Sam go and swear to me the bond wouldn't bring them down with me, I would willingly stay here with you." He dropped the blade back on the table and came towards me. "You're saying that if I broke this little blood bond between you three and sent Sam back you would stay here with me? Give yourself up to me willingly for anything I wanted?" I set my jaw and took a deep breath. "If you let Sam go and make sure that my being here would not drag Sam or Dean to hell with me I would stay here with you, as your willing victim." He laughed. "God this is just so _Dante's Inferno_!" I set my jaw as tears began to fall from my eyes. "He won't do it." Sam said his head lulling back. He looked a little better then when I had first gotten myself stuck here but he was still half out of his mind. "Sam is right, what's in it for me?" I coughed and blood fell from my lips. "How long have you been locked in here Lucifer? With nothing but your thoughts to keep you company?" I raised my eyebrows looking down at him. I was hanging above him with half my intestines lying on the floor. He snapped his fingers and I was healed. I gasped and closed my eyes for a moment. I had been in constant pain for over a month this was a little slice of heaven. "I could always just take what I want from you." He said pacing around me. My head fell forward. "Think about it, would you rather have to keep me tied down and fighting you the whole way?" Sam was watching me and I couldn't meet his eyes. "Selen, stop it." He begged. "Don't do this because of me." I looked up and met his eyes and my rage hit him like a whip my eyes instantly glowing gold. "I can just sit here and watch you suffer! One of us is getting out of here and I pray to God if Dean has to pick one of us, it had better be you!" Lucifer was smiling. He waved his hand and Sam's shackles vanished. "Tell her what you want Sam. Tell her what you've been telling me." Sam stood and came forward. "If you go to heaven when you die, no matter how long I am down here, you will drag me up with you. I've prayed for you every day!" He cupped my face in his hand and I leaned into his touch. "You are supposed to be my angel of grace, don't fall for me." I let out a sob. "I can save you from all of this, and neither of us will have to die." Lucifer waved his hand again and I dropped to the floor. I wrapped my arms around Sam and held him tight. "I can't leave you here." I sobbed. He took a deep breath and held me tightly. "You have to." He said his voice so broken. I gripped his shoulders tightly. "I won't let you rot in here." I whispered. "If I can take your place I will." He buried his face in my hair. "I couldn't live with myself if you did that." Sam whispered. "This is priceless." I gripped Sam tighter as Lucifer spoke. "I love you Sam." I whispered. "I love you too." I felt a tug. My eyes went wide. "No." I whispered as I was slowly pulled backwards. "What's happening?" Lucifer asked angrily. "No she is mine!" He tried to grab me as Sam thrust me backwards. "No!" I screamed as I was yanked away from the pit. I was still screaming as I woke in my own body. I sat bolt upright and gasped. Dean grabbed me and held me down. I started thrashing. "SAM!" I screamed. I saw Castiel with a surprised look and screamed wordlessly.

It took hours for them to calm me down enough to explain. "You were out for a week. I called Cas because I had tried everything else." Castiel was looking into my eyes intently. We were at Bobby's house, they must have brought me there after I didn't wake up. Dean and soulless Sam had been looking for a way to get Sam's soul back while I was out. "You were there for a month in their time." He said. I swallowed. "We have to get Sam out of there. I won't let him stay there." I said tears welling in my eyes. "You are in no shape to go hunting." Dean said angrily. Sam was sitting silently across from us. I looked at him and covered my mouth. "I can't leave your soul there." I sobbed. Dean pulled me into his arms. "Shh, puppy don't cry. We will fix it." He was rocking me. "I'm not a damned child!" I screamed and jerked away and stood so fast my chair fell over. I balled my fists at my sides. "I am not going to sit here and let Sam rot in that damn pit. I was so damn close and you two had to yank me back!" Dean looked confused for a moment. "What the hell are you talking about?" They were all staring at me. "I was about to trade myself for Sam! Lucifer was about to break the bond and send Sam's soul back in exchange for me!" I was screaming at the top of my lungs. Dean's mouth was open and Castiel was staring at me wide eyed. "Cas, knock her out or something." Dean said covering his face with his hands. Castiel came towards me with his hands out like I would try and run. "I have it figured out, I'm going to fix this." Dean said his voice calm. I could feel his underlying worry for me. I felt a stab of pain in my gut and doubled over. "You didn't get far Selen." It was Lucifer's voice in my ear. I let out a piercing scream and everyone rushed me at once. "She is still damaged! She thinks he is hurting her!" Castiel was shouting. Dean grabbed my shoulders and Sam took my legs. They lifted me as I struggled and carried me down to the cellar. Dean yelled for Bobby to get some restraints. "No god, please don't tie me down! I'll be a good girl! I just wanna go home!" I was hysterical and I couldn't make since of what was happening. I saw Lucifer standing inside the panic room and let out a scream. I wanted to save Sam but I wouldn't go back if I could help it. "She is hallucinating." Castiel yelled as they started strapping me to the cot. "Please! No! He is going to cut me open all over again! Don't let him hurt me again!" Lucifer was looking over at his collection of blades and picked up one with a forked tip. I began sobbing. Dean was crying too. "I'm so sorry. He isn't going to hurt you anymore. Selen please, he isn't real!" Dean took my face in his hands firmly and made me look at him. I sniffled and pulled at the cuffs holding my wrists. "I'll be good Dee, just don't let him hurt me. I can't take it anymore. He broke me once already." Dean closed his eyes his face a mask of anguish. "He broke you?" Dean asked whipping my tears away with his thumbs. I nodded my lower lip trembling. "I didn't last as long as you." I whimpered. "I'm weak, and he knows it. Dean please he knows I'll do anything for you and Sam. He threatened Sam and just kept cutting on me. Sam is so hurt. I gave him as much time as I could. While Lucifer was working on me he left Sam alone. I got him to leave Sam alone for a whole month, but I couldn't hold it back anymore! I had to scream and now he is back there with Sam. Please Dean. Oh god what do I do?!" He hugged me to his chest and I sobbed. "I'm going to get him out. You did everything you could, you did good. You did so good Selen." He petted my hair. "Get some rest and by the time you wake up I'll have Sam back together ok?" I was shaking so hard I couldn't answer. "Cas could you do something? Please." I felt a cool touch and I was floating.

I was back in my father's boat the wind in my hair. "I'm really very sorry about all this." I turned to the man next to me. He was unfamiliar, his accent was European and he had dirty blond hair. He was looking out at the lake. "Who are you?" I asked wrapping my arms around myself. "My name is Balthazar. I'm one of Castiel's friends." I nodded. "Why are you sorry? You had nothing to do with what happened." I said pulling on my old wool jacket I had lost years ago. "We had no idea you were powerful enough to astral project yourself into the pit, let alone get stuck there." I wanted to be somewhere comfortable and suddenly we were in Bobby's study. I smiled and snuggled into the couch I was on, pulling a blanket around myself. "You have good taste, I love being tucked away somewhere warm and safe." He was holding a mug of tea. I smiled widely. I felt much lighter here, the world couldn't hurt me in this dream. "Did Castiel ask you to watch over me?" I asked. He smiled and patted my knee. "No I came to see this prodigal half wolf everyone has been talking about." I tilted my head. He grinned. "You don't know yet? All the angels are fascinated by you. The first half monster to ever earn a spot in heaven, that's something to be proud of." I leaned back against the arm of the couch. "Not to be mean of anything but are you as much of a dick as Castiel has been?" He laughed. "I should hope not. I was the one who pulled you out of the cage. Castiel tried but he couldn't quite get a hold on you." My eyebrows creased. "You pulled me out?" He leaned forward and pulled the blanket down and placed his hand over a handprint that was burned into my upper arm. It matched his hand perfectly. "Dean has one like this." I said as he took his hand away. "Yes, angels tend to leave a mark on a person when they pull them out of hell." I looked up at him. "Why would you bother?" I asked. I looked down. "Well I mean, what made it worth your time?" He laughed. "You know how this works all too well." He said tucking the blanket around me again. "You are an anomaly Selen. I like anomalies, but you are also very powerful. Let's just say I like you and I tend to collect things I like and keep them safe." My eyebrows drew together again. "So you've, what, taken it upon yourself to become my guardian angel?" He smiled. "You could say that. After all Cas has a pet human, why can't I have a pet half werewolf?" I chewed my lip for a moment. "You smell different then Castiel." I said looking up at him. His smile was starting to grow on me. "And pray tell what do I smell like?" He said his voice teasing. "You smell like freedom. That's the only thing I can think of to match the smell. It's like open fields that haven't been tainted by modernity, and sunlight. Like the wind blowing on the open water." I scooted closer to him. "Interesting." He said. "Balthazar?" He looked down at me. "Is Dean really going to be able to get Sam out of the cage?" He thought about it for a moment. "Well he will if Bobby can keep Sam from killing him. Someone put it in Sam's head that putting his soul back may kill him and now he wants to keep Dean from putting it back. They moved you to a bed by the way. Sam apparently found out that patricide will scar his vessel so badly his soul won't be able to be returned." I chewed my lip and started to worry. "Don't fret love. I have a feeling that Bobby can take care of himself." I leaned into his side and he put his arm around me. I felt calm with him. He played with the ends of my hair. "I think Cas had the right idea with this guardian angel thing. I quite like it." I smiled. "Why is that?" I asked. "Well I feel compelled to care for you, almost like a father, that isn't something I have experienced before you see. This is quite a new feeling and I believe it is one I will enjoy." I cuddled into his side. "So why didn't you level Bobby's place?" I asked thinking about it. "Dean said the trees around where he had been buried were leveled for miles after Castiel pulled him out." Balthazar smiled. "I'm not a chauvinistic as my little brother." He said. I wrapped the blanket around both of us. He gave a little chuckle. "You said you liked to be warm." I said leaning against him. "I do." He said pulling me into his lap. It didn't feel sexual in the least just comfortable. I felt safe, no strings attached. "I can tell your soul has been damaged pretty badly. It may take a while for you to heal." I laid my head against his chest and listened to his heart beating. "I don't feel right." I said after a moment. "I wouldn't expect that after what Lucifer did to you. He picked you to pieces and you held up against him. He is a bit of a bastard and doesn't like to lose. He tried harder on you then he would on most. Don't feel bad about not lasting as long as Dean. He was being tortured by a demon, you had Lucifer himself working on you. Most wouldn't have lasted half as long as you did." He was twining the ends of my hair around his fingers. "I feel like I'm still broken." I said softly. "You are my dear, but don't worry I'll help you." I felt relief knowing I had an angel looking out for me. "Balthazar?" He looked down. "Hmm?" I looked up into his blue eyes. "Thank you." He looked confused for a moment. "I wasn't expecting that. Humans tend to be so very… ungrateful, but you really mean it don't you?" I looked down. "You didn't have to pull me out of the pit. You could have left me there and it wouldn't have bothered you a bit, but you did it anyway. I understand that and I am very grateful." He was smiling again. "I think you and I will get along swimmingly _ma petit loup_." I smiled and let out a small laugh. "Did you just call me your little wolf?" I asked. His smile broadened. "I did and I am quite pleased you knew that." I leaned my head against his chest again. "I kind of like it." I said. He kissed the top of my head. "Good because you are stuck with it now." I smiled and closed my eyes for a moment. "It's almost time for you to wake up again." He said. "Will you come back soon?" I asked leaning back to look at him again. "I will. Until next time _ma petit loup_." He said and I woke with his voice echoing in my mind.

I could still smell Balthazar as I walked down stairs. Dean was leaning against the door jamb of the panic room. "Dee?" He turned and smiled. I could feel the relief flowing off of him. "You're awake." He said taking me into his arms. "What happened?" I asked looking at Sam. He was out cold on the cot. "Well Sam tried to kill me and then Death showed up to put his soul back in." Bobby said sipping on a beer. Dean touched my shoulder and I winced. His hand hovered over my arm for a moment then he gingerly pulled up my sleeve. "Cas did this?" He asked. I shook my head. "Balthazar pulled me out." Dean's eyes narrowed. "The angel who rebelled and stole all those weapons from heaven?" I blinked. "I may have missed that part." I said slightly confused. "He faked his own death and stole holy weapons from heaven." I shook my head. "Dean I just got back from a month in the pit can we compare guardian angels later?" He stiffened and I felt the surprise. "How is he?" I asked changing the subject. "Not good, we don't know how long he may be out. Cas said his soul is defiantly there we just don't know when he will wake up." I nodded thinking. I could feel Dean's uncertainty. I was chewing my lip again. "You are going to take that lip off if you aren't careful puppy." Dean said sliding a thumb across my lower lip. I stopped. "Sorry. Can I just sit with him for a little while?" Dean nodded and he and Bobby walked up the stairs to give me some privacy. I walked in and sat with Sam taking his hand. He was cold to the touch and I pulled a blanket over him. "I know you are in there." I said reaching out through our link to feel him. He felt raw but he felt like Sam. I moved a lock of hair that had fallen into his face. "I'm here for you Sam. I'll always be here for you." I whispered kissing his forehead. His eyes snapped open.

He tried to sit up and I held his shoulder. "Hey take it easy!" I said my heart filling with joy at seeing his eyes open. "Selen?" I smiled. His face took on a mask of anger and he slugged me right in the jaw. My chair fell over backwards and I tasted blood as I sprawled out on the floor. "You left us! After you promised me you would never leave you left us!" My eyes were wide. "What?! I've been back for like six months!" I cried. I touched my lip and my fingers came away bloody. He looked confused. "What are you talking about?" I blinked. "Castiel whipped my memories and I found you a few months ago by accident. You brought my memories back. I didn't leave on purpose." I said standing slowly. "Where is Dean?" I licked the blood off my lip. "Upstairs, damn." I said rubbing my jaw. He turned away and walked upstairs. I waited for a little while before slinking upstairs after him and sitting on the couch. Dean looked up at me for a second. I was still holding my jaw. "Fill him in before I get near him again." I said feeling both pissed off and sad at the same time. "He hit you?" Dean asked. I waved him off. "Just talk to him." I said going to get some ice and giving Sam a wide birth. I pressed a cloth full of ice to my lip and jaw as Dean talked. Bobby brought him a large plate of food and Sam began scarfing it down like it was going out of style. I walked in timidly with my head low and sat next to Dean. "Sam, she got mind raped by an angel, cut her some slack, she was on her way to stop you guns blazing and Cas stopped her. She didn't leave us on her own." Sam was looking at me and I reached out through our link, being very careful not to poke anything painful. He was hurt that I had left, the manner in which it happened didn't matter much to him. He had needed a rock to ground him and I hadn't been there. I bit my lip and put my head down on the table shielding my mind up tight from both of them. I was too damaged right now to deal with this. I scratched at my stomach where Lucifer had cut me open and pulled me apart. Dean touched my shoulder and I flinched. "Puppy you shut down the link what's the matter?" I shook my head and tried to force down the onslaught of tears. "What does he remember?" I asked my voice shaky. "Nothing. I remember jumping into the pit then I woke up here." I flinched at his voice and the anger it held. "She isn't doing so hot Sam. She's…" He was trying to get around telling Sam I was there with him. "I'm just hurting right now. I had a little run in with a powerful entity and managed to get my soul ripped to shreds a few times." I picked my head up and stole myself away, I would lie to him as long as it took to keep him alive. "I remember every second and I just got back, I'm not recovered yet." His face softened. "Tell me more about this werewolf bond thing?" He said to Dean not looking away from my face. My lip trembled and I fought to hide it. "Her soul is connected to ours, she can feel our emotions and she can also find us if she really wants to. She's like a doggie GPS." Dean smiled at his own joke. We all just looked at him solemnly. He frowned. I leaned against his side. "It was funny Dee, we are just not in the mood for jokes." I said closing my eyes as he put his arm around me. Sam looked down. "So how do I know you even still care?" Sam asked suddenly. I sighed and lowered my shields. "Just think about her, think about what it would be like to feel what she is feeling and you will feel it. She is pretty beat up Sam but she never stopped caring." Dean rubbed my shoulder as if to keep me warm. Sam was staring at me hard and I reached out to him. My chest gave a squeeze as I realized how badly I wanted him to hold me and never let me go. He looked sad for a moment and I concentrated on my favorite memories with him. The rush of pure joy I felt when he kissed me, our first time and our drives together. I felt a rush of warmth from him and his face broke into the most radiant smile. I smiled and a nervous laugh bubbled from my lips as a tear escaped my eye. That started a flood and I stood rushing over to him. He stood and nearly crushed me to his chest. I was sobbing into his chest and he was petting my hair and holding me tight. "I missed you so much!" I cried. "I didn't know what to do and I was all alone and-" He silenced me with a kiss. He looked into my eyes and I saw love reflected there. "I'm here now. Don't cry." He whipped my tears away and kissed me again. He must have felt all of the emotions I was feeling, love, joy, and deep down, fear. "I'm not going anywhere." He promised.

I felt a sudden flash and closed down my shields just in time. My ears were ringing. It was Lucifer standing behind Sam. "Hello again." He said and I whimpered. "You aren't real. You aren't real." I chanted clamping my eyes shut. Sam touched my face. "Selen?" I shook my head. "I'm not doing too well." I said stepping back. It was hard to breath. I opened my eyes and he was still standing there. I staggered and Dean caught me. "What is it? What are you seeing?" I shook my head. If I opened my mouth I was going to scream. Dean grabbed my jaw and forced me to look at him. It hurt from where Sam had punched me. Lucifer vanished. I blinked. "Dean you are hurting me." I said quietly. He let go of my jaw. I licked my lip and tasted blood. I doubled over as memories hit me like a sledge hammer. I gasped as I saw the pit and Lucifer cutting into my body. He held up my liver to show me. Dean slapped me and I was back in the dining room. I was panting. "What the hell happened to her?" Sam asked panicked. "I'm fine!" I said a little too loudly. "The hell you are. " Bobby said pulling out a chair for them to lower me into. He shined a penlight into my eyes and I sat there immobile. I let my shields down to try and tell them I was ok. He looked into my left eye and moved on to my right, there he paused. "Boys take a look at this." I stiffened as they all looked at my eye. "What?" I asked my voice high. "Half of her eye is gold." Sam said curious. "What do you mean gold? Why is it gold?! I'm not even freaking mad!" Dean held me in the chair and Bobby clicked off the pen light. I blinked a few times. "You need to calm down." Dean said looking at me and holding my shoulders tightly. "Maybe this is from both of them being stuck down there. Sam is damaged even if he doesn't remember it and she is hurting pretty bad." I swallowed as Bobby put it together. "She was in the pit with me?" Sam asked. Confusion and anger was radiating off of him and I tried to close my shields again. "My right eye was the one that had the grey when he was… missing." I said trying to keep it from him my mind working to put all of this together. "The wolf side of me comes out when I'm in danger or feeling strong emotions. Maybe I am just trying to heal." I said rubbing my eye. It was warmer than the other one. Castiel appeared behind Dean and I let out a scream. They all spun. Castiel raised his hands to show he was unarmed. "I didn't mean to startle you." He said. I was panting again. "Sorry I'm just a little on edge." I said hugging myself. Sam stood behind me and put his hands on my shoulders massaging them gently. "It's ok." He said his voice soothing. I looked up at him and he smiled. "She survived a month in the pit, I still don't know how she got out." Castiel said coming forward to look at me. "Balthazar pulled me out." I said feeling a rush of comfort as I thought about him. Castiel looked both angry and surprised. "What did you give him in return?" He asked. I scowled. "He didn't ask me for anything." I said. "Hold her down." Castiel said looking at Dean. "Why?" Dean asked not moving. "I need to check and see if her soul is marked!" Castiel was impatient. "Hasn't she been through enough?" Dean asked. Sam's hands tightened on my shoulders. "Don't you hurt her." He growled protectively. Castiel glared at him. "Balthazar did the same thing you did for Dean. We share a bond now." I said touching Sam's hands. Castiel's head bowed. "I was afraid of this." He said. "Balthazar has been collecting weapons, Selen can astral project, a rare talent. None of us knew about it until she got herself sucked into the pit. He is trying to collect her." I was starting to wring my hands. "So what? He is an angel, its not like some demon is trying to collect me." I felt the need to defend him, he had saved my soul and now Castiel was talking about him like some sort of thief. Dean was rubbing his face. "Cas shut up. How many people do I have to keep track of?" He groaned frustrated. "You don't have to keep track of me Dean. I'm a big girl I can take care of myself." He glared at me. "You have no idea what you have gotten yourself into." He growled. "Let me see your arms." Castiel said. I glared up at him and Sam's grip tightened again. I lifted the sleeve of my T shirt and showed him the brand. "I don't want you to bother him. He saved me when you couldn't, don't be a sore loser." Dean barked a laugh. "You try my patents with your insolence and naivety." Castiel growled. "You don't have to stick around to hear it." I said standing. Sam took my hand but didn't hold me back. "Go on Castiel, fly away like you always do when things get too hard." I got in his face. "Or you can take the cowards way out and erase my memories again or send me off to another state like last time." He backhanded me. "Don't you speak to me that way." He growled. Dean rushed forward and yanked him away from me. "Cas calm down. She is half out of her mind; you don't need to hit her." Castiel looked back at me with distaste. "I tried to help you, now you are on your own. See if Balthazar is as tolerant as I am with your foolishness." He turned back to Dean. "Try to keep you pet in line." He spat and was gone. Sam was wide eyed.

"I've never seen him like that." Dean said staring at the place the angel had stood. I let out a breath I hadn't know I had been holding. Sam was nervous and Dean was just dumbfounded. I turned and wrapped my arms around Sam. "I guess you forgive me?" I asked my face in his chest. He held me close and kissed the top of my head. "It wasn't your fault." He said softly. "I missed you." I said nuzzling his chest. I could feel him smile into my hair. "I missed you too." He whispered. "Can we stop with the chick flick moment?" Dean asked. I could tell he felt slightly left out. I held out my hand to him. "Come here." I said. He rolled his eyes and came towards us taking my hand. I yanked him towards us and he laughed. Sam crushed us both in a bear hug. Dean's breath whooshed out of him and I laughed as I was smashed between them. "Alright alright let go of me you big lug!" Dean said. Sam released us and I couldn't help myself, I fell into a fit of giggles. I could feel the relief radiating off Dean and Sam was happy to be back with his brother I was overloaded with happiness. Sam began laughing too and the sound made me even happier. Dean picked me up and kissed me a big smile on his face. "Put me down Dee!" I giggled. He looked over at Sam and they both nodded. "One two three!" Dean yelled and tossed me in the air. I squealed and Sam caught me. "Put me down!" I laughed and Sam kissed me. He stood me back on my feet his eyes shining with joy. Dean smacked my ass and I punched his shoulder. "Watch it lover boy." I said still grinning. "Are we done playing catch the werewolf?" Bobby asked. I smiled and patted his shoulder. "Sorry Bobby. Didn't I promise you a home cooked meal last time we spoke?" I asked. He smiled. "You did and I'm going to hold you to it." He said clapping me on the shoulder. "Can I trust you to watch these two while I check out those disappearances?" Dean asked him. Sam and I both looked at him with disbelief. "You are not leaving me here!" We both said indignantly. "Sammy in stereo, I don't think I like that." Dean said. "Neither of you are in any shape to be hunting." He said and I could hear the tone in his voice that told me he had switched into soldier mode. I geared up for a fight. "Dean you can't leave us here and go off alone." I said getting closer to him. I put my hands on his chest. "I could never forgive myself if something happened to you." I was pouting and trying to play the 'worried wife' card. He wasn't biting. "You have been hallucinating, you wouldn't be much help if you collapsed on me in the middle of a fight." I set my jaw. "He is right Selen. I'm ready to get back in the game you need to stay here." Sam said standing behind Dean. My mouth fell open. "You cannot be serious." I gaped at them. "You sure Sam?" Dean asked. My mouth popped open. "You would take him but not me?!" Bobby patted my shoulder. "You ain't gonna win this one kid." He said. "You can help me out here with research and answering phones. I need someone to yell at cops for me, they won't recognize your voice." I folded my arms. "You need time to recover. I'll try to get them to take you next time." He reasoned. My shoulders sagged. I knew when I was beat. "Fine." I growled. Sam touched my shoulder and I turned. "We just want to make sure you are ok." I felt his concern and reveled in it. I loved the fact I could feel emotions from him now. I hugged him tight. "I know Sam. You don't understand how much I missed feeling something from you."

Dean cleared his throat. "What's the matter with you puppy? You never used to be this touchy feely." I stepped back from Sam and looked away. "When you are suspended in the air for a month you tend to want to be near someone." I said walking towards the cabinets. They were quiet for a while. I looked through the cabinets one by one to see what I had to work with for dinner. "I could try for maybe a stew?" I questioned looking at Bobby. He shrugged. I looked at Dean and then away. I could feel his worry. He wasn't sure if I was going to be ok. I pushed down my hurt and locked it away where I couldn't feel it. I met his eyes. "I'll be fine Dean." I said firmly. I could feel him probing my emotions and I let him feel my resolve. He sighed. "Bobby you call us if anything weird happened." Dean said pointing to the older man. He nodded. "Don't worry guys I'll stay here and keep him fed and clean the house." I said with a smile. Sam laughed. "Watch yourself Bobby, she is going to turn you civilized." He said. I scowled. "Civil am I?" I said moving closer. "I am clearly going to have to make you remember my wild side." I threatened. Sam was slowly moving backwards as I moved towards him. His back bumped the wall and I continued to advance. "Um, Selen what are you doing?" He looked nervous and I allowed my eyes to heat to gold. I pressed against him and grabbed his shirt collar pulling him down and kissing him heatedly. I felt him harden against my front and I smiled into the kiss. I pulled back biting his lower lip gently. His eyes were unfocused as I looked up at him. I straightened his shirt front. "I've wanted to do that all day." I sighed. I started to move back but he grabbed me and held me in front of him. "Can you stay here for a moment?" He asked. I grinned. "Your pants too tight? I asked aloud. He looked down at me pleadingly. "Don't make this awkward." He begged. Dean was grinning. "If you tease him I will make you get one too." I threatened. He held his hands up. "Hey, don't start anything you don't want to finish." He said. I grinned and turned in Sam's arms leaning back against him. "Dean you should know I never start anything I won't finish." Bobby pulled out a large soup pot. "She has to make me dinner, you two can do what you want with her when you get back. Maybe a little distance will make you a little less horny." He was grumbling and I smiled. "I'll make your dinner." I said pretending to huff a sigh. Sam had softened enough for me to move and I planted a kiss on his cheek. "You two go find out what sort of nasty monster is terrorizing people and I'll be here when you get back." I started gathering the ingredients to make a stew. "Damn if I knew you were this domesticated I would have gotten out of hunting with you instead." Dean said with a grin. I scowled. "Don't test me Winchester." I growled pointing a wooden spoon at him. He laughed and came over to kiss me. "Keep an eye on him Dean." I said glancing at Sam worriedly. "I'll get him home in once giant piece for you." He said smacking my ass. "And watch your own fine ass too." I said warningly. He laughed. "Make us a pie for when we return victorious!" Dean said and we all laughed. "You and your pie!" I said as Sam came to hug me. "Be careful Sam. Come home to me safe." I said looking into his hazel eyes. My heart swelled as I saw that familiar light behind his eyes that I thought had been lost. He kissed me. "I promise I'll come back soon." I nuzzled his nose. "You better." I said firmly.

I was keeping tabs on them as I cooked. I knew Dean was driving and he and Sam were talking about important events Sam needed to know. Dean was careful about what details he gave him. I pulled the freezer open and found a deer shoulder. "How does venison sound?" I asked Bobby. "I need to do something with it before it goes bad." He said from the library. A phone rang and I checked the tape before answering it. "Agent Smith." I said with authority. "Yes this is chief Gardner in Brunswick County. I was wondering if you had sent this agent here. Says his name is Rory Pond." I grinned and fought back laughter at the Doctor Who reference. "I sent him. You got a problem with it?" There was a pause. "This card says your name is Jack Smith, you sound like a woman." I rolled my eyes. "My full name is Jacquelyn. Now you quit harassing my agents and let them do their job." The cop grumbled. "Yes ma'am sorry to bother you." He hung up. I put the phone back in the cradle. "Good save." Bobby said coming into the kitchen. I smiled and started to chop the venison. "Yeah believe it or not I can think on the fly." I said brining the vegetable broth to a boil and tossing in some chopped carrots. "Believe it or not I think you will get through this kid." He said patting my shoulder. I looked up at him. "What do you mean?" I asked. He went to the fridge and got out two beers. He held one out and I took it twisting off the cap with practiced ease. "You used to sit around here when your daddy was off on a job and just clean my house. He would come back to get you torn to hell and you just patched him up without a word. You were just a little kid and you had the weight of the world on your shoulders, but you never questioned it. Hell I just about raised you half the time. Your dad left you here every time he went off on a job until I told him to buck up and be a real father, then he turned to John." I listened and remembered every painful hour of sitting there looking out the window waiting for him to come back. Bobby had taken care of me for the longest time but when he told my dad to get a grip we never came back. I had to beg him to leave me with Bobby to fix the Charger and even then he dropped me off and sped off. "John didn't help much." I said softly remembering Dean watching me and Sam while he was on a bender. "After he popped me that one time dad told him to shove it." I said. Bobby looked surprised. "John hit you?" He asked stunned. "He was drunk and I mouthed off. Dean had been bugging him about going on a hunt and making Sam watch me and I got pissed off and told him I didn't need a damn baby sitter and he backhanded me. He told me if I couldn't respect my father's wishes I would never amount to anything and I would get both me and dad killed. It was his voice I heard when I held my father in my arms as he died." I closed my eyes and gripped the knife in my hand tightly. A soft ringing started in my ears. "Any you can't even say it wasn't your fault can you kitten?" My stomach dropped and I looked up to see Lucifer standing behind Bobby. He started walking around the kitchen with his hands held behind his back. "You couldn't aim that gun quickly enough and your hesitation cost him his life." I set my jaw. "You're seeing something aren't you?" Bobby asked. I nodded. "You're a weak little girl and if you stick around with Sammy you will kill him just like you killed daddy dearest. That's all you are good for you know, getting people killed." He was standing by the wall across from the stove. My eyes followed him. "Whatever you are seeing, you know it isn't real." Bobby said reaching towards me. I looked down and realized I had raised the knife. I dropped it and stepped away from the counter. I bit into my lip and clamped my eyes shut. "How can you live with yourself? You know you are going to get them both killed. Look Selen, is this what you want?" I opened my eyes. Lucifer was standing over Dean dead on the ground with his guts torn out. I whimpered. "And Sam too, let's not forget him. Think of how he will react to seeing Dean dead, and it's all your fault." He was hanging from the ceiling, a mock suicide. I screamed and fell to my knees. "I'm a better hunter now! I won't let them die!" Bobby grabbed my shoulders and shook me hard. "Selen it ain't real!" He was yelling. "All your fault, it is all your fault!" Lucifer was chanting it over and over. I clamped my hands over my ears and started shaking my head. I bit into my lip hard enough to draw blood. The ringing stopped and I opened my eyes. They were gone and Bobby was still gripping my shoulders. "It's gone." I said my voice raw. He helped me to my feet. "Your lip is bleeding." He said. I licked the blood away. "I'm fine." I said turning back to the stove. I started cooking again.

Bobby tried to keep the conversation away from my father after that. I didn't think that was what triggered it but it couldn't hurt. "I remember the first time your dad dropped you off here. You were a tiny little thing, no older then maybe six and you had a mouth on you. You would get into my library and start reading and I would try and take the damn book away and you would just yell! You would follow me around and bend my ear about learning all you could before you started hunting until I gave the book back." He was smiling. "And the questions you would ask! Uncle Bobby where do monsters come from? Why can't demons form their own bodies instead of possessing someone? You were just full of questions. Longest month of my life and your daddy just kept dropping you off!" I smiled at the memories. "I remember the first time you taught me to cook." I said dolling out stew for both of us. He laughed. "You couldn't cook anything when I got a hold of you, but you took to it like a fish to water." I grinned. "I love cooking." I said setting the bowl down in front of him. "Eat up." He smiled up at me as I walked to the fridge and got him out another beer. I sat it down next to the bowl and plopped down in my chair. "You grew up good." He said spooning up a mouthful of stew. I grinned as he tried it and his eyes rolled up. "Got that one in North Carolina from a hunting lodge." I had recorded all my recipes from the slips of paper and note cards into the book Lisa had given me. I felt a sharp pang of guilt as I thought about her. Dean had said I understood him when she didn't. I sighed and ate my stew quietly. Bobby sensed my change in mood. "What's got you down now?" He asked. I shrugged. "Thinking about Ben and Lisa, they were nice to me. Most people in the 'real world' don't like me very much." I ran my fingertips over the recipe book. "She give you that?" I nodded. "She let me into her home and accepted me as part of her family along with Dean and I betray her." I licked at the cut I had made on my lip. "You slept with Dean." Bobby said eating another spoonful. I swallowed and felt a hallow pit in my stomach. "He swore it was because I understood him and she didn't. He hasn't given up on that apple pie life yet. He wants it more than anything and I don't blame him a bit. I never had the idea of a life like that. I never wanted it, I may never want it, but he does." I shook my head. "I'm a hunter Bobby, I know I will never have kids and settle down. I was the biggest mistake my dad ever made. Even my mother didn't want to have me, but he was so desperate to have a family…" I trailed off and looked down. "I don't want to make that mistake." I whispered. "You were no mistake Selen. Your daddy never wanted kids." I looked up. "He panicked when Maria got pregnant with you but he was too devout to have her get an abortion. She left because she didn't want that kind of life. She saw one too many monsters. She was a normal girl and her mind couldn't handle it. She left you with your dad because you reminded her of what she was scared of. You were a hunter's child and that ain't something that can be nurtured out of you." I had never heard anyone use my mother's name before. Bobby sighed. "You were an accident of nature sure but never think that your dad made a mistake by keeping you." I smiled. "Don't go getting sentimental on me old man." I said cheering up a little. "I'm getting too used to having to baby you." He said finishing his soup. I smiled and got up to clean our bowls. I took off my over shirt and ran some hot water into the sink. "Thanks Bobby." I said squirting dish soap on a scrubber. "For what?" He asked finishing his beer and tossing the empty bottle in the trash. "For everything, you didn't have to open your home to some little kid whose dad couldn't stop hunting long enough to raise her." I looked up and he did something I never though Bobby Singer would do. He hugged me. "We needed each other more then you will ever know kid. You kept me from going off the deep end sometimes. Hell you cleaned up after me when I got too drunk to see." I smiled and felt tears in my eyes. "Come on old man you are getting me all misty." I said my voice rough. He chuckled and patted me on the back letting me go. "You needed a dad and I needed a daughter. Dean and Sam are my adopted sons but sometimes you need a woman to kick you back into the right place." I laughed as a tear rolled down my cheek. "Don't go crying on me now." He said patting my cheek. I smiled. "Let me get this cleaned up and I'll start on the study." I said turning back to the sink. "Lord knows it needs it." I added scrubbing at the bowls in the sink. He chuckled and left the kitchen.

I was carrying a bag full of empty bottles to the dumpster when my cell rang. I answered it hurriedly. "Parker." I said cradling the phone against my shoulder as I tossed the bag in the dumpster. "Selen?" It was Ben. I nearly dropped the phone. "Ben what's wrong?" I asked nearly sprinting back into the house. "I was wondering if you had heard from Dean lately. He hasn't been answering my calls." I slowed. "He is on a job." I said confused. "You aren't with him?" He asked. I opened the back door to the house and went to lean against the kitchen counter. "No, hun I'm on desk duty for right now." I said running a hand through my hair. "Why?" I sighed. "I had a run in with something pretty powerful and I'm trying to recover. Dean thought it would be best if I stayed behind on this one." I wasn't sure how much I should explain to the kid. I wasn't sure what Dean was thinking about the two of them. "I'll tell him you are trying to get in touch with him." I said. He sighed. "No one is talking to me. Dean left to go hunting and mom is getting weird." It was my turn to sigh. "Ben your mom isn't used to a hunter's life. We don't stay in one place very long and hunting isn't something that can be unlearned. You are in until you die. Dean was raised this way and he can't change that anymore then he can change his DNA. You have it good kid, the worst you have to worry about is passing your grade. Don't try to get involved, I know you look up to Dean but don't try to get him to come back too soon. He doesn't like to be forced into a corner." I was trying to explain to a teenager to keep out of his mom's relationship, like that was going to happen. "Ok, look just try and get him to call me?" I sighed. "Yeah Ben I'll try." I said bowing my head. He hung up. I shook my head and looked down at my phone. I dialed Dean's number. He picked up on the second ring. "You ok?" He asked hurriedly. "I'm fine Dean. Have you been avoiding Ben's calls?" I asked. It was better to be direct. "Selen, this isn't something you need to get into." He said his voice warning. "Look the kid called me ok? He is worried you aren't coming home. I can't say I blame him." I said hinting. I felt a rush of anger from him. "Stay out of this Selen." He growled. "I'm just telling you he called. I've done my job. I don't care if you call them or not Dean." I said my voice harsher then I intended. He sighed. "Are you and Sam ok?" I asked changing the subject. "You know we are fine." He said flatly. I sighed. "Ok. I'm going to finish cleaning the study." I said closing my eyes. "I love you both." I said my voice hurt. I cursed myself for being so obvious. "We love you too." He said his voice softer. I hung up.

I was organizing the scattered papers on the desk when Balthazar appeared. I looked up at him and gave a weak smile. "_Ma petit loup_ you seem upset." He sat down in the desk chair. "I think Dean is having more trouble than me. If Castiel and I were speaking I would tell him to look into it." I said my voice bitter. "Not that he would do much." I spat shoving a stack of papers on windigos into a drawer. He caught my hand. "Castiel is not used to this world. I have been around humans much longer then he has. I know how to take care of my charges." I bowed my head. "He said such awful things about you _mon ange d'amour._" I had picked up a little French in college, I never thought I would use it like this. He smiled. "Vous êtes trop mignon." He quipped. "He is upset that I faked my own death and rebelled. Things upstairs were getting a little too dangerous and I decided to get out while I could." He stood and kept hold of my hand. "He is far too dedicated for his own good, now I understand a little better." He looked down at me and I blushed at the intensity of his gaze. "He said you wouldn't put up with me." I said looking down at our hands. He pulled me to his chest and held me against his lean frame. "He doesn't know what he is talking about. Look at how much he puts up with from Dean. I doubt I could tolerate such bullheadedness. You on the other hand, you only lash out at those who deserve your wrath. You are kind and gentle at heart but you mask it with the harshness of a soldier." I swallowed suddenly uncomfortable with how close he was. "Even now you question your loyalties because of how I am holding you. I won't tempt you away from your little _Ménage à trois_. It is quite the power struggle really, you are the werewolf in the bond which is supposed to be the leader but Dean is far too dominant. Sam is contented to take his place under your rule but Dean on the other hand…" He tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. "Be weary of a power shift. You are both very dominant, though you are a much kinder queen then most werewolves, most would have put him in his place right away." I leaned my head against his chest. "Dean is no danger to me." I murmured. "Even if Sam was at stake?" My stomach dropped to my toes. "Ah now you understand _ma petit loup_. He is only a danger when his brother is involved and you have placed both of them at risk if you have a fall from grace." He held me close to him. "I wouldn't tell him about your time spent in the pit if I were you. He may not take it well to know you were used as a weapon to torment Sam." I chewed my lip and started it bleeding again. Balthazar took my chin and tilted my head up. "Pain makes the visions stop?" He asked running his thumb over my lip. It healed over with a cool tingle. "Pain reminds me I am in the real world now." I said meeting his cool gaze. "Don't cause anything too permanent." He said touching my face. "I have come to adore you and I would not appreciate you causing unnecessary damage to yourself." He ran a hand over my wavy hair. "Be careful _ma petit loup_. I am but a prayer away." He kissed my forehead and I closed my eyes. He was gone with the sound of wings. For once the sound didn't cause me dread.

Sam called as I was getting ready to for bed. "Hey." I said my voice soft as I climbed into bed. "How are you doing?" He asked. "I'm doing better." I said wrapping myself in the comforter. "I had a talk with Castiel. I know all about the last year and a half." I sat bolt upright. "Are you alright?" I asked starting to panic. I opened my shield and felt for him. He was still fine abet a little pissed off at me and Dean. "We didn't want to tell you right away." I said curling my knees to my chest. "Not even the part where you were trapped in the pit because of me?" I set my jaw contemplating the different ways I could claw out Castiel's serious blue eyes. "Whoa." Sam gasped. I blinked. "Oh, wow I'm sorry. I didn't mean to send you that much anger." I said sheepishly. "Good to know you can get that pissed with angels." He said. "Sam I wanted to tell you but Dean was afraid it would hurt the wall between you and your memories of the pit. We just want you safe." I was chewing my lip again. "Why didn't you tell me you were messed up from being in the pit with me?" He asked. I could feel the pain this was causing him. "Sam baby please, don't feel like this was your fault. I was the one who got myself trapped." My heart felt like it was being squeezed tight. "I love you too much to put my own needs above your life." I breathed tears coming to my eyes. "Sam please." I could feel him closing off. "Maybe I should come out there and see you. I'll talk to you about it I promise just don't pick at the wall." He huffed a sigh. "_Mon essential_ I beg of you." I felt his confusion. "What did you call me?" He asked curious. I blushed. "My essential, I called you my essential." I answered softly. "You are really worried about me." I said almost surprised. "Sam I love you and I don't want you hurt. What I saw when we were in the pit together… I would take all those memories from you if I could to keep you safe. Dean did what he could but if you push this…" I felt a tear fall and just like before it started a flood. I covered my mouth and fought back a sob. "Don't cry. Please don't cry." Sam whispered. I couldn't speak. "Selen please don't cry." I tried to push down the fear and pain. "I love you Sam, I don't want to see you end up like me." I cleared my throat. "What do you mean?" He asked. I took a deep breath. "I don't want you to break like I did. I'm not a strong as I thought I was and I don't want you to remember like I do. Please Sam for the love of god don't push your mind! Don't let those memories come back." What little composure I had gained was gone again. "Selen, I swear I won't. I'm sorry calm down." I tried to take a deep breath but ended up gasping. "We shouldn't have left you there alone." Sam said as anger burned to life in him. "I'll be fine." I said my voice shaky. I clamped my eyes shut and balled my hand into a fist. I forced it all down and let that coldness wash over me. I swallowed and took a clean even breath. "I'm fine." I said feeling better that my voice was even again. "How did you do that?" He asked. "When you have been doing this as long as I have you learn very quickly that the coldness inside you is your friend." I said laying back against the headboard. "Selen what is this? You just went cold and I can't feel very much from you. I know I'm new at this whole bond thing but what the hell?" I set my jaw and closed my eyes. "This is why Dean and I can get things done. He has a place in his mind just like this. We sink into suppression mode and we can do what it takes to get our jobs done. You don't have this and I can just about guarantee that it is better you don't." He was quiet for a long time. "We felt it when you had that hallucination today." He said his voice stern. "Do you know what I saw?" I asked. "No we just felt your pain. Whatever it was you were about to crack and Dean and I nearly rushed back to see if you were ok, then you just got a hold of yourself and he dropped it." I thanked my lucky starts Dean knew when to leave things alone. "I take it he isn't with you now." I said rolling onto my side. "No he is on a beer run." I smiled. "Figures." I muttered. "Do you want to talk about what you have been seeing?" He asked. "I don't know if that is such a good idea considering." I said starting to shut down. "Selen don't close down on me." He said and I felt a shove on my shields. "Sam I don't want to talk about it ok? It is just my mind trying to process out the damage to my soul. I have my inner demons just like everyone else." I said starting to get angry. I heard a door open on his end of the line. "Sam stay out of her daddy issues, that is deeper down the rabbit whole then you want to go." I was shocked that Dean guessed that so easily.

"Put me on speaker." I ordered. I heard a click. "We can both hear you puppy." Dean said. "How the hell do you know about that?" I asked angrily. "Most chicks have some form of Daddy issues. You and I have a similar one." I felt his guilt along with my own. "Your father had a choice Dean. I hesitated and got my dad killed. Big difference." I snarled. "You need to calm down." Dean said and I felt his own rage building. "Don't you start with me Dean, you know damned well how hard I am trying!" I snapped. "You aren't trying hard enough." He yelled. I flinched. "If Sam can break through your shields this easily and you break down like that the you do not have a handle on yourself. Don't tell me your fine, I know how bad you are hurting and Sam talking to Cas didn't help." My eyes burned to gold. "You better hope he doesn't show his face to me anytime soon Dean. That angel better watch his feathery ass because I will rip his head off." I snarled. I felt Sam jerk and a memory slipped past the wall. I gasped. He was remembering the vampire I tore to shreds with my bare hands. He was gasping and I knew he was sprawled out on the bed. "Sam!" Dean yelled. "He remembered something!" Panic welled in my chest and Dean only added to it. "One of us has to calm down and it ain't going to be me." Dean growled. I set my jaw. "You don't understand Dean. That was one of the things I never expected him to remember." I felt fear and I was praying it was my own. "Sam?" I knew he was conscience again. "What happened to you?" Sam asked his voice hallow. I held the phone tight. "Sam I'm still the same girl." I said my voice shaking again. "What the hell is going on?" Dean growled picking up the phone. "She ripped a vampire apart with her bare hands Dean. She ripped his head right off." I swallowed. "How?" Dean asked suspiciously. "While I was wondering around with no memories I found out I could do that. Sam saw me do it on a side hunt while you were trying to be a hero with the djin." I said quietly. He was silent and I knew he was mulling it over. "I would never hurt you or Sam." I whispered as the thought crossed his mind. "What about by accident?" He snapped. I set my jaw. "I know my strength Dean." I said closing my eyes. "Even during sex?" I got out of the bed unable to stay still any longer. "Have I ever hurt you before? I've been this strong for a while now." I said pacing the room angrily. "How long have you been hiding this from me?" Dean asked. "I wasn't trying to hide it." I snapped. I felt him pull away. Sam was quiet and I could feel his hesitation. "You two figure out where you stand. I'm still the same girl you have been hunting with for half a year now." I said stopping beside the chest of drawers. I felt Dean shut me out completely. "You wanted to know what I saw today Sam. You still want to know?" He was quiet for a moment. "Yeah." He said finally. "I saw Lucifer and he was telling me that if I stuck around I would end up getting both of you killed just like I got my dad killed. I saw Dean lying on the floor torn open and I saw you hanging yourself because he was gone and it was my fault." They were both silent and I shut my shields. "I love you both and be careful." I hung up. I sat the phone down and balled up my fists. I pulled my jeans back on and slipped on my shoes. I went outside and ran into the darkness.

I hit the tree line and whipped through the forest at top speed. Tears blurred my vision and I tripped sprawling into a clearing. I rolled over and lay there in the dirt panting. I felt a pain in my chest that cut me to the core. Dean wouldn't accept a freak. "He already hates you now. You are more of a freak then Sam ever was and you're twice as dangerous. Sam is scared of you now. You've lost them." Lucifer was standing over me. "I know." I whispered. He vanished. I closed my eyes and cried. I felt all the pain in my heart bubble up my throat and a howl ripped from my chest. The sound was all pain and sorrow and it felt so good to let it out. The howl ended in a sob and I curled into a ball and just cried. "Oh _petit chiot_." Balthazar pulled me into his lap and held me close rocking me gently. "God please don't call me puppy." I whimpered. He petted my hair and held me tighter. "_Non_ I am sorry." He said. "You were right." I whispered closing my eyes and curling against him tightly. "Hush, you need to sleep now. You need to sleep and recover. Your little Alfa dog will call you later. He loves you too much to let you go, as does Sam, neither of them can give you up." He cupped my cheek and I felt a calmness sweep over me. "Things will look brighter in the morning _ma petit loup_." He whispered. He touched my forehead and I drifted into a deep sleep.

I woke up in an enormous bed and I had no clue where I was. I lay there for a long time trying to piece together what had happened. I sat up slowly remembering Balthazar had put me to sleep. I rubbed my eyes and looked around. The room was large and decorated mostly in black white and gold. The bed frame was black iron four-poster and the sheets were white with gold quilting. I looked down at myself and blanched. I was in a white spaghetti strap night gown with gold swirls embroidered with gold thread decorating the fabric. I stood and was relieved to see it fell past my knees. A matching house coat hanging on a white chair by the door and I slipped it on leaving the room. I found myself in a long hallway at the head of a set of immaculate stairs. I held the banister and padded down the stairs slowly. I could hear a piano being played and I smiled as I recognized the tune. I saw Balthazar at the keys of a Baby Grand Piano playing _Angel of Music_ from Phantom of the Opera. "I always found that movie to be ironic since Lucifer was said to be the angel of music." I said sitting down next to him. He smiled and kept playing. "I do believe that may have been a plot device." He said. "How are you feeling?" I rubbed the back of my neck and folded my arms. "Better, though I'm still upset." I said. He finished the song and put his arm around me. "That is to be expected. I told Mr. Singer that I would look after you for a little while. He didn't seem very pleased but he consented." I leaned into his side. "Maybe I just need a little time away from hunters." I said quietly. "Maybe you just need to get back in the saddle. Vampires are you favorite right?" I smirked. "Yeah I don't tell people that because of all the jokes it would start, after all werewolves and vampires are supposed to be enemies according to the stories the normal humans have told for centuries." I said wrapping the house coat tighter around myself. "Why not see if there are any nests nearby. It may help you blow off some steam." I shrugged. "I don't want to kill anything right now Balthazar. Maybe I should do some skeet shooting or something but I don't feel like going up against something dangerous is the best idea in my condition." I said playing with my Celtic knot ring on my right hand. "I don't want to freak out and see Lucifer again while I'm in the middle of a fight." I tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. It had started to grow past my collar bone and I normally kept it shoulder length to keep it out of the way. "Why not be pampered for once? Your father never let you live like a woman, why not give it a try?" He stood and walked behind me to rub my shoulders. I remembered Dean rubbing the kink out of my neck in the Impala and closed my eyes. "Maybe." I muttered. "They won't stay gone for long _ma petit loup_. They are far too attached to you." I sighed and let my head lull forward as he massaged my shoulders and neck. "That's just because of the blood bond." I said rubbing the edge of my sleeve between my fingers. The material felt like silk. "It is much deeper than that." He said. I sighed. "Whatever it is I don't think they are going to call me any time soon." I murmured. I heard him give a soft laugh. "I do believe you left your phone. I retrieved it for you." He handed it to me and I took it slowly. I had six missed calls. Three from Sam and three from Dean and one voice mail each. I opened them and held the phone to my ear tentatively. "Hey, I wanted to check on you. Um… We aren't mad at you or anything, Well I'm not, Dean is just pissed you never told him about the strength thing. Anyway I miss you and we are both worried about you. Call me…. I… I love you." The message ended. I sighed and braced for the one from Dean. There was a long pause. "I'm sorry I freaked out. I wasn't expecting that you had some kind of super human strength." Another pause then "I still love you puppy. I understand why you didn't tell me, just like you understand why I don't talk about what happened to me." He sighed. "Call me back damn it." The message ended. I put the phone down. "He is a blunt man isn't he?" Balthazar said pulling my hair behind me gently. "He is a big softy." I said. I chewed my lip for a moment. "Maybe I should get back." I said standing. "If you like, but they are still trying to kill that dragon. You could stay here until they get back maybe recover a little." I looked at my feet then back up at him. "What if I start hallucinating again?" I asked worried. "Then I can possibly heal your mind. You have to be in the throes of one for me to heal the proper part of your brain otherwise it is a guessing game." He took my hand and held it for a while. "I have no idea how Castiel stays away from Dean the way he does. It is rather difficult to keep from popping in just to hold your hand for a little while. The feeling of being around you is amazing." I smiled and leaned into his chest. His arms wrapped around me and he gave a contented sigh. "I feel like there is a little less pain in the world when you are around, like the hurt is just a little farther away." I said putting my ear to his chest. He chuckled. "So you will stay?" I smiled and nodded. "Just until they get back." I said. He laughed. "I wouldn't dream of keeping you captive _petit loup_, you are far too loyal." I grinned. "I got too close to the fire side to turn back to the woods now." I said looking up at him. He smiled. "You have been reading too much _White Fang_." He said. I grinned. "Jack London is amazing, but that isn't all of my knowledge." I said. He took my hand and led me back towards the stairs. "Come take a bath and relax for a while. I find that soaking in warm water is wonderful on the nerves." I smirked. "An angel that takes bubble baths, _très intéressan_." I said as we walked into the washroom. There was a full length mirror covering one wall next to a black sink. The room was decorated in white tiles with a black tile border cutting the walls in half and adorning the top and bottom of the walls. The black bathtub was enormous, possibly accommodating three or four people at once and built to fit against the wall, the fixtures were sliver and polished to perfection. I sat on the edge of the tub and looked around. Balthazar leaned against the wall next to me. "Rebellion has its perks." He said folding his arms. "This is amazing." I said running my fingertips over the faucet. "Trust me it is even better when you are laying in hot water up to your neck." He said leaning over me to turn on the water. I blushed as he leaned away and his jaw came close enough to my face to kiss. "I'll get you something to change into." He said turning away. I watched him as he left the room.

The tub filled up surprisingly fast and I added a little lavender oil that was beside the sink and took off the night gown and house coat folding them carefully and placing them on the counter. I stepped into the tub and sank into the warm water letting out a sigh. I soaked for a while before I heard the door open again. I kept my eyes closed not terribly worried about Balthazar seeing me naked considering he dressed me the night before. I opened one eye as his shadow crossed my field of vision. He sat down on the edge of the tub across from me. "How's that feel?" He asked. I smiled. "You were right, I needed this." I said taking a deep breath of the lavender scented steam. He rolled up his pants leg and put one foot into the water leaning back against the wall. "Lavender is my favorite." He said smiling. "It helps with stress, state of mind, insomnia, all sorts of things." I said sitting up a little and rolling my shoulders. "I watched Egyptians mummify their kings with it." He said closing his eyes. I yawned. "Insomnia cure is working." I said closing my eyes. I heard him take his foot out of the water. "Don't get too tired." He said. When I opened my eyes he was lowering himself into the water. I looked up to the ceiling. "Um what are you doing?" I asked my voice three octaves higher. "This simply looked too nice to pass up." He said. I tucked my knees up to my chest as he glided closer. "Don't be shy, trust me I'll be gentle on you." My face was turning red. "Balthazar I'm with Sam and Dean." I said trying to keep my voice from shaking. "After how they treated you? Sam doesn't even realize what you did for him in the pit and Dean isn't even worried enough about your hallucinations to stay with you. I on the other hand respect how much you have done. You are a strong beautiful woman and you are wasted on the two of them." He was over me with his hands on either side of me. I was trapped and my heart was hammering. He leaned towards me and I froze. "I would never take you for granted." He whispered. He kissed me. I felt a shiver up my spine. He drew back and looked down at me his blue eyes heated. He looked at my arm and placed his hand over the brand of his handprint on my arm. I felt a shock through my body. "Do not deny me." He said his other hand lowering to my side drifting down the curve of my hip. "Balthazar please, I don't want to betray them." He smiled and ran a hand over my knee. "Sam didn't stay faithful, and Dean is already leading Lisa on while sleeping with you, do you really think that is right?" I bit my lip. My heart was tearing knowing he was right. "Don't deny yourself this pleasure." He whispered and slowly pried my legs apart. "Let me heal your hurts, let me show you the light _ma petit loup_." He whispered in my ear. He leaned between my legs and slid a finger into me. I set my jaw and closed my eyes. He kissed my neck and ran his tongue up my jugular to my ear. "Dean has had an angel. Before he met you he slept with an angel who had rebelled, right in the back seat of his precious Impala." I felt a tear slide down my cheek as he curled his finger inside of me. A ringing filled my ears and I gasped. Lucifer was leaning against the sink. "I have to say you have really out done yourself here wolfie." He folded his arms. "Sleeping with an angel after the boys just proved they loved and accepted you. Well done you are on your way downstairs." Balthazar stopped as I set my teeth into my lip to make it stop. "What are you seeing?" He asked looking from my face to the sink. "Lucifer." I whispered tears falling down my face. His hands cupped my face and there was a flash of light. Lucifer was gone. "I knew that would trigger something." He said leaning back against the tub. I gaped at him. "You did that to trigger a hallucination?!" I was dumbfounded. "To heal you." He said looking a little too smug. "You bastard!" I yelled standing up angrily and getting out of the tub. "Oh come now, it was ingenious. You would never expect that and I knew testing your loyalties would bring out something. I was going to stop." He said as I grabbed a towel angrily and wrapped it around myself. I clamped my eyes shut and gripped the counter. "Don't play with me." I said my voice hurt. He got out his face soft. "Selen I apologize for scaring you. I didn't realize…" He put his hands on my shoulders. I bowed my head. "What are you so afraid of?" He asked. I turned to look at him my eyes full of pain and tears. He searched them for a moment then paused and I felt the memory of Sam drunk on demon blood and whiskey come to the surface. "Oh. Oh! Good lord why didn't you tell me?" He pulled me to his chest. "Oh _ma petit loup Je suis tellement désolé! _If I had known." I gasped a breath as the pain of the memory filled me. He was holding me tightly and I just cried. I cried and held onto him like he was the last solid thing on earth. "How could you forgive such a trespass?" He asked rubbing my back. I shook my head. "I love them Balthazar. I could forgive something fueled by demon blood and alcohol." I sobbed. He swept me up in his arms and carried me back to the bedroom. He dried me off and laid me in the bed, pulling on a pair of boxers. He lay beside me and pulled the blanket up around us. "I didn't realize you had been traumatized, forgive me, I would never have done that had I known what you had been through." I was shaking but the tears had slowed. "Castiel saved me. He knocked Sam unconscious and healed me. I thought I could trust him. Sam only remembered after Ruby told him. I don't think Dean ever forgave himself for not fighting back. I never held it against either of them." I shook my head and curled into a ball. Balthazar touched my shoulder and I was suddenly dressed in another white gown. He kissed my forehead. "You are the most loyal person I have ever met, they do not deserve your forgiveness and neither do I." He said. I let out a sigh and whipped my face. "You didn't know. I forgive you." I whispered cuddling into his chest. He was warm against me and I suddenly felt very tired. "The boys should be back soon. They have defeated the dragon that was taking the virgins. I will take you back in the morning." I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes. "Stay with me?" I asked. "Just tonight I need to be held by someone who understands." I whispered. He pulled me closer. "No strings attached." He said taking a deep breath. I settled against him and drifted off to sleep.

I dreamt of Sam. He was smiling and laughing and I wrapped myself in the sound. "I missed you Sam." I said. He hugged me and just laughed. "I love you Selen." He said and I felt so warm. "Hey puppy." I looked up and Dean was there a smile on his face. I grinned and his smile grew showing his teeth. He walked over and hugged us both. I laughed as Sam squeezed us and Dean let out a grunt. "You guys are the best." I said and they laughed. The sun was shining and I looked up at the blue sky. Sam let us go and we all sat in the grass. I held both their hands and we lay back looking up at the sky. Dean squeezed my hand and I looked over at him. He was smiling at me his eyes were light. "I'll be home soon." I said. His smile grew. "I know puppy. We missed you." Sam rolled up on his elbow and put his arm around me. Dean did the same and they both kissed my cheeks at the same time. I giggled. I felt my heart nearly glowing with joy. Sam laughed again and it was such a light sound. I rolled onto his chest and kissed him. Dean put an arm around me and I looked over. He kissed me too and I smiled into the kiss. I heard a ringing noise and looked around. The dream began to fade. "See you soon." Sam said and I woke up. My phone was ringing from the bedside table. I reached out and grabbed it answering it quickly. "This had better be good because I was having a great dream." I growled. "Morning sunshine." It was Sam. I perked up. "Hey sweetie how are you?" I asked sitting up. "I could ask you the same question. I take it you got our messages?" I rubbed my face. "Yeah, I did. Sorry I didn't call you back I was kind of recovering. I think Balthazar healed my mind. I feel a lot better." I said running a hand through my rumpled hair. "You should be back to normal now, no hallucinations." He said from the bed beside me. I smiled down at him. "That's good to hear. Dean and I are on our way back to Bobby's so we will see you soon ok?" I smiled realizing he had said that in my dream. "How far out are you?" I asked getting out of the bed. "We should be there in about an hour. We wrapped up the job yesterday and drove most of the night. Dean was keen to check on you." I yawned. "Ok um… Sam?" I said my voice timid. "Yeah?" He asked and I felt my heart beat a little harder. "I love you." I said softly. "I love you too Selen." He said his voice light and happy. I let out a breath. "You sure you're ok?" He asked. I smiled. "Yeah, can I talk to Dean for a sec?" I asked walking to the mirror. My hair was ruffled from sleep and I looked like someone had socked me one in the face from crying. "Yeah hang on." He said. "She wants to talk to you." Sam said his voice farther away. I heard Dean take the phone. "Hey puppy." I smiled. "Dee I miss you." I sighed relieved he wasn't angry. "We are getting there as fast as we can." He said with a laugh. "I know I just miss you." I said leaning my hip on the chest of drawers. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about me having that much strength, I was scared you would think I was a monster." I said shaking my head. "Well you are but you're our monster." My stomach dropped. He laughed. "Take a joke puppy." He said. "Here talk to Sam we will be there soon." He handed Sam the phone back. "It wasn't funny." He said to Dean. "Tell him he will be punished when he returns." I said jokingly. Sam laughed. "You're in trouble Dean." He said. "We should be back soon. I'll see you when we get there." He said. I smiled. "Yeah, I'll be there." I said. We hung up. "Ready to head back?" Balthazar asked. I nodded. "I'll just put you in your room." He said standing and walking towards me. I smiled. "Thank you, for everything." He smiled back. "Don't let Cas tell you that you are ungrateful _ma petit loup_ because he is very wrong." He touched my forehead and I was back in my bedroom at Bobby's house.

I changed quickly and came down stairs. "Bobby I've been angeled in." I shouted so I wouldn't startle him. "About damn time." He growled from the study. "I can't find a damn thing." He was digging through drawers. I sighed. "What are you looking for?" I asked walking into the room. "I got a guy who needs info on the Ahool." I raised my eyebrows. "Like Papua New Guinea?" I asked pulling open the left hand drawer. "All your weird files I put in here, this is your best bet." I said. He shooed me away and started digging again. "The boys will be here soon." I said turning away. "That angel fix you up?" He asked. "Yeah I shouldn't see anything anymore." I said walking into the kitchen. I opened the fridge to make sure we had beer and food. Luckily someone had clearly been shopping. I looked out the window and saw the Impala pulling into the drive. "They are back!" I shouted and ran out the door. Dean was getting out of the car when I ran into him with a hug. He let out a surprised grunt and staggered back a step. "Hey there puppy." He said hugging me. I kissed him. "I missed you." I said squeezing him. "I'm kind of glad I got out of the car last." Sam said and I let go of Dean and crashed into him. He laughed and hugged me lifting me off the ground and swinging me back and forth. I giggled. "Come inside we have beer and I can cook if you are hungry." I said as Sam put me down. I was beaming at them as I took their hands. "Don't make this a habit puppy I may get used to it." Dean said with a smile. They sat down at the kitchen table and I place a beer before each of them. "So dragons?" I asked curious. They both groaned. "Can we not talk about the job for a little while?" Sam asked. I walked behind him and started rubbing his shoulders. "We don't have to talk about it baby." I said working the kinks out of his shoulders. His head lulled forward and he let out a breath. "God Dean she is almost as good at this as you." I grinned. "Smaller fingers, I can get into the knots better." I said nuzzling is hair. He touched my hand and turned his head to look at me. "What?" I asked as we looked into each other's eyes. "I can't believe we have come this far." He said. I smiled and kissed his nose. "We will go even farther." I said hugging him and laying my head over his shoulder. "Right Dee?" I asked looking up at him. He smiled. "You can keep the chick flick moments to yourself." He said. I rolled my eyes and let go of Sam walking over to him. I plopped down in his lap. "What would you prefer tough guy?" I asked touching his jaw with my fist playfully. He buried his face in my hair. "A nap would be great." He said holding me close. "Then take a nap you idjits." Bobby said walking into the kitchen. "I ain't never seen someone so happy to see you two." He said gesturing to me. "She shot outta here like a bullet as soon as she heard that car." He said grabbing a beer for himself. "I used to greet you with food and beer when you got home old man." I said grinning. He shook his head. "These two just greeted me with 'Uncle Bobby he took my gun!'" His imitation made me laugh. "Oh come on he took my first sawed off!" Dean said pointing at Sam. I laughed harder. "See what I have to put up with?" Bobby said taking a swig of his beer. I hugged Dean tightly and kissed him. "They are pains in the ass but hey how could you resist this mug?" I asked grabbing Dean's jaw and turning his face to Bobby. He snorted at Dean's face. He picked me up and I laughed letting go of his jaw as he swung me around and put me over his shoulder. "I said I wanted a nap and I'm going to take one." He said walking towards the stairs. I smacked his ass. "Put me down you jerk!" I hollered still laughing. Sam followed and leaned down to look at my face. "We drove all night he is a little grumpy." I grinned and climbed up his back to drape myself around his shoulders. "Dee you could have just asked." I said kissing his cheek. He mounted the stairs and I tried not to shift my weight. "I think a holiday is in order." I said as we reached the bedroom. Dean tossed me on the bed and Sam started taking off his shoes. "What kind of holiday?" Sam asked stripping down to his boxers. I watched his shoulders ripple as he tossed his shirt in a chair beside the chest of drawers. I blinked hard. "Um, a holiday without monsters, like a vacation." I said as he came towards me. He was smiling darkly. "You ok?" He asked. "Hmm? Yeah, no I'm fine." I said. _Stupid don't get distracted by his sexiness. _I chastised myself. Dean stepped out from behind him and my resolve went up in smoke. "Dean I think we broke her." Sam said as my face went blank and my eyes went wide. Dean gave me a sexy grin and I shook my head. "You guys are evil." I said closing my eyes for a moment. They both laughed. I looked up as they both climbed into the bed. Sam pulled off my shirt and Dean knocked me over to pull off my pants. Dean pulled me with him to the top of the bed and Sam laid on my other side. They cuddled me between them and I smiled. I was warm and felt oh so safe with them. "I think the holiday sounds like a great idea. What would we do on our holiday?" Sam asked. I smiled. "We could just drive around for a little while, maybe take in some sights collect recipes and eat new foods." I sighed and closed my eyes. "Maybe upgrade Dean to CDs." I said kissing Dean's cheek. "Don't even think about it." He muttered. I smiled. "Get some sleep you two." I said settling between them. I started to drift off to sleep with them holding me.

I heard Sam sigh and I turned my head slowly so I didn't wake Dean. "What's wrong?" I whispered. "I can't sleep." He said softly looking in my eyes. "Why not?" I asked turning over to face him. Dean kept his arm around me but was still fast asleep. "I don't know. I'm exhausted but I can't seem to keep my eyes closed." I reached out and tucked a lock of hair behind his ear. "You should sleep Sam, you need it." I said concerned. "I know, I just can't seem to fall asleep." He said rubbing his eye. I had an idea. "Merrily we fall out of line out of line I fall anywhere with you I'm by your side swinging in the rain humming melodies we're not going anywhere until we freeze. I'm not afraid any more I'm not afraid. For ever is a long time, but I wouldn't mind spending it by your side." I sang softly to him. "Carefully we'll place our entire destiny, you came and took this heart and set it free." His eyes were drifting closed as I sang. "Tell me every day I get wake up to that smile, I wouldn't mind it at all. I wouldn't mind it at all…" He was asleep. I smiled and snuggled down between them again. "Love you Sammy." I whispered. I knew he only let Dean call him that and I would never say it to him when he was awake. "You have a wonderful singing voice." Dean said and I looked over. "Did I wake you?" I asked rubbing his arm. "There are worse ways to be woken up." He said kissing my shoulder. "Go back to sleep Dee." I whispered reaching back to pet his hair. He smiled and closed his eyes holding me tighter. "You would make a great mom." He said softly. I felt my stomach drop for a moment. He was half asleep he didn't know what he was saying. I really thought about it for a moment. Would it be so bad to have a family with them? I drifted off to sleep while I thought about it and let myself dream.

I was holding a baby on my hip while I watched Dean toss a football with a young boy. They looked so much alike but he had auburn in his short hair. Sam was chasing a little fox haired girl and they were both laughing. I smiled and bounced the baby boy on my hip. Sam scooped up the little girl and put her on his shoulders. She giggled. "We are so high daddy!" She squealed with glee. "Hey dad, watch this!" The boy yelled and pegged the football right at Sam. Sam caught it in one hand and grinned. "Bobby don't do that when I have your sister on my shoulders." He said. The boy stuck his tongue out. "Ellen can take it she's strong just like mom." I was beaming. Dean pulled the boy to his side. "She is, and you are a chip off the old block too." Dean said hugging him. "Dad no chick flick stuff!" The boy said and pushed at him. I threw back my head and laughed. "What happened when they get called off on a job?" I turned. It was Castiel standing impassively in my dream. "We could retire Castiel. It doesn't have to be a constant fight." I said adjusting the baby on my hip. Castiel looked at the little boy playing ball with Dean. "You could balance having both of their children?" He asked. I frowned. "Castiel I love both of them, that boy is Dean's and the girl is Sam's and this baby is Sam's first son. We can do anything if we try hard enough." He looked down. "Mommy, Bobby is being mean again!" I turned towards my daughter. The boy was holding a doll above her head. "Bobby give your sister her toy back." I ordered turning back to Castiel. "You know in your heart Sam could never stop trying to save people and Dean has already tried a family life. Something will come after you eventually." I turned back to the scene before me. A vampire was talking to my daughter as my son held a machete ready to swing. I swallowed and closed my eyes. "I could protect them." I said my voice shaking. "Without turning them into what your fathers turned you and the boys into?" I glared at him. "Why can't you just let me be happy Castiel? This is my dream and damn it I can dream whatever I want. Now leave me alone." I snarled. The dream dissolved and I woke with a start. Dean rolled away from me with a grunt and Sam didn't stir. I slid out of the bed carefully and padded downstairs. Bobby had left a note about getting groceries, he would be back soon. I grabbed my IPod from the couch in the other room and started cleaning again. It helped me think to cook and clean. I flipped on _You can't Break a Broken Heart_ by Kate Voelege. I was singing as I cleaned and thinking about Castiel. He was being a bastard because he cared about Dean and he thought I was going to hurt him. I was shelving books and singing at the top of my lungs. "No damage you can do now I'm immune to you now! You can't break what broke apart." Someone touched my shoulder and I jumped. I spun and Dean was standing there looking concerned. "What's the matter?" He asked as I pulled my headphones out. "Nothing I'm just cleaning. I didn't mean to wake you up." I said turning away. He touched my shoulder again. "Selen you can tell me. I know when something is really wrong with you and this isn't nothing. You're hurting I can feel it." I swallowed and forced myself not to break down in front of him. "Castiel invaded my dream." I said softly. Dean looked confused. "He's done it before, what makes this time so bad?" I set my jaw. "It wasn't that he was there it was what he said and what the dream was about." I said looking away. "What the hell did you dream about that got you this riled up?" I chewed my lip trying to decide how to answer. "You said something after you woke up when I was singing Sam to sleep." I said. "I didn't mean to upset you." He said realizing what I was talking about. "I was just saying you would make a good mother if the circumstances were different." I fought back the tears that were burning behind my eyes. "I didn't realize I wanted it." I whispered. He looked down at me startled. "Like kids? You want kids?" I swallowed as the first tear fell. "He told me how impossible it was and how something would come after us. He said you and Sam couldn't retire even if you wanted to." I shook my head and covered my face with my hands. Dean hugged me to his chest and I lost it. "I couldn't ask that of you!" I wailed. "Neither of you and god knows Sam doesn't want kids!" I sobbed. "Selen?" We both looked up to see Sam at the top of the stairs. He looked upset. "Why didn't you say anything?" He asked coming towards us his face a mask of anguish. I tried to put my shields back up so he didn't have to feel this. He touched my face and I felt him push against my shields. "All I have ever wanted is a normal life, I wanted to settle down and get married and have kids. Neither of us thought you wanted kids, we didn't say anything because our lifestyle isn't good for kids." He said. I shook my head. "I never thought about it Sam, not until I had that miscarriage." I tried to stop crying when something hit me. I felt like a ten pound led weight had dropped into my gut. I froze and started counting. "Selen?" Dean was suddenly frightened. They had both felt the shock. I shook my head and kept counting. "When did we have sex last?" I asked. They both looked confused and I walked over to the desk to get a piece of paper. I started drawing tally marks and they both walked over. "What are you-" I shushed Dean. He looked indignant for a moment. "Fuck." I breathed finishing my counting. "What the hell is going on?" Dean asked. Sam was staring at the tally marks. "I don't remember that far back." He said softly. Dean looked at him then back at me. "I've never been very regular but it shouldn't have been this long." I said my voice hollow and the weight in my chest not letting up. "Sam what the hell is she going on about?" Dean asked turning back to him. Sam had a far off look in his eyes. "Dean." He looked back at me as I spoke. I swallowed. "I think I'm pregnant." I said slowly. His mouth popped open and then he started thinking. "Have you two done anything lately?" He said looking at Sam. "It could be either of you." I felt him start to go into shock. I grabbed a chair and sat him down. Sam was sort of frozen. "Sam I need you to not freak out right now. One of us has to deal with this." I said starting to panic. "What do we do?" Dean asked looking up at me. I licked my lips. "We roll with the punches." I breathed looking into his eyes. "You just said we shouldn't have kids." Sam said. I shook my head. "Too late now." I said. "You can't be serious." Dean said and we both looked at him. "You are actually considering keeping it?" He asked. Sam and I both looked at him dumbfounded. "Dean I'm not getting rid of it!" I cried. "There are options here." He said standing. I smacked him so hard his head turned. He looked back at me with anger in his eyes. "Don't you dare!" I screamed. He looked startled for a moment at my anger. "Selen you can't have a baby, you're a hunter." He said. "This baby could be yours." I snarled. He shook his head. "Selen this is bad, really bad." He said grabbing my shoulders. I shoved him back and Sam was on him. "She can keep it if she wants to and you aren't killing our baby!" He yelled shoving Dean against the wall holding him by his collar. "Sam!" I yelled. They both looked at me. "Stop it! We don't even know if I'm pregnant yet!" I said taking a deep breath. "Look we get a few home tests and make sure ok?" Sam let go of Dean and stepped back giving him a warning glare. "Or we could just see if Cas could tell us." Dean said. "Don't you call that bastard down here! I'm not dealing with his sorry ass!" I heard wing beats and spun throwing a punch. He caught my hand. "I warned you." He said angrily. "Cut the vengeful angel shit." I snarled. I jerked my hand away and he let me go. "Cas can you play doctor for a moment." Dean asked coming towards us. Sam followed behind him closely like he would try something. "If you are referring to the fact that she is pregnant then I don't need to." He said. "Can you tell whose it is?" Sam asked. Castiel looked at me for a moment. "Hold still." He ordered. He placed his hand over my abdomen. I felt a warm pulse. "It's-" I grabbed the front of his trench coat. "You tell me and not them." I growled. I led him to the other room while the boys glared after me. I slammed the door behind us. "Castiel I am warning you, I'm keeping this baby. I'm out of the game, for good. I don't care if they don't retire, I am. I will take care of this baby and I will not train them until they are old enough to decide for themselves." I was looking him in the eyes so he would understand my conviction. "The baby is Sam's." He said quietly. I felt a small shock go through me. "are you sure?" I asked. "I only know the basics of human conception. Sam is the father." I chewed my lip remembering the dream of the little boy and girl playing with the brothers. "The second one is Dean's." My eyes widened. "What?" I asked confused. "You are carrying two children. One is Sam's one is Dean's. They don't share a placenta." I blinked at him. "Two?" He nodded and I touched my stomach. "Your dream was quite accurate, those children were twins but they had different fathers." He turned away and opened the door. Sam and Dean were standing there trying to listen in. My mind was going a million miles a second trying to figure this out. "Congratulations." Castiel said to the both of them. They were looking at me. I sat down on the floor dumbstruck. "Don't worry they are healthy at the moment." Castiel said. "Your time in the pit didn't harm them." Sam and Dean both gaped at him. "Them?" Sam was the first to regain his voice. I hand both my hands over my stomach. "Twins." I said my voice surprised. I thought Dean was going to hit the floor for a moment. "I'll leave you to deal with this as you see fit." Castiel said and was gone. I was trying to process what was happening when we heard the front door open. "I'm back you idjits." Bobby called. He rounded the corner and stopped. He was carrying two bags of groceries and a six pack. "Selen you alright?" He asked seeing me on the floor. "I think I'm fine." I said standing slowly. Sam came forward to help me and he held my shoulders even after I was upright. "What's the matter with you three you look like someone killed your dog?" I shook my head and touched Sam's hands. "I'm fine Sam." I said looking up at him. He reluctantly let his hands fall to his sides. "I'm pregnant." I told Bobby. His face went blank and he walked past us into the kitchen. We heard a bottle being opened. I walked past the boys into the kitchen and started putting the groceries away. "No congratulations Selen? No you have royally screwed up? Just grab a bottle not a word?" He looked up at me. "You know what you did girl you don't need me telling you how much shit you are in." I rolled my eyes and finished putting up the groceries as Sam and Dean walked in and sat down with Bobby. "So which one of you idjits knocked her up?" He asked them. They looked at me. I leaned my hip against the counter. "According to Castiel both of them." I said folding my arms. Sam was beaming and Dean looked nervous. "Dee come on enjoy this for a little while please? Don't think about the consequences and just think about the fact that I am going to have your baby." His face softened for a moment. I came over and knelt by his feet looking up at him. "We can figure this out, we always do. I'm going to quit hunting and raise our children. You do what you feel like you need to ok? Just for a second let me know you are at least a little happy about this. You wanted a family, now you are going to get one. You and me and Sam are going to have a family together. No strings attached, for once we did this on our own, no demons no monsters just something of ours." I took his hands in mine and opened my shields to show him the warmth and love I felt for him and our unborn children. He leaned his head against mine. "I love you Dean." I said softly. "After everything we have been though this isn't going to be the thing that breaks us." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest. I sat in his lap and put my head on his shoulder my arms around him. He buried his face in the curve of my neck. "You me and Sam against the world." I whispered petting his hair. "We can make it work." He held me tightly. "You can stay here if you want. I don't know much about pregnant women but I know you shouldn't be roaming the country in your condition." I smiled at Bobby. "You sure you want to deal with me? I'll be over emotional and hormonal the entire time, and least we forget the morning sickness." He waved me off. "I've had to patch up these two before, don't you worry." He said. I ran a hand through Dean's short hair again. "I wonder what they will be." I murmured. "What do you want Dean a boy or a girl?" I looked at him. He finally lifted his head. "As long as they are safe I don't care." He said his voice strained. I smiled. "Come on with dads like you and Sam and me as their mom they will be the most protected kids on the planet." I said with a smile. I looked over at Sam. "What about you?" I asked. He thought about it for a moment. "I don't know. It's a fifty-fifty shot." I shook my head. "You two are no fun." I said hugging Dean. "I want one of each." I said touching my stomach. "Haw far along do you think you are?" Bobby asked. I chewed my lip and thought about it. "Two months maybe?" I said counting on my fingers. "This would have happened right before I went into the pit." I said. Sam's jaw clenched. "Don't go getting all angst-y on me now." I said pointing a finger at him. Dean held me closer. "You can't blame him puppy." He said. I kissed his forehead. "I know I just want us to be happy." I said setting my head on top of his. "We will be." He said softly.

(And here is where I do a 180 on the story line. I'm writing my own script now.)

It was six months later and we had gotten our own place. We had gotten a two story four bedroom house thirty minutes from Bobby's house just in case. Sam Dean and I had been out of the game for five months and life was starting to fall together. Dean had gotten a job in a mechanic's shop and Sam was working on finishing his degree. I was happily cooking breakfast for us when Dean came down stairs yawning. "Coffee is on the table babe." I said looking up from the eggs I was scrambling. I was heavy with the twins and I was moving a little slower than usual. "How you feeling?" He asked sipping his coffee. "I feel like I have two kids playing kick ball in my belly." I grumbled. He smiled. "Where is Sammy?" He asked as I loaded his plate with eggs and waffles. "Jogging." I said fixing two more plates. "Getting awful close to the big day." Dean said moving his eggs around on the plate. I looked up at him. "Yeah." I said touching my swollen belly. I heard Sam come through the front door. I held out a water bottle as he walked into the dining room. "Thanks baby." He said taking it and sitting down chugging half of it. "Yep." I said with a sigh. I ate quietly and I could feel the air of expectancy hanging over the table. "I am aware that next week is my due date. I'm not going to freak out." I said finally when I couldn't take them exchanging glances anymore. "Selen we weren't-" I raised my hand to cut him off. "Sam I don't want to hear it. I'm just as worried as you two are ok?" They both looked down and started eating. They were pouting. I rolled my eyes. "You two are impossible." I said with a smirk. "None of us know what to expect with this! We can kill any monster you throw at us, fatherhood is a little different!" Dean said finishing his food and going to put his plate in the sink. "Dee I know you are just as scared as I am, hell we all are, but fretting over it isn't going to do much to help now is it?" He huffed a sigh and I got up to rub his shoulders. "Did you read that book I got you?" I asked kissing his shoulder. "Yes and it made no damn since!" He growled. I sighed. "Dean you are going to be a great dad. Oh!" I was cut off as one of the twins shifted. He spun and grabbed my shoulders. "Selen?" He was about to panic. "I'm fine, here look." I took his hand and placed it over my belly where the baby had moved. I felt it nudge his hand. His eye softened. "I'll never get tired of that." He said his face breaking into a smile. Sam came over and placed his hand on the other side. "Are they waking up too?" He asked. I felt the other twin nudge his hand and he beamed. "They already love their daddies." I said holding both their hands over my belly. "Our own little litter." Dean joked. I smirked. "We really should talk about names." I said as Sam's arms wrapped around me. "I still like Anna." Dean said. Sam rolled his eyes. "Dean we are not naming the girl after that angel." He said irritated. I smiled. When we found out we were having a boy and a girl we had talked about names. We had already decided to name the boy after Bobby. We hadn't told him that yet. The girl was still unnamed. "Why can't we wait until we find out who's the girl is?" Dean asked getting annoyed like he always did when this subject came up. "Dean we have talked about this." I warned. He sighed. "I know." He pouted. I kissed him and smiled. "Come on you have to get to work soon and Sam has class in less than an hour." I said patting Sam's arms. He let me go and I finished cleaning up the breakfast table.

"I still don't like the idea of you being here on your own all day." Dean said after he had gotten a shower. I sighed. "Dean come on its temporary. Sam is almost done with his degree; he is graduating in another three months. Cut me some slack I've been fine this long haven't I?" Sam was gathering his books and I grabbed the paper we had finished last night off the printer and handed it to him. "We just worry." Sam said kissing me softly and taking the paper. He put it in a folder carefully and I sighed. "I know. You would think I was paralyzed or something the way you two worry about me taking care of myself." I felt a small pain and touched my belly. "Oh, they are feisty this morning." I muttered. Sam and Dean looked at each other then at me. I gasped as a contraction hit me. "Oh, ok not just the normal kick!" I said clutching at Sam. "Get the bag." I said closing my eyes. "Shit, shit, shit!" Dean started running around and grabbing things. He slung the duffle bag we had packed the week before over his shoulder and went for the closet. "Dean so help me god we do not need a gun!" I yelled. He came back out of the closet and grabbed his keys. "Sammy get her in the car!" Dean yelled. Sam started leading me down the stairs and another contraction hit me. I set my jaw and let out a small pained noise. He panicked just like I knew he would and swept me up in his arms running down the stairs with Dean hot on his heels. "If you two could calm down a little." I said as we reached the car. Sam loaded me into the back seat of the Impala. "We are calm, we are the epitome of calm." Dean said as the both jumped into the car. Dean dialed his boss. "Yeah I can't come in today, my wife is giving birth. Yeah ok thanks." He hung up. "Boss said congrats." He said glancing at me in the rearview mirror. I clamped my eyes shut as another contraction assaulted me. Sam kept running his hands through his hair. He had at least had enough thought to bring his laptop. "You email your professors when we get there." I said gripping the back of his seat. "Can we focus on one thing at a time?" Dean growled. We reached the hospital just before my water broke. The doctor seemed irritatingly calm as he looked me over. "You will need a C-section, but don't worry everything is happening as expected." He said patting my hand. I was quickly becoming irritated. "Look can we just get this over with?" I growled. Sam was holding my hand and rubbing circled on my knuckles. "Selen, its ok we are going to get through this." I was grinding my teeth. "Let's set you up with an epidural and get you into an operating room." The doctor said cheerily. I scowled at him. Dean was twitching beside Sam. The doctor left to get the nurse who would be doing my epidural and I looked up at them. "Ok, big moment." I said squeezing Sam's hand nervously. "Why do they have to cut you open? Why can't you just… You know…" I rolled my eyes as Dean started babbling. "Dean, most of the time twins are delivered by C-section. It is easier on the babies and the mothers." He didn't look any less worried. "You two will be there the entire time." I said trying to calm him down. Castiel busted into the door hurriedly. "Dean are you alright, I sensed your panic and- Oh." He looked down at me. "Great just what I need." I growled. I set my jaw as another contraction hit me like a freight train. Balthazar appeared next to Castiel. "Oh has the moment finally arrived?" He asked excitedly. I let out a pained sound. "I so do not need this right now!" I whined as the nurse came in with the epidural tray. "Oh my you have a large family Mrs. Winchester." She said beaming at the angels. "Uncles." I said my voice strained. "Yes I couldn't let my favorite niece give birth and not be here to witness the miracle." Balthazar was positively cheery, he had been since I told him about being pregnant. "Yes, she is very special." Castiel said in monotone. I glared at him. "Well if you could just sit up for me we can get this epidural started and those contractions won't hurt so much." The nurse said patting my shoulder. I sat up and Sam refused to let go of my hand even as he looked at the ceiling at the sight of the needle. "I swear to god I will never forgive you if you faint." I growled at him. "I'm fine, we are here for you." His voice was higher than usual. The nurse finished and let me lay back. "Ok in about fifteen minutes we will come take you to the OR." She patted my hand again and beamed at all of us. Dean sat down beside me. He looked positively pale. "Cas could you get me a drink?" He asked staring at the wall. "Dean I need you sober." I said grabbing his hand with my free one. Sam was glued to me. "This is hardly as bad as that thing in Texas." I reminded him. We had taken a job before we moved here involving a shape shifter. The thing had taken on my form and attacked them. Dean had freaked out when Sam killed it. "Dean, baby, stay with me." I gripped his hand as he started to get that far off look in his eye. "Castiel, a little help here?" I looked at the angel pleadingly. "Dean there may be danger if you don't stay focused." Castiel said standing in front of him. He blinked a few times. "Yeah, you never know when a demon may be lurking." I shook my head at his word choice. Balthazar was leaning against the wall beside my bed. "This is going to be wonderful. I've never been partial to children but I may enjoy watching yours grow up." He popped the P and I let my head fall back. "I don't know how much more of this I can take." I whimpered. The nurses came back to take me to the delivery room.

Sam and Dean both stood on either side of my head while they performed the C-section. I was a little worried when Sam swayed on his feet when they pulled the first baby out. I felt a flood of relief when the baby boy let out a wail. The girl was next and she was just as upset to be out as the other one. I sagged against the bed when it was over. "Congratulations!" Balthazar chirped and slapped both of the boys on the back. The process went much faster than I expected and I was sitting impatiently in my bed while they cleaned the babies and put them in their swaddling clothes. I felt a flood of relief again as they were wheeled into our room. "They ran the tests you asked for." The nurse said carefully handing the baby boy to me. "And the results?" Dean asked impatient. "I have the paper here." She handed it to me and I cradled baby Bobby carefully as I read over them. "Well Sam it looks like you get to pick her name. She is yours." I said beaming up at him and handing him the paper. "So that means he is…" Dean's face changed as he looked down at the tiny pink baby in my arms. The nurse let Sam hold the tiny pink bundle. She gave a squeak and Sam started bouncing her softly. "Hey, baby girl." He said looking down at her. Tears filled his eyes and he looked up at me and laughed. "Can I?" Dean held his arms out and I transferred the baby to him carefully. He held him close and just gazed down at him. Sam was laughing and crying and that started me up. The nurse left to give us some privacy. "What is her name Sam?" I asked finally trying to stop the flow of tears as I looked up at him. "Angela." He said finally. "Angela Mary Winchester." He said looking down at her his hazel eyes full of joy. I smiled. "So Angela and Bobby." I said settling back into the bed carefully. "Yeah." Dean said sitting down on the bed beside me. He was looking down at the baby in his arms with love. Castiel put a hand on his shoulder. "I was wrong, this is the better path for you Dean." He said. He looked up at me. "I want to apologize, you were on the right path all along. I just couldn't see it." I smiled up at the angel. "All is forgiven." I said. It was meant to be a joke but Castiel looked happy with my answer. "I have to go, there is business I need to attend to in heaven." He said. "Stop by any time Castiel. You are welcome in our family. As long as you don't do any more of that memory stuff." I said grinning. He smiled and gave me a nod. He was gone as I blinked. "That was rather touching." Balthazar said coming to look down at the baby in Dean's arms. "You are going to have your hands full _ma petit loup_. I have heard most children don't sleep through the night for a while." I smiled. "I know, but I will have these two to help me." I said. Sam came closer and I looked up at the baby in his arms. Her hair was auburn with little strands of red here and there. "You want to hold her?" Sam asked leaning down. I held my arms out for her and he gently deposited the baby in my arms. She blinked big hazel eyes at me. "Hey there Angela." I said looking down at her. She reached up her little fists and gave a grunt. I smiled and kissed her tiny hand. "You are going to be just as much of a pain as your daddy aren't you?" I cooed down at her. She tucked herself into my arms and closed her eyes. "Bobby is asleep too." Dean said as I hummed softly. I smiled. "Did you call the old man?" I asked. He burst through the door loudly. "Is she alright what happened?!" Both the twins began wailing. Bobby looked startled for a moment. "I'm fine, you woke the twins." I said rocking Angela carefully. Dean stood and started walking around bouncing baby Bobby softly.

When they had finally calmed down I introduced them. "This is Angela Mary, she is Sam's daughter." I said lifting her a little for him to see. He smiled at her. "She's a little wrinkly isn't she?" He asked waving his finger at her. She reached out and grabbed his finger in her tiny fist. His face softened. "Cute little rug rat." He mumbled as she let his finger go. I smiled. "And this is Bobby Castiel." I hadn't warmed to the middle name at first but Dean was awfully convincing. I realized we hadn't even told Castiel we had named our son after him. Bobby was looking at Dean in disbelief. "You named your son after me?" He asked. I smiled and Dean walked over to him. "Why don't you hold him?" Dean asked. Bobby carefully took the baby from Dean. The baby gave a soft grunt as he was shifted and looked up at the old man. I was grinning. Bobby cracked a smile and laughed softly. "He looks like you Dean." He said looking up. "I know, he is going to be a lady killer before he is out of diapers." Dean was beaming. Sam was sitting in the chair next to my bed. He smiled at me as I looked at him. "I feel like we should have told Cas about naming the baby after him too." I said softly. Sam shrugged. "He will find out soon." He said with a grin. Balthazar had left shortly after Castiel and I was enjoying being alone with my family. "So we have the two kids and the picket fence, when should we get the dog?" Sam laughed. "Dean isn't fond of dogs." He said looking up at his older brother. "We have a dog, we have you." He said looking at me. I stuck my tongue out at him. "Very funny." I said. Bobby eventually went home and Dean fell asleep on the couch under the window of the hospital room. Sam and I were still up I was holding baby Bobby and he was holding Angela. I yawned. "I can't believe you are still up after all of that." Sam said looking down at me. I shrugged. "I'm too high strung." I said looking down at little Bobby. I began reciting one of my favorite poems. Edger Allan Poe's Annabelle Lee. "It was many and many a year ago, In a kingdom by the sea, That a maiden there lived whom you may know By the name of ANNABEL LEE; And this maiden she lived with no other thought Than to love and be loved by me." I looked up at Sam never breaking rhythm. "I was a child and she was a child, In this kingdom by the sea; But we loved with a love that was more than love- I and my Annabel Lee; With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven, Coveted her and me." I paused and he recited the next verse. "And this was the reason that, long ago, In this kingdom by the sea, A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling My beautiful Annabel Lee; so that her highborn kinsman came, And bore her away from me, To shut her up in a sepulcher, In this kingdom by the sea." We looked into each other's eyes. "The angels, not half so happy in heaven, Went envying her and me- Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know, In this kingdom by the sea) that the wind came out of the cloud by night, Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee. But our love it was stronger by far than the love Of those who were older than we- Of many far wiser than we- And neither the angels in heaven above, Nor the demons down under the sea, Can ever dissever my soul from the soul Of the beautiful Annabel Lee." I continued and Sam finished the last verse. "For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride, In the sepulchre there by the sea, In her tomb by the sounding sea." He leaned in and kissed me softly. "I love you Sam." I whispered. He smiled. "I love you too Selen, my very own Annabelle Lee." I smiled. Eventually we put the twins back into their hospital crib and he climbed into the bed with me. We fell asleep Poe's words still ringing in my ears, spoken in Sam's voice; "And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride, In the sepulcher there by the sea, In her tomb by the sounding sea."

We took the twins home and put them in the nursery. Both the boys looked slightly uncomfortable as we lay them down in their cribs. I stood over Bobby Castiel's crib and smiled down at him. "You know, I didn't think it was possible." I said softly. "What?" Dean asked standing beside me. "Yet another two people have stolen my heart." I said looking up at him. He smiled and kissed me. "You're telling me." He said wrapping his arms around my waist. "So we have all the wards in place right? Salt lines in the windows?" I started checking the room. I had put up wards against everything I could think of that could get to the twins, and several more just to be sure. The only ward I hadn't bothered to put up was one against angels. "I hope Castiel doesn't mind." I said looking down at the baby. Angela was sleeping soundly in Sam's arms. He hadn't wanted to put her down since we got home. "Doesn't mind what?" I turned and the angel was standing next to the cribs. "Oh, well you left the hospital so quickly we didn't get a chance to tell you-" I was cut off by a small sound. Bobby Castiel was whimpering and waving his little arms. I picked him up and held him close. "You know we named our son after you and Bobby." Dean said clapping him on the shoulder. Castiel paused then looked at the baby in my arms. "You named your son after me?" He asked shocked. I came closer and looked down at Bobby Castiel. "His name is Bobby Castiel Winchester." I said smiling down at the little bundle in my arms. I looked up again and his blue eyes were fixed on the baby. "Would you like to hold him?" I asked. He looked up at me. "I've never held a baby." He said. I smiled. "Hold your arms like mine and I'll put him in your arms. Hold him close and be sure to support his head." The angel did as he was told and I carefully transferred the baby to him. Bobby Castiel cooed and Castiel smiled. "He likes you." I said softly. I stood next to him and looked at my son. This was the closest I had been to the angel since the memory incident. Dean was smiling at us. "Glad to see you forgave the poor bastard." He said. We looked up. "I have new priorities now, besides Castiel admitted he was wrong and that takes courage." Castiel looked at me then down at the baby. "They are both miracles." He said softly. I smiled and looked over at Sam. He was smiling too and holding Angela against his chest carefully. "I'm glad you came around feather butt." I said going over to check the salt lines one more time. Castiel was still looking down at the child in his arms. "You will be the prodigal son." He said softly. "He takes after his father." He looked up at Dean as I turned. I chewed my lip for a moment. "How are things upstairs Cas?" I asked. He looked at me and I shifted from foot to foot. "Why does this upset you? He asked. "We aren't raising them as hunters Castiel. We will give them the choice when they are old enough but we are not going to raise them the way we were raised. I swore I wouldn't turn into my father and Sam and Dean don't want that for them either. We won't hide it from them but if they choose one or the other we will train them or not train them." Castiel looked at the baby in his arms again then at Dean. "They are well protected, do not worry about their safety." I chewed my lip. "Thank you Castiel. I didn't put up wards against you for a reason, but let me know if you think we should ward against angels. Don't be a stranger, we want them to know their uncle Cas." He smiled at this and looked over at Sam. "What is her name?" He asked walking closer to them. Sam tilted her so Castiel could see. "Angela Mary." He said his voice soft. I smiled. "They are both beautiful children." He said and shifted Bobby Castiel in his arms carefully. Angela opened her eyes and gave a small whine. Sam bounced her gently as she began to cry. Bobby Castiel joined in. Castiel looked terribly uncomfortable. "They are hungry." I said as he looked at me. I took the baby from Castiel and held him close. "Come down with us if you like." I said heading for the kitchen. "I need to get back." He said and was gone. I smiled. "Every time work needs to be done and he bails." Dean said following me downstairs. Sam followed trying to quiet Angela.

We fed both of them and put them down for a nap. I went back every few minutes to make sure they were ok. Sam and Dean would get fidgety every time I walked by the nursery. Finally Dean spoke up. "They are fine Selen. Sit down before I tie you to a chair." I sighed and sat on the couch where they were watching some show on TV. "Why are you two so fidgety about me going into the nursery?" I asked finally. They both sighed. "Our mother died in Sam's nursery." Dean said his voice hard. I swallowed. "Oh." I said looking down. "I'm sorry, I had no idea." Sam put his arm around me. "It's ok you are just a protective mother." He said kissing my cheek softly. "I'm nervous, I've never taken care of kids." Dean punched my arm playfully. "You are already a great mother. Just do what comes natural." I chewed my lip and leaned against Sam. "Yeah." I said softly. I put my legs across Dean's lap. "Better buckle up, we are in for the ride of our lives." I said with a smile.

Six Years Later.

It was the day I had been dreading since they were born. Today was the day I had fretted over for the past six years. We had bought this house specifically for this purpose. It was the twin's first day of school. I had been up all night pacing trying to figure out if I had gotten everything right. I had their notebooks and book bags and pencils. I had packed their lunches and we had been shopping the week before for cloths. I was sitting at the table in the kitchen sipping my coffee when I heard then twins get up. I padded upstairs and got in the bedroom just as they were leaping into the bed on their sleeping fathers. Angela was pulling on Sam's arm yelling for him to wake up. Her left front tooth had fallen out two days before and her grin showed the gap. Her auburn hair was tangled from sleep and her hazel eyes were bright. "Daddy get up you have to take me to school!" I smiled and folded my arms. "You two are up early." I said. Bobby turned from jumping on Dean's stomach. "Mom make daddy get up!" He said pointing. I smiled. "Dean baby wake up your son is awaiting your marching orders." I said coming over to kiss his face. He groaned and rolled over knocking Bobby Cas over onto Sam who was holding a squealing Angela above his head. "Did you sleep last night?" He asked tucking Angela under his arm. I shook my head. Dean finally sat up as Bobby Cas flopped on him hard. "Bobby, I'm going to feed you to a werewolf if you don't stop." I grinned. "He does look awful tasty." I said getting closer and hooking my fingers like claws. "Oh mommy do the growl!" Angela begged. I gave a snarl and they both squealed in delight. "Come on you four I'll cook breakfast." I said. Angela wriggled out of Sam's arms and Bobby Cas bounded off the bed. They took off for the kitchen. "I want waffles!" Angela yelled. "No Toaster Strudel!" Bobby Cas yelled. Dean and Sam climbed out of bed and we went downstairs together. I made everyone breakfast and got the kids dressed. I brushed out Angela's hair and put it in pigtails like she asked and tied in her matching pink bows. We loaded up into the van and headed off to their new school.

I was a wreck by the time we got there. Angela had been talking about Sam playing on the playground with her and neither of us had the heart to tell her we weren't staying. Dean was silent as we drove and Bobby Cas was talking to him about all the stuff he wanted to learn. We pulled up and they ran for the doors. We met their teacher as they started talking with the other kids. I touched Sam's arm. He held my hand tightly. "Will you two stop freaking out? They are going to be fine." I glared at him. "You just wait." I growled. "Ok guys be good we will be back to pick you up this afternoon." I said. Angela turned and her face fell. She looked up at Sam and I braced for the fight. "Daddy you aren't going to school with me?" He flinched. "No Angel." He knelt down and was still towering over her. "Daddy has to go to work. They need me at the office." She had tears in her eyes. Bobby looked up at me. "Mom, you aren't leaving are you?" I hadn't expected this. "Bobby I have to go home. I'll be back to get you this afternoon." I said. He grabbed my hand. "Mom you can't leave me here!" He wailed. Angela was sobbing and clinging to Sam as tightly as she could. "Don't leave mommy please!" He held my arm like his life depended on it. "Bobby honey I won't be gone long." I said my eyes filling with tears. "You get to stay here and learn and play with the other kids." He started crying and buried his face in my leg. Dean put his hand on his shoulder and knelt down to him. "Bobby Castiel, look at me." He turned his tear soaked face to his father. "You have to be brave and take care of your sister for us. You will like it here, I promise, but you have to be brave. Your mom has to go home and I have to go to work." He sniffled. "You can do this, you can be brave right?" I was trying to swallow past the lump in my throat. "I can be brave like you dad." He said his grip on my hand loosening. He whipped his face. "That's my boy." Dean said patting his shoulder. My little boy squared his shoulders and let go of me. "Yes sir!" He said. He walked over to where Angela was clinging to Sam. He grabbed her hand. "Angela come on." He said firmly. She wailed louder. Sam grimly pried her little fingers off his shirt and stood. "Daddy don't leave me!" She screamed. Bobby grabbed her head and made her look at him. "We can do this Angela. We are big kids and we can go to school without mom and dad." I bit my lip at his words. She sniffled. "You aren't alone, you have me." He said letting her go. "We love you." I said giving them both a kiss on the top of the head. Bobby Cas took Angela's hand as she whipped her face. "I'll keep her safe mom." Bobby Cas said. I smiled. "You better." I said poking his nose. He smiled. "I'll be back to pick you up before you know it!" I said. Bobby Cas led Angela back towards the other kids. The teacher was handing out coloring pages. Sam was still upset when we got back to the house. "What if she isn't ready for school yet?" He asked starting to panic. "Don't be such a girl Sam." Dean growled. I put my hands on his chest and kissed him. "Go to work baby, if there is a problem they will call us." I assured him. He kissed me again and reluctantly got in his car. I waved him off and turned to Dean. "That was a nice trick you pulled." I said putting my thumbs through his belt loops. "What's that?" He asked. I smiled and kissed him. "Telling him to be brave. I never would have thought of that. He is your son, he follows orders just like you." He smiled and pulled me closer. "He has your wild streak though." He said kissing me. I smiled into the kiss. "Go to work you jerk." I said patting his chest. He smiled and got in his car. "Love you." I said. He leaned out of his window and kissed me again. "Love you too puppy." He said and headed to work. I walked inside the empty house.

I spent the morning cleaning but after a while even that didn't keep me occupied. I opened up the gun safe and made sure everything was in there and had the safety on. We kept the kids away from the guns, we were planning on teaching them gun safety but I knew they weren't old enough yet. I cleaned my Browning and put it back. I kept looking at the clock. Time was creeping by and I was getting stir-crazy. It was too quiet. I was used to cleaning up behind the twins all day and I had nothing to do. I called Bobby. "Selen how's it going?" He asked picking up the phone right away. "Not good. I'm going nuts here, the twins started school today." I was drumming my fingers. "Wow how did Sam take it?" He asked. "Angela clung to him and cried. Bobby Cas clung to me surprisingly enough." He gave a whistle. "How did Dean take that?" I smiled. "He told him to be brave and take care of his sister." I said leaning against the counter. "Did it work?" He asked. "Better than I would have thought." I said. "He does take after his father." Bobby said. "Yeah well I never expected him to be a mama's boy." I said. He laughed. "You sound like you're worried." He said. "I've never been away from them this long Bobby. The house is empty and I'm worried about my kids." I chewed my lip. "Selen they are six now, let them grow up." I sighed. "Bobby when I was six my dad was still leaving me with you while he was on hunting trips. I don't want my kids to grow up like we did." There was a long pause. "Selen your kids are lucky. You got out of the life! You are giving them a chance at a normal life." I heard a door opened on his end of the line. "Hey Bobby, I took care of that-" "I have to go." Bobby said cutting the voice off. "Bobby is that Dean?" My mind had shut down for a moment. Why would Dean be at Bobby's? He was supposed to be at work. "Damn it boy." Bobby growled at him. "What who is that?" I heard Bobby hand him the phone. "Dean what are you doing over there? Why aren't you at work?" My voice was hard. I was almost sure I already knew the answer. "There was a little job in town. I just took care of it for Bobby really quick." I closed my eyes. "And how long have you been taking 'little jobs'?" I asked rubbing my temple. "Selen this isn't a big deal." That was all it took to send me into a fit of rage. "Damn it Dean I have been trying to take care of these kids while you and Sam are working and I'm going stir crazy! You think I haven't been tempted to ask for a job? I have been resisting the urge to go hunt something down since they were two! Now here you are getting back into hunting behind my back! Does Sam know about this?!" He sighed. "No, Sam doesn't know, just Bobby." I let out a wolfish snarl and resisted the urge to throw the phone across the wall. "Dean Winchester I am going to kill you if something happened because of you going on hunting trips!" I had never been this mad at him. "Are you angry at me because you are afraid something will follow me home or because you want to go hunting too?" I set my jaw. "You get your ass home and you and I are going to have a talk." I growled and hung up the phone.

I was waiting for him when he pulled up. He got out and looked up at where I was sitting on the porch swing. "You cooled off a little?" He asked walking up to sit beside me. "Dean I have been busting my ass taking care of these kids for six years. You and Sam get to leave the house and go to work, I on the other hand have to pack up the van if I want to go to the store. I've been mothering two children and sometimes I wish I could just get out and kill something. I love this family Dean you know that but you going off and catching jobs while I'm stuck here going nuts thinking about my babies at school is completely infuriating." He put his hand on my leg. "Selen why didn't you say something? Sam and I could have taken the kids for a while if you needed some down time." I shook my head. "You don't get it. I thought we were getting out of the life Dean. I thought we were done with the monsters and demons. We have a family to think about here." He pulled me to his chest. "Puppy I just can't do the apple pie life again. Maybe you and Sam are happy just raising kids and working but I'm going insane. I can't sit back and let someone else clean up the mess we left behind. Castiel is in deep trouble upstairs thanks to us. He doesn't have a go to guy when shit hits the fan. Cas needs me." I closed my eyes and gripped his shirt. He smelled just like he used to, sweat and blood and human warmth. He smelled like a hunter. "This is the you I fell in love with Dean. Maybe I've just gone soft since the kids were born." I shook my head. "I can't do to them what my father did to me. They are only six Dean I can't just leave them to go hunting on a whim. Who is going to take them to school and pack their lunches? Who is going to kiss them goodnight and read bedtime stories? I've given them everything my father never gave me." He held me close. "Selen you are a great mother, but you are also a hunter. We don't settle down well. I can tell you are going nuts with the house being empty now, the kids could distract you when you were home most days but now that they have school you are by yourself. Maybe you could do what I'm doing and take on local jobs." I sighed. "Dean I can't come home to my kids after killing monsters all day." He shrugged. "Why not? You came home to Sam and me for years after taking jobs. You can do whatever you put your mind to. You are the strongest woman I have ever met and I trust you to raise my son." I bit my lip. "Dean don't tempt me like this. I swore I was getting out. I'm retired I can't go off and kill monsters all day, who would cook dinner for you Sam and the kids?" I was trying to make a joke but I was serious. Once I was back in things would only get worse. "Dean I love this life we have set up here I don't want to mess it up because I want to kill some stupid monster." He looked away. "You went native puppy." He said softly. I let out a snarl. "You calling me soft Winchester?" I growled. He eyed me for a moment. "You haven't killed anything in six years, don't tell me you haven't gone soft." I set my jaw. "I'm just as tough as I was before and you know it." I said angrily feeling my eyes heat to gold. He always could bring out this side of me at the drop of a hat. "Prove it. This weekend we drop the kids with Bobby and go on a little hunting trip. We will be back before they have to get back to school." Dean was trying to goad me and I took the bait. "Fine!" I snapped. He smiled. "Hook line and sinker baby." He said. I narrowed my eyes. "You bastard." I growled. His smile widened. "You get to tell Sam." I countered. He paused and I could tell I had let some of the air out of his sails. "How are you going to convince your brother then? Father of the year and picture perfect retired hunter?" I felt triumphant. There was no way Sam would agree to this or let us do it.


End file.
